Common Mistakes Made by Submissives

Here is a list in no particular order or relevance, which is to say some of these things can torpedo a relationship, some might not and some depends on the individuals in the relationship.

This is not meant to rip my fellow submissives in order to feel better about me. I wrote Common Mistakes Made by Dominants as my previous post. These are things I did once, been told directly to me and many things communicated by dominants in local communities, message boards, blogs and on and on.

1) This life cannot keep you 24/7 lost in warm fluffies.

I see this unfortunately too often with a percent of women on a whole and a much higher percentage with my fellow submissives. At some point in their life they have gotten into the belief that love means feeling those warm fluffies 24/7 like often in the infatuation stage of new love where that other just could not be possible more perfect and can do no wrong. But of course we all do come off that high and for the ones who then enter into a long term loving relationship we feel that often but not 24/7 nor do we expect it or chase it.

Unfortunately there are women who feel that is what love is always suppose to feel like and when they lose that feeling that means the relationship must be going bad. With a power exchange life the added dimensions and the fact it might fit us the best can often make warm fuzzies last longer and/or be more consistent.

But to expect this feeling or chase it in the relationship constantly is setting the bar impossibly high. To expect your owner to get you there a lot let alone always keep you there is setting them up for failure and putting way too much pressure on them.

This life is like other relationships. Emotions will change and the regular world will factor into this greatly.

2) Do not do things to chase compliments and other validations.

It is important as a slave not to be overt in your actions in a selfish manner to get something from your other. It can be intoxicating to be so into your owner that their compliments are to be desired and cherished. But that is not what a power exchange relationship is about. When power exchange relationships work right they are suppose to free both people up to be comfortable in their skin and not feel pressured by the other.

When you start doing things on the fuel of getting that compliment it is sabotaging the power dynamic. You are now making the act conditional. I do this for this and your other is now expected and to feel pressure to make sure they compliment you when you are expecting it.

We do things for our other from regular to special out of love and to show and prove our devotion to them and the dynamic we have agreed to live in. We do not do things to get immediate positive feedback. I am sure you are like me and hope to get compliments from my other, hopefully regularly, but it is not even a fine line but a grand canyon to do things without expectations and doing things with specific and immediate expectations.

3) Your other is a human being and as a human being they will screw up.

I know your owner is about as perfect as one can be. Heck my Master I think is so awesome I would swear his shit does not stink if I did not have first hand knowledge to know better. But of course we all do know they are not perfect. But sometimes some submissives expect them to be perfect when it comes to the power exchange dynamic.

Well they are not. Early on in a relationship or potential relationship expect them to do something or say something stupid or just bad that dents trust. But depending on how big of a dent do not get carried away and toss them aside for one bump.

In a relationship expect your owner to screw up in the dynamic. They are going to go long stretches of not doing acts of dominations, lose tract of you needing discipline and not make or show attitude about you asking about decisions they normally always make. They will be sometimes inconsistent in how and if they punish on things and on and on.

You have to live out the exceptions and if patterns emerge that will cause you problems then you have to then bring it up in a serious conversation.

4) Along with #3 your owner will punish you at times for things you do not think deserved to be punished and/or the punishment you do not think fits the infraction. You have to deal with it and not let it affect you.


When punished or the type of punishment is not deserved in your eyes or is to severe sometimes, and it probably happens to a lot of us, we can get frustrated, resentful and even angry about it. For some submissives though they go too far and think trust and other critical words have taken a hit. The fact is when this happens as long as it is not more times then not this is simply a difference of opinion or someone is wrong. But in the end who is wrong is irrelevant and only does harm to the relationship.

When faced with this it is important to sort through your emotions by dealing with it rationally. First set your feelings aside and focus on putting yourself in their place to try to understand. Maybe you will change your mind when you see it from their side when less emotional. If in the end you truly feel you did not deserve punishment or a lesser one then that is fine but not fine to get on your high horse. Instead take your punishment like a mature adult. Focus on the punishment like an order and an opportunity to show your love and devotion to your other.

Hopefully if the contested infraction is something more then very minor you have an owner who talks things over first before punishment. When you talk you have explained your thoughts. Most owners, and specifically good ones, want or demand their slave to speak up for herself while still being obedient.

5) You are in a relationship not on some amusement park ride.

I have seen too many submissives that treat their relationship as something that is suppose to be some ride with an unknown finish when it comes to the power and kink actions. The problem is that they are relationships with a person not an activities director. You enter into a long term relationship you have to enter it accepting the person for who they are and not that they are an accessory to your journey.

Some submissives forget about the mundane and routine parts of their relationship and become too focused on the kink and power aspects. It is unfortunate but I have seen and heard submissives eventually torpedo a healthy relationship because they have stopped growing in giving up more power or expanding things done and how far those things are done and, that their owner has some of obligation to push them as far as they can go.

These are relationships and compatibility in many areas has to be there to make it work including kinks and power for many of us. But in the end power exchange for a submissive is about serving your owner and being obedient. It is not about how wide and how deep the kink experience will be because no matter if this is indulged, it is something that cannot be kept up.

6) Your dominant cannot transform you into something you are not or something you can be without your active participation.

This is pretty much an amendment to the age old problem some people have of the “I will be happy if I find the right other.”

The problem is though most of these people have issues that another cannot fix. Submissives are like this but now have thrown power exchange into the mix and often find this mixture as a nice dream that they will be transformed into a better and far happier person. This can lead to when meeting someone to more role play this relationship then truly live it. They become an actor starring in their life that is impossible to keep up.

Now people can change and transform a little. A dominant can be a large part of this. But this has nothing to do with power exchange. A person with their own effort and the right kind of help is the only way to change for the better. It is not your other being a dominant that is the key if it happens. It is because they are the right person. That right person could also very well be a family member, dear friend or a professional in mental health.

There are of course more and maybe that will be for part two at some point.

Common Mistakes and Myths by Dominants

Here is a list in no particular order or relevance, which is to say some of these things can torpedo a relationship, some might not and some depends on the individuals in the relationship.

This is not meant to rip dominants as I will surely write “Common Mistakes Made by Slaves”. These are things I have endured, been told directly to me and many things communicated by dominants in local communities, message boards, blogs and on and on.

1) A slave who has to communicate what is wrong or what they need too much let alone always is a problem as their owner is using the “communication” value too literally and it has become a crutch for being lazy and/or selfish.

First, of course good communication is essential and a slave who cannot ever or not enough communicate problems or needs to their owner is shame on them. Second, nobody is a mind reader including owners.

On the other hand often owners complain and preach to anyone who will listen the problem and solution of when they hear a submissive complain about their dominant not doing this or no doing that, is to shred a submissive for just not telling them or their dominant.

