Faking Who We Are

Small part of this post lifted from a post in my former Short Topic Blog.

I use the “Role Play” a lot in my postings so I thought I would expand on what I mean and the dangers this type of action can cause. First and foremost I have zero problems and in fact embrace people who are into role play or seek out power exchange aspects and/or BDSM type activities through role playing. I am all for a fun time for all.

When I mention more often then not the phrase “just role playing” when writing in context is that I am stating one or both people in the relationship are donning masks and creating false characters. That the person(s) are not being themselves but some theorized version they have fantasized about being or think the other is expecting.

For example that new submissive you have started to see bounces all giddy like whenever you order her to do anything and just seems that all she wants to do is wait on you and your orders when you are together and you never see her dragging or going through the motions. Or that potential owner who always has decisions already done about the things you will be doing and has something extra in him whenever he does something that is dominant centric.

These people are role playing. This in fact does not mean they are not or will never be spectacular owners or slaves because they certainly can be. But there is also a chance the act is all they have and it will wear off and bye bye the power exchange dynamic.

Often in real life people try to become their fantasy image instead of be who they really are and see where that leads them. Dominant or submissive it does not matter when entering into a power exchange relationship you have to be you if the relationship is going to work.

What is so wrong with this as long as they are/can be good in a power exchange relationship?

I will be the first to say in every relationship ever on earth people have donned a mask or two to project them in the brightest light possible based on expectations and hopes. There is something to be real about that in almost every relationship there is an aspect of faking it until you make it. But for healthy people we lose these masks very quickly and when these masks are used to explore a power exchange relationship between two people the dynamic is so different with so many natural obstacles wearing of a false mask can be also just devastating/aggravating to the person who the performance was meant for.

Acting out a role is extremely tiring

The key to anything that brings a benefit to us is that it will bring along energy. Laughter makes us happy or a great vacation that was exhausting physically will still leave us feeling refreshed for example. But when we wear a mask and role play we drain ourselves of energy and no matter what enjoyment was gotten out of the event this energy gets used up at a far faster pace then any of the pleasure refueled us.

Most of us have probably dated a slob or are slobs. We all have probably at one time experienced going over to their house the first few times and seen a relatively clean house but over time we come over to see a pig sty. This is a classic role play situation. The person wants to impress the other and put their best foot forward. But it is not them and eventually they fall back to who they truly are.

This is the same way with power exchange. Many of course wait until strong feelings have begun for each other before power exchange elements are brought into the relationship. At this moment might be the most tempting time to try to please the other person and without any active thought we can slip on a mask and play a character to please the other.

There are plenty of people who have plenty of experience that are both victims and perpetuators of role playing. It is a bottom who only enjoys the kinky acts for their direct pleasure who keeps on trying to be in a power exchange relationship because the people who will do kinky things to them want this. They cannot or will not put two and two together and realize they can be two separate things. It can be a person wanting a traditional role woman who claims being dominant and willing to do active domination things hoping there is some sort of final destination.

Often when I hear about submissives who met a wonderful dominant but what appears to be no reason they stop being all dominant like/play with them but other aspects of the relationship are fine that my thoughts simply go toward they were just role playing and ran out of gas.

Role Playing takes away from reality of the life

One of my biggest pet peeves in how many people discuss this life is how the penchant to indulge in the cool factor and promote their relationships as utopian at all times. Well they simply are not and what is so awful by this false presentation is it gives off such the wrong impression. One of the biggest obstacles to a healthy and happy long term 24/7 TPE relationships is for a dominant to stop worrying so much about doing things to their slave when the slave will not like it or is not in the right “mood”. Or a submissive expecting their owner to be perfect in the power exchange part of the dynamic or reading them so they are always magically in the right mood when orders or other active domination happens. These are simply not realities when the days start becoming months let alone years when in a 24/7 TPE relationship.

But life and the human brain are not that simple are they? A slave cannot always be giddy with happiness obeying every order, rule and ritual. There is achieving an overall love of one’s life and satisfaction when doing things such as keeping the house spotless, proud in how well you obey, being there for our beloved owners and things in that general. But that is a far cry from specific happiness when from doing anything in service to one’s owner. We are going to be tired, have not the best moods and other issues that obeying is not difficult to do but not described as always some wonderful pleasure. Cooking meals, cleaning and doing laundry into the thousands of times will just not get us all worked up every single time.

A dominant cannot have every answer, always know what they want and have an interest in or the energy to “play” every time their slave has an itch needing to be scratched. They are on occasion wanting to turn their brain off and not lead and make decisions for both of you in moments. They are not going to thank you after you fulfill an order or give out love after every time their slave might do something that would be construed as suffering.

I will leave this section with an example that happen to me last Sunday. I was busy running around getting stuff done that needed to get done, I was tired and not in a great mood trying to recover from a bad shift at work. In a period of an hour my wonderful Master wanted something for dinner that we did not have so I had to drop everything and go to the store to pick up the necessary ingredients and then when I got back he ordered me in the tub to piss on me and something else on me. Sorry but in my state running to the store was not a thrill and I did not get all wet and orgasm when Master used me in something kinky.

Certainly not an ounce of me was upset or wishing my Master had not done these things. I certainly felt love toward him and how my life is by being able to serve him in these ways and feel the active domination of the events. But sorry if you had a window in our life last Sunday you would have seen a respectful slave serving but not some slave in orgasm bliss wanting to shout to the world that her Master is the most perfect human being on the planet ever.

That is a peek into moments of real life and serving as a slave. When done 24/7 in a long term relationship doing things that are required of us have the same range of emotions as things people can do in other relationships and not everything is naturally a great high. Does not make the others times bad times at all but just simply done as part of our life.

We must accept the dynamic for what it is not what we wish it will be like

When we role play the way we think or our other thinks we should be all we do is use up valuable energy, create false expectations and if it is done consciously it is a betrayal of trust to our other. We have to strive, and as soon as possible, to be ourselves in any relationship and certainly when our goal is a 24/7 power exchange one. It is only when two people being themselves when together can they find love. Role playing in hope it turns real or super duper feelings will last 24/7 forever can only spell trouble for any relationship let alone the power exchange dynamic.