Emphasized Qualities of a Slave

I will make this introduction short so not just to be too repetitive in my words from my last post on emphasized qualities of a Dominant. Just a short refresher, I will be listing qualities that may or may not be qualities that any good person should strive for but in a total power exchange (TPE) relationship are qualities a slave should have a lot of.

So anyone from any role who thinks like trust, patience and honesty are something different or more important or special because one calls themselves Master or slave or one is in a TPE relationship sorry it is not. I would hope in ANY good relationship things like trust, patience and honesty are there in us and our other otherwise they really would not be good relationships.

Here are some qualities that should be emphasized in a slave:

Obedient- Let us start off with the most obvious and therefore most boring one. This word gets tossed around in this life maybe more then any word but few really think about it outside of it being a literal action. So what is exactly obedience in terms of a quality to have?

In my know it all opinion it is a level significant enough that the often never ending human brain judging of every action and words being right or wrong and/or this is better then that does not interfere with following orders, rules, rituals and just in general the dynamic agreed upon. For me this something you will probably have or not but does not mean on the level that one can get to with concentration and effort.

A slave must be able to drop the often needless and now useless thoughts that a brain naturally thinks of and for them not to interfere with being a good slave. This does not mean that one cannot or will not have thoughts like this because surely we will and do, but this quality needs to be in us enough. The level is pretty easy to determine, if one can have thoughts of right or wrong and/or better or worse and still carry out our duties and orders then that is good enough. If one has to process and convince themselves that many let alone everything they do should or needs to be right or the “better” way then obedience will always be tricky.

Nonconformity – This is often a sister trait to obedience in that rarely will one have the obedience quality but not have this one. This is also different then what many people picture nonconformity with more out there expressions often based on a need for attention or to feed unhealthy self esteem.

While obedience is about the ability of one to lose or ignore self internalized/experienced thoughts of how something should be nonconformity is being able to ignore what our cultural, societal, friends and family expect or judge things and being able to not be a slave to those things. It can range from breaking away from only a few things to nearly everything but on your terms as a couple.

For example, one must not mind calling one’s Master to ask permission to go out with some friends from work and not having a problem if he says no and have no trouble when your friends tease you or worse think you need help.

For example, one must overcome “good” girls do this and “bad “girls do that and realize as a slave there is just being a slave no good or bad.

Unselfish – Again a noble trait for anyone to have and an obvious one for a slave but the reason I point this one out is again think past the obvious and more to how a person is wired which makes it less about individual acts and more about the person as a whole.

Acts done can be and often are for selfish reasons even from the most selfless slave or any person for that matter. Just the fact that I intentionally sought my other for a total power exchange relationship and look for certain qualities was all about me being selfish and thinking what is best for me to put myself in the best situation to experience happiness in my life shows I am not selfless.

So sorry for all the dominants who think a slave should be selfless and even slaves you enjoy thinking they are selfless because nearly all of you are not. Like the female dominant looking for a man to do all domestic work, build her a new kitchen and give her most of his money while not doing anything intimate/sexual with them. Like the couple wanting a woman to do all the domestic work, personal hand maiden to the wife, baby sit the kids or older parents, maintain a outside job to help support “the family” all without any intimacy/sex and inconveniencing them. All three are looking for a selfless human being and that is a needle in the haystack situation.

So at the end of that mini rant you get the picture that selfless and unselfish are two very different things. Unselfish as a quality in a slave is about a slave who can truly take enjoyment and maybe more importantly deal with things not going the way you would prefer without judgment and for the pleasures they are for themselves and not about what did I get out of it.

Going out of the way to do certain things for one’s Master and enjoying and taking pride in doing those things is unselfish. Going out of the way to chase compliments or desired specific actions and reactions of your Master is selfish. My Mom has a great example in regular world stuff. Trying to get a five year old to read the card to a gift you gave them, appreciate how you wrapped it and expecting them to be interested in how you went about buying it is selfish. Enjoying them tear open the wrapping without a thought to you in the world is unselfish.

Passion for the dynamic – I wrote this quality in the Master section and it is equally important with a slave.

