TPE: What is it actually?

I am not going to get into an endless sub versus slave type debate that almost always has a subset debate of what is a total power exchange relationship. What I am going to do is obviously give my opinion and puncture holes in the cyber theorists and chest thumpers out there.

First let me start by giving what is to me the two big constraints when discussing pretty much anything but needs to be highlighted when these type of things come up. The following two things are needed to be there and presumed to be there in a total power exchange relationship (TPE):

1) BOTH people are fairly mentally healthy.
2) They live in a country that has solid human rights laws and enforces them.

Everything that follows is based on both of these things being present.

My view on what is TPE

To me you are talking about a severe control 24/7 relationship that boundaries and limits are clearly agreed upon but in general few in nature. The fact is most people can discuss and get close on the literal things. But to me it is once this has been established and mutually agreed to live like this is to me where you get at the heart of what the relationship is going to be.

For a slave: Being in a TPE relationship means being totally committed and dedicated to truly with one’s utmost intention and effort living it. This is accepting that many what, when, where and how’s are now not in one’s control. This is not just about accepting it and wanting it but truly in one’s heart being able to live like this. This is about living 24/7 and always giving your owner the chance it will work then having to believe it will work. You have to let go of judging individual actions and just concentrate on overall things.

For a dominant: I believe some ancient philosopher wrote “with great power comes great responsibility”. A slave has given to their owner their needs and desires to feel safe, cared for and to try to be overall happy in life to their owner. A slave is not a toy or some accessory to treat like a programmable robot. The slave wants you to be the kid in the candy store but the heart of the matter is this, owning a slave 24/7TPE is not just about you but accepting and wanting control of another and enjoying the work that comes with that.

A peek into my world

Here are my actual limits and boundaries that are in my life as an owned slave.

Limits and boundaries include breath play, no tattoo(s) until we have been together three years, poly relationships, allowed to work at the minimum to keep up my qualifications to work in my chosen area as an RN, nothing in public that disrespects my family, keep in contact with my family and close friends including visiting them, any intercourse between other people by each of us is done with condoms, and of course the usual ones that I find either amusing or disturbing people have to communicate like children, permanent damage and any illegal acts that they prosecute. I am sure I missed a few things as well.

So one might view this as not total power exchange at all since I have the nerve to list anything but it is not about how many limits or boundaries as long as they are within reason for an owner that to me defines TPE. What defines TPE is within these things I live my life in zealot obedience as best as I can for my Master. Anything less to us is for me to be disrespectful and show I do not care not only for our agreed upon dynamic but my Master personally. There are no negotiations or adding to things just because I find them unpleasant or think they have no reason.

One caveat!

I do have one thing that drives cyber theorists up a wall and the more mentally diseased to hate someone like me. It is simple; I have the right to try to be happy. Within the boundaries if things are happening, being done or one or both of us change in some way that leaves me miserable then there is a problem(s) that need to be addressed. My rights as a human being do take precedent over an agreed upon way to live with someone!

The trick though for a slave like me is not to abuse this concept as a way to, for example if my Master tonight orders me to shave my head I will do so with little hesitation. I know I will hate it in the short term and maybe even longer but also know it will have to take months of keeping it shaved to see how it really will impact me for the long term.

If on our upcoming honeymoon my Master decides not to have sex with me and orders me to stay in the room while he hooks up with another woman that will of course not be a thrill and totally suck but I also know long term for me it will just not be a big thing and proud I could handle it for him.

Here are the following things I see many dominants mention that as a slave raise a huge red flag with me in context with TPE relationships:

1) Pushing limits: First I am all for dominants to bring up agreed upon limits and seeing if their slave is willing to try to push them within reason. There is a ton of examples of slaves who have listed limits then you talk to them six months later and one of those limits is there favorite thing to do in the whole wide world (except for pleasing their Master of course).

But there is an honorable way to try things with a slave and a defective way. To me it just reeks of mental issues if a dominant needs to try to push limits when the main motivation is just to push limits and not because there is a limit they would really like to do or at least try. If a dominant is obsessed by the desire to believe in his head his slave is a no limit slave that is simply a big red flag. TPE is about a relationship between two people and not some mythical destination.

2) Slave has one right and that is to leave: This is a cyber theorists and chest thumpers ultimate delusion. Any dominant who truly feels this get some mental help and certainly to any slave out there who thinks they are seeing a dominant who truly believes this you have been warned.