The reality is there has to be a middle ground. By definition and basic compatibility 101 a dominant is a leader (proactive) and a submissive is a follower (reactive). The reality is if a submissive has to come to their dominant so much with things the dominant has become the reactor to the submissive becoming the leader.

Owners always need to put effort into being proactive with their slave’s mood, body language and what is going on in their life. Owners need to keep track the last time they played with or disciplined their slave and need to see if their slave is struggling and ask them what is wrong.

2) A dominants order or pleasure is not some magical thing that makes a submissive do something if they are having problems with that order from rational thoughts to just feelings and any combination.

Human beings are simply more complicated then that. If a slave is having difficulty with something never think or communicate that telling them should solve the problem. Obviously if a slave is struggling with the order they got that you want this aspect. A large part of overcoming the struggle and doing the order will be knowing this is what their owner wants and for them to do it for their owner and to show their love, devotion and dedication to the dynamic.

Human beings are not computers and logic and feelings do not have to work together. This is true from following orders to simple things. For example, ordering your slave to speak up about problems will not make that easier for them to do so if they struggle in doing it.

3) Slaves are not thoroughbreds but more along the lines of plow horses. We do not like or handle it very well to be used/actively endure domination from our owner in various ways especially physically in a random and sporadic way.

Slaves need to be used. It feeds us and gives us those deeper submissives feelings which frees us and makes us the most happy. Often dominants lose track of how consistent they have been with their slave in this area when the regular world does in fact dominate our lives.

Another problem is the common human inclination that we think everyone is like us. Some dominants often think out of caring or concern to back off things at times or even worse overall that make their slave suffer is a nice thing. This is actually a very bad thing. A slave is wired to be used as a slave. It makes us happy and gives us energy. Neglect in this area zaps us of submissive energy and causes anxiety and frustration.

Slaves are not like dominants. Our suffering in the moment brings us energy and happiness afterwards that can last exponentially longer then the suffering was for.

4) Like #3, just because we have submissive personalities does not mean deep submission like a slave needs to have is even remotely natural.

A person with a deeply submissive personality will often naturally put their other first. We will dress and do our hair in a way that pleases. We will enjoy on occasion blowing you when you are watching a game. We will put out how and when our other wants. We will try to cook meals that our other likes. But these will be done normally on our own inclination and when we think about it.

A slave though who is being used and has a well designed rule, ritual and routine discipline goes to a whole new level of submission that most dominants are truly after. We need to dress and do our hair in the way our owner likes. We will drop anything and run to you to give you a blow job during a game with joy and spring in our step. We will obsess over cooking meals that our owner will enjoy.

5) Semantics do not overrule logic and feelings

Too often dominants think words can overrule a slave’s brain and this not only is wrong but tends to make dominants look foolish to their slaves.

One of the classic examples I have seen time and time again is when a slave is in bad shape of a discipline session and got up the nerve to ask. Like it or not most slaves will feel they have just topped from the bottom. Often, dominants love to deflect this by saying it is still up to them when the discipline session will happen so they still have all the control. Sorry that does not cut it.

No matter if it is two hours, two days or even two weeks later the next discipline session the slave will worry it is only being done because they asked for it. Might not mean they will not get what they need out of it but the full impact and no worries will not happen no matter what the owner says.

Often dominants can try to tweak things using word play or stall games. This can have a negative impact on things. Slaves like certainty and despise uncertainty. Word games create uncertainty.

6) Dominants who think the one need of a slave is to obey and make their owner life easier and more pleasurable trumps all other needs and makes those needs a very distant second or not needs at all.

This belief is unfortunately in my experience way too common even if it still is a minority opinion. Slaves are human beings just like all other human beings. Are needs and strong desires cannot be taken away or sacrificed because of a bigger need or stronger desire. Just because we will obsess over our owner as our primary need will not make other things in our life become irrelevant.

7) When in a long term relationship the mundane day to day things done for the home or specifically our Master will not always bring us direct happiness.

Shocking I know to all the cyber theorists out there but cleaning the master bathroom into the hundreds will rarely have me so happy I am bouncing off the walls. Cooking a routine meal on a typical Tuesday night will probably not make me wet and my nipples hard.

Now I am not even remotely saying that keeping a good home and taking pride in doing these types of tasks on a daily basis are not done with great pride and bring an overall happiness in terms of this pleases our owner because for me and many other it certainly does. I am just saying doing the laundry my feelings for it will probably be based on other things then directly doing the laundry.

The problem that this can often cause is a dominant can lose touch that their slave might need more enjoyment in her life then mundane day to day chores because the owner think this should make their slave perfectly happy to do them. That happy has a different meaning.

I am sure there are more but that can be for later and a part two. I will focus on slave mistakes and myths sometime soon to show I am not just out to pick on dominants. ;)

Quick guide to female bisexuality

I am not going for deep theoretical discussion with this post. I am just going to delve into the wide variety of situations and debunk some common stereotypes or thoughts from the men out there! Also some things typed will be basic widely known information to many or obviously things that are personal opinion based on my brain and experiences. Also, I am only discussing female bisexuality and if I write bisexuality I am not inferring both female and male.

What is the scope of bisexuality?

Basically a woman might call themselves bisexual anywhere from being attractive and enjoying certain sexual things when the stars align just right to a woman who can form complete monogamous long term relationship with another woman.

Some believe any woman willing to have or has some type of same sex type sexual experience makes one bisexual. I believe there are many women who can have an open mind and do something sexual with another women but with no attraction and no enjoyment from the direct experience. I think many women agree to a MFF threesome after getting hounded by their male other often can be like this. Trust me, I have been with women who I just wanted to grab them and go “why are you here?”

For reference what am I?

I can form complete relationships with a woman but cannot for long term as I have found I need a male. I believe for me this is more about my culture and ideal dreams of life then having anything to do with having to have a cock penetrate me.

Is it true that most women are bisexual and some just do not know it?

No, that is absurd. This misconception comes from three things I believe.

1) Some strange wishful thinking from men.
2) Women will comment on other women about their looks and sexiness which can make it appear they are commenting on I would “do her” or “not do her”.
3) Cool factor: I think for younger non married women it can appear to be cool to hint at least “experimenting” with other women.

Look at it this way; if you got an accurate poll at a male prison you would probably have a high percentage of MM sex. You would not be very smart to conclude that most men are bisexual.

Ok I may not believe that but surely there are more women prone to be bisexual then men?

I do not doubt for a second that a much higher percentage of women have experienced sex with their same gender then men but I just doubt seriously that the science of the human body that somehow that gene is that much more prevalent in women then men.

I look at it this way that a person’s willingness to seek out and try same sex experiences is not just about their DNA but about also overcoming social stigma and harsh judgment. There is a double standard in society as men get zero breaks on this issue but often women not only can get some breaks sometime but can add to their coolness. It is unfortunate but it has been my experience that people form a very different opinion of women whether she has a complete relationship with one or just fools around with one. Men unfortunately if it is found out they have had sex with other men they are thought as being totally homosexual and not to be trusted by their woman.

