What do you have to offer?

Hi my name is Lin and I am a message board addict. I went to check some messages on a site that I read and now rarely participate in. In the corner of the page I was on they run recent posts from the message board. Because of my addiction I was powerless to not click on one that caught my eye. Sadly it went downhill from there.

The topic was a Mistress wanting to vent how tough it has been to find a male slave for a complete relationship. That she had given up a marriage and according to her could have any man she wanted. That seemed interesting to me as I would assume that with the numbers being what they are it was not about finding someone but picking the right one if the Mistress was truly serious. Well this board has a gender bias where females get the benefit of the doubt and female dominants are basically always considered total perfection. So naturally all the messages were of sympathy.

Then one message came from a man who actually took the time to read this woman’s profile. Apparently, a complete relationship to this woman was 24/7 control, with the male doing all domestic. Support her totally financially and did I mention no sex, separate bedroom and might do something to him sometimes if he was especially good? Then some male from a couple wanted to commiserate with the woman because all female submissives are frauds because they have been looking for over a decade to find a domestic only slave and cannot find one.

Now I have written on this topic before but focused on the sexual constraint. While I am sure all of you have every word I have written committed to memory, good people, I will give this crap another go but from a different perspective.

Power exchange does not eliminate the human being in the role

I know all you fantastic male dominants out there that your decades of experience and natural strong character have given you superior qualities that make all other human beings inferior. The truth is your character has nothing to do with power exchange and plenty of good character people in regular old relationships.

I also know us slaves are just the most unselfish human beings alive. But being unselfish on our terms and time table is not unique, plenty of people in regular relationships that can offer up that quality.

Human beings have these pesky things called desires and some of these desires are mighty strong.


It would be wonderful if slaves came with only the desire to serve. That would make this entry totally meaningless. But sadly I lack in nothing to write a ton on this topic. This of course means that slaves are human with having strong human desires; desires such as happiness, intimacy, sex and security just to name big ones off the top of my head.

So with these obvious facts to sane human beings let us look back on the examples I used.

Instead of focusing on what the Mistress and couple wanted let us focus on what they offered to a potential slave.

Mistress: She offered a life of no intimacy, sex, hard work of I am sure to have and keep a good paying job plus doing all the domestic stuff and hardly any if at all actual domination. Wow! How could any male submissive turn something like that down?

I will just throw this out. Cannot a man who is submissive find a regular woman who would love to have him do all the domestic work and support her? For all that I am sure she is also willing to not dominate him although she may want intimacy and sex. That bitch!

The point is of course the Mistress offers nothing.

Couple looking for a domestic slave: They offer a fabulous life of with full time job with complete domestic work for at least three people if not more or no or crappy job where if things end will leave her in a truly crappy spot. Now let us throw in no real intimacy, sex and all the fabulous things that come from not having a partner. Things like attending social events alone, no legal protection if things break down and if not allowed a good full time job, which of course never interferes with her duties, no health insurance! Throw in probably minimal domination and what woman possibly could resist?


I will just throw this out. A woman can have friends and does not need a couple’s wife to be her best friend. She can do all domestic work for whoever she cares for. She can find men and other couples to serve and sacrifice for. But darn it one man might have the nerve to give her sex and intimacy as well and can give her domination and all the benefits of not being single but being a part of a couple in public.

The point is of course the couple really offers nothing.

Subs do not escape this scrutiny as well.

As a potential slave we all need to think what are we really offering. I have read and talked to many would be slaves that think in grand philosophical terms but when it comes to the practical details they melt in horror of actual sacrifice in actual power. You cannot say you want your master to take you when he wants then communicate he should know you well enough to take you when or get you in the mood. That is not offering up anything. You cannot expect your Master to take on extra responsibility and effort in his area and think that since you are not a doormat that equal effort in domestic things is only fair.

You cannot expect a dominant who wants a power exchange relationship to only do things to you and order things from you on the basis of you are wanting to do or willing to do in that moment. You are not offering up anything. Obedience can only be offered if in that obedience your Master is allowed and feels free to do things he wants on his schedule and that it is not mood based.

Why people do people go looking for the impossible?

Look at it this way, in real life we talk about these things with friends and family. Friends and family see us do things and offer up critique and advice. We generally do not do things that have impossible odds or will be seen as idiotic or embarrassing. We do not use these people when we go looking for power exchange relationships. Now hold on I have friends in the life, I am active in my local community and I read things from people who sound like me all the time. They do not tell me what I am after is delusional. Of course they do not but you do not really know the actual details or take the time to see it in the broad picture.