This statement can only be taken in two ways literally. 1) The slave has only one right to leave as a last resort but the owner is going to respect and care about the slave right to try to be happy. Therefore the slave has more then that one right and the statement is more chest thump then honest. 2) The dominant actually believes this which therefore they might not give a damn about any issues that a slave might have and there only way out of not being able to be happy is to leave them. Now is that just a fucked up thought when you have been in a relationship measured in years! Wow, what devotion and loyalty an owner like that is going to show another person.

3) Absolute Submission: This is a term because people like me bash cyber theorist’s version of TPE and no limit slave so this term sprouted up. Again run away from any dominant or slave who actually thinks this is possible. Wishing it to be possible does not make human rights laws become void or another’s attempt to follow this to make it actually so. No matter what unless you get a mentally sick submissive all you dominants out there you cannot eliminate the chance they will just leave you! These types of thoughts are a sign of your own non mental health.

Disclaimer for those with issues aka think no limit is possible here is my view instead of rambling on.

TPE is a relationship dynamic not a destination or fool proof dominant does not get hurt situation.

People when discussing concepts like TPE and limits often get caught up in specific acts and ego stroking. What TPE is more about is the commitment the two people have to truly live within the boundaries of sanity and basic human rights, needs and strong desires. It is a slave accepting a roller coaster ride and things done that will not always be happy times in the moment but overall life is a good one. It is about a dominant embracing what they have and not obsessing over what they do not.

Active Domination

What a Master/Mistress need to bring to the table in a total power exchange relationship

I have used the phrase “active domination” an awful lot in this blog and especially in bashing a specific group of dominants in my last few posts but outside of a quick explanation of it I have yet to really go into what I am writing about. I hope this is obvious for most and for some who are new or for some who have had trouble keeping a slave that this information is of some use. Active domination is specific actions within the power exchange relationship and not to be confused with qualities of someone. Basically one’s qualities will create actions.

So you have this hot woman into you greatly and both of you are want a Master/slave 24/7 total power exchange relationship. You cannot believe this woman is going to do domestic things with a smile on her face for you. You cannot believe this woman will blow you every day like it is your birthday and smile while taking that cum facial you might desire to give her even if some gets in an eye of hers. You cannot believe this woman would rather spend hours making something from scratch just because of a slight preference of yours from something store bought. You cannot believe that this woman will suffer the great pain you inflict on her just to show her love and devotion to you.

All this because she likes you and has a submissive personality! Oops do not blow it by thinking merely your presence and natural personality is all it takes for your needs and any desire to be her number one desire. She wants a lot of things in return for her to want/need this way 24/7 and not just when the mood strikes or right after some play. What she now wants from you is to dominate her in a 24/7 way.

This is what I call active domination. These are the things that a dominant will bring to the table in some compatible combination in order for a person with a submissive personality, who has developed strong feelings/love for that dominant with the passion for being dominated that is wanting/needing to have that 24/7 TPE relationship.

Here are some of those things that make up active domination in no particular order or any guarantee I have all of them listed.

Leadership: Dominants lead and slaves follow. Get it and live it. This does not mean 100% of everything after all everyone reading this is human after all or keeping a really big secret. A slave hopefully should not need and especially should not expect 100% in this area but they are certainly expecting and needing leadership in most things involving you and certainly if it affects both of you.

Leadership is making decisions, setting goals and expectations, communicating in a proactive manner and taking responsibility personally and for your slave.

Better be Decisive: Not many people calling themselves Master or Mistress last long by not being able to make decisions, not knowing what they want and looking to their slave for ideas and what they want too much. A slave simply hates this and wants these things as little as possible and is one of the big draws of this life to not have to look too often into the eyes of other and see blankness or indecisiveness.


Direct Communication: Please stop reading erotic literature on M/s or buying into the cool factor of a slave who always anticipates your needs and desires. It sounds so cool and awesome no wonder many act like this is attainable as a way to brag. Guess what? A slave will be proactive to a certain extent but near total will never happen. Your slave will not be a mind reader nor can spend 24/7 exclusively staring at you trying to. You are probably going to want her to not be a mindless zombie and mentally healthy. This requires energy and brain thoughts to not always be about trying to read their Master’s brain.

A big reason a slave is drawn to the power exchange life is they want their other to TELL THEM DIRECTLY what they want and not having to guess at it like in a normal relationship.

