Where am I

I am sorry I have not been posting. I have had a death in my family and along with my upcoming marriage to my Master and honeymoon I will not have the time or place to post. I hope to be back posting in mid September.

Lin

Random Musings 7/14

A more honest and accurate way to date?

My Master and I had an interesting conversation on merging all the concepts of the reality of dating, what people say they are looking for and why they really go out for at first with someone and all those how to find books. We came up with a rather cynical how to concept ourselves and you only get one guess to which of us thought up which parts.


So men and women are you really wanting to find that good person, who has a sense of humor, intelligent, trustworthy and all those other characteristics everyone mentions they want when looking for their other? Then why are so many of you deciding and evaluating dates on things that have nothing to do with those qualities?

Women are you tired of men playing a part just so you will fuck them and then they change after you do? Men are you tired of only being evaluated at first by how entertaining you can be and what type of social events and money you are willing to spend on a woman?

Well with the William and Lin plan to getting through the junk and onto the actual compatibility and qualities we tell people we are looking for is what our plan is all about. It is simple and basic our plan is before ever going out on the first date to agree to a ten date contract.

In the contract the following ten aspects are to be strictly adhered to:

1) A mutually agreeable total amount of money that the man has to spend on the actual dates for things like food, tickets and other direct out of pocket expenses that would only be spent because of the date. New shirt does not count.

2) Within those ten dates the woman has the right for up to three of these dates to be things or events that involve couple things like going out with their couple friends, weddings/office parties and family get together type things.

3) A woman can have no more then two dates stipulated to by the woman that dancing is a main goal of the date outside of a meal.

4) The woman has the right to have at least one date involve the man’s friends and/or family.

5) For the first five dates immediately upon one arriving at the other’s home the female will proceed to strip naked and have sex with the man before going on the date. At least once but no more then twice a blow job to completion with an honest finish of are you a spit or swallow woman. Hand jobs are unacceptable and absolutely at no time during or at the end of these first five dates is any other sexual activity to happen regardless of mutual desire.

6) A mutual agreement on how many and for how long any phone calls between dates are strictly adhered to.

7) The man has a right for one date to drop by unannounced to see if the woman always does keep her house clean and organized.

8) The woman must wear panties that are the same as the ones she normally wears to work or what she will wear if they were to be married.

9) The woman must order what she would normally order and not what she wants the man to think she normally eats like.

10) Only one date may there be some combination that the date only involves the woman cooking dinner and/or watching a DVD at one of the person’s home.

Only after the ten dates may the people decide if the person is worth more time. No escape clause for a reason so everyone entering into the relationship is serious about finding a significant other and not just after sex or entertainment. Any mailing it in by a male will have money and or event dates like attending weddings added to the contract with the woman’s choice. Any mailing it in by the woman will have added mandatory sexual activity for the man if so desired.

Fuck me like a cop and not a lawyer!

This was a quick line in a quick scene in American Gangster in which Russell Crowe was giving it what appeared rough and hard to a woman. I saw this on DVD this weekend and it just reverberated in my head what often is lacking in the modern vanilla man and another reason I love my life as a slave to a domineering man.


Now I have had sex with cops and lawyers and know of no significant difference and while this line may have been a dig at lawyers the overall point is quite valid. Most women like variety in their sex life and I do not know of one woman personally that does not want it hard and rough at times and that should always be in the toolbox of any man regardless of role to give a woman. Most women need/love at times just to feel like the man just totally staked claim to our bodies and left us feeling royally fucked and not made loved to.

There is a good reason why so many women quote Ayn Rand about the overall feeling they love to feel when it comes to sex and their man.

One more tip on online profiles

Women think in overall feelings and men specific actions. Men write a woman and a profile with this in mind as the woman does not really care about the specific toys or things done as much as the overall feeling and atmosphere is going to be like with you. Women be aware men would like some detail in what you are looking for and not just flowery feelings expressed.

I am not a whore

Warning! Warning! Logic Breakdown!

Common phrases read and heard from dominants about wanting a slave and how they will treat them:

“A slave puts all of their owner’s needs and desires above their own.”
“I will reward obedience by doing the things (kinky/sex) you want/like.”

