Myth of Slaves and Servitude

I was talking to one of my first owners yesterday and she mentioned that a Mistress that we both know from being in the same local community had gotten a book about the power exchange life published. Now this woman has been in it over twenty-five years and no one including myself who know her or have listened to her in a class/seminar would say she has no clue. My former Mistress was upset after reading her book as just promoted the usual stereotypes of submissives being weak and incomplete human beings.

I took a look at her website which had a brief synopsis and right there in that synopsis was the theme that upsets me and runs rampant with dominants. The theme that slaves are all about selfless serving and just care about their owner’s needs being taken care of. It sounds great and it fits both the ego of a dominant (I must be great if this person does these things just for who I am) and a submissive (I am a heck of a slave to be so selfless). The problems being that it is a lie both directly or indirectly and this blatant and rampant promotion that a slave just basically equates servitude causes more problems when one goes looking for a total power exchange relationship from all roles and both genders.

Servitude is not a personality trait or an independent need!

I would never want to mislead one into thinking that serving your owner is not a big part of being a slave because it is and it is a huge one. But the direct and maybe more the indirect promotion that being a slave is about serving and very little or nothing else and this is hard wired in our DNA is not.

Slaves are human beings with other needs, desires, egos, expectations and on and on. But servitude is not one of those needs. Servitude is a byproduct of a submissive personality and other things in us that want and need to please or other and put their needs and desires as are number one need but not only need or even not the only main need. As I write throughout my blog and have especially recently a submissive personality by itself HAS NO NEED to be in a power exchange relationship. To be owned/serve an owner at the level these clueless wonders talk about requires the domination element and that is what an owner must bring to the table and this is way more then “good” character, desire to be spoiled and knowing about toys and using them as rewards for service.

Why the promotion of a slave basically just serves is so bad

1) It is insulting. I am sorry but I am just more of a complete human being and also simply more complicated. To be portrayed like that is the only thing I am about is an actual very dim opinion of a human being that gets broadcasted. Most slaves’ lives are simply more complicated and the desire and ability to serve so unconditionally for another should be acknowledged as a mixture of things and not just some trait along with the great dominant that makes us who we are. In all honesty if all or mainly I am to a perspective owner is expressed by my servitude and you want me 24/7 in a TPE, Fuck you!

2) It is phenomenally misleading. This life is not simply in someone and all they need is some instruction manual and they are good to go. It is especially damaging when people promote the slave serves and lives to please their owner. Again, the reason why is if someone who is capable and fits best as a slave only reads this type of garbage they are going to be confused and maybe make bad decisions or not try severe power exchange when maybe it could give them the best chance of happiness. Because no mentally healthy submissive person out there is dreaming of serving for serving sake as they are really dreaming of finding another person who the will care for greatly/love and with being dominated will need to put this person above themselves as the byproduct.

3) It hurts many experienced and potential owners who could be exceptional owners but shoot themselves in the foot with promoting this both looking for and keeping a slave. For those looking someone like me read this as your philosophy and from past experience will automatically assume you are guilty before innocent of thinking you are a very selfish person wanting more to be spoiled then be in an adult relationship. For those who get a slave and have trouble keeping them, it is not because they are all fakes or turn out to be just “do me” subs only in it for kinky things. It is because you might have mistakenly fooled yourself into thinking serving you makes your slave happy when it is the happy slave who needs to serve.

Why is this myth such a monster?

Two things come into play.

1) EGO!!!!!!!!!

I think by far this is often the thing that gets in the way. Way too many dominants are unprepared to admit to personal failings and sometimes relationships were just not meant to be. These are for the weak not the strong. Often you will read the more lame ones, slave left to care for a sick family member or the slave got a once in a lifetime job out of state because of all the things the owner taught them for example. These we can have a good chuckle over.

But the more common excuses that people often eat up are the turns out the person was a big fake or the always good one “turned out to be just a do me sub”.

Well guess what that do me sub might have been an exceptional slave but left the dominant because they were simply not getting what they needed from the dominant. That the slaves begging for more kink was them trying to simply communicate they needed more active domination in their life and the owner was bringing nothing to the relationship.

There is no shortage of people who are selfish and basically just want to be spoiled calling themselves dominants. These are usually the ones promoting this myth.

