No Chance

Hang around in cyber, local communities or talk to enough dominants you will come across two theories in this life that it saddens me people often give thought and reflection to. 1) A dominant should not love their submissive/slave. 2) A dominant has to not need their slave as much as their salve needs them or they will be powerless.

Now probably most of you reading this go that is just stupid but still I am stunned just how many pause and give this thought especially new people into the life that often these confused dominants try to prey on.

Insecurity is a factor in this life

People do not like to talk about this and whenever I have brought up in the past especially in person or on a message board people will often line up to bash me but insecurity of the other leaving is a driving force behind power exchange relationships. Notice I did not say only, biggest or major but for most people this is a reason of some consequence.

From a dominant’s standpoint things like bowing, statements of devotion and seeing their submissive sacrifice for them goes into the feeding of the insecurity of look how much they care for me and therefore will not leave me. From a submissive’s all these things we do to please them and put them first goes into the feeding of our insecurity of them leaving us. That if we do these things and keep them happy they will not leave us.

No human does not have some insecurities and for most in power exchange the other leaving us is an insecurity that we share. But for those where it goes to becoming unhealthy, dangerous and unchecked is when people act on it in a severe and life controlling way. Dominants who obsess over needing the other less are dealing with unhealthy insecurity of have a big issue of not being able to handle well if the other person leaves them.

These can be very dangerous people at worse and at best are incredibly needy people which go for submissives as well if they are unhealthy about worrying their other will dump them.

What’s love got to do with it?

Most human beings want and need love in our relationships. But love and the ability to give it and accept it ranges greatly in human beings. We though as human beings often do not like to admit that to ourselves and when the more love express/needed person falls for someone they tend to assume that everyone is like them exactly and therefore if this person loves and cares for them they will respond in kind. But not all human beings are capable of loving or showing/giving it.


To ask most people, including people in this life, that love is a critical component in a successful and healthy long term relationship, but the truth is it is not a must have for some to have a successful and long term relationship. I am pretty sure we all know others who are in long term relationships that do not seem to be loving ones that the people seem perfectly fine with them. Whether an older couple that relies on one to take care of the other physically while the other takes care of them financially and for whatever reason these relationships do in fact exist.

The fact is love in a relationship and the need to feel and give it are compatibility things for two people. For some it has to ooze out of everything in the relationship and for some does not or cannot even be in their relationships. But for most of us including power exchange couples it is somewhere in between those two extremes and it is important for all couples that love is involved.

Regular relationship rules apply

One of the biggest mistakes many people make when they get into this life even when they have significant experience in it is to discount or think that because of the power exchange and how they fit it that human behavior and needs somehow become greatly different. That power exchange relationships transcend regular relationship dynamics because they are special! It is one of the fairytales of this life.

It is buying into this myth that is the cornerstone of the reasons and motivations of the most common mistakes in these relationships. That people, especially dominants, decide what they want whether overall or in the moment and then work there way back to a power exchange theory that supports it. This is what goes on when a dominant states that one should not love their slave. The truth is most dominants promoting that do not want an all encompassing relationship or have limited or no ability to give love to another.

This is the same thinking along the lines of a dominant stating one cannot get married to their slave. All that actually means is they do not want to get married for the usual reasons people do not want to get married and no power exchange special reason other than trying to fool themselves or their other that it is not a regular old human reason.

We can be compatible, not compatible, get fooled or get played

In the end we are either going to be on the same page, be the right fit and have the timing of all it right or we will not be. Power exchange cannot quench the thirst of an unhealthy insecurity, shore up perceived lack of character traits many want from another and protect oneself from slights of the past or fears of the future whether realistic or imaginary. A person may or may not need love in their relationship but no wishful theory in the world can get a person who needs it to be with one who cannot or will not give it.

No relationship has a chance if one is obsessed over who needs the other more and actually thinks that dictates what can go on in a power exchange relationship. People require at the minimal when in long term relationships is to feel the other one is deeply committed to the other through the thick and thin. For most but not all that includes love as a critical component and not obsessing over an insecurity or dealing with a person who makes us jump through that hoop.