No Chance

Hang around in cyber, local communities or talk to enough dominants you will come across two theories in this life that it saddens me people often give thought and reflection to. 1) A dominant should not love their submissive/slave. 2) A dominant has to not need their slave as much as their salve needs them or they will be powerless.

Now probably most of you reading this go that is just stupid but still I am stunned just how many pause and give this thought especially new people into the life that often these confused dominants try to prey on.

Insecurity is a factor in this life

People do not like to talk about this and whenever I have brought up in the past especially in person or on a message board people will often line up to bash me but insecurity of the other leaving is a driving force behind power exchange relationships. Notice I did not say only, biggest or major but for most people this is a reason of some consequence.

From a dominant’s standpoint things like bowing, statements of devotion and seeing their submissive sacrifice for them goes into the feeding of the insecurity of look how much they care for me and therefore will not leave me. From a submissive’s all these things we do to please them and put them first goes into the feeding of our insecurity of them leaving us. That if we do these things and keep them happy they will not leave us.

No human does not have some insecurities and for most in power exchange the other leaving us is an insecurity that we share. But for those where it goes to becoming unhealthy, dangerous and unchecked is when people act on it in a severe and life controlling way. Dominants who obsess over needing the other less are dealing with unhealthy insecurity of have a big issue of not being able to handle well if the other person leaves them.

These can be very dangerous people at worse and at best are incredibly needy people which go for submissives as well if they are unhealthy about worrying their other will dump them.

What’s love got to do with it?

Most human beings want and need love in our relationships. But love and the ability to give it and accept it ranges greatly in human beings. We though as human beings often do not like to admit that to ourselves and when the more love express/needed person falls for someone they tend to assume that everyone is like them exactly and therefore if this person loves and cares for them they will respond in kind. But not all human beings are capable of loving or showing/giving it.


To ask most people, including people in this life, that love is a critical component in a successful and healthy long term relationship, but the truth is it is not a must have for some to have a successful and long term relationship. I am pretty sure we all know others who are in long term relationships that do not seem to be loving ones that the people seem perfectly fine with them. Whether an older couple that relies on one to take care of the other physically while the other takes care of them financially and for whatever reason these relationships do in fact exist.

The fact is love in a relationship and the need to feel and give it are compatibility things for two people. For some it has to ooze out of everything in the relationship and for some does not or cannot even be in their relationships. But for most of us including power exchange couples it is somewhere in between those two extremes and it is important for all couples that love is involved.

Regular relationship rules apply

One of the biggest mistakes many people make when they get into this life even when they have significant experience in it is to discount or think that because of the power exchange and how they fit it that human behavior and needs somehow become greatly different. That power exchange relationships transcend regular relationship dynamics because they are special! It is one of the fairytales of this life.

It is buying into this myth that is the cornerstone of the reasons and motivations of the most common mistakes in these relationships. That people, especially dominants, decide what they want whether overall or in the moment and then work there way back to a power exchange theory that supports it. This is what goes on when a dominant states that one should not love their slave. The truth is most dominants promoting that do not want an all encompassing relationship or have limited or no ability to give love to another.

This is the same thinking along the lines of a dominant stating one cannot get married to their slave. All that actually means is they do not want to get married for the usual reasons people do not want to get married and no power exchange special reason other than trying to fool themselves or their other that it is not a regular old human reason.

We can be compatible, not compatible, get fooled or get played

In the end we are either going to be on the same page, be the right fit and have the timing of all it right or we will not be. Power exchange cannot quench the thirst of an unhealthy insecurity, shore up perceived lack of character traits many want from another and protect oneself from slights of the past or fears of the future whether realistic or imaginary. A person may or may not need love in their relationship but no wishful theory in the world can get a person who needs it to be with one who cannot or will not give it.

No relationship has a chance if one is obsessed over who needs the other more and actually thinks that dictates what can go on in a power exchange relationship. People require at the minimal when in long term relationships is to feel the other one is deeply committed to the other through the thick and thin. For most but not all that includes love as a critical component and not obsessing over an insecurity or dealing with a person who makes us jump through that hoop.

An Honor to Prove Our Devotion

A slave must accept and embrace that it is an honor to prove and show our love and devotion to our owner and a willingness not to question it.

For some the words I just wrote are a simple nod in agreement. For some have no idea what I am writing about. Then there are others, and I have run into many in the past, who think what I just wrote is pure garbage. Their argument is simple and straightforward, these are relationships like any other, I should not have to prove myself to the person I love, period!

