Expectations

A woman wrote me about something they were very excited to try that she had gotten from something I wrote, nothing original mind you. What she wrote after getting her Master to try it was what is often a common problem we have as slaves, especially starting out and that is managing our expectations of how things are going to go or suppose to be.

Let me write about expectations of a slave in two areas in scenes and in general.

Scenes

We want magic and we want it without much thought and effort. But often magic does not come or at least comes the first time you experience something. It is quite common to here things like “It did not go like I had imagined” or “We have tried this but I did not really like it. Am I submissive like I thought?”

Often our expectations are out of whack from reality for various reasons.

Taking what we read and here from other people and wanting to feel that way so we transfer what they say they do to us and expect instant same feelings. The facts are there are often three ways to get pleasure from scenes. You have a thing for what is being done like a masochist enjoys their ass getting whipped. You have a thing for power exercised over you so that what does it for you when your other does things that are intense. Or you feed off pleasing your other and seeing them takes pleasure in your suffering.

Being submissive does not mean being a masochist and getting off or instant sub space when pain is inflicted on us. What works for us or what does not work for us is on an individual by individual basis.

Lose the desire and expectation of the fairytale. Think of scenes like you would think of sex. Being stressed out and worried because of the unknown of what is to be done or the other person generally leads to crappy sex. Most great sex is when we are relaxed and comfortable and have a clue of what is going to happen. This can go for many people with scenes as well. It takes time and trust for both people to get to the place and for helping the other get to the place they want. It can and often is a process to get comfortable and relaxed when doing these things with another person regardless of one’s experience on the other end. All the dreams, stories you heard and masturbating sessions of how something went in your mind will very rarely get replayed the first time you do something. Hopefully it might get close or at least show strong signs of it will get there but often think of first times as practice.

Fairytale expectations compared to real life are an exercise in disappointment and confusion.

Sometimes we just have to be there for them. If something just does not do it for you no matter the times and comfort level then it might just not do it for you. If you are n a M/s or some other loving type relationships then sometimes we might have to decide to be there just for them and suffer for love. That in itself can be a very nice feeling and returned to you by your other in appreciation in other areas of your life.

Expectations of the life of a 24/7 slave

“We expanded into 24/7 but nothing seems different.” or “My Master stopped doing anything.”

These and the variation to these are the two most common problems submissives ask for advice on when coming to message boards. They also get two flippant and taken on face value idiotic pieces of advice. “Dump him he is a fake Master.” or “You as the slave need to try to be a lot more submissive and proactive in serving.” The problem why I hate the answers given like they are is because there is some to significant truth in them but not totally or automatic.

People often enter 24/7 relationships two ways that tend to skew expectations.

1) From first being a bedroom submissive. Expectations get skewed because let us face it whenever we are doing bedroom submissive stuff it is usually exciting and intense. But this also can really be a problem if one thinks that the feelings and submissive levels achieved with such intensity and exciting things can be kept up 24/7 with regular life and more mundane things. The fact is they cannot be.

2) From an established relationship whether long term or short term with the original goal to become Master/slave. I read a great line on a message board about the nothing happen when we went comment. The person wrote that forget the delusion of “naturally” being dominant or submissive that people’s default is vanilla. That just talking about going 24/7 M/s or agreeing on and signing a contract does not make the relationship change automatically.

The truth is that an M/s relationships can and often fail because one or both just do not have it in them to do it. There are dominants wanting an obedient spouse who likes kinky sex but has no ability or desire to lead and dominate like a slave needs. Or a sub wanted a take charge alpha spouse but thought they would just naturally do things they would do anyway or make them feel like doing things magically/wishful thinking. So the dump them comment if wanting an M/s relationship can often be the right answer.

The truth is that how both people focus, communicate and give effort on there end when in a power exchange relationship is critical and exponentially so when starting one up. We must be honest and accept we default to vanilla. So both roles must put effort into the relationship. Regular life we cannot affect greatly what that can do to us in a M/s relationship but feedback and atmosphere coming from our other carries tremendous weight. If both people are not proactive in their role and expect just the other to be fine in theirs is basically disaster waiting to happen.