Forget other qualities if a person wants this life because of what they think it will give them in terms of some sort of end products and not for the actual power exchange life and all that it goes with then that person will probably fail.

For prospective slaves this often is about thinking they will get certain things by calling themselves a slave. Often these are the people looking for things like an out going take charge man who wants to be personally responsible for their other and their family. They want a man who will fuck them when they are horny by taking/claiming them sexually and not some permission seeking was it good for you wimp for example. But sadly, their goal of getting just this and thinking some kink and agreeing to some domestic work or all based on their work goals is power exchange and of course it is not.

A slave must have passion for the actual life. This includes obedience, truly putting our Master above ourselves and doing things on another’s terms and way. It is dedicating oneself to 24/7 this way and not about what we are feeling in the moment.

Relinquishes active control easily – There is a woman on the message board I mention often who often writes that submissives are control freaks. I often would write a rebuttal to her words not that I disagreed with her because I agreed with her 100% but the fact the word control freak was very misleading in this case.

When we think of control freaks we think of active control freaks wanting to know what is being done is going how they exactly want it that they are often dismissive of other human beings. A slave is a control freak but in a passive way. We want to eliminate as much uncertainty with other human beings, especially our significant other as possible. So our way of controlling this always wants to know what a person says, asks or does is as pure and honest as possible. This is at the heart of our motivation when any dominant wonders why we answer “what ever you want” to the question “What do you want”.

For example I have never or will never have an issue with my Master going golfing on Saturday morning no matter if he spent a week away from me on business. I know he loves to golf and it is his standard time with his friends. For me to do anything to get him to stay with me instead (active control) just is not going to happen. But occasionally he does stay home and that is a wonderful thing as it was 100% his choice (passive control).

To be a slave in a TPE relationship one has not much desire for active control. With active control come expectations, disappointments and expectations that a slave not only puts on her Master but also takes away from the passive control she might crave. For example, I knew a woman who could express great desire for a M/s relationship and that Domestic Discipline was heavily involved. But she would also talk about having no desire to be punished by her Master on his terms but thought it would be best if she thought she deserved a punishment or a maintenance spanking that she would do something overt( act out playfully) so he would then have a clear signal that it was ok to punish her. With the lack of ability to relinquish active control she had no chance to get into a healthy M/s relationship and have the passive control she craved.

Conclusion

Slaves are not selfless human beings but at the same time must have certain qualities in them that they can serve someone on their terms and not the slave’s and that there is a huge difference between big picture getting what we want and in the moment. It is easy to think and communicate that we are obedient and put our other above ourselves but quite different when it comes not on our terms, time frames and learned right/wrong and/or better/worse mindset. A slave must have the qualities as a base to overcome the difference. We may not be at a level needed or desired from the start but if they are there we can get to that level. Those qualities do have to be there and can not be learned.

Emphasized Qualities of a Master

This is not going to be some all consuming stereotype list where qualities like trust, honesty, communication and on and on get listed or written in such an overblown way. Sorry, but when ever you start to list qualities for anyone or any group to have they will in fact be almost all the same. The simple reason being the qualities that are always listed are simply qualities that both genders regardless of any roles strive for to be a good person.

Sorry dominants, but Calling yourself and even other’s calling you Master or Mistress does not mean your qualities such as your word, trust, experience and on and on make you better people or dominants. Master or Mistress does not mean you have or do not have those qualities and ESPECIALLY you have them over other people like it is some competition.

Sorry submissives, your dominant and especially if you are looking for one is no different then any other human being on the planet. Waxing romantically about a perfect human being as a starting point for your ideal Master ranges from setting oneself up for failure to just delusional as a dominant is a person like everyone else and there is simply no official licensing test to claim they have perfect character.

The fact is we all want to be and search for good people. Good people have these qualities that are so routinely tossed out. We cannot give ourselves qualities and think that is that nor can we pat ourselves on the back if some friends give us those qualities as well; even the biggest losers have friends that will testify that they have great character.

So until we start hearing and reading people searching out “good” dominants and submissives but do not care if they have “good” character these qualities that are often mentioned are to be proven on an individual basis and are not qualities that separate a Master just because he utters them as a way to look better then others.

