More Personal

Doublenot in this entry in her blog wrote about the lack of a lot of personal information in blogs and in particular the way some of this information that shows we all do not live in fairytale relationships and real life still dominates our life. Now from the time I started my blog and I will continue to do so because it is not only my nature but what motivates me to write is more only topics, theories and intellectual thoughts and practices of power exchange relationships. I do make a point to poke holes in the fairytales we sometimes weave in this life but I am not really offer up my real time and problems.

I thought I would just randomly spill out some personal info on me and my relationship in some sporadic no order of importance or any semblance of a theme or point.

Here are ten detailed things and maybe do this more often if I am comfortable.

1) Biggest thing I struggle with in our relationship is the lack of time we have together. My previous two serious relationships my owners never traveled and in fact worked the same place I did. My Master travels quite a bit and between that and my job makes a lot of alone time I am not use to and cause more roller coaster ride then I like.

2) I have never had a serious relationship that was not M/s. Never had a teenage love affair thing and chased different sexual relationships until being introduced to this life at twenty. I have not once even thought about seeing what a regular relationship was like.

3) I rarely struggle with obedience but struggle and cause problems with my Master when he does things I am use to doing. Fill my day up with orders I am perfectly fine and probably more then fine but quite happy. But for William to clean or cook something see me unravel and get all kinds of uncomfortable and stressed out. I stress myself out at the drop of a hat. To find the kitchen cleaned two days before I was to normally clean it will paralyze me as I obsess over if William thought I should have already done a deep cleaning but more often thinking about how it throws off my schedule and how to get back on it.

4) I am not an adrenaline addict. I have been accused of this often by people who see kinky slave and ER nurse. I have a phobia about motorcycles and see no reason to jump out of an airplane or bungee jump. My mind is super fast and the chaos of the ER really helps me function best.

5) Our biggest issue as a couple is my job. William loves what he does and enjoys doing it. He still after all this time cannot understand that I feel the same way when he often sees me come back from a shift exhausted, mad, frustrated or near tears. One of the things I stated and kept firm when looking for my owner was that I would be allowed to work full time and in the area I wanted. William has already got me to part time and keeps trying to get me out of the ER and that talk never ends up just being a talk.

6) My Mom knows I am into S&M. I do not know if she knows about M/s although I would not bet a dime she does not know. She saw me enough times with bruises that we had quite the talk one day. I am almost positive my Dad knows as well but enjoys the do not ask do not tell. In terms of them accepting my Master, my brother said it best to William when he was worried about it “You got Lin to agree to being married and think about having children. You could have been an imprisoned serial killer and not only gotten our Mom’s blessing but she would have helped you escape.”

7) The one kinky thing you will never see me comment on or write about is orgasm control. I have heard all the reasons for why to do it and why it is enjoyable for both sides over and over but I still basically cannot process it in my brain. I am thankful my first owners were basically the opposite of this in which they believed I sexually served them and my orgasms were great but irrelevant unless at the time they specifically wanted to see me orgasm.

8) I despise drama in people. Of course plenty of drama queens and kings out there in great relationships but I do not know how they can do it. I am generally a patient person but people that need to make a big deal out of everything that they come up against or feel I usually have very violent thoughts against. I will never understand how someone can care so much where they go to eat or in a great long term relationship the other says one thing that is not a major thing but makes one obsess and re-think prior well proven thoughts.

9) I do not nor have ever journal for myself or my Master. – I can scream and write open and forward communication like everyone else in keeping people on the same page and not letting problems build and fester until they are well blown out of proportion but I have no formal way of nipping those things in the bud. We sometimes if have big things particularly when new would have scheduled sit down talk out things and still have those here and there. But most of the time I still need to get the nerve to bring things up the old fashion way.

10) We have the most common wishes for our other, he wishes I would initiate more the sexual and kinky things and I wish he would be more indulgent and rougher in his use of me. We have a history of each going bouts where I am doing hints and passive aggressive behaviors to get laid and kink done to me and he sometimes forgets just how much I love serving him and cruelty towards me and starts playing regular husband into kinky mutual enjoyable sex.