I will not let us slaves off so easy as well. We also have a tendency to promote this myth because lets face it; it is quite cool to project this image as it does make us look good. That selfless image of anything anytime for my other no strings attached. Certainly short term there are no strings but the fact is they do something to us that has our submission level high and why we truly want and are willing to serve in such a way.

2) We mirror what we want.

In all relationships we tend to do this. In the short term/beginning of a relationship we tend to do and act out in a way that we want ourselves or our relationships to be. These feelings are real but they are just not the true feelings we are hoping they will become. There is nothing sinister about as it is human nature 101.

For example for many of us we have had flings/no strings sex relationships. Maybe a hot weekend in Las Vegas or at spring break with a person you met there and it was over when you came back home. If you were to see just the sex and compared it to a honeymoon or some great weekend away when in total love sex you would probably not see too big of a difference visually but of course emotionally the sex feels much different and probably better.


We humans do this all the time. It can look the same but in reality it is quite different. For example when I started seeing my Master whenever I visited him I always wanted to clean his house and cook for him. It was not because I had the need as a slave to serve but because I liked him and wanted him to like me and for me to show what I was all about and can offer. Now that he owns my mind, heart and body I need to do all the domestic things at least up to his level and hopefully more like I am a drug addict.

The problem is when we mirror it will only have a short time frame where it needs to turn into the real thing or it simply will not continue. This is where many people get confused. Because often the people calling themselves dominants but are just really wanting to be spoiled, ego stroked and are selfish in nature. They want the byproduct of a slave who is getting what they need and has true emotional feelings for that person so they obsess over the sample goods not realizing it is just a sample and the slave has a big say if to buy and is looking and hoping the dominant is going to step up.

So the dominant has the slave jump through these hoops not realizing they are only getting the sample. They get their house cleaned, meals cooked and what not but for the ones who are not willing to bring active domination to the table in the relationship they will fail. This is how no one can never really tell from the outside if the slave failed to an owner because they were just a do me type or the owner was bringing nothing to the table.

Dominants must bring something to the table other then their wonderful character and “natural” “dominant” personality

Slaves do not live to serve or even mainly serve. It is simply a powerful byproduct of our submissive personality, falling for our owner and that owner’s active domination over us mixed all together that makes us need to serve our owner and make their needs and desires be our number one need.

Slaves are not like dogs and can get trained to serve and obey by being rewarded by kinky things. A person calling themselves dominants who basically use kinks as payments for being spoiled are not having many successful long term relationships.

Remember the Mistress I mentioned at the top of this post who published a book and in it preaches slaves are mainly about servitude. Well did you know she has never had a relationship last more then nine months in her life?

Just a reminder to filter anything you read or hear, including my junk, through your own brain for reality and common sense. There is a huge difference of wishing something or someone is and what they are. The successful people do not wish but work in reality to make it happen.

Common Mistakes and Myths by Dominants

Here is a list in no particular order or relevance, which is to say some of these things can torpedo a relationship, some might not and some depends on the individuals in the relationship.

This is not meant to rip dominants as I will surely write “Common Mistakes Made by Slaves”. These are things I have endured, been told directly to me and many things communicated by dominants in local communities, message boards, blogs and on and on.

1) A slave who has to communicate what is wrong or what they need too much let alone always is a problem as their owner is using the “communication” value too literally and it has become a crutch for being lazy and/or selfish.

First, of course good communication is essential and a slave who cannot ever or not enough communicate problems or needs to their owner is shame on them. Second, nobody is a mind reader including owners.

On the other hand often owners complain and preach to anyone who will listen the problem and solution of when they hear a submissive complain about their dominant not doing this or no doing that, is to shred a submissive for just not telling them or their dominant.

The reality is there has to be a middle ground. By definition and basic compatibility 101 a dominant is a leader (proactive) and a submissive is a follower (reactive). The reality is if a submissive has to come to their dominant so much with things the dominant has become the reactor to the submissive becoming the leader.

Owners always need to put effort into being proactive with their slave’s mood, body language and what is going on in their life. Owners need to keep track the last time they played with or disciplined their slave and need to see if their slave is struggling and ask them what is wrong.

2) A dominants order or pleasure is not some magical thing that makes a submissive do something if they are having problems with that order from rational thoughts to just feelings and any combination.