Do bisexual women find other women attractive the same ways as men find women attractive?

Yes and no. Certainly I find a woman’s physical appearance to be very attractive, hence, why I take the time to collect pictures to put in my posts to keep the men more interested.

But no, for me personally I do not go around and notice first thing how attractive this woman is or not. I also it seems to me clearly need more then looks for my horniness for a woman to kick in. I would have to have a nice feeling for them as a person and they also have to exude sexiness more then basic physical looks on a higher level then most men in my experience.

Couple of examples, most men would want Nicole Kidman over Helen Mirren but to me Nicole Kidman has zero sexiness and Helen Mirren oozes sexiness. No matter how hot Angelina Jolie is and how incredible she would be in bed guessing by her personality, I would not touch her. I though imagine I would enjoy a fling with Ellen Degeneres very much.

Let’s end on discussing some of the common myths.

Common myths of bisexuality:

1) If you and a friend are both bisexual that means you have probably slept with each other.

Sorry, that should never be assumed. Now if a woman is with three friends and they are all bisexual and single the odds are she probably has slept with one of them. ;)

2) If you are bisexual that means you should be open to a poly relationship.

That is a huge no and about 50% of all dominants who dream of two plus female harem tries to promote this stupid concept. Relationships are about hearts and most people regardless of their sexuality do not share hearts.

3) Being bisexual means you need to have sex with both genders to be fulfilled.

Wrong again all those trying to get your woman to do a threesome! I have a monogamous sex brain. When my heart is taken by someone they are the only one I desire to have sex with on my own accord. I can fantasize and dream but I do not get hungry for what I am not getting if I am only with one gender.

4) If you are bisexual you probably love threesomes.

I have been in many threesomes in my life. They ranged from great to horrible. In an all things being equal situation with no heart strings factored into it but just good old fashion sex I would always choose one person over a threesome. There is just so many issues going on in a threesome that often is just not very relaxing which produces the best sex in my opinion.

So there is some little insight on how one woman who is bisexual sees things. Sorry to all those thinking when two bisexual friends get together our clothes automatically fall off or being with us means bring on the threesomes. ;)

Cool Factor: Forgetting what really matters

I use the term “cool factor” often when I see two things. People who think or often believe others think that there is a scale of what is better/more desired in power exchange relationships. The classic example of this is the old perception of a slave is preferred/better then a submissive who is better then a bottom. The other is when people defend themselves and judge others when they think those others doing something that they cannot, do not want or have a limit on so they need to admonish these people because the person now feels less cool. An example of this is a person writing about an activity being too dangerous to do all the while they do things that are easily equally if not more dangerous.

But I wanted to write today is not putting people down when they come down with cool factor disease but to communicate just how often we can get lost in chasing our perception of cool. We can often forget the only thing that matters is what the best fit is for us and working with our other or finding someone compatible.

Let me use the example of slave is “cooler” and preferred or a goal over a submissive.

Wishing and thinking does not always translate to the right fit

Now if I had $1,000 for every time I talked to a dominant who had little or none 24/7 experience who expressed they wanted a slave or a submissive with slave like tendencies I would have some serious coin. Now as a long time 24/7 total power exchange slave I have learned to notice and ask questions specifically to figure out how much thought and ability do these people have to actually keep a slave like me content. Often the only thought they have had is they want control when they want it or more then they have had in the past. All good, but the more control the more effort a dominant is required to put into the power exchange dynamic.

So sure it sounds cool to a dominant to want a slave so what, how and whenever thoughts can be indulged but little is thought about how a slave is actually wired. Often dominants with little or no experience in 24/7 TPE (total power exchange) fail to just comprehend how differently a slave is often tend to be wired. A dominant in a 24/7 relationship pretty much has to be an active leader nearly all the time. That takes a mindset that is often going to be felt more like work and that is no good for any type of relationship.

You will read time and time again from slaves the following in some forms: I want my owner to be concerned about my overall happiness in the relationship but cannot stand them making decisions in the moment only for my happiness or asking me too often what I want or how this was.

This is not an easy thing for a dominant to deal with and pretty much must be in your character or not. But for most of us slaves this is vital. Because for us to live and flourish in a 24/7 atmosphere we need consistency and not just switch on slave mode when called upon.

I will give you the traditional example I normally use. When picking where to go out to eat. As a slave I do not want to have a debate or ever think we are only going there just because my Master thinks I am expecting to go a certain place. I expect him to know my preferences and to factor them in when he wants to go to a place I particularly want to go or this time does not care himself. I want a Master who may or may not ask my opinion sometimes before choosing but just factors in the opinion not as a request.

Now imagine these types of thoughts going on in pretty much everything. It is responsibility and effort. Having a 24/7 slave is not about taking a human being and molding the aspects you want and tossing the rest aside. Does not work that way and often many dominants who think they want a 24/7 slave would be far better off in a different power exchange dynamic.

Checklist progression mirage

Now let us look at an example of a potential slave and how too many often go about it. Often you will hear the term “explore” (crappy selfish term) and many submissives thinking that there is some sort of checklist to go through to transform into a slave. Often they start out experiencing bottom type activities to see if they enjoy certain things. Then they wander in submissive situations which are just bottom things not done on their own time table and specifics. Then they try things here or there until they “progress” into 24/7. Also, most of the time they are trying to be with the person who they think will be their one. The key thing I am relating is that often people think these are steps to an end destination when that is not really how it is.

Now some reading what I just wrote will go that is how I did it and it worked great for me. I do understand this. My point is not that this was a person’s progression but people think these are actual steps and they need to be done in order to be the best, a 24/7 TPE slave. The things done in this life can have connections and can be totally separate.

You can be 24/7 TPE slave and not ever have to do a kinky bottom thing ever. So if the first time you get tied up or have some pain inflicted you react horribly that does not mean you are not born to be a great slave for someone. You can completely give over all power in the bedroom to your other and not have any desire to give up any power anywhere else. You can enjoy serving your other in everything but insist not during the daytime but only at night.

These different dynamics are about mind sets. They are all different and one does not build on top of another. Before your first munch or first potential date something inside you should know if giving power over appeals to you and some clue as to how much. You may be right or wrong but not too far out of the ballpark.

Why is this about “cool factor” again?

Because often people in this life trade one set of societal values that people have assigned Ok, good, better and best to and exchange it for the cool factor values of the power exchange life. Dominants wanting slaves because they think that would be better and submissive people trying to become slaves because that sounds cooler then bedroom bottom.