Conclusion

There is nothing wrong with expectations as long as we keep them realistic both in scope and realizing many things take time and effort. But we must also be prepared that not every expectation in this life will come true or to the degree we thought. Expectations get satisfied with effort and understanding of how to achieve them. Most things in power exchange relationships this means constant communication, time for both to relax and trust each other and doing our end to create the atmosphere we are going after that will help greatly both people.

Random Opinions

The following are just some opinions that have more edge to them then I normally write. I normally try to write in a non judgmental way but these areas I do have stronger opinions and did not want to filter them.

Biggest do not get it for dominants when it comes to the punishment part of relationships is having it in the relationship and actually doing it shows your submissive you give a damn about the dynamic and the relationship. We submissives when serving on that level need and enjoy knowing that our submission is actually important to you and not just window dressing.

When people use the term natural in describing themselves or their relationship style whether dominant or submissive it is either as a cop out, ego boost and often both.

There is some irony to how to me what two different disciplines of power exchange are promoted. In M/s people spend most of their time talking about the kinky things and sex while often deflecting the effort, need to embrace and responsibility for both parties in the actual power being exchanged. Take in Hand people are far more open and discussing those things but like to distance themselves that a woman submitting to a man goes deep in the sexual area and things like a spanking are more then what they are talked about.

I also do not think that in my observation over time that many more women who embrace Take in Hand relationships often have trouble finding a man to embrace it or often look for how they can get their husband to live like this. While often it is the men in M/s that seem to always looking for a slave. I think there is a connection personally as many M/s men do not get what the Take in Hand men do.

I admire the openness of the Take in Hand people in how they are open about the submission of the woman from both genders. While I do not care that too many confuse this with man is strong and wise and woman is weak and vulnerable, I do admire the dialog and tend to read about them far more then M/s couples because of this who often only talk about it in a mythical fairytale setting.

Men spend way too little time thinking things through and especially about the why of things. Women spend way too much time thinking about those things. This is especially true in power exchange relationships type stuff.

It troubles me how society seems to be getting more and more Narcissistic. The whole pattern of having conversations via the telephone to Emails to IM to texting and now the latest Twitter to me reeks of I do not want my time wasted by friends and family. At my convenience I will communicate with you but I do not really want to know anything truly important in case it makes me feel guilty for not being there for them mentally.

Here is the deal in quick form about the attraction to bad boys as compared to often indifference to nice guys that many males do not get. It has nothing to do with a woman wanting to be treated like crap but a woman wanting not having to deal with passive aggressive men and feel like we are always playing mom to them. Bad boys tend to be way more direct in their communication and actions. They tend to take what they want and not do something in hopes it will get them what they want unlike many nice boys. They also often do not need to be made to feel they are awesome unlike many nice boys. When women play with bad boys they are simply self medicating from having to deal with too many nice boys who drain them with their issues.


Biggest difference between good sex and bad sex to a woman to me boils down to in good sex a man fucks his woman and in bad sex the man performs for his woman. Getting truly fucked often means we also feel the lust, love and attraction our other has for us and also lets us be free from having to think too much and just enjoy the ride. Performers block us from feeling what we want to feel and we have to spend too much effort mentally in the whole process to relax and let go. This is why orgasms are not the only thing to keep score with. I guarantee one fast quick lust filled I just have to fuck you wham bam too fast to orgasm for a woman will always be more well received after the fact then some guy whose every action and constant questioning of is this good who makes us orgasm once or twice but afterwards we feel nothing.

The biggest problem in communicating about power exchange relationships is the confusion and lack of point out the elephant in the room of the differences in range when things are discussed. Everyone has an opinion but they come from different perspectives. A bedroom only submissive has as much insight on punishment in an M/s relationship as they do on brain surgery if they are an art teacher. But that does not stop them from sharing an opinion or misleading others about their dynamic when they weigh in on the subject.