What I am though going to list are qualities that I think a dominant should have but should have it in a large scale. These qualities can or do not have to be qualities that make up a good person but are just ones through my personal history and communicating with others are qualities that go a long way when factoring in the power dynamic and the two people running smoothly. Again this is from the eyes of a total power exchange slave and I am not forming an opinion on lesser power exchange dynamics.

So after finding a “good person” a slave might want to see if the following qualities are also in their dominants.

Decisiveness – This may be hands down the honey that can draw a slave to a perspective Master. It is probably the one quality that before any power is exchanged can and should be shown within the potential Master.

Generally slaves hate uncertainty and being constantly looked at for an opinion or ideas. A Master who cannot make up his mind let alone make a decision and lead is not long for a 24/7 TPE relationship. Decisive is not only a needed quality but simply for many people like myself it is a quality that flat out is attractive to us on many levels.

Example when starting to see someone:

Not hot: “Where do you want to eat? What time is best for you?”
Hot: “I will pick you up at seven and we will be going here for dinner.”

Example in a scene:

Not hot: “Would you like me to use this toy on you?”
Hot: “I want to see what I can do to your tits with this toy”

Show me a naturally decisive Master that knows it is different from being demanding or rude and I will show you a Master that can have slaves drooling over them.

Considerate – The word screams duh and is not that one quality any good person should have but there are levels to being considerate and that is what I want to point out here.

How people normally go about communicating with people and particularly with their significant other is on a personal basis and a compatibility factor. Consideration for other people can range from always thinking about them to only considering them when they are yelling at us.

As slaves we are generally not very good at or wanting to have to speak up for ourselves sometimes let alone always when needed. I do not mean we should never or that there is not a strong difference between cannot or tough/do not like to as never speaking up for ourselves is not something a Master can fix as they cannot be mind readers. So because we tend to want to keep expressing our desires to the minimal it is important to find a Master who has enough consideration in them to think about and read their slaves and just not thinking about them at all unless they speak up.

For example, there is a huge difference between a Master always picking the restaurant that may or may not take their slave’s preferences into consideration from time to time and one who always picks but never thinks about what their slave likes.

Passion for the dynamic – I talked specifically about this in one of my foundation posts. I though wanted to write a short thing here.

There is a big difference between a person calling themselves a Master or a Mistress that want a total power exchange dynamic and a person calling themselves that and are just basically wanting to be spoiled and catered to. The many aspects we talk about like control, discipline, kinky things, domination and so on are active day to day things that a Master must have a passion for doing. Being spoiled and catered to is not power exchange.

For example many of the do not get it types wish to have that 1950’s wife. I call these people the time warped ones. The reason why is because their view of a 1950’s actual wife is just plain delusional. Traditional gender role relationships (1950’s) had females responsible for the domestic work and the man was the final say in many things but there was very little power exchange going on. In other words the 1950’s did not have the wife dressed or undressed to their husbands liking greeting him with his favorite beverage on her knees blowing him before dinner then go finish preparing and serving dinner that she made with great effort and consideration to his liking and approval.

So a Master needs passion for the actual power exchange dynamic and not just wanting an end product of being spoiled, catered and deferred to.

At least a touch of domineering personality – First and foremost domineering does not mean asshole or abusive. It pretty much means overbearing. A good Master will have an aura about him that to his slave makes her fall deeper into feeling more submissive when interacting with her Master.

I like please and thank you from my Master as much as the next slave even though both of us know it is an order but I would not want them with every thing that is asked of me in our communication. Same with tone as all unemotional like without passion would just flat out suck. The fact is at least some domineering personality goes a long way in helping create a healthy power exchange environment and flat out bring good things and feelings to a slave like me. Now personally I do not like a little domineering personality but I like a ton but I also know this is not normal. But at the same time those Masters who get a thrill out of saying how they never do anything with passion(a voice raised or not polite) which includes actively controlling their slave and come across as dispassionate professors as their personality I can guarantee you have trouble holding onto a slave in a 24/7 TPE relationship.

For example, I am the answer to the question of who would go out with an asshole like that when you would see my man have my coat and tell me we are leaving in an absolute tone and prefer that over him asking, even if we know it is an order if I am ready to leave. The latter I follow but the former literally gets me sexually excited.