Be a taker not a facilitator: A 24/7 TPE slave actually does need to put their owner’s wants and desires, especially short term and immediate ones, first and will take pleasure and happiness from seeing their owner happy and pleasured. Most slaves are simply hypersensitive in sensing and certainly wanting to know if their owner is specifically doing what they want or are doing something ONLY BECAUSE they think their slave wants it.

A slave who has entered into a 24/7 total power exchange relationship has actually given their owner the power to control them within the scope/hard limits for selfish reasons. There is an actual reason why it is called 24/7 TPE and that is that the slave wants to give up control to her owner. The slave wants/needs pure actions from their Master. This simply means we know damn well many times people suppress, change or sacrifice what they want because they know the other for some reason would not want or like that and we do not want that crap in our relationship from our other.

So if as a dominant do not worry or try to mimic a regular couple but you are just taking the lead. If you are horny in the middle of the night wake me to take care of it. It is your right in the relationship. If you want beef stroganoff five nights in a row and makes me have to go to the store each night to get the ingredients then tell me to make it each of those nights. It is your right.

If you as a dominant need your slave to be ok or wanting everything you order her to do or do to her then that is not domination as that is facilitating. A slave gives away our immediate desires and pleasures and cherishes giving them away because our long term desires are being met by having our Master behave in a pure way.

If the dominant is naturally a selfish inconsiderate ass then they will be no matter the dynamic and no power exchange relationship dynamic can fix that. A slave wants a taker and this will mean that things done to make us happy are from our owner’s heart and not payment for services rendered.

Physical Manifestations of the Power Exchange: As a slave I want and need to not just live in a TPE relationship but I need to feel it, taste it, hear it and have it overwhelm my senses.

Here is the deal. Making a slave suffer in some way by making them do something they would not choose on their own is vital as long as the motivations are legit. I want to suffer for the one I call Master because he wants to see a strong show of my love and devotion to him and our TPE dynamic. I want to suffer if he gets pleasure from it, gets him off or just helps him out in some way with a need, want or desire.

I also though need to suffer to know my Master will make me suffer as this is an incredibly strong need of mine. I need to know he has zero problems in making me suffer because if I know this I will feel so much more comfortable that all his other actions are pure from his mind and heart. That if he can make me suffer then him taking me to a nice restaurant is from his heart not from his mind of thinking he better suck up to me.

Physical or verbal manifestations of the power exchange can be but not exclusive to just the kinky things. Kinky things can be done for mutual direct pleasure or done just for the dominant. Plenty of way to do this with out the standard kinks we often focus on. Here is a perfect example of a quick physical manifestation that goes a long way.

Conclusion

Slaves need to be dominated in our life with the one we care/need to serve. The dominant needs to be conscious that this does in fact take effort in thought and many times actions. For those who just want a 1950’s traditional role relationship without any drama or attitude along with an on demand nympho kinky porn star that is simply not a TPE total power exchange relationship.

Disclaimers for the last few posts:

1) Suffer does not equate being miserable. A slave is not looking to be miserable most of the time let alone enjoys the feeling of being miserable. A slave like me suffer a lot with love and pleasure if there is something positive/pleasurable going on for our other or our relationship together. Just making a slave miserable for the sake of making them miserable is not domination. That goes down the slippery slope of abuse.

2) Huge difference between a good dominant and a good significant other and likewise for bad. A person can have all the great qualities of a good dominant and be wonderful in the active domination aspects of the relationship. It though does not automatically make them a good person.

If the dominant is selfish and never does anything considerate and especially out of caring and love this is not a defect in the dynamic and it is simply you probably made a bad choice in whom to fall for. When in a complete relationship regardless of the power dynamic or other has to fulfill things for us. Things like intimacy, sex, support of many types and willingness to sacrifice time and energy for their slave in what life brings with it like family and obligations these are not optional. ANY dominant who either tells you a slave should not need things like this or they have no responsibility to provide them is simply not worth serving! Any dominant who only “tries” to provide these things like they are a reward or payment for services rendered is also simply not worth serving.

Never confuse mistakes in the dynamic or ability of a Master and slave to be “good” with the distinct possibility the person is just not worth it. Power exchange still means there has to be equal effort just that effort is not equal in all things but just on the whole.

Emphasized Qualities of a Slave

I will make this introduction short so not just to be too repetitive in my words from my last post on emphasized qualities of a Dominant. Just a short refresher, I will be listing qualities that may or may not be qualities that any good person should strive for but in a total power exchange (TPE) relationship are qualities a slave should have a lot of.

