Mentors

Reposted from my FAQ blog because I read something that miffed me and this was better then a more long winded thing I would have written.

Is there value to mentors?

Mentors are a controversial topic in power exchange life as there are many possibilities.

In my opinion there are two ways mentors add any value:

1) The common view of a mentor is a person who you can learn, respect and bounce questions and opinions and get an OBJECTIVE opinion back. A mentor like this is NOT going to play with you or want any power given over to them. They are just their as a friend.

2) Many use the word “mentor” as a euphemism for a short term or casual relationship that may or may not have sex involved but will have power of some type and level given over and probably some kink things.

So if one is in the exploring stage and wants to find out what they are attracted to and want in a power exchange relationship before looking for the one often people love the term mentor as it seems more noble and less tainted then fling, short term or words of that nature.

Now the bad things that mentor can really be a bad term.

1) Giving power over, especially decisions or controlled communication, to basically a stranger is seriously fucked up.

First and foremost even calling yourself a slave and in the most total power exchange relationship has any person in a free society abdicated their personal responsibility or their right to pursue being happy. If you want or even think it is a good idea to give someone else power over major decisions in your life that is not your love one but some person who wants to be thought as a mentor you need to step back and get some help.

People do not do things just for the good of their heart. Friends and family who have known you for years care about you. A relatively new person to your life is not caring about you but wants something from you.

People who “enjoy” mentoring another by taken the “broken” submissive and fixing them into someone who flourishes is just as devoid of self esteem as the submissive who agrees to follow them. They are relative strangers and their drug is feeling superior to others and a submissive looking for a mentor to show and protect them from this new strange world is their drug of choice. They will not help that submissive by being independent and getting them the help and support they need in order to work on their self esteem issues but instead feed on it by re-enforcing the thoughts that the submissive cannot make good decisions for themselves.

How is someone going to “fix” someone when they have an absolute need to feel superior to anyone close to them to begin with? Mentors like this are all hot air. Remember someone looking out for another’s best interest is going to only be concerned about trying to get the other person the tools so they can make good decisions for themselves and not shield them from the big bad world.

2) One true way

If interested in having a mentor avoid anyone that has one true way type thoughts whether just being friends with the person or playing with them in some way. If your goal is to explore and find yourself then being told to you have to do this or do that is just a giant waste of time and can give you a bad impression if that one true way is not your way.

3) Fear mongering

There are just too many, even good experienced people, who need to chest thump to make them feel better about themselves and this is often expressed by promoting the classic “every dominant but me is a loser and an abuser”.

It is very simple if you could not make good choices in others in the regular relationship world you will struggle in the power exchange world. Of course there are losers and abusers in this life but they are the same types in the regular world and if you are all there easy to spot.

This life for someone new can be scary and seem more extreme and therefore might feel it is completely different the regular relationships and therefore the people must be completely different. They are not. A friend/mentor would be someone who helps calm your fears and educate you and not someone who hides you from exposure and stokes your fears and hesitations about this life.