At least a touch of sadism – There has to be a better term and would take suggestions but I am not necessarily referring to liking to give pain to another when I use sadism. What I am trying to get across is a quality in a Master that can enjoy making their slave suffer in some way.

What I repeat often in this blog is simple. People with submissive personalities do not need a Master or any agreed upon power exchange dynamic to be happy. They will spoil and defer to whoever is their significant other. People who identify as slaves have submissive personalities who enjoy, desire and crave being dominated. Domination is what the Master brings to the table in forcing their will and control on their slave. By definition this has to be some things that a slave would not want to do otherwise there would be no need to be in a power exchange relationship.

So a Master who can only order and control knowing that their slave gets direct pleasure in the act is not really dominating but facilitating and will lose respect from the slave as they are not getting the fuel they need which is being truly dominated.

So in some way a Master or Mistress must enjoy making their slave suffer which is dominating and controlling them in a way which they do not want or enjoy for the actual thing itself. It can be actual sadism of enjoying inflicting pain and seeing tears and hearing cries and other direct action things to making your slave do things and taking great pleasure that they suffer purely out of love and devotion to their Master but there has to be a strong element of pleasure received by the dominant doing something(s) that are in fact active domination.

Conclusion

When talking about qualities toss off the qualities that every one should have. A dominant a slave will serve should be a good person and therefore have those qualities. Basic qualities that all human beings should strive for does not make one better or special because of a title or thinking one has a “code” that includes these basic human qualities.

The qualities I mentioned and certainly others that slipped my mind can be qualities everyone should have but at least for a total power exchange relationship one is wise to find a Master or Mistress that has these particular qualities oozing out of them AS WELL AS being a good person.

Are Asians more kinky/dirtier?

Originally posted in my short topics blog and edited for easier read and some additional content.


I have a pretty strong opinion on this but have been reluctant to share it over my sensitivity to promote a negative (to some) stereotype and in general my common answer for almost all questions of “are they more” are almost always no they are the same just like everyone else. I decided I would take the plunge and share my opinion.

I do not believe for one second that a person with Asian genes in them makes them more prone to be kinky and specifically into dirtier (degradation/humiliation) sex. I do though think though that Asians raised in Eastern culture that are prone to be into those types of things to be probably a significant higher percentage then from other cultures. My two reasons are:

1) Eastern culture through its biggest influence in spirituality is based greatly on understanding and acceptance of reality and connections or lack of connections between things. What this might have to do with it is that I just feel that it might be easier to process our desire for it and/or not have to fight the societal preaching stigmatism of thinking we are not suppose to be into this. Specifically from my communications what often appears to be the biggest road block of if I do something degrading does that actually make me or make the other person think lesser of me.

2) I think by far though the biggest reason is it can be a tremendous outlet based on Eastern culture obsession of strict formal behaviors and obsession like dedication to being respectful of others and our appearance and actions to non family is always a reflection on our family.

Eastern respect(face) is a novel in itself to explain but for this purpose it is not only to present yourself properly in public, adhere to family principals and to strive for a level of excellence. This obviously includes do not to do anything in public that is not considered proper but also plays a large role within the family dynamic. This is especially driven home that everything you do is a reflection on your family so that only amounts to a certain pressure/stress in areas of our lives.

So for a blow of pent up stress in this area an outlet like intentionally doing humiliating or degrading things in private helps relieve the pressure for some and in my opinion why Asians probably indulge in humiliation and degradation play at a higher percentage, but certainly not all and obviously still a small minority.

To me this is not uncommon. Look at many of the Japanese game shows that you have seen in humor segments on news shows that almost all of them have to deal with public humiliation but it an acceptable setting. Look at how many normally conservative appearing women slut it up for Halloween parties or have little problem wearing revealing bikinis on a beach. Why do many act quite differently when on vacation, say Las Vegas? I think what is common to all of these things is letting out some pent up frustration of having to hide ourselves a little bit and these are all venues where they are considered acceptable behavior.