The fact is both the dominant and the submissive in a healthy relationship are showing and proving their devotion to each other a lot and like may thing in this life with roles and genders just that they are being shown in different ways.

The big and ugly I word, Insecurity!

First the disclaimer, many do not like to think this and many also do not believe this but all human beings have insecurities. The difference between normal and unhealthy insecurities is that normal does not seem to affect our lives in a dramatic negative way while unhealthy ones do. For this post I am exclusively writing about healthy insecurities.

Nobody likes to admit this and many will argue greatly but a significant aspect of severe power exchange relationships are based on insecurities of both the dominant and the submissive.

The two biggest insecurities for both are very simple, does the other person truly care for me and worrying the other is going to leave us. It is these two insecurities that are the basis of us needing to prove our devotion to our owner.

Men are insecure? Cannot be!

Why yes he is although few if any will ever admit it. Again insecurity is a natural human feeling that everyone has in someway and in some level.

The insecurity of a woman leaving the man is pretty much in every man. Look at regular couples and you will see that in some way it is always important for a man to believe his woman is dependent on him in one or more major ways that she could not even consider leaving him. For some it is an illusion and for some they go to sick ways to make it happen. A lot of the time you see this in the financial area where men need their woman to be financially dependent.

In my previous place of employment working in an ER at a different hospital our group of nurses had a phrase called “the talk”. The women nurses always knew when the man they were seeing was getting serious because they would get “the talk”. What was “the talk”? Well for many, especially younger, nurses we make very good money as ER and surgical nurses. It is very common to make significantly more then the man we are dating when in our twenties and early thirties. It is also fairly common that it shocks the hell out of these men when they truly understand this.

“The talk” was always about what the nurse’s future was. Now I am not talking of the traditional where you want to be like married with children. Know “the talk” is always very focused on one issue and one issue alone. I want to know if the nurse will do something different in her career so their pay is cut greatly and they can be dependent on me that way. Trust me many men lost wonderful women over this obsession once they fell for the woman and they realized that they did not need their money.

But surely my awesome confident owner is not insecure

I am afraid not only is your one and only insecure about if you love them but they are really insecure about you leaving them. In fact they are significantly more insecure in these things then most regular men!

The life is full of cyber theorists who spout off clichés like “A slave should only need to please their Master to be content”. It is full of comments that are designed to show dominants as human but perfect in Master things like anytime there is a problem the common expression is “The slave should have brought this to my attention and I would have then dealt with it” so to always have a I am perfect thought by having this thought in their back pocket.

But these people who truly believe this are dealing with unhealthy insecurity and that is not the topic. But within those thoughts and others similar but just lessoned lies where many quality dominants do live in their battle of insecurity and dealing with it in reality. They want to set up some sort of instruction manual or as long as I do this and that they will never leave me.

This is why we should be honored to prove our devotion to our owner


Yes, for me simply put all the difference in the world to jump through hoops for the man I call Master to show my love and devotion for him if it helps sooth his healthy insecurity and not just because he has asked me to. We should be honored and happy because our owner cares so much about us they are insecure about us leaving them.

You will read this all over my blog and all over in most places. We do not show our love, devotion and commitment to our agreed upon dynamic by doing things we want to do, how we do and when we do but we show and prove those things when we suffer for our owner. We prove our devotion when from the mundane things we do for them and our life day in and day out with out complaint but we also do many things on the extreme level that really fuels this aspect.

The more we are willing to suffer for our Master the more they can be confident that we truly do love them and if we do the out there things for them then all these day to day mundane things must be perfectly fine for us as well. Our owners are freed of worrying about us not loving them and leaving them.

My, are we not just the most unselfish us slaves!

No we are just as selfish as any other human being and just as insecure as our owner. In fact in some ways it is a big compatibility aspect of our relationships.

Think about it, why are we so concerned with pleasing our owner and wanting them to be happy? Why do we adore suffering for them so much? Why is it so hard when they sometimes neglect us in the discipline and suffering area?

The answer is the other side of the coin to our owner’s. Because the insecurity we feel of if our owner cares for us and will stay with us is relieved when they use us in this fashion. We can relax [often result in that freeing feeling] knowing that if we do everything they require and it brings them happiness and pleasure they will love us and not want us out of their life. When we know they know was extent we will go through for them that it will free them up to be themselves and not worry about us and therefore assign stress and unhappiness over things because they think we want it.

So it truly is an honor as a slave to prove our devotion to our owner and not some one sided sick game because we are getting something we need right back when we do it.