Consensual Non Consent

Nothing filters people in this life to how they think about and live it then when they communicate on this topic. So with that being written let me expose myself to judgment.

Reality or fantasy

One of the questions any message board get on Master/slave total power exchange relationships is the age old is it real or is it just a fantasy. It is usually asked by people that I would put into three groups.

1) Do not take anything in this life that serious. I am not picking on these people but the thought of actual devotion to a power exchange dynamic is just something they will never take seriously as this life is more about just the kinky things and role playing the power exchange stuff when they are in the mood and agree to it. To these people these things are just an addition to their life like a hobby and cannot grasp people taking it too seriously that they make it part of their real life dynamic as a core principal. They may try to live an M/s life but anything that it runs up against they discard it until they pick it up again sometime later. It is separate and not integrated into their life.

2) Dominants taking this life way too literally. Usually cyber theorists and/or mentally unhealthy people who actually believe the slave definition out of Webster’s dictionary is the minimal level for one to call themselves a slave. These are the people that find when people talk in a healthy and sane way about Master/slave relationships it is watered down junk or cannot find a slave to literally become property and give up all rights and property of their own along with agreeing to truly no limits and then bark it is all fantasy.

3) Submissives with significant self esteem issues. They need to feel superior toward others and they do this by taking their personal view of a slave, often close to the Webster’s dictionary, and think they live it that way and then point to all the others as just fantasy players. What is unfortunate about this is their life is usually not even remotely like they say it is. The simple fact is because their self esteem is so low they could never handle anything actually non consensual in the moment. These are often the people proclaiming they are a no limit slave and when someone points out obvious limits they reply back “my Master would never ask me to do that”. They are taking value by how they perceive their role is as a 24/7 TPE slave like it is fuel for one’s self esteem.

The truth is out there

In my personal opinion any actual power exchange in a relationship has to have non consensual consent or there is no power being exchanged. I do not care if it is only contained to one night in the basement or bedroom a week or if you have some sort of 24/7 dynamic. But within the boundaries of the agreed upon power exchange the dominant ask or does something that the submissive does regardless of wanting to, feeling like it, not wanting to, hating it outside of safety concerns.

So if they have agreed to a dynamic where the dominant can demand sex of any type at anytime for example then the dominant can actually do this and not just have the right to try to have sex at anytime by having to get their submissive aroused first. Another example if the Master decides to order their slave to clean a closet right then and now and makes the slave miss their favorite TV show but an hour later the slave is sitting next to him watching TV of a show they do not like that consensual non consent.

Why would people live like this?

Let me use an analogy to partially answer this question. Say you love to garden and every year you tend to a huge garden in your back yard. During the springtime there is a lot of work in order to get it ready from cleaning up the damage fall and winter did to it. You have to cultivate the dirt and plant the seeds. You have to spend extra time watering in the beginning perhaps. During the rest of the year there are always weeds to be picked, fertilizing and pest control to do. In other words you love to have a garden but it is a lot of work.

The truth is even for a person who loves to garden that not every second they are doing something for that garden. Maybe you always hate one particular thing that has to be done. Or maybe some days you love to putt around the garden weeding it and some days you just dread doing it but you have to do it anyway. But many days you love to just take care of the garden. Some things you always love to do and often whether when just finishing the some thing major or just randomly look upon your garden and get a great sense of happiness and satisfaction.

Well in a sense that is what a slave does when agreeing to have non consensual consent in their relationship. We are more then willing to have moments in our life, even on a daily basis, that we might have to struggle through in order to have things we love in our life and have that overall happiness and loved feeling. To have what we want overall we have to do things that are not always what we want or like in the moment.

The other part of the equation gets into a submissives personality. You will read, hear and think about how we are wired to put our cherished ones above ourselves or we hate all the mind games of indirect communication and bartering regular relationships have. For some of us we have a fetish for power and control being exercised over us. Here is the cool/weird/sick thing about consensual non consent, when serving the one we love it is better then the alternative and it is not even close. There is no way I could be happy both in the moment and overall if I was causing my Master to not be as happy and pleasured as he could be by having to worry about if I am alright in doing something in the moment even to the point he damn well knows I hate doing it. For example I could not possible enjoy my favorite TV program or even masturbate to an orgasm knowing my Master is cooking dinner when I should be doing that for him. So even if I am dead tired, have no interest in cooking dinner and left to my own would not in a million years cook a dinner it is still way better for me overall to be ordered to cook dinner.

The use of consensual non consent in a relationship especially in a 24/7 TPE is critical and getting a loving Master to use his power on that level is often a big hurdle that is critical in overcoming. Happiness and love comes from the cutting away of anxiety and burden of not knowing for sure and how the other is going to react. Consensual non consent when exercised in the relationship lets both parties know they need not worry about some other mythical shoe dropping.

Elephant in the room again

Consensual non consent has a scary pretense to many who do not have it in their life. Heck, it is scary and sometimes denied for some of us that do have it in our life. It goes against all the fairytale preaching one might fall for of the Master being so awesome that they always do things in the slave’s best interest or can make the slave feel so wonderful that doing anything for them at anytime is to bring a slave joy with woodland creatures singing a cheerful song and helping us out. But life is not like that and all relationships we do things that we do not feel like when we do not want to do them. Thinking an extreme power exchange relationship one will not hit this and probably harder is not realistic.

One of the things I do not like is how between the local community and other who often want to preach all things done is for the bottom and that carries forward into a power exchange relationship and the popular thought and practice of somehow bottom to submissive to slave is a natural progression that there is that elephant in the room when consensual non consent first happens. Now I am not writing one cannot take this progression as many do but I am stating that D/s to M/s is quite different and not just another step because of consensual non consent becomes a big part of the life. That people I think would have a lot more success and ease into an M/s 24/7 relationship if one did not look at these things as stepping stones and mentally thought and worked on the this topic sooner then later if one thinks M/s is their calling in life.

But I cannot control the universe and I am far too lazy to figure out a plan and execute it to do so. So instead we get people waxing beautiful false fairytales or people spreading fear of anything that is not a fairytale. The truth is the time, things and feelings in doing many of the consensual non consent things takes up little time, not way out there bad things and often are feelings of not doing something to please our Master will be far worse then doing things we do not like. I will not lie and do think it is a big step to accept this in our relationship but often we have made it bigger by trying to connect unrelated stuff and listen to people who do not practice what you are drawn to and want.

It is one of those things where it is easy to point a finger from the sidelines and go look out that consensual non consent will be 24/7 life sucks because the owner can therefore will do things that will just cause hardship. Possibly true, but I choose to believe these people are the clueless morons. Not that it is not for them but they try to preach worse case scenario. I think most of us that enter and thrive in 24/7 M/s total power exchange relationships that have the possibility of consensual non consent playing a part in are life on a daily basis form small to large. But the concept lost on all the local community sycophants and look out cyber people is they just always forget we are consenting to the one’s we love, trust and hopefully are compatible. If they were monsters that made us miserable then why would be submitting to something that extreme? I would not and hope others do not as well.

Consensual non consent is alive and well in healthy power exchange relationships. How else can one serve someone we love and care for if we do not let them have the power if they are then not allowed to use it?