This leads to the mistake of forgetting what really is important and that is finding our other and living in the dynamic that suits us best. Instead we cloud up our lives and relationships chasing destinations that might not be destinations that suit us. That we compete against other people we know or read about and think there is some competition out there as to who has the perfect power exchange relationship. These thoughts then lead to having to bash other’s because if they have passed you on the mythical cool chart then they must be taken down as doing stuff that is horrific so all people see that the real mythical cool chart will ordain your relationship best.

There is a best type of relationship to shoot for as a destination

The best relationship is simple; it is a relationship that lets the people in it maximize their ability to be happy, feel and express love, and to feel free to be themselves. If children are to be brought into the picture then a warm and nurturing environment is important as well. There is not one relationship dynamic that is better then another. It is simply which dynamic is best for the people involved.

It is always a shame when people forget what really matters and search out destinations or compete against people or theories to base where they think their relationship is and not know and be happy with how it is without caring about others. It is a shame that competition in showing others how great we and our relationships are can be so prevalent that fuel for the cool factor to feed itself is never in danger of running out.

An Honor to Prove Our Devotion

A slave must accept and embrace that it is an honor to prove and show our love and devotion to our owner and a willingness not to question it.

For some the words I just wrote are a simple nod in agreement. For some have no idea what I am writing about. Then there are others, and I have run into many in the past, who think what I just wrote is pure garbage. Their argument is simple and straightforward, these are relationships like any other, I should not have to prove myself to the person I love, period!

The fact is both the dominant and the submissive in a healthy relationship are showing and proving their devotion to each other a lot and like may thing in this life with roles and genders just that they are being shown in different ways.

The big and ugly I word, Insecurity!

First the disclaimer, many do not like to think this and many also do not believe this but all human beings have insecurities. The difference between normal and unhealthy insecurities is that normal does not seem to affect our lives in a dramatic negative way while unhealthy ones do. For this post I am exclusively writing about healthy insecurities.

Nobody likes to admit this and many will argue greatly but a significant aspect of severe power exchange relationships are based on insecurities of both the dominant and the submissive.

The two biggest insecurities for both are very simple, does the other person truly care for me and worrying the other is going to leave us. It is these two insecurities that are the basis of us needing to prove our devotion to our owner.

Men are insecure? Cannot be!

Why yes he is although few if any will ever admit it. Again insecurity is a natural human feeling that everyone has in someway and in some level.

The insecurity of a woman leaving the man is pretty much in every man. Look at regular couples and you will see that in some way it is always important for a man to believe his woman is dependent on him in one or more major ways that she could not even consider leaving him. For some it is an illusion and for some they go to sick ways to make it happen. A lot of the time you see this in the financial area where men need their woman to be financially dependent.

In my previous place of employment working in an ER at a different hospital our group of nurses had a phrase called “the talk”. The women nurses always knew when the man they were seeing was getting serious because they would get “the talk”. What was “the talk”? Well for many, especially younger, nurses we make very good money as ER and surgical nurses. It is very common to make significantly more then the man we are dating when in our twenties and early thirties. It is also fairly common that it shocks the hell out of these men when they truly understand this.

“The talk” was always about what the nurse’s future was. Now I am not talking of the traditional where you want to be like married with children. Know “the talk” is always very focused on one issue and one issue alone. I want to know if the nurse will do something different in her career so their pay is cut greatly and they can be dependent on me that way. Trust me many men lost wonderful women over this obsession once they fell for the woman and they realized that they did not need their money.

But surely my awesome confident owner is not insecure

I am afraid not only is your one and only insecure about if you love them but they are really insecure about you leaving them. In fact they are significantly more insecure in these things then most regular men!

The life is full of cyber theorists who spout off clichés like “A slave should only need to please their Master to be content”. It is full of comments that are designed to show dominants as human but perfect in Master things like anytime there is a problem the common expression is “The slave should have brought this to my attention and I would have then dealt with it” so to always have a I am perfect thought by having this thought in their back pocket.

But these people who truly believe this are dealing with unhealthy insecurity and that is not the topic. But within those thoughts and others similar but just lessoned lies where many quality dominants do live in their battle of insecurity and dealing with it in reality. They want to set up some sort of instruction manual or as long as I do this and that they will never leave me.

This is why we should be honored to prove our devotion to our owner


Yes, for me simply put all the difference in the world to jump through hoops for the man I call Master to show my love and devotion for him if it helps sooth his healthy insecurity and not just because he has asked me to. We should be honored and happy because our owner cares so much about us they are insecure about us leaving them.

You will read this all over my blog and all over in most places. We do not show our love, devotion and commitment to our agreed upon dynamic by doing things we want to do, how we do and when we do but we show and prove those things when we suffer for our owner. We prove our devotion when from the mundane things we do for them and our life day in and day out with out complaint but we also do many things on the extreme level that really fuels this aspect.

The more we are willing to suffer for our Master the more they can be confident that we truly do love them and if we do the out there things for them then all these day to day mundane things must be perfectly fine for us as well. Our owners are freed of worrying about us not loving them and leaving them.

My, are we not just the most unselfish us slaves!

No we are just as selfish as any other human being and just as insecure as our owner. In fact in some ways it is a big compatibility aspect of our relationships.

Think about it, why are we so concerned with pleasing our owner and wanting them to be happy? Why do we adore suffering for them so much? Why is it so hard when they sometimes neglect us in the discipline and suffering area?

The answer is the other side of the coin to our owner’s. Because the insecurity we feel of if our owner cares for us and will stay with us is relieved when they use us in this fashion. We can relax [often result in that freeing feeling] knowing that if we do everything they require and it brings them happiness and pleasure they will love us and not want us out of their life. When we know they know was extent we will go through for them that it will free them up to be themselves and not worry about us and therefore assign stress and unhappiness over things because they think we want it.

So it truly is an honor as a slave to prove our devotion to our owner and not some one sided sick game because we are getting something we need right back when we do it.

About me and this blog

****Warning this is probably a boring self indulgent post. I just wanted to write this to have it on record. I will return to a regular blog post in the next post.****

I had written a fairly extensive description of me and my intentions with this blog before I created it then butchered it to fit in the space limitation of the section about me. I thought I should write something to explain some things about me and reasons for this blog.

Why am I doing this?

By far the biggest reason is simply because it gives me an avenue to reflect on my own thoughts and feelings for living in a total power exchange relationship as a slave. Normally I do this on a message board but have started to find that limiting. This is especially true when it comes to a total power exchange relationship which is in the vast minority and often gets distorted by cyber theorists and attacked by people in the life but not into it at a TPE level.

I have a brain that just races even if I try to put it in neutral. This has caused me a lot of stress and anxiety over the years. One of the things, besides being owned and meditation, that greatly helps my mind slow down is writing. Since English was my second language for a long time and even now is co number one I have always had to slow myself down when writing so it comes out as English. Also, writing something that another person is going to read requires thoughts to be presented in a clear and organized manner which helps my brain deal with things as well.

