Guilt by Example

I get asked occasionally in cyber and use to get asked constantly in my days active in various local communities if my identifying as a slave and outward behavior do I ever feel guilty that I can represent the false stereotype of Asian women are submissive. My always quick answer is a firm no and a roll of my eyes. Why should I be condemn to live a life and behave in a way because of the idiots in the world who have simplified my race and gender to a false stereotype or to certain fellow Asians who seem too obsessed in making the sure the world thinks exactly like they do. Simply no thank you, I embrace who I am and even behaviors I have that are Eastern cultured based that can be subject to an idiots interpretation.

I often try to avoid talk about racism for a couple of reasons. First as an Asian woman I perhaps have the lowest hurdle as a minority which is still not to write it has or will not happen in terms of racism and stereotypes because it has and does. I know compared to Asian men and African-Americans I have it quite easy. Second whenever discussing racism as a large topic in general one has to factor a common scope that is almost impossible to agree on. What I mean by scope how people often define something being racist rather then something just being ignorant or stupid can always be different.

For example, if I go to eat at a good restaurant and I ask the waiter what are the side dishes the odds are good that rice will either get mentioned first and probably no later then second. Is that racist? To some that would be but to me it is just lame ignorance and the waiter just trying to be in some combination lazy/efficient. Why, is because the waiter will do this to everyone not just the Asian. The waiter will inevitably with the same question say mixed vegetables to the thin Caucasian woman. The waiter will inevitably start with French fries and types of baked potatoes to an overweight person. So a person that sees race in everything will just focus on their slight or a person who down plays everything just thinks it is a case of a waiter guessing without judgment.

Now for a more direct example in terms of what I have been writing about. Back in college I lived only forty-five minutes away from my parents. This meant I was not excused from many social functions which they enjoy throwing. This also meant getting dressed up and for my Mom that was non negotiable in traditional Taiwanese style which I would do before leaving my dorm. One day after such an event a couple of floor mates who were of Asian ethnicity came into my room to discuss in what I would call somewhat in a intervention way my dressing this way. They wanted to inform me that it was embarrassing and demeaning to them. I hope needless to write this came as quite a shock to me.

As the conversation went on I learned that a boyfriend of one of them saw me dressed that way and wonder if they had some similar outfits and some other people did make some inappropriate comments in our dorm from seeing me dressed that particular way. They “communicated” to me that as an American I had the right to wear what I want and if I “could not” do that I could dress once I got to my home. I “communicated” to them that I been in America for over a decade, was a citizen just like them and that maybe they could tell by my lack of any accent. Plus I would dress how I damn well wanted to which I was very proud of my culture to dress in a more traditional way. So in this example we have ugliness from a couple of sources the people making comments to the women and the women to me. This is not uncommon from my experiences of being mixed cultured. I have also many experiences of the opposite of not being “Asian” enough as well.

The morals of this blog entry, when you cannot win it can be quite easy not having to try then and ignorance invades all races.