Human beings are simply more complicated then that. If a slave is having difficulty with something never think or communicate that telling them should solve the problem. Obviously if a slave is struggling with the order they got that you want this aspect. A large part of overcoming the struggle and doing the order will be knowing this is what their owner wants and for them to do it for their owner and to show their love, devotion and dedication to the dynamic.

Human beings are not computers and logic and feelings do not have to work together. This is true from following orders to simple things. For example, ordering your slave to speak up about problems will not make that easier for them to do so if they struggle in doing it.

3) Slaves are not thoroughbreds but more along the lines of plow horses. We do not like or handle it very well to be used/actively endure domination from our owner in various ways especially physically in a random and sporadic way.

Slaves need to be used. It feeds us and gives us those deeper submissives feelings which frees us and makes us the most happy. Often dominants lose track of how consistent they have been with their slave in this area when the regular world does in fact dominate our lives.

Another problem is the common human inclination that we think everyone is like us. Some dominants often think out of caring or concern to back off things at times or even worse overall that make their slave suffer is a nice thing. This is actually a very bad thing. A slave is wired to be used as a slave. It makes us happy and gives us energy. Neglect in this area zaps us of submissive energy and causes anxiety and frustration.

Slaves are not like dominants. Our suffering in the moment brings us energy and happiness afterwards that can last exponentially longer then the suffering was for.

4) Like #3, just because we have submissive personalities does not mean deep submission like a slave needs to have is even remotely natural.

A person with a deeply submissive personality will often naturally put their other first. We will dress and do our hair in a way that pleases. We will enjoy on occasion blowing you when you are watching a game. We will put out how and when our other wants. We will try to cook meals that our other likes. But these will be done normally on our own inclination and when we think about it.

A slave though who is being used and has a well designed rule, ritual and routine discipline goes to a whole new level of submission that most dominants are truly after. We need to dress and do our hair in the way our owner likes. We will drop anything and run to you to give you a blow job during a game with joy and spring in our step. We will obsess over cooking meals that our owner will enjoy.

5) Semantics do not overrule logic and feelings

Too often dominants think words can overrule a slave’s brain and this not only is wrong but tends to make dominants look foolish to their slaves.

One of the classic examples I have seen time and time again is when a slave is in bad shape of a discipline session and got up the nerve to ask. Like it or not most slaves will feel they have just topped from the bottom. Often, dominants love to deflect this by saying it is still up to them when the discipline session will happen so they still have all the control. Sorry that does not cut it.

No matter if it is two hours, two days or even two weeks later the next discipline session the slave will worry it is only being done because they asked for it. Might not mean they will not get what they need out of it but the full impact and no worries will not happen no matter what the owner says.

Often dominants can try to tweak things using word play or stall games. This can have a negative impact on things. Slaves like certainty and despise uncertainty. Word games create uncertainty.

6) Dominants who think the one need of a slave is to obey and make their owner life easier and more pleasurable trumps all other needs and makes those needs a very distant second or not needs at all.

This belief is unfortunately in my experience way too common even if it still is a minority opinion. Slaves are human beings just like all other human beings. Are needs and strong desires cannot be taken away or sacrificed because of a bigger need or stronger desire. Just because we will obsess over our owner as our primary need will not make other things in our life become irrelevant.

7) When in a long term relationship the mundane day to day things done for the home or specifically our Master will not always bring us direct happiness.

Shocking I know to all the cyber theorists out there but cleaning the master bathroom into the hundreds will rarely have me so happy I am bouncing off the walls. Cooking a routine meal on a typical Tuesday night will probably not make me wet and my nipples hard.

Now I am not even remotely saying that keeping a good home and taking pride in doing these types of tasks on a daily basis are not done with great pride and bring an overall happiness in terms of this pleases our owner because for me and many other it certainly does. I am just saying doing the laundry my feelings for it will probably be based on other things then directly doing the laundry.

The problem that this can often cause is a dominant can lose touch that their slave might need more enjoyment in her life then mundane day to day chores because the owner think this should make their slave perfectly happy to do them. That happy has a different meaning.

I am sure there are more but that can be for later and a part two. I will focus on slave mistakes and myths sometime soon to show I am not just out to pick on dominants. ;)

Quick guide to female bisexuality

I am not going for deep theoretical discussion with this post. I am just going to delve into the wide variety of situations and debunk some common stereotypes or thoughts from the men out there! Also some things typed will be basic widely known information to many or obviously things that are personal opinion based on my brain and experiences. Also, I am only discussing female bisexuality and if I write bisexuality I am not inferring both female and male.