Ok, here is the quiz. Why are these things for a real time happy slave so stupid when imagined together?

Now I know I write on this topic a lot but often just within another topic and usually being mean to a certain group of dominants. Instead of just rehashing the same old comments I thought I would spare the judgment of dominants and instead let one actually look into a slave’s brain and see what I process and why.

Answer to the quiz is two parts.

Part One: because my main pleasure is pleasing my wonderful Master rewards are yucky and insulting as my obedience needs to be paid for like I am a whore for kink/sex.

My Master has long ago won over my heart, mind and soul and because of this he is who he is to me and how we live brings me my love for him. With my love comes my zealot attempt to be as obedient as possible. That love brings my need to make his needs, desires and simple pleasures take any precedent over my own. Logic dictates that one does not serve one out of love and need payment for services rendered.

Look I am a fan of sex and kink as the next person reading this. There are many things done to me in these areas that bring direct pleasure and I would be sad if they were not in my life. But that is a compatibility thing with my Master as if they are done just only because I expect or need them to in order to be happy and obedient simply is an awful and horrible thought.

Often, at least certainly for me, what is happening in the kinky things has a lot more to it then some sort of pleasure. In fact for me the kinky things the last thing I think about them is any direct physical pleasure. This leads to the second part of my answer…

Part Two: Kinky things are not just for pleasure to a slave!

I am a slave. I admit to having a control problem and insecurities that are big motivations as to why I am a slave and love it so much.

I love my Master and always want to see him happy and thinking they cannot imagine life without me. I need to try to make him happiest as I can and try not to burden him any more then realistically I can. I have just one major drawback to actually being able to live this way. I have to know I am doing just that for him. When I mean know I do not mean simple words out of his mouth like “I love you” or simple acts of love like flowers given at random times or surprise spa getaways. I want to know in my heart that the things he does and orders from me are truly what he desires and makes him happy. I want pure actions and words from him and not conditional or him guessing what I want that he thinks he better do.

How does a Master quench my thirst for this is quite simple it is by making me suffer which more times then not is going to be through doing kinky things. Make me suffer so I can show you just how much I love and I am devoted to you. Make me suffer so I know with far more certainty that you have zero problems when in doing things to me or making me do things that you are in doing all things in a purity of your pleasures and desires and not out of obligation or thinking it is payment for services rendered.

Intensity counts big time!


Look there are many of severe power exchange relationships out there that have relatively little or no “kinky” things done in them. Look at Domestic Discipline sites and see this. Often they go out of the way to even put spanking far above suspicion to even call it a kinky thing. But I guarantee you one thing in any of these relationships that are healthy with both people embracing the power exchange dynamic and that is there are things happening that have intensity that highlight that dynamic especially in regards to that base of I am the dominant and I we will do this if I want to. (Of course within boundaries)

Pain punishments, maintenance spankings, discipline sessions, jumping through proverbial hoops for our other are not about frequency and intensity of orgasms for a submissive in the moment. There is very much the same level of things going on when kinky things are in a relationship and even when they are more for pleasure they still have aspect of all this in them when being done.

Rewards for me are not having to live with someone that thinks rewards are important motivations in a relationship in the first place.

We get what we put into our lives. To want a slave that is driven out of love for their owner and love/needs to put their owners desires and needs first is to understand the big drive of are whole life with the power exchange dynamic is to eliminate transactional payments for services rendered in our relationships. We are controlled by our love for our owner and the way we live with you which is power exchange and dominance over us.


Looking for a slave by offering up kink for obedience is transactional with the exact same connotation of a couple in a regular relationship. It is not any different of a woman wanting her husband to be ok for the in laws to come to visit and blows him and fixes his favorite dinner right before “asking” him. It is a man taking his wife out to dinner and dancing before asking if he can go on an expensive golf weekend over a holiday.

You may get what you want in the moment but does not mean you are getting what you want in the long term. Slaves read dominating things done primarily as a reward and immediately dismiss them as a potential owner.

Random Musings 7/8

Reading versus doing

I think what gets lost when people read about power exchange relationships whether if they have no experience in any type or none in a more severe 24/7 then their own is the scope of what is exactly being done. I had a very nice private message from a woman who was taken back by my example of my Master coming into the bathroom when I was using it to get his cock sucked. She cited how she could not imagine never having any privacy.

