Get Over Yourself

I was on a message board this morning and a post gave me pause as the original poster although claiming experience but woefully ignorant of basic couple life and many posters who once again took a topic and made it about how cool they are.

Basically the topic was two proposed questions to submissives. 1) How can one deal or get over if your dominant is disappointed in you? 2) How does a submissive deal with the times we get upset with our owners for something and/or communicate it with them while still being and feeling we are property?

Now of course there are many healthy and respectful ways to do these things but the point of this post is to address the thought or myth that somehow 1) All screw ups are or should be devastating to a slave and 2) being a slave and a healthy human being proactive in our relationship do not contradict each other. I have written about this area in my Perspective post and in parts of other but thought this is something worth its own post.

Difference between a healthy and unhealthy relationship

The answers to these questions are actually simple. For those of us in healthy relationships with both people being fairly mentally healthy is the fact we are being ourselves, do not base our relationship feelings on the last emotion and words our other has or we have and do not question our other’s devotion day in and day out.

For those in an unhealthy relationship or have unhealthy personal issues then you will see words and actions that can be almost viewed as life and death drama within their relationship.

Get over yourself dominant


For the dominants who use emotional blackmail or find themselves often questioning, often in passive aggressive manner, your slaves obedience and devotion when they do something not of your liking the issue becomes about you not them. Slaves are human they will screw up and/or do or fail to do things. As a dominant you must be able to separate the human who will not be perfect and the slave who screws up for reasons within the dynamic or their ability to serve in that way toward you.

In terms of having issues with a slave pointing out one’s possible mistakes, short comings and asking questions you feel are judgment based, if you think this is a poor slave act no matter how the slave approaches you then you could very well have self esteem issues.

Get over yourself slave

We are going to feel bad when we do something our owner thinks was wrong or causes them undue burden. But there is a big difference in thinking about what we did or did not do, take our punishment if that is in our dynamic and learning to TRY not to do it again then needing to destroy ourselves and let the whole thing become about us.

When we beat ourselves up so much to where we need our owner to calm us and make us FEEL positive they have forgiven us then it ceases to become about the issue and becomes about us and our self esteem. If we did something that was our fault that needs to be the focus of our thoughts and not turning it into making our owner feels guilty and burden them by how we handle it.

Emotional Blackmail

When it comes to these types of thoughts in the end it is good or bad depending on the intent. To use emotional blackmail by guilting your other into a desired action or emotional place is just going to blow up in our face at some point. There is a difference between pointing out and discussing a screw up with your slave and using emotional wording because you either like to see them squirm or you have taken a screw up by your slave and turned it into an indictment on your personal perfection as a dominant. There is a difference in beating oneself up over a screw up if you are a slave and beating oneself up in such a manner in order to control the situation and get what you want out of your owner.

There are two levels of beating one self up. There is the unavoidable one when we just get pissed at ourselves and hopefully for most of us we can manage that one. Then there is the beat ourselves up that I described in the above paragraph. Both the owner and slave need to recognize and deal with which one it is.

We do not role play in healthy relationships

I am not perfect let alone the perfect slave. My Master is not perfect let alone a mistake free master. I am a human being who identifies as a slave and live an extreme power exchange dynamic. I will screw up and will beat myself up on some things and others not at all. I will speak my mind but in a respectful way when I do not like something my Master did or said whether about our dynamic, life or our relationship in general. This speaking up can be done in a respectful way and has zero reflection on my love, obedience and devotion to my Master or the agreed upon dynamic.

My Master does not need to use emotions as conditional in order to control me. He never makes me feel he does not love, care and is devoted to me and our dynamic to me when any screw up he thinks I may have done happens but deals with the screw up and moves on. My Master knows he is not perfect and would never expect me to try to make him feel he is perfect by never speaking up or pointing out things that would cause him reflection.

One must be who they are and the dynamic is a way to live and not a way to change or hide another person’s personality and brain.