For me to think or believe this is not the major point is hubris on a grand scale. I would love for other people to read my words and get something out of them from the smallest thing to something major but I have no delusions of those lofty expectations actually happening or trying to make that happen.

What types of blogs I like and dislike

I enjoy reading blogs but have found very few that I particularly respond to. Now I will be the first to admit that if you met me in real life that I am not the easiest person to have a casual conversation with. I am not much for small talk and giving play by play details of my daily life. I am Asian and raised in Eastern culture and I follow the common way of family, a few close friends and rest of the world. Generally only my family and a couple of friends get the inner workings of my life and emotions.

I find many blogs from other women for me personally to either be too full of romantic prose of the way this life works for them as they reconcile something that happens to them specifically to some grand romantic theory or mostly detail play by play of every high and low in their life. Certainly nothing wrong with that but not something I am necessarily into.

I find other blogs on D/s and BDSM to be more about self promotion in terms of my life validates my theories, trying to sell toys and promoting events they attend or have some ownership in.

Most of the blogs I have read and enjoyed have to do with Domestic Discipline as I find them to be on the same page with me on everything but the domination and kink aspects that M/s provides with me. Obviously though Domestic Discipline is not M/s.

Most of the blogs I see in M/s that are more theory based and posts about the life are male based. Nothing wrong with that but they can often be too cyber theorist type views and often fail to get how a female and/or slave thinks about these things.

What I hope to project in my blog

What I am hoping to write in my blog is a realistic view of the aspects that make up Master/slave relationships as a female and a slave through my years of experience living the dynamic and all the time spent in local communities and on message boards. I believe I can offer a middle ground of sorts that helps bridge the gap from the flowery romantic prose and cyber theorist’s manifestos to the detail of day to day life type blog.

I also have been often told by women and dominants that I tend to focus too much on sex, rules, rituals and play. I do know I focus on them a lot but it is for a reason. It will also be a focus of this blog as I feel that from the dominant side it is often not understood just how important these aspects are to an M/s relationship from a slave’s perspective and how these things intertwine into all aspects of life with us. I also believe as women we often tend to downplay the importance of sexuality in our lives and especially how it interacts within a power exchange relationship. I believe if we can be frank about everything else then we should be frank about sex. I think it is way too mystified and bent too one sided toward one way thoughts and not the multiple aspects it truly is.

Another big theme you will see in my blog is the ever ongoing education of dominants that submission and domination are two different things and people who identify as slaves are not looking for someone just to be submissive to but are looking to be dominated.

Why are these issues near and dear to my heart

There are three reasons that I focus on the rules, rituals, kinks and sex and understanding domination is different and vitally important to a slave.

1) In some ways I am very lucky that when I stumbled into the power exchange way of life I was already a near complete package. I came out of the womb standard equipped with a strong submissive personality that without any prodding makes me put love ones needs and desires over mine.

I also grew up in eastern culture in a very loving family and also witnessed many other loving families. This means I grew up in very traditional role dynamic. I also saw Western relationships. In the end I saw good and bad in relationships from both cultures but a common thread in them emerged, good relationships the people want to make their other happy and in bad relationships the person just wants to make themselves happy.

All this to say I embrace traditional roles in a relationship naturally very much and believe the best way to make a man happy is to fuss over and spoil him. So in other words me blogging about these aspects does not really enter my mind that much as they are just so second nature.

2) I have issues with how Master/slave relationships are promoted. In my opinion, and I realize this borders on the ill advised gross generalization, this life is mostly discussed on one aspect and that is a slaves obedience. I find this very distorting of how the life is and hurts people trying to live this type of relationship.

The level of obedience desired in a total power exchange relationship is not natural but takes an active effort from both people. Being submissive and being submissive in a slave role is two completely different things. Being submissive means wanting to make your other happy and doing things for them before yourself but on your terms. Being a slave is doing them on our Masters terms. To get to the latter is where the separate component of domination comes in and this is often just not discussed.

3) I must freely admit that my fetish is power exercised over me on an intense level. The physical and mental manifestations of the out of the ordinary day to day life activities are the extra spice in my life. So, the topic and everything in this part is something I am more prone to think about and want to write about.

Summary

I thank you for coming to my blog and hope you have read something that made your click on one of my pages worth your time. I hope you will come back and visit. If you have enjoyed my post on this blog about power exchange please click on the link Short Topics and Random Musings http://asianslaverandommusings.blogspot.com for more things I have written. They are shorter for the most part and the topics are not all about power exchange.

My goal is to update my blog with new postings most days between the two blogs. Obviously I will not always do that, but I am consciously trying to at least do a minimum of 2-3 posts on the main blog a week and 2-4 posts on the other blog and to the FAQ section.

Thank you again for clicking on my blog!

Initiating things with our owners

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Obedience is not difficult

Ok that is something of a trick statement. The fact is being a slave and being obedient is not something that should be a day to day struggle. The problem is for us to overcome our previous programming to make obeying second nature.

How our brain has been trained

Our brain has been trained to make decisions all day long. When making these decisions often the criteria is based on our head making judgments in what is best. Whether what is best for me or what is the best way to go about this. The end results of this process is over time we have become experts in our own mind in what, how and when on everything that goes on in our lives.

I know for myself and many slaves or would be slaves this is often where difficulties appear when we start serving on a severe level. We have to start dealing with many day to day things and situations that come from another person in guidelines, direct orders and timetables. The struggle with obedience comes from having to often deal with the fact that their brain has done the judgment of what is best when making these decisions and that can often, even if it is minimal in impact, conflict with how our brain processes the same thing.

Part of human frailty is we are prone to constant judgments of right and wrong. So often when our owner’s orders conflict with how we have normally done we can fail to recognize it as just being different but can be prone to judge it as wrong. Let me give a very tame example as not to color the discussion, a slave might have always in the past put the orange juice in a certain place in the refrigerator but now their owner wants it in another place and the slave mind starts thinking how stupid is the new place and can they not realize how easier it would be if it was left where I have always put it. Then to start to rationalize a slave might be disobedient and keep it in the same place because they are the one to get it out of the refrigerator anyway.

I clearly want to obey my owner how come I cannot change my thoughts so easily

I believe we have three levels of desires that affect decision making in our day to day actions:

1) Long term: These are desires we have made decisions for ourselves that we make effort accomplishing over long stretches. Example like what career to have, if a person decides to become a doctor they have then made the decision of how hard they will study, understand most of their twenties will be used for this and other things.

2) Intermediate: These are decisions we make for desires that affect things we do but on a shorter nature, like weeks and days. Example like having friends over for dinner in four days, we have now made a decision to clean our house, go grocery shopping and other things in the days to come until the dinner.

3) Short term: These are desires of the moment. Example, do I want to watch this program or that program. They are in the moment decisions that have no affect on the intermediate and long term desires you have.