Reminds me of the obvious difference that few want to admit to, there is a huge difference between people who primary or only experience is top/bottom activity within their local community dungeons and private parties and people who play within a long term loving relationship when it comes to the kinks. For people this is basically only local community whether by choice or necessity things like safety and negotiation are critical to express and promote you do. In loving long term relationships these concepts are just a given. So when the local community safety police speak up whenever people like me communicate things without chest thumping safety they think they are being wise but they just expose themselves to what they are, no relationship experienced wannabes.

I will say this to I am blue in the face local communities have a very limited service. You can be active as part of your social life or you can use them to guide/learn and find your other to have a personal life. I recommend everyone new to try to search out your local community and try it but I also recommend that if you truly do want a power exchange relationship not to take a lot of what is said and seen in them as gospel. They can be good exposure and good for learning physical facts and basic safety stuff but they are also horrible at confusing people. Kinky things are both directly and indirectly often thought as mutual fun things and in power exchange relationship the kinky things are often that and so much more with that more being vitally important. If you want a power exchange relationship do not make your local community your social life and avoid both the dominants and submissives that have made it theirs. That includes you! Realize learning to play in a scene, negotiate and learn various toys has nothing to do with pursuing another and learning and living in a power exchange relationship.

At least 90% of affairs are not caused because the cheating spouse just needs excitement of a different sexual conquest and has a character defect that will always make them cheat. 90% of affairs are because the cheating spouse is not getting their needs met from their other and especially so in terms of sex and feeling sexually desirable. So if you do not want to ever worry about spouse cheating for the most part keep them well fucked on their terms, not yours, and make sure you not just say but show them how much they do it for you in bed.

Most women will only respect a man who will stand up to them. The reason is fairly basic. We will fall for, submit to, love and therefore become vulnerable to a man we feel can protect us and make us feel secure. What men do not get it is not safe from them but safe from the world so we can let our guard down. A man that we can walk over we will wonder who else will walk over him and how is he going to protect us we will not respect. While this maybe done subconsciously so most women can deny this, if you look closely it is always there. A woman leaves a man who stands up to us but treats us like crap. A woman walks all over a man who does not stand up to her until he leaves her. A woman cherishes and tries her hardest to hold a man who stands up to us but still treats us with love and priority.

Cock Worship

Well if there is one thing our group can do is make everything we do sound quite pretenscious. My mind on one hand think this is just another in a long line of making up something that a male dominant likes done into some righteous act. On the other hand a cock slut with an oral fixation who loves all the sensations a cock and balls can bring when I am down there for as long as I can it has to be called something.

What is cock worship?

Quite simply it is way more then just a blow job. It is paying attention in a very admirable way a man’s cock, balls and even ass to many. It is not about getting the Master’s cock hard and eventually an orgasm although that usually happens but to literally taste, smell, caress, lick, suck, look at admirably and touch in a way to show or love, respect and lust for something that not only gives us such pleasure but is clearly so important to our man.

Why do men like this?

Well the quick answer is why would they not. But that makes for not a blog entry. So lets us “blow off” the perhaps main reason in our heads of pure sexual arousal and focus on some of the psychological aspects.

Let us go back in time to let us say forever. Why do men love oral sex so much? My answer lies in the age old cliché and general practice of…

Fuck the slut and marry the virgin

But come on Lin, is not what most male dominants want is their woman to be a slut and enjoy putting out when and how they want it? The answer is a big yes but most men want their woman to lust for them and their specific cock and not just lust after sex and any cock. Sure there is an aspect of the good girl for public appearance and raising children but they still want the good girl to be a slut for them. So I never buy into those two things being the drive for most men not to go after sluts.

No most men avoid sluts out of insecurity and ego issues. They and certainly this is going to be subconscious but I read and hear this constantly of the idiotic thought of two things. If a woman loves any cock why would she be faithful and the best fuck of her life will always win her heart.

We see this time and time again in society. How many of us know women who fucked anything that had a cock but as soon as they wanted to settle down re-invented themselves into Miss Conservative to the point of bashing other women that could not keep up with them sexually? It happens constantly. Why? Because that is what the serious in settling down male goes hunting after. This is also very much the case for most men in the power exchange life.

Then why is cock worship a big thing?

