The Words We Hate

Master: “What do you want?”
Slave: “Whatever you want.”

These two phrases or anything similar for most if not all dominants and submissives to be the least favorite phrases to be uttered in all of human language and in the perfect world would never be uttered ever. But the fact is both the question and answer are founded in truth for many as a loving couple let alone combined with a power exchange dynamic these thoughts will be in our head.

Why does a dominant bother to ask this question in the first place?

Because all dominants are clearly morons! Wait a second… that cannot be right. The reason why they ask this is because they actually want to know!

Great dominants are great people and they are concerned about making sure their other is happy. Is that not a key part of love? They are also not mind readers and combined with hopefully the elimination of passive aggressive words, actions and body language from the slave with the dynamic they can be left with minimal indicators on what we are thinking or our preference/desire for the thing they actually will spring this question on us.

A dominant asking this question probably generally wants to see their slave have something they want specifically or at least wanting to seriously consider it.

Why do most slaves answer the question the exact same way each time?

BECAUSE THAT IS THE FUCKING TRUTHFUL ANSWER!

We have submissive personalities. This simply means ANYTHING that involves our owner in some way means the top thing with nothing a close second is doing what will be pleasant to them and not cause them any undue burden. For example, I may be craving a good pounding of my pussy but if I know or my Master tells me he really wants a blow job then that desire of intercourse ceases to matter in the moment. In fact, if I even think he is only doing something because he thinks I want him to, regardless if it is true or not, will make that act unpleasant for me.

We get that when the question is posed to us by our owner they do not want the “whatever you want” answer back. But we are also not suppose to lie and dominants need to understand that when wanting a person who puts their other’s needs and pleasures ahead of their own comes with this mindset.

Where to avoid using these phrases:

For dominants:

1) Never regarding sex, discipline/punishment or any of the kinks. Anything done to me in the moment will become an icky feeling if I think it is being done only because. For example, I love oral done on me as much as the next person but it is never enjoyable if I think the person doing it to me is down there for any other reason then enjoying it or wanting to hear and see me react sexually.

2) When you have already expressed an opinion on what you want. This is pretty self explanatory because if a slave says something different and that is your choice our doubt will make it not what we wanted anyway.

3) As a training tool. There are some idiots new to a power exchange dynamic that will just love hearing the “whatever you want” when starting out as it is so different to hear that without strings then often in regular relationships. But that will wear off and you will inevitably actually want to know a different answer so do not encourage that answer as some automatic reply.

4) Being lazy. Very simple, an owner needs to be as proactive as they can. To use a question as a lazy crutch instead of making an effort to be in tune with your slave’s feelings, emotions and needs is a recipe for disaster because it turns into topping from the bottom.

For submissives:

1) When they clearly have communicated they want a different answer then the standard one. Self explanatory and sometimes we just have to go to our second want and leave it up to them how they treat that information.

2) As a cop out. Your owner should make it clear they want a different type of answer. It is one thing to use “whatever you want” as truthful it is another to keep using it to avoid the truth if you do in fact have a strong preference or opinion. Give the information to your owner and let them handle it. If they handle it in a manner that is not comfortable to you then that is something to talk about.

3) When discussing significant things. Fairly self explanatory as certainly anything big like major purchases, finances and general dynamics of the relationship is not the time to not have a personal opinion or desire that is strong enough to at least be close to the normal answer. There are also still other things that require a different answer even though a slave may not feel like communicating it. Discussing vacation plans that might cost serious money for example, as “Do you want to go here?” by the owner. The owner is just like other people and is going to know if your heart is in the right place or not eventually. If they pick someplace that will just suck for you no such feeling of I will just then be there for my owner will make it all ok. The owner will get the vibe and probably get mad or ruin the experience for them.

Ways to go about avoiding the hated question or answer

The fact is it is vital in a good relationship that a owner is going to want honest reactions, opinions and preferences in various things. While in some or many of these things the truthful answer is “whatever my owner wants”, that what the owner wants is constructive feedback.

Here are just a few things to think about when communicating with a slave in order to get the feedback an owner wants when the common answer is unacceptable even if it is the truth.

1) Watch the tone! Slaves will pick up on the littlest tone and use that as our guide. If an owner’s tone conveys “I am just asking because I think you would not like what I am thinking” might get a completely different answer then a tone of “I really have no opinion and really want some input from you”.

2) Limit the potential answer in the question. Instead of going “where do you feel like going out to eat” an owner can go “Where do you feel like going to eat between a or b and your answer can only be a or b”.

3) Potential punishment. To go along with #2 if the slave still tries for not an a or b answer then that is being disobedient and subject to a punishment.

4) Avoid as much as possible question to immediate decision. Keeping the where to eat example a better time to ask them a question would be hours before you inform them where you have decided to go.

5) Along with #4 change how you go about asking the question. Maybe hours before start a quick casual conversation about what each is craving and take that response as what they probably would choose for dinner.

6) When possible do something to get a read from their reactions. This is not good for all things, say picking a place to eat but can be good in certain things and done in a certain way. For example, which hole the Master is going to use to get his sexual relief. If the Master wants to know if the slave has a preference do not ask straight out but maybe tease her with the options and see which gets the biggest reaction from her.

This dreaded question and answer is always going to come up. But there are ways and a conscious effort to try to avoid using them from both sides. Understanding and accepting the motives of each and not to rely using them as a crutch or a cop out is important in order to not breed problems.