I do not think Asians have it in their genes I just think because of our culture there is more stress that can get released by humiliation and degradation play. I also believe our culture does not tie in sex with spirituality like Western culture does and in the privacy of our own homes allows the potential to accept exploring this avenue.

It Is What It Is

The human brain is complex not linear

Often in life we tend to make gross generalizations. Often ones having to do with other people and/or some one size fit all type statement are particularly bad and offensive that deserve any beat down they get when heard or read. Then there are statements and thoughts about a specific topic or ourselves that appear simple and straightforward but the truth is they too can be gross generalizations that with more thought are usually not so absolute.

We often like to make our beliefs and personal preferences and thoughts as logical facts. The fact is the human brain controls us and it is not a logic/fact machine but one that throws in the spectrum of thoughts, emotions, experiences and the kitchen sink into everything we do. Therefore most things might have a common thought for most people and some things can very from person to person. The big factor is our own brain. The classic example to me is does penis size matter. The logical scientists always want to point out about where the nerve endings in a woman’s vagina are. But the fact is a woman’s pleasure with sex also has a lot to do with their brain and if their head thinks size matters then all the nerve endings at the end of the vagina in the world will not matter.

I got thinking about this after some conversation where I work and then stumbling upon a few of the usual type questions and statements the power exchange life love to debate. The answer for most of the example that follow is that it may be one thing/thought primarily for one person but can be a different one thought primarily for another and be completely a different thought to both when altering their thought parameters.

It often about context

One of the more common questions of this genre that I have often heard is people trying to define oral sex as a submissive act or not. Often this is played out in terms of is oral sex itself submissive or the stupid debate of should a dominant even give oral sex to their slave as it is not a dominant act.

Again it depends on the person and the situation; certainly being ordered to give a blow job when one is not thinking or particularly in the mood would be a submissive act to most people. But I would think for most people initiating oral sex in a no strings/reciprocal way would not be submissive. Then there is the often communicated desire for a submissive woman who is in a domestic discipline relationship that strongly wants to suck the cock of her man after a spanking and/or corner time has happen. Certainly our submissive feelings are strong in that moment but at least for me this desire to want to do that to my man has less about our dynamic and more about my stroked desire to show my love by an performing an intimate act of pleasure. So I do not necessarily equate it as a submissive act for myself but could see why one would.

Then it can just be a constant

Sometimes context does not control the feelings one has but at best merely might lighten or deepen the feeling. A good example with me is anal sex. This always feels submissive to me no matter what context. Even when I have done this without any power exchange aspect around with or without people in the life anal sex always feels submissive for me personally. Certainly and I think obviously there are many people within the life that anal sex gives off no submissive feelings as well.

Again our human brain is tricky and unique. So for me and my example my initial reaction to being penetrated is a that is not natural and not as pleasurable as regular intercourse while others on the opposite end might be thinking pleasure time has begun. Then there are the ones in between where context will mean everything.

Even if something to the person is a constant does not mean to believe everyone has that same feeling constantly for that thing.

For consideration and communication

My reason for what I have written is for both roles in the power exchange dynamic to understand themselves and the other person in terms of these feelings from an individual level and not from a theoretical level and maybe more importantly be accepting of the answers you get.

It may be nice to think a slave just naturally gets direct pleasure by doing their domestic duties for their dominant but if the slave only gets the overall pleasure of pride and caring that they create a good home for their family and loved one then that needs to be respected. This is also why it is actually easy to administer a spanking to a masochist for a punishment in which they do go through the stages of punishment as the context is completely different then if for pleasure.

Understanding the other’s feelings and if context is important or everything in certain acts can go a long way in making a power exchange relationship go more smoother and maximize the good feelings. Accepting the human brain can treat something a way you do not think is “normal” or logical is an important and way more beneficial then preaching how it should think.

Successful Long Distance Courtship

There are many who say that internet dating or long distance relationships cannot be done but here is not one but both a success story.

Background

I am more move friendly then most. I have moved seven times and lived in two different countries, two different cultures, and five states before I turned thirty. The current state I was living in I had only been there a few years and no family was there so my ties were just not there outside of my enjoyment of where I worked.

