TPE: What is it actually?

I am not going to get into an endless sub versus slave type debate that almost always has a subset debate of what is a total power exchange relationship. What I am going to do is obviously give my opinion and puncture holes in the cyber theorists and chest thumpers out there.

First let me start by giving what is to me the two big constraints when discussing pretty much anything but needs to be highlighted when these type of things come up. The following two things are needed to be there and presumed to be there in a total power exchange relationship (TPE):

1) BOTH people are fairly mentally healthy.
2) They live in a country that has solid human rights laws and enforces them.

Everything that follows is based on both of these things being present.

My view on what is TPE

To me you are talking about a severe control 24/7 relationship that boundaries and limits are clearly agreed upon but in general few in nature. The fact is most people can discuss and get close on the literal things. But to me it is once this has been established and mutually agreed to live like this is to me where you get at the heart of what the relationship is going to be.

For a slave: Being in a TPE relationship means being totally committed and dedicated to truly with one’s utmost intention and effort living it. This is accepting that many what, when, where and how’s are now not in one’s control. This is not just about accepting it and wanting it but truly in one’s heart being able to live like this. This is about living 24/7 and always giving your owner the chance it will work then having to believe it will work. You have to let go of judging individual actions and just concentrate on overall things.

For a dominant: I believe some ancient philosopher wrote “with great power comes great responsibility”. A slave has given to their owner their needs and desires to feel safe, cared for and to try to be overall happy in life to their owner. A slave is not a toy or some accessory to treat like a programmable robot. The slave wants you to be the kid in the candy store but the heart of the matter is this, owning a slave 24/7TPE is not just about you but accepting and wanting control of another and enjoying the work that comes with that.

A peek into my world

Here are my actual limits and boundaries that are in my life as an owned slave.

Limits and boundaries include breath play, no tattoo(s) until we have been together three years, poly relationships, allowed to work at the minimum to keep up my qualifications to work in my chosen area as an RN, nothing in public that disrespects my family, keep in contact with my family and close friends including visiting them, any intercourse between other people by each of us is done with condoms, and of course the usual ones that I find either amusing or disturbing people have to communicate like children, permanent damage and any illegal acts that they prosecute. I am sure I missed a few things as well.

So one might view this as not total power exchange at all since I have the nerve to list anything but it is not about how many limits or boundaries as long as they are within reason for an owner that to me defines TPE. What defines TPE is within these things I live my life in zealot obedience as best as I can for my Master. Anything less to us is for me to be disrespectful and show I do not care not only for our agreed upon dynamic but my Master personally. There are no negotiations or adding to things just because I find them unpleasant or think they have no reason.

One caveat!

I do have one thing that drives cyber theorists up a wall and the more mentally diseased to hate someone like me. It is simple; I have the right to try to be happy. Within the boundaries if things are happening, being done or one or both of us change in some way that leaves me miserable then there is a problem(s) that need to be addressed. My rights as a human being do take precedent over an agreed upon way to live with someone!

The trick though for a slave like me is not to abuse this concept as a way to, for example if my Master tonight orders me to shave my head I will do so with little hesitation. I know I will hate it in the short term and maybe even longer but also know it will have to take months of keeping it shaved to see how it really will impact me for the long term.

If on our upcoming honeymoon my Master decides not to have sex with me and orders me to stay in the room while he hooks up with another woman that will of course not be a thrill and totally suck but I also know long term for me it will just not be a big thing and proud I could handle it for him.

Here are the following things I see many dominants mention that as a slave raise a huge red flag with me in context with TPE relationships:

1) Pushing limits: First I am all for dominants to bring up agreed upon limits and seeing if their slave is willing to try to push them within reason. There is a ton of examples of slaves who have listed limits then you talk to them six months later and one of those limits is there favorite thing to do in the whole wide world (except for pleasing their Master of course).

But there is an honorable way to try things with a slave and a defective way. To me it just reeks of mental issues if a dominant needs to try to push limits when the main motivation is just to push limits and not because there is a limit they would really like to do or at least try. If a dominant is obsessed by the desire to believe in his head his slave is a no limit slave that is simply a big red flag. TPE is about a relationship between two people and not some mythical destination.

2) Slave has one right and that is to leave: This is a cyber theorists and chest thumpers ultimate delusion. Any dominant who truly feels this get some mental help and certainly to any slave out there who thinks they are seeing a dominant who truly believes this you have been warned.

This statement can only be taken in two ways literally. 1) The slave has only one right to leave as a last resort but the owner is going to respect and care about the slave right to try to be happy. Therefore the slave has more then that one right and the statement is more chest thump then honest. 2) The dominant actually believes this which therefore they might not give a damn about any issues that a slave might have and there only way out of not being able to be happy is to leave them. Now is that just a fucked up thought when you have been in a relationship measured in years! Wow, what devotion and loyalty an owner like that is going to show another person.

3) Absolute Submission: This is a term because people like me bash cyber theorist’s version of TPE and no limit slave so this term sprouted up. Again run away from any dominant or slave who actually thinks this is possible. Wishing it to be possible does not make human rights laws become void or another’s attempt to follow this to make it actually so. No matter what unless you get a mentally sick submissive all you dominants out there you cannot eliminate the chance they will just leave you! These types of thoughts are a sign of your own non mental health.

Disclaimer for those with issues aka think no limit is possible here is my view instead of rambling on.

TPE is a relationship dynamic not a destination or fool proof dominant does not get hurt situation.

People when discussing concepts like TPE and limits often get caught up in specific acts and ego stroking. What TPE is more about is the commitment the two people have to truly live within the boundaries of sanity and basic human rights, needs and strong desires. It is a slave accepting a roller coaster ride and things done that will not always be happy times in the moment but overall life is a good one. It is about a dominant embracing what they have and not obsessing over what they do not.