But the reality of actually living it is having a lot of privacy. Just like many who shake their head at all the talks of the kink, they way we might be dressed and all the talk of sex and imagine 24/7 kinky sex by all. Basically because something can be done does not mean it is getting done most of the time let alone all the time. My bathroom example for example, I am not allowed to close the door when I use the toilet but that does not mean each time I go my Master joins me when we are together. The reality of it is probably less then ten percent of the time he does anything and most of those times are him wandering by and coming in to talk to me because he just wanted to say something and that boundary of do not talk while I go is not in our relationship.

I think when inexperienced people imagine things of this nature they miss the scope. What is going on is when these types of things we talk about can sound so invasive the reality is far different. Basically just because they can does not mean they always do. For 24/7 TPE relationships acts, dress codes, rules and rituals and a lot of other things are not done just to excite and/or get one or both off. What is going on that a lot of these things do encompass when done are reminders to both that this is a TPE relationship and the owner has the right at anytime to do such things if they want. It has much about creating a healthy power exchange atmosphere and keeping levels of submission and domination more even keel then a roller coaster ride if these things are only done to excite someone in a specific moment.

So a slave may always be naked or dressed in a way for easy access to their body parts for their owner but does not mean or for the slave to expect their owner to use that and to always be feeling them up. But for the slave to always know and be mentally able to handle that their owner can whenever they do in fact want to. It is taking small pieces of privacy here and there out for that wonderful feeling of being submissive and owned and knowing your owner takes that seriously.

Sometimes because they can needs a they did from time to time to drive the point home.

Never judge a book by its cover!

Ok I take pride in not using my blog to make post after post of how wonderful my Master is so allow me this indulgence.

This last weekend Master surprised me with a weekend getaway at a spa resort. He told me he wanted to go someplace very relaxing because of the hectic months I have had and with the wedding approaching hectic months coming up.

His long time secretary and I bonded a lot by comparing how often we either get asked directly or get hinted around as to why we put up with him. My Master has quite a domineering personality and for strangers or people who do not know him that well he can come off in a bad light. But to those who know him he is one of the most generous and considerate persons they know, it just going to be done on his schedule!

So this weekend is the classic example of why I am blessed to have found him. All those questioning him probably do not have spouses in their life willing to do something like that without any hints or begging let alone surprise it on them. I love my Master for his brain and heart and that he thinks of me in such a phenomenal way. I love him for that not the actual spa weekend. The domineering personality is just icing on the cake!

Inquiring minds want to know

Got several private messages and one public comment asking about some specifics about piss play with my Master. Without any rhyme or reason here are some answers to the ones I am willing to share.

My pissing is very much part of my Master’s control which he exercises from time to time. From strictly his amusement to pretty strong acts of domination that are clearly meant as a show of my love and obedience to him.


I have been drinking it since I was first owned at twenty. In terms of not missing a drop that simply depends on how much and how fast it comes out of the faucet. ;) Obviously full bore and a lot I cannot drink it all without a spill but more times then not anything else I can handle. But for convenience and for Master to not have to worry if he does not want that is what funnels were made for especially when Master is watching a game or movie on TV.

A reason I forgot to put in my post of why I love piss play is it is an incredible act of domination that can be done every day. For example my Master had to make sure I was not marked when we went to the spa resort but he did not have worry about how he was using me in this manner. Even if drinking or wearing it is icky a great domination aspect is just forcing your slave to piss other places besides the toilet. It is something easy to do and because it is such a private thing is a good jolt to the senses and therefore very good active domination thing.

Yes, I have had my share of meals that just do not taste quite right because of an added yellow ingredient.

How often is probably the most common question but the most difficult to answer. My Master travels a lot for business and I work roughly three twelve hour night shifts a week for work. Routine day in and day out together time is not in our life. Certainly on a normal couple day or weekend I would say at least 75% of those days involve this play. Certainly the oldie but goodie of when my Master gets up in the morning I kneel in the shower to be pissed on by him but not always as our mornings and especially weekend mornings have other things going on that he does not desire me to spend time taking a shower right after he goes as he has other plans for me. In terms of drinking piss, generally during the week not much outside of a few drops here and there but weekends Master seems to indulge in this aspect.