What is the scope of bisexuality?

Basically a woman might call themselves bisexual anywhere from being attractive and enjoying certain sexual things when the stars align just right to a woman who can form complete monogamous long term relationship with another woman.

Some believe any woman willing to have or has some type of same sex type sexual experience makes one bisexual. I believe there are many women who can have an open mind and do something sexual with another women but with no attraction and no enjoyment from the direct experience. I think many women agree to a MFF threesome after getting hounded by their male other often can be like this. Trust me, I have been with women who I just wanted to grab them and go “why are you here?”

For reference what am I?

I can form complete relationships with a woman but cannot for long term as I have found I need a male. I believe for me this is more about my culture and ideal dreams of life then having anything to do with having to have a cock penetrate me.

Is it true that most women are bisexual and some just do not know it?

No, that is absurd. This misconception comes from three things I believe.

1) Some strange wishful thinking from men.
2) Women will comment on other women about their looks and sexiness which can make it appear they are commenting on I would “do her” or “not do her”.
3) Cool factor: I think for younger non married women it can appear to be cool to hint at least “experimenting” with other women.

Look at it this way; if you got an accurate poll at a male prison you would probably have a high percentage of MM sex. You would not be very smart to conclude that most men are bisexual.

Ok I may not believe that but surely there are more women prone to be bisexual then men?

I do not doubt for a second that a much higher percentage of women have experienced sex with their same gender then men but I just doubt seriously that the science of the human body that somehow that gene is that much more prevalent in women then men.

I look at it this way that a person’s willingness to seek out and try same sex experiences is not just about their DNA but about also overcoming social stigma and harsh judgment. There is a double standard in society as men get zero breaks on this issue but often women not only can get some breaks sometime but can add to their coolness. It is unfortunate but it has been my experience that people form a very different opinion of women whether she has a complete relationship with one or just fools around with one. Men unfortunately if it is found out they have had sex with other men they are thought as being totally homosexual and not to be trusted by their woman.

Do bisexual women find other women attractive the same ways as men find women attractive?

Yes and no. Certainly I find a woman’s physical appearance to be very attractive, hence, why I take the time to collect pictures to put in my posts to keep the men more interested.

But no, for me personally I do not go around and notice first thing how attractive this woman is or not. I also it seems to me clearly need more then looks for my horniness for a woman to kick in. I would have to have a nice feeling for them as a person and they also have to exude sexiness more then basic physical looks on a higher level then most men in my experience.

Couple of examples, most men would want Nicole Kidman over Helen Mirren but to me Nicole Kidman has zero sexiness and Helen Mirren oozes sexiness. No matter how hot Angelina Jolie is and how incredible she would be in bed guessing by her personality, I would not touch her. I though imagine I would enjoy a fling with Ellen Degeneres very much.

Let’s end on discussing some of the common myths.

Common myths of bisexuality:

1) If you and a friend are both bisexual that means you have probably slept with each other.

Sorry, that should never be assumed. Now if a woman is with three friends and they are all bisexual and single the odds are she probably has slept with one of them. ;)

2) If you are bisexual that means you should be open to a poly relationship.

That is a huge no and about 50% of all dominants who dream of two plus female harem tries to promote this stupid concept. Relationships are about hearts and most people regardless of their sexuality do not share hearts.

3) Being bisexual means you need to have sex with both genders to be fulfilled.

Wrong again all those trying to get your woman to do a threesome! I have a monogamous sex brain. When my heart is taken by someone they are the only one I desire to have sex with on my own accord. I can fantasize and dream but I do not get hungry for what I am not getting if I am only with one gender.

4) If you are bisexual you probably love threesomes.

I have been in many threesomes in my life. They ranged from great to horrible. In an all things being equal situation with no heart strings factored into it but just good old fashion sex I would always choose one person over a threesome. There is just so many issues going on in a threesome that often is just not very relaxing which produces the best sex in my opinion.

So there is some little insight on how one woman who is bisexual sees things. Sorry to all those thinking when two bisexual friends get together our clothes automatically fall off or being with us means bring on the threesomes. ;)