Career wise as an RN I am extremely fortunate to have opportunities pretty much everywhere so finding a job was not a problem. Overall, I just was not anchored and for that reason alone made my journey to move to another state to be with my Master easier then most.

Early contact

We met on my site of preference where he wrote me a beautiful and fairly short message which I have saved and look at often still today. It was three paragraphs long and summed up me and what I was all about like he just got me. It was creepy and exciting all the same time.

After that it was exchange Emails and telephone calls for a little over three weeks until I traveled to him to meet the first time.

First Meeting

Despite the erotic fiction out there and maybe a more power exchange romantic thought of a first meet I did not meet him nude in my hotel room. I did not take orders from him on our first date. We acted like any other couple on a first date, of course three weeks of incredible dialog and so much in agreement it did not feel like a first date after the first fifteen minutes or so.

Rest of the Weekend

Did normal couple things and no orders or anything construed as kinky and every second becoming better then the next. We did have sex; hey if you read this blog you can get an accurate picture I have said no to sex very few times in my entire life.

Next weekend

He came to visit me and more cool couple stuff, sex and yes are first foray into the kinky things. Everything went awesome and the morning before he left we had our first serious sit down discussion mapping out and agreeing to how we wanted to proceed and agreed to give over power when in his presence.


Must add we had also talked and we had both talk about and agreed to the need to build up from scratch and not dive deep in. So giving power over was not a situation where he would do something outrageous or not in context with where we were in the relationship. But both of us had zero desire, bonding point, to have our relationship be anything but power exchanged based. In other words we were not trying to establish a regular relationship and then move into a power exchange one.

What happen next

To quickly finish the timeline we spent the next six months slowly progressing into our relationship until he asked me to move in with him which by then was just a simple statement of fact as far as I was concerned. A little after six months I became his 24/7 slave in real time.

Our dealings with the distance

One of our bonding things were neither was interested in trying to keep up the dynamic through telephone and Email. When we were not together he did not control my life or give orders unless just for his fun.

I worked nights he works normal hours. Often during the work week there were some days any phone calls let alone long lasting ones were impossible. We simply agreed not to worry about this and never had an issue with one avoiding contact. In fact if William was writing this he might tell you that one of the things he liked best about me was that I did not require daily phone calls lasting hours. In fact he might rank that higher then I would be comfortable with. ;)

We were also fortunate because of or jobs flexibility and income levels that money was not an issue. With that we were able to never go more then ten days and usually a week or less without seeing each other. So this was six months with a lot of human contact and not just six months and three real time visits for example.

What I think we did right I have not read about a lot

1) We saw each other as much as possible and based it on our time together in real time then time spent overall together.

2) We made sure pretty much early on to make a conscious effort to try to make are time together as “normal” as possible. It could be so easy to just spend most of the time in bed for the few days we would have but we consciously avoided that temptation. I spent time cooking and cleaning for him and much to my stubbornness he would do the same too much. Because of my job I would have days off in the middle of the week and allowed the great opportunity to be with him for “mundane” days and not just “special weekends”.

3) We did not burden one or the other with trying to maintain the power exchange and M/s level when we were a part. Not saying people cannot do that but my belief it is different and not the same and if this causes one or both to get drained or drown over the pressure to do then that can be a major problem.

4) We only had our relationship be power exchange. To each their own but to me when trying to deal with long distance relationship is really tough then to throw in establishing a regular relationship and then transitioning into a 24/7 total power exchange relationship there is a ton of extra stuff there along with a different set of compatibility issues to just move without that already working as best as it can.

What I think we did wrong

Nothing my Master is perfect and by default that makes me perfect. ;)

1) Did not make enough effort establishing relationships with other people in the new city. This is difficult for me to do in general but the early months would have been way better if I had spent more time with his family and some of his friends. I would have been more comfortable when he was away so much that part was a struggle.

2) We assumed that we had everything covered. We did not both in the dynamic, feelings and our general self. If I was to do it all over again I think we would have had several sit down serious conversations early on so we both were on the same page.

So there you have it one successful long distance relationship into a total power exchange relationship. Granted our circumstances were more ideal then most to give us maybe a better chance at success but still those who say it cannot be done here is my tongue sticking outside of my mouth!