We can spend the rest of our lives uttering the words “I love you” and “I love our sex life” and they just will only get us so far. If we do not have actions that back this up through our others eye’s the word not only becomes meaningless but they can often feel manipulative and cutting.

A good old blow job where nothing is to be reciprocated is one of the most if not the biggest standard “I love you” things we women can do for our man. Let us face it an orgasm is what men like. Hell we like then as well so let us stop being politically correct. Oral sex the right way can simply be a crystal clear message of how much we care and want the other to be very happy!

Probably most reading this from either gender have known the difference in oral sex because the person just wants to pleasure the other and oral sex because they only think the other expects it or it is some form of barter. So whether the person just wants the other to think they are good in bed, get a favor from the other, you did or will do me if I now do you and things like this. The no strings blow job is a declaration of love and cock worship is taking it to another level.

Cock worshipping is attaching your sluthood to your other. It is declaring your lust for them sexually by pointing out their cock and balls to be gloriously enjoyable for you to interact with. It is a strong statement of I am a complete slut for you and not what any old hard cock can do to my pussy.

Atmosphere wins again

Men and especially men that love us are just like us in many ways. One of them is the more they know we enjoy something the more they will feel confident and free to indulge in it. Cock worshipping can give great confidence for a Master to know that it is ok for him to indulge in his favorite thing. That we are not only ok in it but we want you to. There just is nothing wrong with creating an atmosphere in your relationship where sexual activity is considered welcomed. Where a man can be confident in being sexual with his woman and that she indeed is a slut for his cock and this also includes power exchange ones. It is practice and not words that creates the atmosphere we want in our relationship.

Cock worship may indeed sound quite pretentious but so what; you will not hear this from some cock loving slut like me. Now when will my Master be home…

Guilt by Example

I get asked occasionally in cyber and use to get asked constantly in my days active in various local communities if my identifying as a slave and outward behavior do I ever feel guilty that I can represent the false stereotype of Asian women are submissive. My always quick answer is a firm no and a roll of my eyes. Why should I be condemn to live a life and behave in a way because of the idiots in the world who have simplified my race and gender to a false stereotype or to certain fellow Asians who seem too obsessed in making the sure the world thinks exactly like they do. Simply no thank you, I embrace who I am and even behaviors I have that are Eastern cultured based that can be subject to an idiots interpretation.

I often try to avoid talk about racism for a couple of reasons. First as an Asian woman I perhaps have the lowest hurdle as a minority which is still not to write it has or will not happen in terms of racism and stereotypes because it has and does. I know compared to Asian men and African-Americans I have it quite easy. Second whenever discussing racism as a large topic in general one has to factor a common scope that is almost impossible to agree on. What I mean by scope how people often define something being racist rather then something just being ignorant or stupid can always be different.

For example, if I go to eat at a good restaurant and I ask the waiter what are the side dishes the odds are good that rice will either get mentioned first and probably no later then second. Is that racist? To some that would be but to me it is just lame ignorance and the waiter just trying to be in some combination lazy/efficient. Why, is because the waiter will do this to everyone not just the Asian. The waiter will inevitably with the same question say mixed vegetables to the thin Caucasian woman. The waiter will inevitably start with French fries and types of baked potatoes to an overweight person. So a person that sees race in everything will just focus on their slight or a person who down plays everything just thinks it is a case of a waiter guessing without judgment.

Now for a more direct example in terms of what I have been writing about. Back in college I lived only forty-five minutes away from my parents. This meant I was not excused from many social functions which they enjoy throwing. This also meant getting dressed up and for my Mom that was non negotiable in traditional Taiwanese style which I would do before leaving my dorm. One day after such an event a couple of floor mates who were of Asian ethnicity came into my room to discuss in what I would call somewhat in a intervention way my dressing this way. They wanted to inform me that it was embarrassing and demeaning to them. I hope needless to write this came as quite a shock to me.