So anyone from any role who thinks like trust, patience and honesty are something different or more important or special because one calls themselves Master or slave or one is in a TPE relationship sorry it is not. I would hope in ANY good relationship things like trust, patience and honesty are there in us and our other otherwise they really would not be good relationships.

Here are some qualities that should be emphasized in a slave:

Obedient- Let us start off with the most obvious and therefore most boring one. This word gets tossed around in this life maybe more then any word but few really think about it outside of it being a literal action. So what is exactly obedience in terms of a quality to have?

In my know it all opinion it is a level significant enough that the often never ending human brain judging of every action and words being right or wrong and/or this is better then that does not interfere with following orders, rules, rituals and just in general the dynamic agreed upon. For me this something you will probably have or not but does not mean on the level that one can get to with concentration and effort.

A slave must be able to drop the often needless and now useless thoughts that a brain naturally thinks of and for them not to interfere with being a good slave. This does not mean that one cannot or will not have thoughts like this because surely we will and do, but this quality needs to be in us enough. The level is pretty easy to determine, if one can have thoughts of right or wrong and/or better or worse and still carry out our duties and orders then that is good enough. If one has to process and convince themselves that many let alone everything they do should or needs to be right or the “better” way then obedience will always be tricky.

Nonconformity – This is often a sister trait to obedience in that rarely will one have the obedience quality but not have this one. This is also different then what many people picture nonconformity with more out there expressions often based on a need for attention or to feed unhealthy self esteem.

While obedience is about the ability of one to lose or ignore self internalized/experienced thoughts of how something should be nonconformity is being able to ignore what our cultural, societal, friends and family expect or judge things and being able to not be a slave to those things. It can range from breaking away from only a few things to nearly everything but on your terms as a couple.

For example, one must not mind calling one’s Master to ask permission to go out with some friends from work and not having a problem if he says no and have no trouble when your friends tease you or worse think you need help.

For example, one must overcome “good” girls do this and “bad “girls do that and realize as a slave there is just being a slave no good or bad.

Unselfish – Again a noble trait for anyone to have and an obvious one for a slave but the reason I point this one out is again think past the obvious and more to how a person is wired which makes it less about individual acts and more about the person as a whole.

Acts done can be and often are for selfish reasons even from the most selfless slave or any person for that matter. Just the fact that I intentionally sought my other for a total power exchange relationship and look for certain qualities was all about me being selfish and thinking what is best for me to put myself in the best situation to experience happiness in my life shows I am not selfless.

So sorry for all the dominants who think a slave should be selfless and even slaves you enjoy thinking they are selfless because nearly all of you are not. Like the female dominant looking for a man to do all domestic work, build her a new kitchen and give her most of his money while not doing anything intimate/sexual with them. Like the couple wanting a woman to do all the domestic work, personal hand maiden to the wife, baby sit the kids or older parents, maintain a outside job to help support “the family” all without any intimacy/sex and inconveniencing them. All three are looking for a selfless human being and that is a needle in the haystack situation.

So at the end of that mini rant you get the picture that selfless and unselfish are two very different things. Unselfish as a quality in a slave is about a slave who can truly take enjoyment and maybe more importantly deal with things not going the way you would prefer without judgment and for the pleasures they are for themselves and not about what did I get out of it.

Going out of the way to do certain things for one’s Master and enjoying and taking pride in doing those things is unselfish. Going out of the way to chase compliments or desired specific actions and reactions of your Master is selfish. My Mom has a great example in regular world stuff. Trying to get a five year old to read the card to a gift you gave them, appreciate how you wrapped it and expecting them to be interested in how you went about buying it is selfish. Enjoying them tear open the wrapping without a thought to you in the world is unselfish.

Passion for the dynamic – I wrote this quality in the Master section and it is equally important with a slave.

Forget other qualities if a person wants this life because of what they think it will give them in terms of some sort of end products and not for the actual power exchange life and all that it goes with then that person will probably fail.

For prospective slaves this often is about thinking they will get certain things by calling themselves a slave. Often these are the people looking for things like an out going take charge man who wants to be personally responsible for their other and their family. They want a man who will fuck them when they are horny by taking/claiming them sexually and not some permission seeking was it good for you wimp for example. But sadly, their goal of getting just this and thinking some kink and agreeing to some domestic work or all based on their work goals is power exchange and of course it is not.

A slave must have passion for the actual life. This includes obedience, truly putting our Master above ourselves and doing things on another’s terms and way. It is dedicating oneself to 24/7 this way and not about what we are feeling in the moment.