No on/off switch

No enhancements

When discussing Total Power Exchange (TPE) relationship it seems quite obvious that with the word total it is assumed almost most or all power is giving over to the dominant. But what can be a problem is from both ends truly understanding and maybe more importantly the complexity of living truly this way.

I got myself in trouble again by not being able to skip reading a profile on my way to reading my messages and it was from a man who proceeded to want a slave for a TPE and then listed what he wanted like he was ordering from a made to order robot catalog. What I mean he clearly just wanted his life now and for a woman to fit in while still being 24/7 TPE slave for him. To use just how he wanted and pretty much a typical woman outside of when he wanted to engage and I do not mean just on kink and sex, in other words, a slave with an on/off switch for his convenience.

If you want another person to commit to you fully you have to commit to the other fully

What I just wrote sounds like me warning dominants that they must also fully commit but I wrote it as an important reminder for both roles. It is very simple, if you enter into any type of relationship where you expect the person to be 100% committed, as in this person is only to be with you for all things we normally constitute as what we get and expect as couples, then we have to supply the same things back to them. Dominant or submissive this goes as it is quite simply the way it is.

What I am next about to type should be the most blatantly obvious thing I have ever written in my life. When someone commits to us part of the deal is they will from need through just want some or many things they can only get with being with another person now are responsibilities for us. We are talking about basic companionship, sex, financial, emotional and physical security off the top of my head.

Theorized quicksand

Here are some stereotypes of people calling themselves dominants or submissives who fail to comprehend such a simple and obvious fact.

1) Dominants who want a completely regular relationship except for on demand total obedience, the proverbial slave with an on/off switch.
2) Submissives who want a dominant to have an on/off switch so they can do basically what they want and want to give up power on their terms and especially their time table.
3) Couples looking for a third basically for domestic duties.
4) Dominants, primarily females, who will not or very little do any sexual/intimate let alone sex with their slave but still expect to find a slave to be totally dedicated to them in a major and exclusive relationship.

All these people have one thing in common and that is they do not want to accept responsibility and owe time to the needs and strong desires of the people they want total commitment from. I called this section “theorized quicksand” because this group and others not thought of off the top of my head are the world leaders of the crime “cyber theorist”. Life does not work in their favor to get the perfect set up so they make things up that go against logic and basic human beings 101 and get on their pedestal to preach it. In the end these people either find their needle in the haystack person or never find another or find but never can hold onto another.

This also very much includes the mindset of another

Getting back to my original example of the guy only wanting a slave to be slave like when he needed it, he was very honest and I commend him for that. He clearly communicated a desire to do what he wanted in life which was to hang out with the boys and come home to a nice house without any responsibility on his end while still, again on his absolute terms, have his slave do anything at anytime but outside of all this the woman would be free to be herself.

Why this is he does not get it is simply because he wants total committed servitude but only randomly all the while clearly communicating no responsibility of effort on his part for his slave. The part though I want to comment on is the be on your own except when I feel like it then it is 100% total as this is an impossible mindset.

A slave cannot be deeply submissive without any consistency let alone go from being a Sex in the City woman to slave on demand. The mind and personality just does not work that way. What we do that is slave like is not about on demand in the moment but an overall personality and attaining and maintaining a submission level that is compatible for all the people in the relationship.

Slaves I will not let off easy

Since I have bashed dominants more I will bash slaves a little here.

Most women and certainly slaves are attracted to men who are leaders/take charge type people. Slaves we are also particular to men who can communicate what they want and can easily take charge of a situation and especially our relationship with them. Like the section above a dominant that has these qualities that we want there is a mindset in those qualities that we as submissives must accept that they do not want or have the ability to turn this on and off at will.

The fact is if you want a TPE relationship this simply means as a slave you must accept that your life is going to revolve around the dominant and not treat it as simply an addition to your current life but is in fact a life changing thing. There is a difference between a dominant not stepping up to the plate for real life things as well as your needs and strong desires they are called poor significant other. But it is a slave’s duty to comprehend and understand the difference of sacrifice of life being once basically just being about you and life now being more about the dominant.

Simply put a dominant looking for TPE is not looking to become a glorified mind reader and willing to turn his dominance on and off based on your own desires and whims.

