Rules & Rituals

I wanted to write a lot briefer then I normally do on this topic and then be more personal then I normally am and show some examples of the ones in my life.

First I do not quite know what the difference sometimes between a rule and a ritual when it comes to the ritual part. Is it a rule how one may greet their owner or is it a ritual. I know a straight rule like no wearing sweats when the temperature is above sixty for example.

Rules and Rituals is a pet topic for me as I believe they are critical in having a healthy 24/7 M/s relationship. I wrote in more detail why in the sister pet topic atmosphere. These two topics tend to overlap as I tend to think of rules and rituals to be the backbone of keeping up a healthy power exchange atmosphere within a relationship. These two topics and how they often get clouded up and mistreated by people in far lesser power exchange dynamics (in scope not how good) and those with the cool factor disease were one of my motivations to start this blog and spend less time on message boards.

So instead of another entry of broad theory I thought it would be different to give some quick thoughts on developing beneficial rules and rituals and then use some as my own as example.

Basic and primitive guidelines

1) Not too many but not none as well. – It is the biggest gripe among people who do not want these things in their life that it burdens them more then anything. Certainly too many can contribute to the burdening. I am guessing the leading cause of having too many in a relationship is because people thinking of ones they might like or read of rules and rituals in other M/s relationships that people just add them with no thought to why outside of thinking they would be cool and fun. I think a good way to see if you need a ritual or rule is for both to monitor their life and see a particular time frame or situation that is routine that one or both struggle to deal with their perspective roles and duties in the relationship can be a good place to put something in.

2) Have a good motivation for a rule or ritual. – I believe any rules and ritual can be good as long as one of the person’s directly involved will feel more dominant or submissive because of it therefore enhancing the power exchange atmosphere. I do not believe both have to get something out of it. I also believe that if an owner has a preference then it can be perfectly great as well. But the best rules and rituals will have a better reason then “because I say so” even if it is as simple as “I really like you doing that”.

3) If a tree falls in the woods does it make a sound. – An owner may really like the idea of their slave contemplating their love and devotion to them for a certain amount of time during the day they are not there. But if the slave gets really nothing out of it then at some point this type of ritual is not really benefiting anyone and at worse is burdensome. If this happens to a ritual where no one really is getting the benefit of it then think about adjusting it or just no longer having it in the relationship. For this example, maybe have the slave just say something to their owner that goes in this direction when the owner is present.

4) Have some fun with them. – So many times in so many areas I see people wanting to know what others have in their relationship in terms of rules and rituals like they are looking for ideas for themselves. Rules and rituals are about creating an atmosphere that reminds all participants their place in the relationship and that comes with enjoying that place. If the owner or even the slave has a particular thing they would like to emphasize in their relationship then think what types of rules and rituals can help emphasize that. For example many of our rules and rituals are for reminders of my Master that he can inflict pain on me at anytime. This is done mostly out of motivation for him to indulge in his sadism lusts and to overcome a lifetime of being the good guy.

5) Cool and/or intense has nothing to do with it. – Some rules and rituals that really help out the relationship can be quite corny or a lame stereotype. But if they work who cares. Overtime these things can blend in like most things in life that we do over and over again. Judging a rule or ritual primarily on how intense they are to one or both is building up expectations too high that will be tough to sustain. Rules and rituals enhance the power exchange dynamic of one’s relationship and they do not make or change it.

6) Re-visit them once and awhile. – People adapt and life changes. What was a beneficial and nice ritual may have become useless with neither party getting anything out of it, time to change it, dump it or replace it.

Here are five examples of rules & rituals that William and I have in our Master/slave TPE relationship

1) After most of the day apart (working & miscellaneous), I greet him whether he is coming in the door or me finding him when I come in the door by kneeling and expressing my love and devotion to him and our dynamic in a very brief way.


Fairly common ritual and trust me the sayings I normally come up with cause us more to laugh then any other emotion. In terms of intensity pretty minimal but in terms of effectiveness it helps both of us quite a bit. One or both of us have just spent a day in the regular world. This ritual is good for us because it resets the world for us and helps us remember and separate the difference between the world and our dynamic. This is not any different then the couple that always greets each other by hugging and smooching. Short term issues and problems can help lose focus of how we really feel and like to feel.

2) When Master is done in the bedroom before starting his day I am to go to the designated chair bare my ass and he will give me five slaps of his hand. Also sometimes he will then have me turn around and hold my hands over my head and he may pinch my nipples.