As the conversation went on I learned that a boyfriend of one of them saw me dressed that way and wonder if they had some similar outfits and some other people did make some inappropriate comments in our dorm from seeing me dressed that particular way. They “communicated” to me that as an American I had the right to wear what I want and if I “could not” do that I could dress once I got to my home. I “communicated” to them that I been in America for over a decade, was a citizen just like them and that maybe they could tell by my lack of any accent. Plus I would dress how I damn well wanted to which I was very proud of my culture to dress in a more traditional way. So in this example we have ugliness from a couple of sources the people making comments to the women and the women to me. This is not uncommon from my experiences of being mixed cultured. I have also many experiences of the opposite of not being “Asian” enough as well.

The morals of this blog entry, when you cannot win it can be quite easy not having to try then and ignorance invades all races.

Asian Females are Submissive – Redux

My least favorite writing was on this very subject last March. I rambled and it was an overall mess. I want to try again.

The stereotype of Asian women being submissive and in general oppressed in the culture is based on non consistent observations and failure to understand the difference in cultures by how they have developed through time and from the differences in the spirituality/religion that is in any cultures foundation no matter what an individual practices.

First here is the actual fact of the matter, Asian women are not remotely naturally submissive and while culture can make complete freedom of choice not a reality by no means that Asian women are oppressed and miserable for it. In fact comparing an Asian women to a Western women life and freedoms you will see immensely most things very similar then different.

Why does this myth get perpetuated so much?

1) People observe limited things and make grandiose judgments.

Someone goes over to an Asian country for a limited time and only observes public behavior. So they see the women doing what looks like submissive things like walk behind their men, wait on them and in general very respectful. They make the erroneous assumption they are like this 24/7. This is wrong and one not just read a definition but truly understands the concept of face (respect) to all Asian people not just men or top business people.

Now to truly get face one could write a novel and still may scratch the surface of it but for the sake of simplicity it is about respecting others in public behaviors and actions. No Asian wants to be disrespected in public. It is truly a huge thing. The problem when discussing face is it is based on Eastern thoughts and terms and not Western. Couples are not going to bad mouth or any other action to show anything but harmony for each other in a public setting. But put them in private and all bets are off. But Asians are way more private then Westerners so to see this side of them is rare even if you spend time with them. For example a private chat between two friends at home a wife can bash her man for three straight hours but with those same friends at some public party not a word. By the way, this goes for the men too. Are there exceptions, of course, but that is more about gray areas and people’s character and not about submissiveness and oppression.

The other part Westerners fail to see is that Eastern culture has a hierarchal bent to it and is quite formalized. So see a women walking behind her man and think submissive is lame because you will see the President of a large corporation walk behind and get the door for the CEO of that company. It crosses gender.

2) We in the power exchange community are idiots about assigning everyday tasks as dominant or submissive.

Cooking a meal does not make one submissive. It just means a person is cooking a meal. Not working or taking a job below ones qualifications in order to take care of the children is not submissive by the act itself. In fact most Western women make this exact same decision and often have to argue with their husband to do this. Hardly submissive! Making a decision or expressing an opinion is not a dominant gesture or a sign of strength just because.

But for some reason if a stranger does these things and especially if we have a language barrier then all of a sudden we imagine a power exchange dynamic to it. It is simply asinine.

3) Asians raised/lived all or mostly in Western culture often help give fuel to this myth.

Sounds racist or turncoat I know but it sadly very truthful in my experiences. I consider myself at times a person without a culture because I believe and live many aspects of both cultures and do not identify mainly with just one. I spent so much time in my informative years in both and taught by my parents to respect both. I remember going to college at a school that has a large Asian student body thinking that would be really helpful and found just the opposite. I found many Asian Americans that grew up entirely in the western culture trash their own race and Eastern culture which they were quite clueless about as most young adults who choose to trash the repressive elders called parents and grandparents.

The problem is they feel the affects of racism and idiotic stereotypes as much as people like me do so their views have to be respected but that also gives them an unfortunate free pass and assumption of knowing Eastern culture that I have found to be sorely lacking when it comes to the relationship dynamics of men and women. Quite simply they often are the biggest promoters of the whole Asian females in Eastern culture are submissive or oppressed.

Differences even slight ones can freak out people that they will unfairly judge different as being bad in some way. This transcends races or gender.

If most Asian women are not all either submissive or oppressed then why are so many ok being in a more traditional role marriage?

