Traditional Roles Versus TPE

What we have here is a failure to communicate.

This is certainly a gross generalization but in my years in this life I strongly believe that at least 50% or more people drawn to the thought of Master/slave are not remotely interested in a significant power exchange relationship at all. What this group of people want is a traditional role relationship with good attitude and acceptance of the role by the other along with some or a lot of or give up of control and/or kink in the bedroom.

Now you might think I just bashed these types of people but that was not my intention at all. These people have every right to call whatever relationship works for them whatever name they want to call it. My problem is not the people or the dynamic they actually want but because I believe it is such a high percentage of people and they wander into the significant power exchange area to try to just get the desired perceived end product that it people often confuse “traditional roles” with power exchange relationships.

Traditional Role and the Myth for the Male Dominant sees for the submissive woman

The role is pretty straight forward whenever anyone talks about this. It is the woman doing most or all of the domestic work, primary caregiver to the children and supports her husband by often if not always deferring to him and consciously at times trying to make his life easier when he is home.


The myth of this life that power exchange people promote is that a woman like this obsesses over their male’s preferences and pleasures. That literally a traditional role wife was in fact a slave in terms of being controlled by their husband. This is of course a complete fantasy as a role is just duties that were done. That even being the “man of the house” did not ever mean doing what they wanted or ordering people to do things they did not want.

What many dominants go looking for in a slave is a woman who fully accepts the traditional role with a healthy attitude but also want the fantasy of traditional role woman. The one where the women is a cook in the kitchen only thinking about making something he would like, the maid who always keeps things clean and spotless, dressed to what pleased 100% of the time and his personal whore in the bedroom ready and willing to do anything he desires. But the fact is not anywhere close to being the norm in a historic traditional role relationship as women will not be cook to order gourmet cooks, dressed liked Victoria Secrets Models while serving dinner and they certainly were not all capable of making a porn star blush in the bedroom

Traditional Role and the Myth for the female submissive sees for the dominant male

The role of the male in a traditional relationship was one who was personally responsible and takes it very seriously for his family to have what they need, house, food and clothes and are happy. Even if the woman worked it was HIS responsibility to provide and this was first and before anything else in his life. This is not just about finances but about being responsible and carrying out all things that can cause worry or take away from their wife’s ability to do hers. Because of this heavy responsibility the male can have many final says in things not out of personal preference but out of factoring these important responsibilities for what is best for their family.

The myth of this that power exchange people promote is that the men like this are in fact super responsible and unselfish human beings. That they were and are in such tune with their other that their family’s health and happiness was always a thought on their brain and that their woman in fact did not worry about things ever because of loving and being totally confident in their man.

What many female submissives go looking for a male dominant they go looking for this super responsible I will worry about these things and darn well provide them for us. In addition they want a strong man capable of communicating what they want and be active in decision making that goes well beyond just the big picture stuff that few traditional males would even think of.

Traditional role relationship reality

I grew up in a strong Eastern culture home where traditional roles are taken very seriously. I was taught it is a woman’s duty to do the domestic work not an order. I learned to clean and cook from the time I could walk while my older brother never had to. My Dad it would be a huge insult to him if my Mom drove a car that was not good enough, her clothes were not nice enough and on and on based on not his opinion but their social status group’s opinion.

My Mom even now will rush home from work to fix dinner for her husband out of love and pride even though my Dad would probably prefer to eat out because she is going to make him eat healthier then he wants. He does not dominate his traditional wife with orders based on personal preference. My Dad will obsess anytime my Mom brings a problem up with her because for her to bring it up must mean it is important to her and love and responsibility make it important to him.

What is missing in what I described is what is missing when most talk about traditional roles and especially when power exchange people talk about them. What is missing is that traditional roles are almost always defined and monitored by one’s society and family/social group. That traditional roles do not equate to individual desires but common values, actions and responsibilities of a larger group.

Then is that not what the power exchange brings when one is looking for the traditional role but with personal preference?

Power exchange is a large part of one person wanting to control another person and the other person wanting to be controlled. Generally with control one will then assert their preferences. It is this element that makes a huge difference between traditional and power exchange. The control and making one’s preference on the other is the power exchange.

Why severe power exchange is so different then traditional role with power/kink in bedroom?

The reason why I see such a difference in people in the power exchange life primarily just looking for their mythical traditional role relationship and why it is quite different then something along the lines of total power exchange are as follows:

People just look at what they want the other to be like. Too many regardless of the role or gender when thinking about and especially when go looking for become tunneled vision on what they want not what they will need to provide. People just love to focus on what the other can provide them that they often fail to comprehend what the other is going to expect back in return.

People want additions to their life not change their life. Total power exchange relationships require changes, adjustments and effort from not only the slave but from the dominant as well. Most people who I see looking for primarily traditional role are not looking to change their ways but most are just looking for enhancements to their life by what the other is going to bring.

Too often you get a woman wanting a traditional husband but does not want to match up by being a traditional wife and vice versa. Roles have to fit each other (Yin/Yang). What you discover is a huge group that wants something but not willing to sacrifice for it. What you get are people who are obsessed on the term natural. The dominant wanting a 1950’s kink friendly wife that will turn on or off power based when the dominants needs to exercise it to get their way. The submissive wanting a super responsible man who will cherished them and take active responsibility in keeping them safe and happy. They shun things like punishments, rules and rituals and other things many TPE relationships have as being not natural or needed and that kinky things are for pleasure only.

Nothing wrong with this and certainly attainable as long as you accept the one limitation that power is essentially not remotely total but strictly based on two people agreeing to a strict assigning of duties and responsibilities in their life and not significant let alone strict obedience.

The difference in the end is the will of one becoming the will of the other and not just a mutual match up.

Total power exchange is the consensual forcing of obedience. It is not about what society’s expectations neither of how to live life nor about but what the two people agree on dividing up duties. It is not about the end product of the other person and what that provides but the day to day and minute by minute interaction between the two people. It is not about having one take care of all the domestic work and give you all the sex you want. It is not about a super responsible take charge person making you feel safe and cared for.

A traditional role woman throughout history just did not greet their husband at the door after spending an hour on her appearance and wearing nothing but high heels just because it was expected of her. A traditional woman did not cook every meal obsessing if their husband would like it let alone to his specific orders. A traditional woman did not put out anywhere, anyway and anytime their husband wanted.


A dominant man who wants control and things done his way does not want things done only when the woman cares to do them. He does not want to have sex only when the woman is also in the mood. The dominant male does not want something that was easy to make but does not care for because his woman was not in the mood to do anything that extravagant or wanted to go to the store to be able to make something he would like.

Nothing wrong with looking for a relationship that is basically a traditional role with maybe a few twists. But just understand the difference between that and total power exchange is different requiring much different things if you are actually wanting to control/power in the hands of one primarily in a relationship.