Relinquishes active control easily – There is a woman on the message board I mention often who often writes that submissives are control freaks. I often would write a rebuttal to her words not that I disagreed with her because I agreed with her 100% but the fact the word control freak was very misleading in this case.

When we think of control freaks we think of active control freaks wanting to know what is being done is going how they exactly want it that they are often dismissive of other human beings. A slave is a control freak but in a passive way. We want to eliminate as much uncertainty with other human beings, especially our significant other as possible. So our way of controlling this always wants to know what a person says, asks or does is as pure and honest as possible. This is at the heart of our motivation when any dominant wonders why we answer “what ever you want” to the question “What do you want”.

For example I have never or will never have an issue with my Master going golfing on Saturday morning no matter if he spent a week away from me on business. I know he loves to golf and it is his standard time with his friends. For me to do anything to get him to stay with me instead (active control) just is not going to happen. But occasionally he does stay home and that is a wonderful thing as it was 100% his choice (passive control).

To be a slave in a TPE relationship one has not much desire for active control. With active control come expectations, disappointments and expectations that a slave not only puts on her Master but also takes away from the passive control she might crave. For example, I knew a woman who could express great desire for a M/s relationship and that Domestic Discipline was heavily involved. But she would also talk about having no desire to be punished by her Master on his terms but thought it would be best if she thought she deserved a punishment or a maintenance spanking that she would do something overt( act out playfully) so he would then have a clear signal that it was ok to punish her. With the lack of ability to relinquish active control she had no chance to get into a healthy M/s relationship and have the passive control she craved.

Conclusion

Slaves are not selfless human beings but at the same time must have certain qualities in them that they can serve someone on their terms and not the slave’s and that there is a huge difference between big picture getting what we want and in the moment. It is easy to think and communicate that we are obedient and put our other above ourselves but quite different when it comes not on our terms, time frames and learned right/wrong and/or better/worse mindset. A slave must have the qualities as a base to overcome the difference. We may not be at a level needed or desired from the start but if they are there we can get to that level. Those qualities do have to be there and can not be learned.

Emphasized Qualities of a Master

This is not going to be some all consuming stereotype list where qualities like trust, honesty, communication and on and on get listed or written in such an overblown way. Sorry, but when ever you start to list qualities for anyone or any group to have they will in fact be almost all the same. The simple reason being the qualities that are always listed are simply qualities that both genders regardless of any roles strive for to be a good person.

Sorry dominants, but Calling yourself and even other’s calling you Master or Mistress does not mean your qualities such as your word, trust, experience and on and on make you better people or dominants. Master or Mistress does not mean you have or do not have those qualities and ESPECIALLY you have them over other people like it is some competition.

Sorry submissives, your dominant and especially if you are looking for one is no different then any other human being on the planet. Waxing romantically about a perfect human being as a starting point for your ideal Master ranges from setting oneself up for failure to just delusional as a dominant is a person like everyone else and there is simply no official licensing test to claim they have perfect character.

The fact is we all want to be and search for good people. Good people have these qualities that are so routinely tossed out. We cannot give ourselves qualities and think that is that nor can we pat ourselves on the back if some friends give us those qualities as well; even the biggest losers have friends that will testify that they have great character.

So until we start hearing and reading people searching out “good” dominants and submissives but do not care if they have “good” character these qualities that are often mentioned are to be proven on an individual basis and are not qualities that separate a Master just because he utters them as a way to look better then others.

What I am though going to list are qualities that I think a dominant should have but should have it in a large scale. These qualities can or do not have to be qualities that make up a good person but are just ones through my personal history and communicating with others are qualities that go a long way when factoring in the power dynamic and the two people running smoothly. Again this is from the eyes of a total power exchange slave and I am not forming an opinion on lesser power exchange dynamics.

So after finding a “good person” a slave might want to see if the following qualities are also in their dominants.

Decisiveness – This may be hands down the honey that can draw a slave to a perspective Master. It is probably the one quality that before any power is exchanged can and should be shown within the potential Master.

Generally slaves hate uncertainty and being constantly looked at for an opinion or ideas. A Master who cannot make up his mind let alone make a decision and lead is not long for a 24/7 TPE relationship. Decisive is not only a needed quality but simply for many people like myself it is a quality that flat out is attractive to us on many levels.