If I had a dime for every person and couple who communicate an over romanticize version of their relationships in this life I would be super rich. That woman writing in her blog how much she enjoys cleaning the bathroom for her Master after being together for over ten years is not lying. It may be an overall feeling that doing our duties gives us great satisfaction but she is not jumping for joy as she goes to clean the bathroom for the multi hundreds of time. But it might sound like that after reading it in her blog. The truth is she sat down to write that thing after cleaning the bathroom but AFTER some amazing night she had with her Master.

The woman saying her man has the right to have sex with her anytime he wants but he always does miraculously want sex when she is in the mood. Do you know for sure this is miraculous or is that person forgetting the many times she was not really in the mood or has the Master really conceded this power and does not try without positive signals from her? Here is a hint into reality. In real life or cyber people who use words like always or never they are over romanticizing their relationship or the actual dynamic that is being played out.

So the couple that had a service slave in real life or cyber fails to mention the person really did it for free room and board while going to college and/or worked around the slave’s schedule for classes or career. Maybe the slave was asexual and needed free room and board. Maybe they let this slave have their own private life that may have included letting them have a significant other to pursue. Maybe the couple was very dominant in their acts. You see the couple was offering the slave something. Maybe the couple has had many domestic slaves but the relationships were all measured by months and none lasted years in a 24/7 TPE.

Let us use the usual stereotypes and shoving real life and vanilla into the picture:

Couples looking for a domestic slave and or other very limited in scope duties: The problem most couples face is self validation. They look at each other and see the other’s love and respect and think this makes them perfect. They agree with the desires so this makes these desires legit. But for most couples the desires and what they want from a third is not what they wanted for when they were just two and this is what gets most couples frustrated and bitter. The woman has her husband, her career and maybe children then looks for another female to be a domestic slave and goes “Look how great we are. How could you not want to be with us?” They see a woman who will be a free servant and then whatever. But the whatever is not going to have a husband, not going to have a career or have children if she wanted them. But still in the couple’s eyes they are perfection as each validate each other’s delusions, negotiate how and what the third will do without the third even present. Do you think the wife in this example would have ever done that?

Older Men looking for much younger women: Now I am into older men personally but I still recognize the delusions that go on in this delusional pursuit. If older men really only offer up wisdom and experience, which is debatable to begin with, they will fail in their quest. Look at it from a vanilla standpoint. What would friends and family think of a man in his fifties or older going to a college bar to hit on women? They would be laughed at and mocked. But calling oneself dominant all of a sudden it is a good and wise thing to pursue? What does a man in his fifties truly offer a young woman who does not have a natural thing for way older men? Retirement and living on a fixed income with decreased mobility, not wanting children the same time her biological clock is kicking in, the same time she is at her sexual peak and at the time her friends have money to do nicer things. Throw in the age things most talk about and you get delusion if you think experience cuts through all that. What does a much older man offer to a much younger woman not into older men? Not much.

Want to be slaves dreaming of Mr. Perfection: Look around at all the husbands you know, have known, or your friends describe theirs. There is a fairly common picture. They are visually stimulated, unless because of necessity tend not to want to do domestic chores, prefer in shape women, do not like dancing, often like sports on TV, sure love blow jobs and tend to be hit and miss with the romantic stuff. Do not be delusional and think calling yourself a slave and looking for a Master that these men will be much different. They will not be.

If you are uneducated, not in the best shape and addicted to reality television and IM that business owner is not going to be interested in you now just because you call yourself a slave. Mr. Perfection dominant is not looking for a slave so he can always do or order things that you want or are willing in the moment to do. What are you actually offering?

Put yourself in place of the one you seek

It is painfully easy to isolate yourself in cyber or seek out a peer group in a local community that will agree with you. That can come delusions and thoughts of self entitlements. In the end though if you are still not finding anyone to even see in real time the question must be asked what are you offering?

Here is a little exercise. Write down all the things you have to offer the person you are seeking. Now read the list and cross off anything that a regular relationship can give or any feeling/emotion and see what is left. Love, devotion, protection, nurturing, friendship and on and on are nothing different that any healthy relationship brings to the table. If you want a power exchange relationship you have to offer more then what one can get from a regular relationship and not less.

Power exchange relationships start with regular relationships and only add to them. The more you are asking of someone in the relationship the more you are responsible for fulfilling their needs and desires as well.

If you are a couple looking for a domestic slave would you ask your wife’s best friend in real life to limit her life that way? No you would not. Why do you think a woman who is submissive wants to? Calling yourself dominant or submissive does not make you your own creator of your world.