I am a slave; it is his right, pleasure or convenience to use me this way. It is not about only about foreplay for sex but most of the time just for convenience and for me to show love and devotion to my Master and our dynamic.

Eye of the Beholder

When they look at me what do they see?

I received several private Emails as well as over the years of having people argue about slaves/submissives are primarily about serving and taking care of the NEEDS of their owner. Maybe this comes with experience but spotting a dominant who wants a person or a dominant who wants things done for them is pathetically easy to spot. The former have every right and expectation that taking ownership of a slave who has committed to them that the slave accepts and dedicates themselves to serving them in all aspects and not just the fun ones. The latter is just bartering for services instead of just paying money.

We do not think much of a trophy wife who only is with her husband because of his money so she does not have to work and spends her life on endless shopping excursions and spa treatments. Instead of working for money she spreads her legs to finance her life. We do not think much of a husband who only thinks of his wife as a domestic servant and perpetual baby sitter for his children and seeks all his fun and excitement with his friends and women on the side. So why would any dominant think they are worth anything when all they see when they see a potential slave is how easier their life can be with that slave?

I had a friend in a local community years ago when we were both possibly looking for a poly power exchange relationship. I think she communicated it perfectly and the best advice I can give both roles and genders in distinguishing the line that too many get burned by. She basically said “I need to know when they look at me they see and want me as a person and the good things we will do together. I do not want to be seen as a free servant and personal assistant primarily to make their lives easier”

For all the couples, even the ones in long term power exchange relationships, and single people obsessed about finding that “true” slave who is all about serving the needs of their owner(s) and all other things are bonuses. If your thought or conversation with your other about finding a slave started with something like it would surely be nice if there was another person here to help out or do all the domestic work, help with the finances, spoil me and thoughts of that nature you are not capable of a healthy power exchange relationship when bringing in someone.

For all roles and genders, if one is getting basic needs done that they would prefer not to do for themselves and rewards/pays the submissive back with kinky things this is not power exchange. This is barter instead of paying cash for services rendered. These are relationships like any other and when any other person saw their other primarily for how they will make their life easier we look down at them and this is why potential slaves often look down on dominants that obsess or only want the serving component with a slave. At some point a potential slave learns that when you look at them you do not see a person to care for and enjoy things together but see them only as an object to make your life easier.

I will communicate this to my death. A slave does not serve and put their owner’s desires above their own to be happy. A happy slave needs to serve and put their owner’s desires above their own. A slave is not a whore/servant payable in kink instead of cash.

Golden Showers From a Fan’s POV

Warning the follow post is about what the title says it is. Those icked out by such a topic you have been warned. In addition, because of the nature of the topic, my passion for it and because my view of how it gets discussed normally is not usually from people like me, this post will be written totally slanted for this type of kink and done with far less filtering of graphic language then my normal posts.

Like anything in life and including the power exchange relationship life I have an absolute belief in a to each their own and what works for the individual or couple is cool philosophy. I am no way endorsing that watersports should be in the toolbox of any power exchange relationship nor do I think I am cooler let alone better then any slave just because I am an eager and willing recipient of this type of play.

Keeping it Real

A shout out for easily my least favorite phrase ever but it is what popped into my head. I will just not write watersports or golden showers the rest of this post. We all SHOULD BE grownups and recognize what this is. It is piss play. It is about pissing on and/or drinking piss. Piss is a far easier thing to type out and a far cooler word for me to imagine.

I am an ER/trauma nurse and a Taoist, in my physical life and in my spirituality combine for me to accept and deal with reality. Reality includes being an open minded adult. Therefore men and women who think a woman should not write or see such topics like this or graphic sex pictures because it is un lady like all the while demand or are a personal porn star slut for their male is simply not reality and in my mind a severe attachment issue with that person. There is proper public behavior for a woman based on cultures but that is public behavior not reading or pretending to be “shocked” by what humans do in private of their homes. One is being a responsible and respectful person. The other is role playing.

Why I love piss play

1) How it turns me on.

