Random Opinions

The following are just some opinions that have more edge to them then I normally write. I normally try to write in a non judgmental way but these areas I do have stronger opinions and did not want to filter them.

Biggest do not get it for dominants when it comes to the punishment part of relationships is having it in the relationship and actually doing it shows your submissive you give a damn about the dynamic and the relationship. We submissives when serving on that level need and enjoy knowing that our submission is actually important to you and not just window dressing.

When people use the term natural in describing themselves or their relationship style whether dominant or submissive it is either as a cop out, ego boost and often both.

There is some irony to how to me what two different disciplines of power exchange are promoted. In M/s people spend most of their time talking about the kinky things and sex while often deflecting the effort, need to embrace and responsibility for both parties in the actual power being exchanged. Take in Hand people are far more open and discussing those things but like to distance themselves that a woman submitting to a man goes deep in the sexual area and things like a spanking are more then what they are talked about.

I also do not think that in my observation over time that many more women who embrace Take in Hand relationships often have trouble finding a man to embrace it or often look for how they can get their husband to live like this. While often it is the men in M/s that seem to always looking for a slave. I think there is a connection personally as many M/s men do not get what the Take in Hand men do.

I admire the openness of the Take in Hand people in how they are open about the submission of the woman from both genders. While I do not care that too many confuse this with man is strong and wise and woman is weak and vulnerable, I do admire the dialog and tend to read about them far more then M/s couples because of this who often only talk about it in a mythical fairytale setting.

Men spend way too little time thinking things through and especially about the why of things. Women spend way too much time thinking about those things. This is especially true in power exchange relationships type stuff.

It troubles me how society seems to be getting more and more Narcissistic. The whole pattern of having conversations via the telephone to Emails to IM to texting and now the latest Twitter to me reeks of I do not want my time wasted by friends and family. At my convenience I will communicate with you but I do not really want to know anything truly important in case it makes me feel guilty for not being there for them mentally.

Here is the deal in quick form about the attraction to bad boys as compared to often indifference to nice guys that many males do not get. It has nothing to do with a woman wanting to be treated like crap but a woman wanting not having to deal with passive aggressive men and feel like we are always playing mom to them. Bad boys tend to be way more direct in their communication and actions. They tend to take what they want and not do something in hopes it will get them what they want unlike many nice boys. They also often do not need to be made to feel they are awesome unlike many nice boys. When women play with bad boys they are simply self medicating from having to deal with too many nice boys who drain them with their issues.


Biggest difference between good sex and bad sex to a woman to me boils down to in good sex a man fucks his woman and in bad sex the man performs for his woman. Getting truly fucked often means we also feel the lust, love and attraction our other has for us and also lets us be free from having to think too much and just enjoy the ride. Performers block us from feeling what we want to feel and we have to spend too much effort mentally in the whole process to relax and let go. This is why orgasms are not the only thing to keep score with. I guarantee one fast quick lust filled I just have to fuck you wham bam too fast to orgasm for a woman will always be more well received after the fact then some guy whose every action and constant questioning of is this good who makes us orgasm once or twice but afterwards we feel nothing.

The biggest problem in communicating about power exchange relationships is the confusion and lack of point out the elephant in the room of the differences in range when things are discussed. Everyone has an opinion but they come from different perspectives. A bedroom only submissive has as much insight on punishment in an M/s relationship as they do on brain surgery if they are an art teacher. But that does not stop them from sharing an opinion or misleading others about their dynamic when they weigh in on the subject.

Reminds me of the obvious difference that few want to admit to, there is a huge difference between people who primary or only experience is top/bottom activity within their local community dungeons and private parties and people who play within a long term loving relationship when it comes to the kinks. For people this is basically only local community whether by choice or necessity things like safety and negotiation are critical to express and promote you do. In loving long term relationships these concepts are just a given. So when the local community safety police speak up whenever people like me communicate things without chest thumping safety they think they are being wise but they just expose themselves to what they are, no relationship experienced wannabes.

I will say this to I am blue in the face local communities have a very limited service. You can be active as part of your social life or you can use them to guide/learn and find your other to have a personal life. I recommend everyone new to try to search out your local community and try it but I also recommend that if you truly do want a power exchange relationship not to take a lot of what is said and seen in them as gospel. They can be good exposure and good for learning physical facts and basic safety stuff but they are also horrible at confusing people. Kinky things are both directly and indirectly often thought as mutual fun things and in power exchange relationship the kinky things are often that and so much more with that more being vitally important. If you want a power exchange relationship do not make your local community your social life and avoid both the dominants and submissives that have made it theirs. That includes you! Realize learning to play in a scene, negotiate and learn various toys has nothing to do with pursuing another and learning and living in a power exchange relationship.

At least 90% of affairs are not caused because the cheating spouse just needs excitement of a different sexual conquest and has a character defect that will always make them cheat. 90% of affairs are because the cheating spouse is not getting their needs met from their other and especially so in terms of sex and feeling sexually desirable. So if you do not want to ever worry about spouse cheating for the most part keep them well fucked on their terms, not yours, and make sure you not just say but show them how much they do it for you in bed.

Most women will only respect a man who will stand up to them. The reason is fairly basic. We will fall for, submit to, love and therefore become vulnerable to a man we feel can protect us and make us feel secure. What men do not get it is not safe from them but safe from the world so we can let our guard down. A man that we can walk over we will wonder who else will walk over him and how is he going to protect us we will not respect. While this maybe done subconsciously so most women can deny this, if you look closely it is always there. A woman leaves a man who stands up to us but treats us like crap. A woman walks all over a man who does not stand up to her until he leaves her. A woman cherishes and tries her hardest to hold a man who stands up to us but still treats us with love and priority.