Most people who are “bad” decision makers are not that they cannot make good decisions in a vacuum but they make decisions with the wrong filter process. So instead of filtering from long, intermediate to short they often start with short term only to find out that screwed up intermediate and sometimes long term.

So what has this have to do with slaves struggling with obedience?

Because as slaves we have pretty much given over our short term decision making and often struggle early on with this very fact.

Look at it this way from a slave/relationship standpoint in the stages of desires:

1) Long term – We want to be in a healthy and loving relationship that is power exchange based.
2) Intermediate – We want to see, hear and experience our owner being happy and enjoying pleasure of using us how they want and we have agreed to. We want to receive their love back in ways we ourselves like to receive love back. We obey our owner to show our commitment to them and the dynamic.
3) Short term – We follow our orders and rules in order to avoid punishment. We do things even if we do not like doing them by using our feelings for our owner and this often represents our devotion to him.

Most of the time we struggle with obeying is because we have focused too hard on short term decision issues while ignoring or failing to connect these very decisions have a major impact on the intermediate and long term desires which are exponentially more important to us.

What can be done to retrain our minds?

In the end time and effort will usually win out. But in moments where we struggle, have doubt or start to have angry or negative feelings about what is being asked of us there are some easy things to do.

1) Ask yourself what difference does it make? It is simply astonishing how many decisions we make based on preferences or in the moment desires that have actual no impact in our lives. Does it really make a difference if you fix dinner a different way? Does it matter if you prefer to put away the laundry before you do something else?

2) Ask yourself are you obsessing over the short term and ignoring the intermediate and long term desires. If he orders you to wear shoes that make your feet hurt. Do you think just about that or think if it makes him happy and he is taking me out to dinner and who knows what else what is the big deal of a few hours of my feet hurting? If he wants you to primarily where dresses but you have traditionally worn pants. Is taking the time to get adjusted to the difference too much trouble for you when in the intermediate and long term it will be nicer for him and eventually you will adjust?

3) Concentrate on thinking I enjoy and need his love and acts of love and love him very much. I may not like or even hate doing this but doing this will show him my love and devotion to him which is a very important act of love he needs.

Conclusion

On the mundane items of life obeying often is about focusing on ignoring our short term thoughts and judgments. The more demanding things that we struggle on the better we focus and obey the more we show our devotion and love for our owner. Anyone can do things they do not mind when they want to do them. To do things, do things a different way and things when another wants not our preference is where we build the foundation that makes our long term desires happen.

Obedience is not hard if we learn to stop judging what needs not be judged. We stop worrying about single moments and focus on the bigger picture. If we do that, obedience not only becomes easier it can become bliss.

Common Asian Stereotypes

I thought about making a lengthy post about racism, ignorance and stereotypes. Instead I just decided to make two one topic ones, this one discussing some common Asian stereotypes and my view on them and another about racism and ignorance to follow. These are not all but ones I find more relevant even with more open minded people.

Before I get to the list I want to communicate that stereotypes, racism and ignorance are a tough subjects for me as I find myself in a no man’s land in the middle. I obviously do not care for people who are racist or blindly ignorant but I also do not care for minorities who pass all of their problems on these topics as this causes damage and can cloud the more serious and actual problems.

I am going for brief and not going deep in the why which normally gets me long winded.

All Asians are smart especially in science and math

Truth: Asians have the same range of skills.

Why the stereotype: Cultural and reality

A) Cultural:

1. Asian culture treats school as ground zero from day one in how a person will succeed when they are adults. Subjects like creative writing, literature, sports and others are fine but treated a distant second to “real” subjects.

2. Respect! Respect! Respect! A child performance in school is a reflection on their family. This is very serious to the point of bad grades are just not tolerated.

3. For immigrants try succeeding in subjects that are based on words! Most of us come over with limited knowlege of the language. Math and science are straightforward and give an equal fight. Not so with anything that required writing and interpreting words. Which subjects might one like more based on them being easier?

B) Reality:

1. Probably all the immigrants coming to Western countries not out of desperation are coming for other opportunities. I doubt Western countries need Asian language writers, TV journalists, Asian literature and other like subjects. The Asians that have successful transitions and are putting their children in good schools and universities are probably coming from the science and mathematical backgrounds.

2. Factor in number one in the cultural and then think of Asian that come over for education they are just not going to be in many other subjects then math or science.

How bad is the stereotype?

It is not bad in terms of the truth that Asians tend to be focused in those subjects and bad grades are not acceptable in their families. It is a very bad stereotype because it makes us look different and colder.

Throughout American history the story of the immigrant is the same, parents demanding their children to get an education in useful subjects. Good grades in school have little to do with IQ points. We all know that to do well in school all it really takes is effort and the most common motivation is parents demanding effort. Plenty of parents from all races demand good grades.

It just sucks for people to think because of my skin color my success was more natural.

China Doll or Dragon Lady?

Truth: What truth?

Why the stereotype:

Well the China Doll comes from our formal behavior in public and in front of strangers and a common embracing of traditional roles.

Dragon Lady comes from old movies and just is a specific label to the universal cliché of an aggressive woman is labeled a bitch.

How bad is the stereotype?

The stereotype is very bad. As with most females we have a wide range of personalities. Sure some are going to be terribly passive and some are going to be very much aggressive but most are like everyone else and lie somewhere in between.

Asians are timid

Truth: No truth to it.

Why the stereotype:

Again public and in dealing with strangers there is a very formal and strict behavior protocols that Asians will not deviate from. We will try not to disrespect anyone and saying “no” is not going to happen. So Westerners come into contact with an Asian and see them trying their best to be polite and not to show disrespect. Negative things are considered disrespectful so the out there direct Westerner versus the not going to meet you half way because it would disrespectful makes an Asian look timid.

How bad the stereotype?

Terrible! Understand something the Asian in the situation I describe above is not judging himself how they “stood up” to the Westerner. They are judging themselves in what they did and if it was true to their beliefs. This is the classical judging a small sample of behavior in determining personality.

Asian women gravitate toward white men and Asian men gravitate toward white woman

Truth: Asians are just like anyone else.

Why the stereotype: Why does interracial with other races come up? Either racists who cannot handle it and the simple fact people will get together in interracial matches whether they are with them for no reason to point to or they have a thing for that race.

Asians are no different. Asian woman is attracted to the same qualities that any other woman is attracted to and so are our men. Some get a thrill out of differences just like others.

How bad the stereotype? Idiotic, generally hypocrisy in action as it usually plays out like any other complaint of interracial issues. Either the minority complaining about one of theirs dating outside their race all the while calling racism everywhere else or some bitter racist who cannot get or hold a man or woman.

Asian women are hyper sexuality and very kinky

Truth: While I admit I totally fit the stereotype I do not believe it for one second.