My number one fetish is being physically dominated and there is no close second. Certainly any types of piss play even the type of play where I am the one doing the pissing but ordered to is a physical domination. Within that physical domination other things that turn me on naturally are objectification, humiliation and degradation. I have yet to be in a power exchange situation where piss play did not have a strong element of one or each of those things. For me personally only scat play can compare but with less disgusting reactions or need to concentrate to get through it so I can concentrate more on the pleasure of those wonderful feelings.

Would it surprise some reading this that I do not enjoy/crave any of the actual physical aspects of piss play? That I have never dreamt, fantasized or masturbated to thoughts or memories of how piss looks, smells, tastes and feels on me or in me. For those who do not understand this apparent dichotomy I wrote about it in this post that I think is one of best things I have ever written. What I do fantasize about a lot is being humiliated, degraded and objectified through piss play by domination scenarios of past and perhaps future events.

2) For some of us it can be an incredible intimate act.

This sounds weird to some but it is the truth. There are ways for this to be done that give me intensely intimate feelings of being closer and feeling love for my Master. The setting, mood and way it is done can align in a way where his piss whether he pisses on me or makes me drink it and even if it involves my own piss can make me incredibly closer to my Master.

A couple of rather mundane examples that are very intimate feeling to me; 1) while I am on the toilet relieving myself and my Master walks in and has me suck his cock. There is something about the whole situation that is just a reminder that anywhere I am his to do with what he pleases that makes it so intimate. 2) Often my Master has me drink his piss after we have had a pretty intimate sexual encounter. In these instances it feels like just a continuation of us making love like what it is just the most common thing in the world for me to do.

3) For us and always for me it is a strong act of showing my devotion to my Master and our dynamic.

I know to many the concept of having to do something to show our love and devotion to another is considered a sign of a problem. The truth is pretty much all healthy relationships people do things that show our love and devotion to our significant other. People in power exchange relationships tend to gravitate to the more extreme examples/acts. I write about this often but to avoid going off topic I wrote about this specifically in this post.

To me this can often along with what I just wrote above. I lovingly submit to my Master. The fact is I have a high sex drive and even without power exchange in my life I am pretty much anywhere, anytime and anyway person. Nurture and nature have me being responsible and take great pride in keep a good and warm home for family. Part of the great compatibility of a couple is that each other’s needs and desires to feel loved by our others in ways that mean something to us.

For some of us in either role piss play can give off a great expression of love and devotion. It gives me pleasure and honor for me to be with my Master and allow him to do these things to me. I find piss play to have a very overt expression of my love and devotion for my Master. For example, my Master travels a lot on business and I adore it when he finally is home and can greet him at the door kneeling, get to cook him a meal again and serve him in any other way. But to me when he is gone and until he lets me drink his piss when he gets home I will think and crave this act done to me. Not out of any physical pleasure but my love for my Master manifests greatly into practically needing to do this as an expression of my love and devotion.

4) It never get boring or tiring to me.

I am not one to get bored by repetition anyway but I have been a willing participate in watersports for a very long time and I have yet to ever feel ho hum about it being done to me. I mean someone I care for is substituting me for a toilet! I think that at the heart of my love for this type of play is where it is at. That glorious dichotomy of being in a loving relationship where my owner still will use me in one of the lowest ways a person can be used. That active domination that from so many ways there is no way getting around it that this play for me shows me my Master loves our dynamic and is not afraid to truly use me for his pleasure.

How can this be all these things and not just icky!

One word: perspective.

Whenever there is any discussion on some specific action people often form an instant opinion based on their thought or maybe limited experience. That is natural and nothing wrong with that. The problem though when trying to understand is not how one personally may respond but being able to recognize that response might not be universal.

Often when watersports are brought up the discussion is controlled by the many who first and only thought is “yuck, how gross”. To them that is fine but way too often the discussion then is centered on that specific part that often make the discussion totally useless.

Whenever anything is brought up people can only filter it through one way. The most glaring example is ignorant people who cannot understand how a masochist can still be punished effectively by a spanking just like a non masochist. It is all about the atmosphere, expectations, and actions happening all around.