Example when starting to see someone:

Not hot: “Where do you want to eat? What time is best for you?”
Hot: “I will pick you up at seven and we will be going here for dinner.”

Example in a scene:

Not hot: “Would you like me to use this toy on you?”
Hot: “I want to see what I can do to your tits with this toy”

Show me a naturally decisive Master that knows it is different from being demanding or rude and I will show you a Master that can have slaves drooling over them.

Considerate – The word screams duh and is not that one quality any good person should have but there are levels to being considerate and that is what I want to point out here.

How people normally go about communicating with people and particularly with their significant other is on a personal basis and a compatibility factor. Consideration for other people can range from always thinking about them to only considering them when they are yelling at us.

As slaves we are generally not very good at or wanting to have to speak up for ourselves sometimes let alone always when needed. I do not mean we should never or that there is not a strong difference between cannot or tough/do not like to as never speaking up for ourselves is not something a Master can fix as they cannot be mind readers. So because we tend to want to keep expressing our desires to the minimal it is important to find a Master who has enough consideration in them to think about and read their slaves and just not thinking about them at all unless they speak up.

For example, there is a huge difference between a Master always picking the restaurant that may or may not take their slave’s preferences into consideration from time to time and one who always picks but never thinks about what their slave likes.

Passion for the dynamic – I talked specifically about this in one of my foundation posts. I though wanted to write a short thing here.

There is a big difference between a person calling themselves a Master or a Mistress that want a total power exchange dynamic and a person calling themselves that and are just basically wanting to be spoiled and catered to. The many aspects we talk about like control, discipline, kinky things, domination and so on are active day to day things that a Master must have a passion for doing. Being spoiled and catered to is not power exchange.

For example many of the do not get it types wish to have that 1950’s wife. I call these people the time warped ones. The reason why is because their view of a 1950’s actual wife is just plain delusional. Traditional gender role relationships (1950’s) had females responsible for the domestic work and the man was the final say in many things but there was very little power exchange going on. In other words the 1950’s did not have the wife dressed or undressed to their husbands liking greeting him with his favorite beverage on her knees blowing him before dinner then go finish preparing and serving dinner that she made with great effort and consideration to his liking and approval.

So a Master needs passion for the actual power exchange dynamic and not just wanting an end product of being spoiled, catered and deferred to.

At least a touch of domineering personality – First and foremost domineering does not mean asshole or abusive. It pretty much means overbearing. A good Master will have an aura about him that to his slave makes her fall deeper into feeling more submissive when interacting with her Master.

I like please and thank you from my Master as much as the next slave even though both of us know it is an order but I would not want them with every thing that is asked of me in our communication. Same with tone as all unemotional like without passion would just flat out suck. The fact is at least some domineering personality goes a long way in helping create a healthy power exchange environment and flat out bring good things and feelings to a slave like me. Now personally I do not like a little domineering personality but I like a ton but I also know this is not normal. But at the same time those Masters who get a thrill out of saying how they never do anything with passion(a voice raised or not polite) which includes actively controlling their slave and come across as dispassionate professors as their personality I can guarantee you have trouble holding onto a slave in a 24/7 TPE relationship.

For example, I am the answer to the question of who would go out with an asshole like that when you would see my man have my coat and tell me we are leaving in an absolute tone and prefer that over him asking, even if we know it is an order if I am ready to leave. The latter I follow but the former literally gets me sexually excited.

At least a touch of sadism – There has to be a better term and would take suggestions but I am not necessarily referring to liking to give pain to another when I use sadism. What I am trying to get across is a quality in a Master that can enjoy making their slave suffer in some way.

What I repeat often in this blog is simple. People with submissive personalities do not need a Master or any agreed upon power exchange dynamic to be happy. They will spoil and defer to whoever is their significant other. People who identify as slaves have submissive personalities who enjoy, desire and crave being dominated. Domination is what the Master brings to the table in forcing their will and control on their slave. By definition this has to be some things that a slave would not want to do otherwise there would be no need to be in a power exchange relationship.

So a Master who can only order and control knowing that their slave gets direct pleasure in the act is not really dominating but facilitating and will lose respect from the slave as they are not getting the fuel they need which is being truly dominated.

So in some way a Master or Mistress must enjoy making their slave suffer which is dominating and controlling them in a way which they do not want or enjoy for the actual thing itself. It can be actual sadism of enjoying inflicting pain and seeing tears and hearing cries and other direct action things to making your slave do things and taking great pleasure that they suffer purely out of love and devotion to their Master but there has to be a strong element of pleasure received by the dominant doing something(s) that are in fact active domination.