It has to do with the difference between Western and Eastern spirituality.

Western spirituality is individualistic. It is about accomplishment of being someone. It is about moral statements of how we and things should be. Eastern spirituality is more about group interaction. It is about learning and understanding how things actually are and how they interact with one another. It is about responsibility to the group over one self.

So how is this expressed in many relationships?


In Western culture you get everything often based on an individual thought process. You get the preaching of a women can have it all, a great career, husband and children. But very little teaching of how that interacts with the husband and children as individuals and not mythical objects. Very little teaching of how to get things or the effort/sacrifice to get some but cannot really all have. Just be this and it should be this way type thoughts.

In Eastern culture you are taught to see things for how they are and interact (Yin/Yang) including men, women and relationships. You can learn to be loved and cherished requires you to love and cherish as well and especially not as a condition to. You will learn to love and cherish your family often means not being able to love and cherish some awesome trendsetting career.

How does reality between the two play out?

Certainly they are more similar then different as there are plenty of wonderful loving and satisfying relationships and plenty of bad relationships in both cultures. The difference though often comes to awareness of what it takes. In Western relationships people can be too prone to bristle and rebel when the dichotomy of what we think life should be like and what life is actually like and especially when we filer other human beings we interact with in relationships. This can lead to the resentment or maybe a milder way to put it frustration of balancing false expectations and reality. Eastern relationships have the same things but have been taught to see the connections, dependencies and limitations of things. Does not mean they are any happier because of it but they understand and accept them better.

Let me be very blunt and discard the exceptions to the rule and focus on the majority, a woman who will marry and have children. Both cultures this will mean the woman will either stop working, take a part time job or limit a full time career path. Most women will be the prime caretaker of the children. Most will do at least the majority of the domestic chores. What they will also have in common is that 99% of them never thought or communicated something like “I wanted my husband to play Mr. Mom and quit his job or cut back severely while I worked long hours, nights, weekends and traveled for mine.” Sorry oppression is simply not a valid argument in my eyes.

For many Western women this example still they bristle with what ifs, hate to do stuff and compartmentalize their love of their children separate from the sacrifice of other things it took. For many Eastern women they accept and embrace their main desire of taking care of their children and what that all entails by seeing how it is all connected. Do some wish they could see how far they could have gotten in a career, of course. Do some or many dislike chores, of course. But they accept it is part of their life and simply see no benefit complaining about it or wishing all hassles away.

This thought process is in their relationship between man and wife as well. Want a loving relationship and for the other to love and take care of you in the way you want to be in a realistic fashion? Then what do I have to do so the other feels loved and taken care of in a realistic fashion? Western focuses on themselves and judges things right or wrong like it is a campaign far too often. Eastern it is simply more accepted to be ok with the differences between men and women.


So often when you see an Asian woman fussing, spoiling and even looking submissive to their other it has nothing to do with being submissive or oppressed. It is simply because they know these actions are their contribution to showing their love and devotion to their other and this will in return in equal effort and appreciation the man doing things that show how love and devotion toward their other on their terms. In all honesty in some ways far more manipulative then submissive! Again to point out divorce rates are not any different in either cultures. Incompatibility and selfish people know no culture influence as a cause.

Conclusion

Looking at brief glances of public behavior that seems more different then actuality because of the setting and maybe language differences does not mean Asian women are submissive. Seeing maybe by a percentage more Asian women accepting of traditional roles including spoiling her man is not as submissive but more understanding how things are connected in life between people and what can be controlled and not.

Think one can find any Asian woman to be their submissive or automatically embrace a traditional role because that is just how they are and that translates directly to Western traditional role is quite ignorant.

Amendment

I wanted to talk about oppression in Eastern society a little. Is there oppression, yes there are things that even in the modern world many/most/I find troubling. You will still find in poor rural areas still some arranged marriages then marriages out of love. You will still see too many trapped in bad marriages because they have no realistic option in order to survive. Eastern culture does have a hierarchal bent toward it and this can lead to selfish decisions in a relationship that most of us would not respect.