This is the same with piss play. Kneeling in the shower in the morning as your Master pisses on you like most mornings ever so nonchalantly like breathing is going to make me feel strongly objectified. Getting pissed on after being dragged into the bedroom and having very rough and quick hard sex then being left to clean it up will make me feel degraded. Getting dressed up in my sexy best and having a beautiful romantic dinner then after kneeling and taking his cock in my mouth to receive his golden present makes me feel very loved and close to my Master.

It is never the act specifically by itself in a vacuum but how it is done and how the two people feel and react to it.

Hypocrisy of people

There you have a view of piss play from a huge fan. I understand completely why many people have no interest in this type of play. But I always troubled/miffed when people involved in other kinky type things judge this play as somehow wrong compared to other types.

We do not like when people judge us because of our relationship dynamic or the kinks we may do. But yet for some people this does not stop them from judging others on the very same basis.

To each there own and for me, bring on the piss.

First Contact

I just wanted to make a short post to follow up yesterday’s post on profiles on online sites. The thing I wanted to mention was the stupid debate often on should a woman submissive make first contact.

First I am an absolute believer of two things: 1) Logic 2) Accepting Reality. Throw in the human mind being an illogical computer at best means those two things do not work together all that often.

Logic

I doubt anyone would argue that the odds improve the more effort we make in trying to accomplish something and this would include finding our other. So I would be the first to go a woman would help her chances to look at profiles and make first contact with people that interest her.

But logic also must factor in that by nature a submissive is a follower. That tends to be in the same area of initiating things and therefore not something all that natural to initiate first contact.

Reality

Going back a long way, say the entire history of man, men have been the ones to pursue women. Throw in that whole submissive things I wrote above and you have a pretty strong predictable pattern of behavior.

Does it really matter whether it is nurture or nature? Does it really matter what is theoretically better or “proper” in theorized power exchange mumbo jumbo?

Deal with it

In the end the reality is while it would help women to look and write more the fact is most will not do that and for you men out there to understand if you want a woman you will have to pursue that woman.

There are many male dominants out there who love to chest thump how they will not make first contact with a female submissive. I have seen them post on a message board their cyber theorist philosophy or ego bruised manifesto as I normally view it. They will claim they get a ton of messages from women but all I know is these same men are still posting on the same message board, still looking and it has been years.

Like most things with us human beings we go about things sometimes in an unusual way. But for the people who are successful they do not wish for something to be different to get what they want but go after it in a way to get it. So men, you can wait and maybe but your odds are much greater if you pursue until you catch your one.

Profiles On Personal Sites

Edited and updated from a post from my former short topics blog. For some that are already in a relationship this post is useless but the things written in here make up some of the very most frequent questions and rants on any personal power exchange site I have ever been on. If one is looking or gave up looking and had frustrations I think in all hubris there is some great advice here. I also think there is a lot of advice in here that can get taken out of cyber and be put to use if one is looking in their local community as well.

Will get back to a totally original post next time, the topic of which will be watersports so those not into that or care to try to understand people who are might not want to check in for several days. I have started it but not finished and I am worn out this morning by what my Master put me through this weekend in the most pleasant way.

Finding your other online is possible. More often then not people have already shot themselves in the foot with how they go about writing their profiles. Here are some tips that are not only from my personal experience but from reading more posts then I can begin to count of people complaining about not finding a good person and the almost unanimous replies to those posts in what people are looking for when searching for one on an online personal site.

These tips are good for all roles and genders

1) Positive is attractive and negative repels. Avoid rants, bitches and bad attitude.

2) Write specifically to who you want to attract. Way too many just go on and on writing about all the people they do not want. Do you not want to find the person that is compatible? Why write about all the ones who are not?

3) Effort translates into sincerity. If you are looking for your long term other do you think that particular cause deserves more then a few minutes? Before you even go on to a site to set up a profile sit down and type out your essay section. Write who you are and what you are looking for both for the regular life and the power exchange life. Take several or many days to add and edit your profile. Reading something a day later you often see it in a different light. People who have profiles that basically look like they took a couple of minutes to write just makes it look like they are on the site on a lark.

4) Write the profile based on the person is a stranger. Do not assume you are going to get the benefit of the doubt. Way too many people write profiles subconsciously that come off like you should know them on some level already.