Many people have rules and rituals in the first thing in the morning stuff. I do not think that is a coincidence even if they have not thought about it. Waking up in a new morning and having something to remind us of our place in the relationship helps get everything off on the right foot. We have weird schedules due to his traveling a lot on business and me working the night shift. Our days of waking up together for the day are limited and we are also still newlyweds we would probably break most of the rituals we would set up. This one helps in it is easy, specific and intense that really helps me greatly focus on my life and duties in a really nice way.

3) Before sitting in the same room with my Master I am to approach and pose in a submissive way and ask permission.

Now Master has never said “no, get out of my face” and the literal translation of my request is not even partly a reason for this ritual. The ritual is in place for both of us to be reminded I am there to serve my owner for his needs and pleasures. The ritual gives him the chance to think as the Master he is by giving pause to a very common regular life thing and going I do or can have something right now. It helps both of us as it is a nicer and easier thought process of asking “do you want anything?” which has vanilla tones and pressure because whether or not he may not want something there is a thought process to me of he must want something. So simple permission allows him to think about indulging and allows me not to focus on doing something to get my slave on but to take his words as end all.

4) When I come home and after I kneel to him I wait to see where he goes or if he is already at a stationary place I then proceed without any acknowledgment or seek out any acknowledgment by him take off all my clothes close to him but not interrupt his sight if he is watching TV for example. I then pause for one minute and after pick up my clothes and go to the bedroom to change into clothes that fit the rules for such thing.

Again this ritual is a reminder to both of us that he is my owner and I am his slave. Like most people when I walk through the door after being gone from home my mind is on all the things I need to do. Even if these things are power exchange things they still are not as important as pleasing my Master in the moment based on what he wants. The truth though is this ritual was started out of the fact my Master likes to pick out what he wants me to wear often enough that I just cannot walk in and be comfortable in automatically dressing myself but not as often that he does it all the time or wants to be burden with me asking all the time. Basically this ritual is asking the question in silence and if he does not speak up then it is my choice within my ordered guidelines.

I would hold up this as an exhibit that can be somewhat redundant to the kneeling ritual and appear a bit silly at least I thought so at first. But the practice of it has been real beneficial. It has given both emphasis and ease in my Master not feeling pressure to pick what I wear but still bring it to his attention if he has a desire. It lets me not have to guess if he wants something specific but at the same time if he says nothing it still focuses me on dressing is for his pleasure and not for my convenience. Plus him seeing me naked and especially if I have some marks on me has instigated a lot of sexual fun we might not have had.

5) At 2pm everyday I either inform him in person on the weekends or text him what I plan on making for dinner that night for him.

This ritual again is a reminder to both of us who is in charge as it allows him to either approve of dinner, by either ignoring or replying so, or allows him to tell me if he wants something different. This gives him active control without the burden of coming up with what I should make and it allows me comfort in knowing what I will make is fine with him.

I specifically used these five examples as they demonstrate to me just how all of them take routine daily things and put the Master/slave dynamic right out in the open. But at the same time none of these rituals requires any significant time or additional thought/effort then normal if one is not feeling it. None of these things are not daily on a regular basis with all couples but we just have re-enforced the M/s dynamic and not let regular life cloud over it. So kneeling to greet instead of or additional to hugs and smooches. Swats on my ass instead of just “I love you. See you tonight”. There is no burden of having my owner decide what for me to wear and make for dinner but there is a strong reminder to both that it is still his complete decision to exercise and not lost by regular life and many days of indifference.

Rules and rituals play an important part of steadying the ride that M/s relationships can take place. They are not always about intensity and bringing out the more severe things but often can be about both people focusing and paying attention to all the little things whether preventing doubt or burdening one or both with endless thoughts and questions on a daily basis. Well designed and thought out rules and rituals enhance the atmosphere of a M/s relationship while often help lessen the burden of both people in it from alway having to work on it.

Foundation: Part Two-Atmosphere

I moan and roll my eyes every time people start listing qualities of a good dominant/submissive or what is the foundation of power exchange relationships. The reason why the list is always qualities that are important in any good person or in any good relationship like trust, honesty and communication.

This is not that. I believe there are four important qualities that are critical to highlight as they are ones that get more emphasized in power exchange relationships. The reason being not that they are more important compared to other relationship dynamics but they are more radically different or require more conscious knowledge and effort then in other dynamic types.

To me there are four: Structure, Atmosphere, Consistency and Passion.

I want to write about them in four separate posts. So this post is dedicated to:

Part Two: Atmosphere

This is my number one issue to talk about, promote and to often blame for when people talk about the root of a power exchange problem. I am fierce believer that without a proper atmosphere any power exchange relationship in the total 24/7 is doomed. If I could speak in front of every new person about power exchange and could only discuss one thing it would be this topic. If I type another repetitive thing about my love of this topic you will probably stop reading. Are you in fact still reading?