Conclusion

When talking about qualities toss off the qualities that every one should have. A dominant a slave will serve should be a good person and therefore have those qualities. Basic qualities that all human beings should strive for does not make one better or special because of a title or thinking one has a “code” that includes these basic human qualities.

The qualities I mentioned and certainly others that slipped my mind can be qualities everyone should have but at least for a total power exchange relationship one is wise to find a Master or Mistress that has these particular qualities oozing out of them AS WELL AS being a good person.

Leap Part Two: From part time to 24/7

Infatuation and having an on/off switch

So you are currently in a great relationship whether you are dating someone or you are a couple that has introduced aspects of power exchange into your life together. The goal though is for you to take it 24/7 which can often be way more troubling then it seems. Once again there is a leap to be taken!

The gap between part time and 24/7 is large because it operates on a whole different mental level. Think about it. When you are dating someone you know when the next date is. You can spend time up to that date thinking about what will or might happen. Our minds get mentally prepared for a short term. Even if the “date” last days and you are a slave the whole time your brain is functioning on some level that come the end you have some or all of your power back. In addition to this why are we even thinking of going 24/7 at this moment? One of the reasons is because we are in that infatuation/love stage were their mere presence makes our pussy’s wet and our heart’s go pitter batter and just even thinking of them releases the warm fuzzies.

Established couples much of this is the same thing. You have started something new and exciting in your life that obviously from your consideration of going to 24/7 has gone quite well. But so far situations have been just those situations. Maybe most of the power exchange situations have been bedroom only, negotiated times and things or a trial period run lets say on some or many weekends. Just like a couple getting to know each other your reactions are also going through the excitement of the newness and your brain has usually had time to prepare for what you are expecting to come. You still always have the safety of that thought that you go back to basic normal when the clock strikes a time.

24/7 means never having a start or stop time

Thoughts of 24/7 often come in two forms.

Often the over romanticize thoughts are the ones we like to focus on. These are the thoughts and feelings that I normally describe as taking feelings and behaviors from the just before, during and after of the more direct acts of domination done on us. These can be in the range from the mundane to a quite intense scene or act. The thought though that can get planted is that these deep level of submissive feelings and how this often deepens our other feelings like our love and pleasure with our dominant can be felt 24/7!

The other form is thoughts of 24/7 start to seep into our brains on a deeper level. Now instead of thinking about it when we are experiencing the warm fuzzies we start to think about it during normal activities and thoughts. This starts to scare us. We think what if my owner will no longer let me do this or do that. What if I cannot handle doing something particular every single day? All of a sudden the worse case scenarios start to appear in our head.

Irrationality of these thoughts

Well the thought of the permanent high of submissive feeling is of course a drug that does not exist. Since this is a post on making the difficult leap and people who fall to hard for this thought often leap way too easily and ignorantly that writing about this is for another time.

Now the worrisome thoughts about going to 24/7 can be healthy or cause paralysis in one’s desires and goals. Here is the reality of life. Look at any type of relationship throughout time and no matter where on earth you will see couples doing the same things only who and how they are done. Now think when you are with your other when you are on have they changed into different human beings when in the more regular aspects of life. I would hope no. I am guessing if hanging out on weekends you are having plenty of normal conversations, having some regular social activities and a whole bunch of other regular moments.

This is because even in a total power exchange relationship regular life happens. Now not to say there cannot be twists or changes in the details of these regular day to day things but in the end the person you have gotten to know, hopefully, is the person who will now own you 24/7. How they are, their interests, how they treat you, their goals and the other vital compatibilities do not get changed.

So to go to 24/7 should just have the same thought process of going 24/7 in any other type of relationship. A person to move to 24/7 should be sold on all aspects of the person they are with and not just the submissive feeling one is left with when in their other’s presence.

The thought processes that do have to be overcome

By far the number one thought process when dealing with making the leap is what I am going to lose by doing it. Obviously the positive things for the most part are not stopping us from leaping so that does leave the negative ones.

Instead of some generic words I thought I would just type out some thoughts that have popped into my head or have heard as fairly common ones and simple thoughts on those thoughts.

“What if they want me to no longer or limit my time with friends and family?” – Well have you discussed this? For most of us if they went “oh by the way, now you cannot see this person [insert close family member or friend]” before at anytime we would have gone in our mind big red flag. Now for some people that have people in our lives that are truly bad influences and someone who cares for us might be able to lead us away from them. But this should have nothing to do with power exchange. Time with others should be something you have talked about and have a compatibility with.