The good comes with the bad

TPE relationships are not some magical cure allowing one to live their life perfectly and use the dynamic as a power tool that can be turned on and off when convenient for one person in the relationship. To get to that level and maintain it requires sacrifice from both parties and acceptance that it will affect all aspects of the relationship and the individual to a certain extent and to accept complete responsibility for the other person’s needs and strong desires period.

Is sex separate?

Reposted from my FAQ blog as I thought it was a good companion piece to the post above. In some way you could substitute sex with any other thing we rely on our significant other to give us that would fall to us as a need or strong desire but sex is the one that certain cyber theorist love to think is irrelevant drive for a submissive.

Is sex separate from BDSM and other kinks, D/s and M/s?

I am absolute in my belief in this issue and will write soon about sex and power exchange in a large post but want to get this down now.

Sex is a drive that goes up to the line between strong desire and need. Most human beings have zero desire not to try to have a satisfying sex life. Sex is also something that in many of us driven to heighten desire with intimacy with a person we love. Wedding nights and anniversaries couples are not making the effort to be alone together so they can break out a nice private card game.

When doing BDSM things with our other they can and often tend to be intimate experiences on some level. So even when not done for sexual pleasure the mind is often still going in areas where sexual desires will come spilling out. It is like giving your other a massage in your bed while naked. It does not have to be sexual, it can be totally sexual and it may or may not directly lead to sex.

So do any acts or pure power dynamic it is always about sex. Certainly not none of it has to be. The overwhelming odds though are if you are doing these acts and only with the one person you love that these acts and sex will intertwine in potentially a variety of ways.

Why do some then promote this life has nothing to do with sex?

Because they are extremely selfish human beings or in self denial to themselves and others involved with them period!

Again sex is a drive for a human being and one where most of us will insist on trying to be satisfied in this area. The ones who preach this garbage do it for various selfish reasons.

1) People with abnormally low or none (asexual) sex drives. They use power exchange as a way to try to find love and commitment but with little sex or none as possible.

2) Married people who wander outside their marriage to get their BDSM/kinks desires satisfied. They do not have sex with the people they play with (they already have a sexual outlet) and like to promote no sex so potential partners who this has a sexual factor will not try anything sexual.

3) Couples or even single people who only want parts of another human being but not the whole of a person and use power exchange to try to get that. They want the submissive to be totally dedicated to them but they do not want the responsibility of the other side of the equation. These are the people looking for free maids, cooks, babysitters, personal assistants and general free laborers. As you can probably tell by my words I find this particular group to be quite disgusting because of just how ignorant and selfish they truly are.

Now of course there are submissive people who are more then happy to be treated this way and not have sex or it is very limited. They may also have low or no sex drives and other perfectly good reasons. But these people are like finding a needle in a haystack.

Why I particularly hate this group of people is because they refuse to acknowledge what they are looking for is very rare but instead try to convert everyone to the belief power exchange does not have to include sex. That submissive’s really only need to please their others to be happy and any other needs/desires means they are fakes and losers. That somehow submissives are less human because that can be the only logical conclusion why they think we are such incomplete human beings.

Sorry

I want to apologize for not posting as much as I have been. I knew I would not keep up the pace I was but even then and now my desire is to post several times a week. I know it is free and neither you reading this or me are under any obligation but I just know personally I hate when I click on a blog or any other site expecting something and for nothing or very little to materialize.

Excuses or any other reasons are in the end meaningless but I write this post today just to communicate I should be picking up the pace shortly and unusual outside influences were the biggest reason for the lack of posts. I have very much enjoyed writing this and have opened many interesting discussions with some friends who read this and was especially nice to re-connect with a former good friend in a former local community who just happened to stumble onto my blog. It has been nice to re-connect to her again and because of her I was able to give my Master one heck of a birthday present he is still talking about.

So look for things to pick up again shortly and appreciate everyone who stumbles on to my blog and any regular readers. I am going to close out my Random Musings log and post those type things on this one. I will also re-post some of my favorites from there over time so not to look like I am real lazy.

Thanks again and may all of you have positive things going on and minor or no bad things.

Lin