So anyone from any role who thinks like trust, patience and honesty are something different or more important or special because one calls themselves Master or slave or one is in a TPE relationship sorry it is not. I would hope in ANY good relationship things like trust, patience and honesty are there in us and our other otherwise they really would not be good relationships.
Here are some qualities that should be emphasized in a slave:
Obedient- Let us start off with the most obvious and therefore most boring one. This word gets tossed around in this life maybe more then any word but few really think about it outside of it being a literal action. So what is exactly obedience in terms of a quality to have?In my know it all opinion it is a level significant enough that the often never ending human brain judging of every action and words being right or wrong and/or this is better then that does not interfere with following orders, rules, rituals and just in general the dynamic agreed upon. For me this something you will probably have or not but does not mean on the level that one can get to with concentration and effort.
A slave must be able to drop the often needless and now useless thoughts that a brain naturally thinks of and for them not to interfere with being a good slave. This does not mean that one cannot or will not have thoughts like this because surely we will and do, but this quality needs to be in us enough. The level is pretty easy to determine, if one can have thoughts of right or wrong and/or better or worse and still carry out our duties and orders then that is good enough. If one has to process and convince themselves that many let alone everything they do should or needs to be right or the “better” way then obedience will always be tricky.
Nonconformity – This is often a sister trait to obedience in that rarely will one have the obedience quality but not have this one. This is also different then what many people picture nonconformity with more out there expressions often based on a need for attention or to feed unhealthy self esteem.
While obedience is about the ability of one to lose or ignore self internalized/experienced thoughts of how something should be nonconformity is being able to ignore what our cultural, societal, friends and family expect or judge things and being able to not be a slave to those things. It can range from breaking away from only a few things to nearly everything but on your terms as a couple.
For example, one must not mind calling one’s Master to ask permission to go out with some friends from work and not having a problem if he says no and have no trouble when your friends tease you or worse think you need help.
For example, one must overcome “good” girls do this and “bad “girls do that and realize as a slave there is just being a slave no good or bad.
Unselfish – Again a noble trait for anyone to have and an obvious one for a slave but the reason I point this one out is again think past the obvious and more to how a person is wired which makes it less about individual acts and more about the person as a whole.
Acts done can be and often are for selfish reasons even from the most selfless slave or any person for that matter. Just the fact that I intentionally sought my other for a total power exchange relationship and look for certain qualities was all about me being selfish and thinking what is best for me to put myself in the best situation to experience happiness in my life shows I am not selfless.So sorry for all the dominants who think a slave should be selfless and even slaves you enjoy thinking they are selfless because nearly all of you are not. Like the female dominant looking for a man to do all domestic work, build her a new kitchen and give her most of his money while not doing anything intimate/sexual with them. Like the couple wanting a woman to do all the domestic work, personal hand maiden to the wife, baby sit the kids or older parents, maintain a outside job to help support “the family” all without any intimacy/sex and inconveniencing them. All three are looking for a selfless human being and that is a needle in the haystack situation.
So at the end of that mini rant you get the picture that selfless and unselfish are two very different things. Unselfish as a quality in a slave is about a slave who can truly take enjoyment and maybe more importantly deal with things not going the way you would prefer without judgment and for the pleasures they are for themselves and not about what did I get out of it.
Going out of the way to do certain things for one’s Master and enjoying and taking pride in doing those things is unselfish. Going out of the way to chase compliments or desired specific actions and reactions of your Master is selfish. My Mom has a great example in regular world stuff. Trying to get a five year old to read the card to a gift you gave them, appreciate how you wrapped it and expecting them to be interested in how you went about buying it is selfish. Enjoying them tear open the wrapping without a thought to you in the world is unselfish.
Passion for the dynamic – I wrote this quality in the Master section and it is equally important with a slave.
Forget other qualities if a person wants this life because of what they think it will give them in terms of some sort of end products and not for the actual power exchange life and all that it goes with then that person will probably fail.
For prospective slaves this often is about thinking they will get certain things by calling themselves a slave. Often these are the people looking for things like an out going take charge man who wants to be personally responsible for their other and their family. They want a man who will fuck them when they are horny by taking/claiming them sexually and not some permission seeking was it good for you wimp for example. But sadly, their goal of getting just this and thinking some kink and agreeing to some domestic work or all based on their work goals is power exchange and of course it is not.
A slave must have passion for the actual life. This includes obedience, truly putting our Master above ourselves and doing things on another’s terms and way. It is dedicating oneself to 24/7 this way and not about what we are feeling in the moment.
Relinquishes active control easily – There is a woman on the message board I mention often who often writes that submissives are control freaks. I often would write a rebuttal to her words not that I disagreed with her because I agreed with her 100% but the fact the word control freak was very misleading in this case.
When we think of control freaks we think of active control freaks wanting to know what is being done is going how they exactly want it that they are often dismissive of other human beings. A slave is a control freak but in a passive way. We want to eliminate as much uncertainty with other human beings, especially our significant other as possible. So our way of controlling this always wants to know what a person says, asks or does is as pure and honest as possible. This is at the heart of our motivation when any dominant wonders why we answer “what ever you want” to the question “What do you want”. For example I have never or will never have an issue with my Master going golfing on Saturday morning no matter if he spent a week away from me on business. I know he loves to golf and it is his standard time with his friends. For me to do anything to get him to stay with me instead (active control) just is not going to happen. But occasionally he does stay home and that is a wonderful thing as it was 100% his choice (passive control).
To be a slave in a TPE relationship one has not much desire for active control. With active control come expectations, disappointments and expectations that a slave not only puts on her Master but also takes away from the passive control she might crave. For example, I knew a woman who could express great desire for a M/s relationship and that Domestic Discipline was heavily involved. But she would also talk about having no desire to be punished by her Master on his terms but thought it would be best if she thought she deserved a punishment or a maintenance spanking that she would do something overt( act out playfully) so he would then have a clear signal that it was ok to punish her. With the lack of ability to relinquish active control she had no chance to get into a healthy M/s relationship and have the passive control she craved.
Conclusion
Slaves are not selfless human beings but at the same time must have certain qualities in them that they can serve someone on their terms and not the slave’s and that there is a huge difference between big picture getting what we want and in the moment. It is easy to think and communicate that we are obedient and put our other above ourselves but quite different when it comes not on our terms, time frames and learned right/wrong and/or better/worse mindset. A slave must have the qualities as a base to overcome the difference. We may not be at a level needed or desired from the start but if they are there we can get to that level. Those qualities do have to be there and can not be learned.
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