Needs Versus Being Too Needy

Occasionally when I post on a power exchange message board or get some private emails from the posts on this blog I get messages from dominants who will rip on me for being too needy. Now of course I expect this from the cyber theorists and dominants who cannot handle a submissive that can speak their mind with confidence and not bow down that dares to demand anything from a Master but his pleasure. But the truth is being too needy is in fact a curse slaves can in fact bring on their owner.

Before I go long winded and dive into the topic I want to answer this question for all the cyber theorist dominants and with low self esteem that cannot handle submissives communicating they have other needs besides serving their glorious Master. The difference is… MENTAL HEALTH and REALITY!

Ok since I have been bashing dominants lately time to level the playing field and bash slaves.

What’s the difference between a need and too needy?

I would define a need, without looking up the dictionary term, as something you require in your life that you just have to have or a strong desire that can be realistically and historically can be met by one’s circumstances, abilities and decent effort. For example we obviously need food, water and air. A strong desire might be something like have sex a certain amount of times a week, live a certain lifestyle like living in a house and having a car and many things like that. Technically we do not need sex, a car and can live in a tent but realistically if a person really wants those three things they can get them and a dominant just cannot blow off the needs and strong desires of their slave.

Too needy to me is when a slave burdens their Master by mentally drain energy and passion for the dynamic, brings unnecessary or unrealistic expectations and tries to transfer personal responsibilities that cannot be transferred to their owner let alone anyone else. Here are some examples of each:

Draining the owner of mental energy – An example I would use is if a slave does things like non stop asking what they can do, needs feedback after doing nearly everything and questioning to just asking for reasons to an order too much instead of just obeying.

Unnecessary or Unrealistic Expectations – As a slave suppose you have a strong desire to have sex a normal amount of times, say 2-3 times a day, just kidding… unfortunately. That is just not realistic and therefore too needy. As a slave think the life will be a 24/7 kink fest or how you feel in the infatuation stage of the relationship when after you have received a discipline session is how you want to feel 24/7 is an unrealistic expectation.

Personal Responsibility – Anything a normal person let alone a slave knows better specifically that goes into deeply personal things and situations and expect your owner to now have total burden of responsibility is too needy. To me this is something like a slave needing their owner to deal with life situations like work issues, family and friends.

Can “too needy” be tangible to point out?

The answer to that is a big no!

Too needy when between any two people and certainly between a Master and their slave is simply a huge compatibility issue based on the personalities of the people involved. Certainly if we all judged the same sample of people we would probably judge many the same if looking for too needy but the fact is outside of the blatantly obvious people it is a to each their own.

Another problem is what area is based so highly on compatibility. For example I have basically no need to hear the words “I love you” or “thank you” come out of my Master’s mouth for emotional lift and support. When he is traveling I am more concerned I am taking too much of his time when he calls me then bugging him to call me more. I also will almost never question orders or punishments put on me. I am pretty low maintenance in my needs for emotional support. At the same time though I have a strong sex drive and really need sex more then once or twice a week. Is that too needy, I do not think so. So a Master with little or no sex drive but gives off a ton of emotional support is just not compatible in this case but a Master with a high sex drive but offers little emotional support might be.

So a slave who needs the dominant to actively control most things in her daily life would be too needy for most dominants but for a control freak might be a perfect fit.

How can a slave within reason avoid being too needy?

1) Obey – For all that entered into your 24/7 total power exchange relationship except maybe the ones who rushed in and/or leaped before you looked you must of cared for and agreed to the relationship dynamic. Obey a four letter word that is quite simple in meaning. If you find yourself questioning orders or reading deeper meanings into things without any known facts these meanings are there is often how too needy takes root. Focus on the actual obeying and less of the things flying around in your head. Typically most dominants are driven crazy by having a slave who rarely just accepts and follows orders without making any drama out of it. Often we are going into the too needy for the other when we do not let go of things.

2) Listen – It is the owner’s responsibility to communicate to you about their issues and feelings. It is a slave’s fault and quite hubris to assume there is a problem when none was communicated or they wanted something but you are not sure but they never said anything. Often we are going into the too needy for the other when we too often make mountains out of molehills.

3) Communicate – Look an owner who relies on a slave to speak up for anything they need or want is lazy and going to fail. But as a slave we must be able to communicate issues and specific things that we are having trouble or need/need more of or less of in our lives. Often too needy comes out not by amount or the type of request but from the false emotional attachment we have worked ourselves up in a fervor because of failing to be direct about it and using our emotions and other tricks to try to get the need taken care of. It is this try anything but direct approach work ourselves up to an unfair emotional state that puts us in the too needy stage.

4) Think – Issues with needs one must actually think if it is in fact a need and strong desire or is it merely something less let alone a byproduct of needless social conditioning. This is again up to the individual but every thing whether in the moment or long term that we think is a need might not be a need at all.

In the end basic compatibility for basic needs and strong desires are just up to the two people and whether they are a good fit or not and there is simply no right or wrong. One’s too needy can be another’s dream. But we as slaves can minimalize many things that appear as our needs but in reality are not needs at all. Doing so will make a happier less stressful relationship and bring better focus and seriousness of more vital needs that we cannot fix internally.