What is atmosphere to the relationship?

It is the vibe of the relationship. It is what each person is giving off through their actions and personalities that form a large part of what we are feeling for our other and life in general.

Look at it this way, two people sniping at each other all day long sit down to dinner. Lowering the lights and lighting some candles is not going to change their mood to a loving romantic one. But what about a couple that all during the day are staring at each other making their hearts go pitter patter and exchanging kisses all day the odds are lowering the lights and lighting candles that any if anything needs to be done to turn it into a romantic atmosphere.

Another example of atmosphere and its overall effect on how it affects us is when we spend time with a person like a friend or family member. Spend time with a person(s) that are very negative and in a really bad mood and see if your leave them you are in a good mood and vice versa.

What is a power exchange atmosphere?

Quite simply it is an atmosphere that makes the dominant feel more free and more dominant and for a slave to feel more submissive.

As I have written in this blog many times and will forever continue to do so the level of total power exchange is not a natural level. Just a dominant and submissive personality even the more extreme does not automatically put you at the level people strive for in total power exchange.

In the end these are relationships and the real world like every other relationship. A huge percent of our life is not drastically different just because we are now a Master or a slave. People go off to work, have social interactions, family responsibilities and on and on. To rely on “natural” way of going through life is going to create a atmosphere that is not conducive to a severe power exchange dynamic.

The things done to create the right atmosphere

Atmosphere is created by how we want to live this life then designing and acting the way to make that actually happen and especially to feel and taste it happening. It is created in our daily habits and routines along with our personalities and how we relate to each other.

So the goal to create the atmosphere that is wanted is to form these habits and routines to make us feel more submissive and dominant. We in general cannot change our personalities and how we relate to each other on the base level but when we acts of domination occur a submissive is going to go to a deeper level of submission and a dominant should feel more dominant and more relaxed about letting it out.

But just depending on acts of domination would result in a roller coaster effect with the atmosphere and that is not a goal of anyone. What can be changed with thought and effort is the habits and routines of are daily life and interactions with our others. How those often get changed and stay consistent is through the use of rules and rituals.

Now many people balk or let ego’s run amok often because of a cool factor principle. One of a cyber theorist’s ultimate cool factors is to promote one rule “obey” and everything else is for people playing and silly. Those people are the ones actually playing. They are dooming their relationships with a lack of proper atmosphere and probably most importantly inconsistency in the dynamic.

Many also balk because of fear of rules and rituals dominating their life by volume or some they have had just seemed stupid. That is because they were not thought about and implemented the right way.

Any rule and ritual should benefit at least one person in the relationship. It should make a dominant feel more dominant a submissive more submissive or both. They can also just be about enjoyment for one especially a dominant. When rules and rituals are done with this thought in mind they enhance the dynamic and help give positive energy. Often people who have bad experiences with rules and rituals it is because they were created on whims and ideas in the head of what a Power exchange relationship should have and not what works best for the two people. This will often cause friction and drain energy.

Example of a Ritual in a reality way from my life

Whenever Master or I come home when the other is there if it has been hours like for work for example, I greet him by kneeling and bowing while saying something to convey love and duty for him or other things that might pop in my mind like “I love you Master and I am here to serve you”.


Now both of us are past the stage and more our natural personalities to get teary eyed emotional every time we see each other and often the result of this action if seen through an independent observer would see two people going through the motions and occasional laughter if on of us comes up with something a little too corny in our exchange. But the point of the ritual and the benefit it gives us is not about obtaining a deep emotional connection then and there. The point of the ritual and why it works for both of us because it helps break regular life where one of us has been for hours and to recognize hey do not let regular life lose track of your dynamic in this relationship.

It really is no different from a couple that has to have a hug and a kiss when meeting each other after work. They are creating their atmosphere with that as well.

Why is this more emphasized in power exchange relationships then others?

Because between our personalities, how our family atmosphere was like growing up and spending time in many other people’s homes our habits and rituals have come predisposed in us for a regular relationship. Even with that many couples created their own rituals and rules that they may not realize but help create the atmosphere in their home.

Why it is important to emphasize when in a power exchange relationship is because you are not shooting to recreate a regular dynamic and are trying to create a power exchange dynamic. Natural will not cut it if you want a severe power exchange dynamic because that is not natural despite the cyber theorists and cool factor people. It takes its own rules and rituals to create habits and feelings and with thought and communication they really can help tremendously create an atmosphere of your desires.