Why the stereotype: I must admit to being stunned by this one. A friend pointed it out to me and when spending time on the Internet this was all over the place.

The reason why seems to stem from part China Doll in terms of we are submissive and therefore put out and part from the pornography on the Internet.

Now I have a controversial belief about Asian women and kink but will save it for a later time but not that we are prone to be kinky just because.

How bad the stereotype? It is idiotic from prudes and/or Asians themselves.

It clearly appears because the porn on the Internet has sections and Asian is always a section this is the reasoning. I have also read in movies Asian women sleep around. Well in the movies all the women sleep around! In terms of porn, they have sections for big boobs, pregnant, midgets, black, grannies and on and on. Does that make all of them hyper sexual. I think not!

This just seems to be two anti (porn, racism) joining together.

Everyone assumes an Asian comes from China or Japan

Truth: Obviously none outside of the Asians who do come from those countries.

Why the stereotype: Laziness and poor geography skills. Asking the question people simply do not want to list all the countries and probably can only name a few more anyway.

How bad the stereotype? Completely irrelevant and shameful that Asians have a problem with this. I always play a game because I am from Taiwan and no one ever guesses that. America the question where are you from to an Asian is the exact same question of what is your nationality asked to a white person. It is innocent and consider 100% non inflammatory if an Asian asked them what nationality and only mentioned a couple.

Father's are traditional and act as figure heads and dominate the family by being a mean bastard.

Truth: Dad’s are traditional and are the leaders of the family. They can be selfish bastards just like they can be submissive wimps and everywhere in between.

Why the stereotype: Because “traditional” has been turned into vicious dictator and not just someone who takes the lead in most things and wants his family to be healthy and happy. Who perpetuates this? Media whether Asian men directly or revisionist history of older generations from all races that “traditional roles” must mean husband selfish and wife must always be dreaming of a better life and act like they are trapped. Throw in other Asian images it makes the men come off even worse.

How bad the stereotype? Really shitty! Of course there are horrible Dads that are Asian. There are horrible Dads from all races. But because they live in traditional roles does not make them selfish or assholes. What is really worse is that many Asian-Americans raised in Western culture are the people who perpetuate this myth. They either see it when they meet other Asians in real life and form the same opinion as a white person would by ignorance but because they are Asian they must not be ignorant or they get the image from the media.

Honest disclosure: I am a daddy’s girl in real life and my “traditional Dad is a saint”!

Asian women are cold

Truth: Asian women are just like anyone else.

Why the stereotype: Yes, Asians tend to repress our emotions to a certain extent. Part of the spirituality is to lose stupid emotions and this can lead to repression. Also again, Asian culture on public behavior is very different. Asians are family first and by a lot, few close friends and not real many general friends and acquaintances. Stranger and acquaintances are not going to see our true selves and for those who do it often takes a great deal of time.

How bad the stereotype? Bad but a tough one to get morally mad about. If we do not let you see our natural selves how can one get to know us. I again have issues with Asian-Americans raised in Western culture who raise this issue and fail to understand the reasoning behind it and instead attack the male dominant bastard women oppressed stereotype.

Asian women are submissive: The Big Myth

First the disclaimers! All words regarding Asian women have to do with Asian women who were brought up in Eastern culture. All words, especially between relationships between two people are based on the people being reasonably mentally healthy. All talk about culture and the behavior of people specific to the culture is based on their relationships. I am not condoning or pretending there are not problems on a grander scale. I have no interest in discussing unhealthy people and how this manifest in relationships by culture as all that does is cloud the discussion.

Two biggest myths that are just ridiculous and quite honestly insulting based on Western gender:

Males: ASIAN WOMEN ARE NOT NATURALLY SUBMISSIVE!

Women: ASIAN WOMEN ARE NOT OPPRESSED OR ABUSED (more then any other types) BY THEIR MEN OR CULTURE.

Why do these complete lies get believed by people?

There are three reasons why people who do not take the time to learn and more importantly see the behaviors and actions through our eyes and judge only through their own.

1) Public behavior is very structured, formal and has hierarchy in it. Now if you look at Western culture you will also see a lot of behavior that is structured when we are out in public. We all have learned or know about people behaving quite differently “in public” then their “private life”. Well Asian culture is very formal and taken very seriously. What you see with Asians is just how they are going to act, not because we are told by someone to act that way.

So Westerners see a woman being very respectful to her husband and think she is a natural obedient servant to him. No, Asian culture 101 do not show up another human being especially any family member. Asian culture 101 people in groups are assigned responsibilities and is not just based on gender. So when people focus on just husband to wife public behavior, yes there can be only one #1 and in public that will be the husband but most people fail to see or connect other public behavior.

A more open mind will also see that if four men are together there is probably a #1 man who is the final say over the other three. Any of the other three could have been seconds ago the number #1. The junior executive walked behind the President and got the door for him to the CEO’s office. The President then walks behind the CEO and get the door for him. This is not about kissing anyone’s ass. It is about formalized ways of doing things.

They are not bossing these people around. Things need to get done and we all know what needs to be done so therefore this is more simply a formal behavior of common human behavior. You go out with three people at work for lunch and you are not close to being equal in terms of position with that company, generally you know you are to get in the back seat. So you get in the back seat you do not wait until your boss tells you to.

When you see the woman respecting her husband what many of you fail to see is the husband is very much respecting his wife. You just choose to be prejudiced by the formal behaviors and confuse them as inconsiderate orders. Let’s be very clear here. Disrespect is very bad in Asian culture but it will be based on what we think is disrespectful not what others think.

2) People in power exchange in particular and Westerners in general far too often take something and assign it as a dominant or submissive trait or act.

In Asian culture and in all honesty Western regular culture, tasks being done have nothing to do with being dominant or submissive. Cleaning a house, doing laundry, fixing meals and getting someone something they could get for themselves is simply not submissive acts. They are just acts! A woman or anyone can only be submissive and oppressed if they are only doing them because they are following orders they would prefer not to have.

Asian woman are not following orders or doing tasks that you deem submissive. Domestic work is not remotely considered submissive work that the “dominant” male requires of his “submissive” wife. They are simply chores that have to get done as part of daily life as a human being.

3) “Traditional gender roles” are not remotely dominant and submissive. They do not “oppress” women! Most on here get that but I still want to scream it! What made them or still can make them submissive or oppressive to women is, drum roll please, IF THE WOMAN IS ORDERED DIRECTLY BY THE MALE AND/OR DOES NOT WANT TO LIVE THAT WAY BUT IS FORCED TO, period!

Guess what? Most Asian women do not see that “traditional roles” they follow are oppressive at all but in fact enjoy their private lives and the dynamic in them very much. Because I know it is difficult for some to understand then Asian man is really not making his women do and act traditional. The Asian woman is doing it on her own free will and is strongly her preferred way. I will give reasons and why in a later section.