5) Do not waste space or time giving yourself qualities that everyone thinks they have. It is unoriginal and horrendously boring! You may think writing you are real, sincere, honest, safe and experienced makes you special or attractive. Think again and browse profiles of people like you. You will find everyone else has those same qualities and not one person has written they are fake, insincere, liar and dangerous. These are qualities you earn with the person and not something that puts you at the top of the list or separates you by just writing those words.

6) Do not get carried away. Women, a man is a man and not going to be perfect specimen from your fantasies. Just because they might be your Master does not mean they will be perfect. Too much listing of qualities in away that makes you look like you will never meet anyone who is not truly a perfect human being will convey to the more real and sincere man not to bother with you. This is just some time killing fantasy fun for you.


Men, online is not some order form to pick out a woman from an online catalog. Write for a woman you are compatible with and not just your perfect vision. If you go trolling for young women in their twenties by stating you prefer 20-25 then do not be surprised when you write women older they will not touch you. It is far easier to read a message from a woman who you are not attracted to because of age or physical appearance and a quick reply of thanks but no thanks then eliminate someone because you listed your IDEAL woman. A woman even in your age limit and height/weight preference can still be turned off by the mere fact you list something like that. Us woman do think about when we age or gain a few pounds if we will still be attractive. Listing a narrow and utopian preference will make most women wonder even if they fit that when they get past your age preference or gain a few pounds will they get kicked to the curb.

7) At the same time do not be too vague. Too many males write not to eliminate anyone. All this does is eliminate everyone. Write to your target. Dominants: submissive people want a decisive take charge person who inspires and has a strong vision. We want to imagine what life will be like with you. Submissives: dominants want to know in fairly direct ways if you are going to be a fit in the power exchange areas or not. Flowery prose and information on your regular self is fine but do not go looking for your other on a power exchange site and then play that aspect of compatibility down by dismissing it for a later time.

8) Get over yourself! I repeat, GET OVER YOURSELF! No stranger cares about your baggage, issues and bad experiences. This is exponentially true about your attempts to find your other online or even in your local community.

Women, just because you get a ton of messages when you create a profile does not make you special. You will get a ton of losers. Deal with it by deleting them and move on. Complaining about them in your profile just makes you look like a negative person.

Men, you create a profile you have agreed to being a normal person and you should not expect special treatment. Complaining about fakes, women who disappear and ones who never reply back only causes you harm. No women will ever be attracted to a man who whether directly or indirectly assumes she is guilty of being insincere before she is innocent.

FOR BOTH GENDERS IF ALL YOU HAVE DEALT WITH IS “LOSERS” OF VARIOUS NATURES IT IS OFTEN BECAUSE YOU HAVE MADE YOUR PROFILE INTO A SELF FULFILLING PROPHECY BECAUSE ONLY LOSERS WILL HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU!

IF YOU ARE NOT GETTING THE PEOPLE YOU ARE AFTER, LOOK IN THE MIRROR, WHO YOU SEE IN THE MIRROR IS THE MAIN REASON. TRY A DIFFERENT APPROACH.

In addition to watching your attitude, get over your self importance. Manifestos on how a dominant, slave and a power exchange relationship should be like this is absolute fact are a big negative. The life is a big tent and failure to understand with that there are no such things as one true ways will put you in a poor light even if the other likes your way.

9) Do not have your profile be dominated by what you think the other dominant/submissive should be like you are teaching a class in power exchange relationships. For the most part they know who they are and will be a fit or not a fit. They want to know about you not about a theorized utopian version of them. Write how you would want to read if you were the other role. Do you really think it is really a good idea to have a profile made up entirely of a theoretical slave should be? Do you really think a potential slave just wants to know that?

10) Do not write your fantasy image of yourself let alone lie about anything. Remember you goal is to find just one person not to impress cyber strangers. Do not risk destroying trust if you find someone and they catch you in a lie. They will find out your ex did not leave because of some great career opportunity you guided them to or that your former slave who you had for years left to take care of a sick family member eventually. Do not post pictures that were you ten years and thirty less pounds ago. Do not claim you are a business owner because you get some extra cash by cleaning gutters beside your main job.