“Will I ever get personal time and have time for my interests?” – This is one I have heard a lot. Again we are talking compatibility. Some couples desire all personal time to be together. Some couples only see each other at bed time. Most of us like something in between those two polar opposites. You should before ever going 24/7 have some idea that both of you have compatibility in this area. You as a slave can be independent and have a bunch of interests but best find an owner who enjoys doing his own thing as well. Just like if you think we means we in most things, better find one who feels the same way.

Now I will introduce you to a term I use often and that is cyber theorist. These are people who with no real experience in long term power exchange relationships will write poetically that a slave is this and that. Often these theorists will spin a belief that even when the two people are not together or any number of situations that a slave should only be about pleasing their owner. They will mention taking classes to improve your service and having you develop a mind set where thinking about and doing things to make your owner’s life easier and pleasurable is 24/7. Let’s be realistic here. That is simply insane and a zealot over romanticized thought. I mean really could you imagine a life between two people where the other has no thoughts and desires except one! Does that sound sane?

Pleasing your owner is our number one desire otherwise how can we really be consensual slaves? It is though just one desire in a human being that is made up of many. Reality is you can spend a great deal of time when away from your owner in ways to improve yourself in your service if your owner desired or you yourself chose to in your allowed free time. I have taken classes in massage, cooking and even stripping. In fact I was a I hate cooking person until I took my first cooking class and since then it has become a very pleasurable interest for me. Even when I was taking these classes I was going to work full time and still was not sacrificing my time serving my Master nor had no other personal time.

“What is he makes me throw out all my comfortable underwear for none or uncomfortable ones?” – Well what if they do? Is that the end of your world, I think not. Again reality and motivation comes into play. Maybe he wants you to wear only thongs and you have found them uncomfortable in the past. My questions to you would be two. 1) How much effort in the past had you tried getting use to them? 2) How serious are you about M/s life or is really just about your convenience in the short term? The reality of this situation is a good slave should be able to try their best at things directed at us. This is very important; a slave must learn to identify things that have very little affected on us in the bigger picture when taken out immediate feelings. Because you tried wearing thongs for a couple of days years ago or only wear them on special occasions does not mean you have tried at all to get use to them. So why not try to please your Master by making an actual strong effort to get use to them. Now, after a long time they still cause a bad result from you then communicate that with your owner and see what can be changed.

This last example sounds lame on the surface but has everything to do with thoughts and fears of going forward. The question that a slave needs to often ask themselves when confronting troubling feelings is often very simple “What does it really matter if this is done or this happens this way?” I cannot begin to tell you how much clutter in our brains and feelings as a slave turns out to be totally useless and counter productive to our service and happiness by not realizing that an awful lot of things we do on a day to day basis have just not much importance or impact in terms of the how’s and when’s.

Conclusion

If a person is struggling with making the leap of going from part time to 24/7 I offer these points to think about:

1) You do have the right to change your mind. As a couple if the dominant will only do 24/7 then whether you can handle it or not is compatibility not failure. Any thoughts about long term negative impact should be thought about as your own mental issues and if you fear such a thing then that is pause for thought and not just about the relationship.

2) 24/7 should be thought about in all aspects of a relationship in addition to the power exchange. To go 24/7 you should want to go 24/7 in all other aspects just like any other type of relationship.

3) Be realistic about what you are feeling. The submissive high you get from moments does not last in 24/7. You should have some experience or make time to experience serving when not on some emotional high. You will be cooking and cleaning when tired and in a bad mood. You will have to put out or give blow jobs when not in the mood or when you are in the middle of something. Know you want and can be happy serving when he has not read your mind or high on love.

4) Talk things out in detail. Sit down with your other at a mundane time and feeling and not pillow talk after something blissful. Talk about what they see what they will control you in terms of day to day control, demands and changes.

5) Try mundane practice runs. Forget about being a slave 24/7 on a weekend. Try doing it for a week when both of you are working and see how that goes. Go a week without any kink things or even any sex and see how the power exchange aspects work for both of you.

In the end, the leap is different as the feelings, activities, time and anticipation can be drastically different. But the motivations and overall feeling we get as slaves though does remain and flourish. I know for me the best way I processed it was that I was running toward something instead of running from something. That made me make the leap with confidence and zealot effort.