So to sum up, do not confuse formal public behavior as how couples/genders act in private. Do not confuse or assign dominant or submissive and good or bad to roles and duties in a relationship without understanding the people living them.

The real way Asian women are

We are like all other women on the planet. We can be funny, lack any sense of humor and anywhere in between. We range from shy to outgoing, from having very submissive personalities to having very dominant personalities, very sweet to total bitches, wanting to just concentrate on being a homemaker to wanting to be the next Bill Gates, being very chaste to total sluts, and from being the salt of the earth to total gold diggers/social climbers. You get the picture?

In our relationships we behave in the range like other women. In a bad relationship if you see the two in private you will see fighting, emotional blackmail and using sex as a weapon. You would hear us talk/gossip including information about our man to our very close friends.

We enjoy getting romantic gifts, having our guys take us out and for them willing to spend time with our family.

Then why is there such a difference in the mental approach to relationships and why most Asian women accept or truly embrace traditional roles as opposed to Westerners?

It has everything to do with our spirituality which formed our culture that has been around and consistent pretty much all the way back.

Western religion/spirituality and Eastern spirituality is very different and has a major impact for those who are even not into them

Western spirituality emphasizes judgment, specific way to live, religious leaders tell you what to do more then guide you and instill it with a pass/fail fear in the next life. Basically tells one you need to be like this and the goal is for everyone to be/act like this.

Eastern spirituality emphasizes our life is an individual path. We are told not how to live as such as we are taught to develop tools and ways for us to understand life. In essence to live life in complete understanding for what it truly is. Understand the connection between anything that might be connected and to realize when things are not connected. The end game is not accomplished in one life but takes many.

Well it looks like you just trashed Western religion! No, not at all and here is how this plays out when followed or at least filters through generation after generation

Let me use an example as a best way to show you how these things change thoughts in the brain.

A person goes and buys an expensive luxury car. A friend asks them why they bought it and the person goes they liked how the car drove and felt they deserved the car and when people see them driving it they will know he is important.

Western slant: A person is taught not to be greedy and kind to others. But the friend is now judging and comparing himself to his friend. Thoughts of if he did deserve it or is he acting snobbish or thinks he is better then others.

Eastern slant: A person would be taught to think about why you want the car. That wanting it because you deserve it is a false thought. It would be considered irrelevant how others saw you in the car, as in do you really think strangers care about you or family and friends who know you care about you because of what car you drive. The friend may have feelings of jealousy if not happy for their friend but will recognize them as wasteful as it really has no impact on their life.

The point I am badly making here is that Eastern culture is about the individual path and understanding yourself and behaviors to be on a long path of enlightenment. Western culture is a constant series of judgments and evaluations of based on right or wrong.

But the biggest difference that affects this topic is two concepts observing and accepting life for what it is and understanding that often one action will set another in motion and there is a balance in life (Yin/Yang).

Eastern culture we are taught to accept things for how they are. Sounds yucky but it has good and bad points. Part of that thought is to understand life and all aspects of it in a less clouded and more honest pure way. Look at it this way at times we can really get bummed out at something trivial and have it affect our emotions, mood and subsequently our actions. Eastern spirituality we are taught and learn tools to catch ourselves in these thoughts so we do not let them contaminate us.

Yin/Yang is the understanding of our actions and mind set has in a bigger picture. Balance, harmony and peace (inner) are very huge thoughts and desired in our lives. So it has less to do about following an instruction manual to get to the next life as it is about understanding reality and ourselves to have balance and harmony in our life as this is needed to the path of total enlightenment.

Conclusion on the spirituality/culture

There is good and bad in both cultures from our spirituality.

Western culture judges way too much and clouds often confuses or get hung up on things that are not connected to something or anything in a person’s life. At the same time it is wonderful in that people look often at things and think is this right or can it be better and people are easier to accept change.

Eastern culture accepts life for what it is and concentrates on the individual on their path which can lead to a simpler emotional life, to be tolerant of people who are different and to better understand our actions which can lead to understanding and positive control of our actions and their results. At the same time it does a very poor job of the group dynamic of looking at things and thinking that is not right or we can do better, let alone make any changes that have positive impact.

In all honesty my time in both cultures I still have no clue which I think is better and more importantly have found people to be way more similar then different.

But as I write that, I will now write what makes Asian women embrace/accept things such as traditional roles and behaviors

1) Asian culture accepts things for what they are and not to attach good or bad emotions to things. Attach basically means wrong or useless. An Asian woman is not going to see the dinner that is needed to be prepared, floor to be vacuumed and load of laundry to be done and get upset or wish it away. She accepts that it is part of life just like breathing. These tasks are simply not given thought ever in terms of how can I get out of them.

For example we all go to work most of us have a time we start and most of us cannot be late or very late without negative consequences. Do we constantly hate this or wish this was not the case? Does it get us emotional? No, we have simply accepted it as part of our life and just do make an effort to show up on time.

2) Accepting things for what they are includes accepting the differences in the sexes. Westerners can argue, debate, ruin relationships and all types of other things in the battle of man is this and woman is that. All this also comes with mythical judgments, wishes and expectations of things being different that often become very personal and emotional. Asian people generally consider this totally fruitless discussion, counter productive to balance and harmony and a giant waste of time.

Here are some of the common types of things argued with. Now think about each one and the general population of couples. Do not focus on the exceptions!

a) Who in most relationships does the majority of the domestic duties?
b) Who in the relationship often cares more about the cleanliness of the home?
c) Who in the relationship is the primary caretaker of the children by choice?
d) Who is more likely to sacrifice their career, voluntarily, to have and raise children?
e) How many women marry a man that at the time or they think in the future where the man will not make or even be in the same area in terms of income as them?
f) Who is more likely to move for the other if it is job related?

Of course all these answers are women do. Asian women accept this, western women call it oppression but the reality of it is the universal traits a women desires is often an outgoing man with ambition and can and desires to provide for his family (leader type by definition). Women are not attracted to men who would want to sacrifice a career and take care of the children. This is 100% true. You cannot possibly convince me a man if he said to a woman "I am hoping to marry and once we have kids work part time or not at all and are a stay at home Dad and let my wife work" he has any woman interested in him. He is not going on any dates.

Conclusion

So an Asian woman accepts the differences between a man and a woman. They recognize the connection of acts as they tie into our lives and know we must understand these connections in how they form balance and harmony for us.

In the end, for the majority of men and women this principal to Asians reflects how to have balance and harmony in our relationships.

It’s a circle with respect and love as its center point. She wants to please him, he loves her for pleasing him, and she loves him for showing he appreciates her love and so on.

So when you see that Asian chick bending backwards to make her man happy it is not because she is submissive to him and oppressed. It is because she knows her effort in doing that will cause his love of her in the way she desires to come back to her. She is not being obedient; she is being proactive in her relationship.