11) If you post pictures most people prefer normal ones in normal settings. Women, those who post nude and provocative pictures I doubt the men mind but also understand it will be even more vital to have a good profile. You will get attention but many of the more sincere will also be skeptical of your sincerity for a real time thing. Men, will avoid the cock shot cliché gripe, but understand not any picture will do. You drunk, unkempt or acting like a child in the picture you might think twice about posting it.

Remember women are not as visually stimulated as you men. A picture for us can often be way more important with the clues it gives. For example, a picture of a guy who is physically top notch but looks drunk, horribly dressed and clutter and filth all around him is far less appealing to most women then a man who is not the classic stud physically but is nicely groomed and dressed and the background is clean and/or thought to where the picture was taken. Also a man all decked out in dominant gear with a sneer on your face comes off more funny then attractive.


12) Do not make gross generalizations about others who are online. Even if you think an abnormal amount on a personal site are “losers” of some nature the fact is it comes off as negative, obnoxiously self-serving and incorrect. No matter how high the percentage there are still a lot of honest and sincere people. A person who can make a strong case for themselves without needing to tear down others to build themselves up is attractive. Basically ripping on others to make a case for yourself is going “please pick me as I am the only thing left over”, just not attractive let alone inspiring at all.

13) Spelling and grammar do count. Even the ones who proclaim it does not for them are lying. At the minimum a profile with misspelled words and bad grammar will have a negative effect on a person’s mind subconsciously. If you have competition in getting a person’s attention then why would you immediately start off with a disadvantage? Poor grammar and spelling also shows lack of effort, sincerity or too much self involvement. It is the equivalent of showing up at a bar smelly and dirty.

14) You are not more important then anyone else. Nobody from any gender or role wants anything to do with a person who thinks they are above other people let alone them. Avoid idiotic phrases like “my time is valuable” it makes you look stupid and is unattractive. Everyone at the minimum thinks their time is valuable why is yours more? In fact it could be said if you are so busy or have such trouble with judgment on who to take time for, that one can easily infer you might not have anytime for a real relationship or are a very poor judger of people for us to trust your own opinion and how it actually relates to you.

15) Admit and deal with the facts. Most men know women are not at a loss for men contacting them on a personal site. At the same time though most men seem to not put two and two together and understand your profile and message will not get the benefit of the doubt or automatically get intense consideration just because. You are competing with every other man who has written that woman, understand, accept and deal with it. Only dismissing others you have never met as losers only makes yourself look like a loser when trying to get a woman to notice you.

16) No shortcuts! Online is not a bar and all you need is a good opening line. The sincere other who is sincerely looking is wanting to find another who is sincere and sincerely looking. They do not want to have to strike up conversation with everyone to see how sincere they are. It is literally not possible for a woman inundated with messages to do so.

Avoid self serving justifications because strangers do not give a damn. A stranger does not care if you are better in person then writing. A stranger does not care that you think a written profile is useless. Only a fool comes to play golf dressed in a baseball uniform and wearing a mitt. You are online for a reason and you have to deal with it or do not bother to begin with.

17) Before anything else get to know yourself.

It is all good to want to think you want or be in a power exchange relationship. It is another to not make a serious effort to look at yourself and try to honestly figure out what you need or would be compatible with. You owe it to everyone who you will be in contact with regardless of role or gender not to mislead them even if it is subconsciously. You also need to respect what others are about and just expect another to sacrifice to your desired levels in the power exchange areas.

Dominants there is nothing wrong with wanting a normal relationship with a submissive kinky porn star when in bed. There is nothing wrong with wanting a traditional role relationship. There is something wrong though if you go looking for a person who wants 24/7 type power exchange relationship when not wanting or able to provide that and expect them to fit your limitations and desires.

Submissives there is nothing wrong with just wanting bottom things done. There is nothing wrong with not wanting 24/7 in any of this. There is something wrong though when you lead a dominant on that you might want this or think another can change you into wanting this but still expect a dominant who expresses to want this to change their desires when you figure out just what they are.

Your profile is the first impression you are giving someone. Now if finding your other is important is it not? For something this important being negative in general, accusatory, condescending and showing up in dirty jeans and a T-shirt while on a first date is not consider a good strategy. Why do that version with your online profile?

Stay positive, be patient and never forget you are writing for one person who fits you and not running for some popularity contest or some law person who can change the Internet by calling out all the people who have done you wrong.