Foundation: Part Two-Atmosphere

I moan and roll my eyes every time people start listing qualities of a good dominant/submissive or what is the foundation of power exchange relationships. The reason why the list is always qualities that are important in any good person or in any good relationship like trust, honesty and communication.

This is not that. I believe there are four important qualities that are critical to highlight as they are ones that get more emphasized in power exchange relationships. The reason being not that they are more important compared to other relationship dynamics but they are more radically different or require more conscious knowledge and effort then in other dynamic types.

To me there are four: Structure, Atmosphere, Consistency and Passion.

I want to write about them in four separate posts. So this post is dedicated to:

Part Two: Atmosphere

This is my number one issue to talk about, promote and to often blame for when people talk about the root of a power exchange problem. I am fierce believer that without a proper atmosphere any power exchange relationship in the total 24/7 is doomed. If I could speak in front of every new person about power exchange and could only discuss one thing it would be this topic. If I type another repetitive thing about my love of this topic you will probably stop reading. Are you in fact still reading?

What is atmosphere to the relationship?

It is the vibe of the relationship. It is what each person is giving off through their actions and personalities that form a large part of what we are feeling for our other and life in general.

Look at it this way, two people sniping at each other all day long sit down to dinner. Lowering the lights and lighting some candles is not going to change their mood to a loving romantic one. But what about a couple that all during the day are staring at each other making their hearts go pitter patter and exchanging kisses all day the odds are lowering the lights and lighting candles that any if anything needs to be done to turn it into a romantic atmosphere.

Another example of atmosphere and its overall effect on how it affects us is when we spend time with a person like a friend or family member. Spend time with a person(s) that are very negative and in a really bad mood and see if your leave them you are in a good mood and vice versa.

What is a power exchange atmosphere?

Quite simply it is an atmosphere that makes the dominant feel more free and more dominant and for a slave to feel more submissive.

As I have written in this blog many times and will forever continue to do so the level of total power exchange is not a natural level. Just a dominant and submissive personality even the more extreme does not automatically put you at the level people strive for in total power exchange.

In the end these are relationships and the real world like every other relationship. A huge percent of our life is not drastically different just because we are now a Master or a slave. People go off to work, have social interactions, family responsibilities and on and on. To rely on “natural” way of going through life is going to create a atmosphere that is not conducive to a severe power exchange dynamic.

The things done to create the right atmosphere

Atmosphere is created by how we want to live this life then designing and acting the way to make that actually happen and especially to feel and taste it happening. It is created in our daily habits and routines along with our personalities and how we relate to each other.

So the goal to create the atmosphere that is wanted is to form these habits and routines to make us feel more submissive and dominant. We in general cannot change our personalities and how we relate to each other on the base level but when we acts of domination occur a submissive is going to go to a deeper level of submission and a dominant should feel more dominant and more relaxed about letting it out.

But just depending on acts of domination would result in a roller coaster effect with the atmosphere and that is not a goal of anyone. What can be changed with thought and effort is the habits and routines of are daily life and interactions with our others. How those often get changed and stay consistent is through the use of rules and rituals.

Now many people balk or let ego’s run amok often because of a cool factor principle. One of a cyber theorist’s ultimate cool factors is to promote one rule “obey” and everything else is for people playing and silly. Those people are the ones actually playing. They are dooming their relationships with a lack of proper atmosphere and probably most importantly inconsistency in the dynamic.

Many also balk because of fear of rules and rituals dominating their life by volume or some they have had just seemed stupid. That is because they were not thought about and implemented the right way.

Any rule and ritual should benefit at least one person in the relationship. It should make a dominant feel more dominant a submissive more submissive or both. They can also just be about enjoyment for one especially a dominant. When rules and rituals are done with this thought in mind they enhance the dynamic and help give positive energy. Often people who have bad experiences with rules and rituals it is because they were created on whims and ideas in the head of what a Power exchange relationship should have and not what works best for the two people. This will often cause friction and drain energy.

Example of a Ritual in a reality way from my life

Whenever Master or I come home when the other is there if it has been hours like for work for example, I greet him by kneeling and bowing while saying something to convey love and duty for him or other things that might pop in my mind like “I love you Master and I am here to serve you”.


Now both of us are past the stage and more our natural personalities to get teary eyed emotional every time we see each other and often the result of this action if seen through an independent observer would see two people going through the motions and occasional laughter if on of us comes up with something a little too corny in our exchange. But the point of the ritual and the benefit it gives us is not about obtaining a deep emotional connection then and there. The point of the ritual and why it works for both of us because it helps break regular life where one of us has been for hours and to recognize hey do not let regular life lose track of your dynamic in this relationship.

It really is no different from a couple that has to have a hug and a kiss when meeting each other after work. They are creating their atmosphere with that as well.

Why is this more emphasized in power exchange relationships then others?

Because between our personalities, how our family atmosphere was like growing up and spending time in many other people’s homes our habits and rituals have come predisposed in us for a regular relationship. Even with that many couples created their own rituals and rules that they may not realize but help create the atmosphere in their home.

Why it is important to emphasize when in a power exchange relationship is because you are not shooting to recreate a regular dynamic and are trying to create a power exchange dynamic. Natural will not cut it if you want a severe power exchange dynamic because that is not natural despite the cyber theorists and cool factor people. It takes its own rules and rituals to create habits and feelings and with thought and communication they really can help tremendously create an atmosphere of your desires.