But all of these things are the minority. People in very rural America who also would not consider moving to a big city have limited options as well, not the same of course but both are not necessarily under gun point to be in their situation as well.

The real most oppressive thing going on that affects the majority of Eastern countries to this day and that it is still common to base jobs with gender. So for example a male nurse I doubt you would see very many if at all in many countries but you will also see few if any female doctors. It has gotten better in many countries to the point of actually a lot better. But it is still a big problem on the whole.

But when most write about oppression they write about the trapped traditional wife who could not work and therefore leave her bad husband. This is just fiction. As I wrote above divorce rates are just as high in Asian countries as Western countries. Women do work and just like Western women are more prone to voluntarily give up working or a career by their choice then be pressured by their husbands.

Happy and loving couples tend to transcend culture and tend to care about the other being happy more then they care about being happy. Bad relationships look the same way in both cultures as well lots of bickering or no talking and passive aggressive behaviors. Bad and selfish people are also in both cultures as well.

Asian Women Submissive-Bonus Material

Whenever I communicate about this myth I often get many responses from people who have spent time in Asian countries or Asians themselves and often point out obvious stuff that is more of the “No way in hell are they either submissive or anything like you say either” type comments. This and in preparing to post this I did some research of what is written in this are on the Internet I want to clarify or expand on some things that I wrote or gets often communicated to me. These are not meant purely debunking a myth but Asian women behavior in general.

1) My discussion is based on the myth more how it relates to submissive through the eyes of someone into power exchange relationships and not submissive in terms of how I regular relationship person might think of it. Sacrifice and deferring to another on your own terms in the when and why does not mean submissive to me. Just because a woman may fuss over their man does not make that submissive.

2) Most men who try to date Asian women are usually going to be seeing young adult females late teens early to mid twenties. Most are meeting these women in very social settings like bars. Asians are no different in their maturity process then anyone else. You are looking at ground zero of an age and type that is not the average Asian mature women but women enjoying being young and exploring life. Another huge ass myth not all Asian women crave to live away from their family in America or other Western well off countries.

3) When I write about an Asian woman understands and can fuss over and spoil their man as part of how to express love and devotion it is not a given or is it remotely no strings attached. It comes with huge ass strings. This concept needs to be taken with the concept of Yin/Yang in living in harmony. An Asian women might fuss and spoil over their man out of love and devotion but that is going to be contingent they get love and devotion back on their terms from the man. If those things do not happen all bets are off. This is also more about actual love then just designation of a boyfriend. To be on a couple of great dates or what she believes is more of a fling would never get this behavior. If she does not get back what she gives that puts the relationship out of harmony and look out!

4) “My girlfriend bitched at me constantly” or “I know a couple of Asian men real well and all they do is complain what bitches their wives are”. See number three about harmony in a relationship. For more normal terms see compatibility and needs/desires not getting satisfied. If one thinks these were or at least you thought you were doing the normal things one must realize what is normal and expected for a Westerner can be quite different then for an Easterner.

For example, your fling girlfriend might not know it was a fling or even if it was not a fling did you not take meeting and interacting with her family seriously. Did you blow off or infer that spending time with her family sucked. Did you stop taking her out on nights and places she normally is accustomed in going to going out? These are just a couple of examples of what Westerners might think no big deal but can be huge ass deals and make a relationship not be in harmony.

5) As written in #3 and #4 specific expectations are expected in return. My quick summary of the difference in cultures is that they are basically the same but everything is just more extreme and serious in the Eastern ways compared to Western ways. An Asian woman has expectations and obligations their man is suppose to take care of. These can be of the usual noble ones described by all but they can be also what many can find shallow but they are still to be taken very seriously. If you date someone from another culture no matter how open they are to yours they still often see things and expect things based on their values and culture. Most Western men fail in this area by not knowing what these are and often not liking how some are consider politically incorrect even if they are the same in the Western world. Just because you do not like it or it gets played down does not mean it is not extremely important.

The last two are responses for the many men that spend some time/more then a vacation in an Asian country but come back with often negative views about the country and the women.



6) Many that stay for awhile never bother to learn and follow the local customs and fail to learn even some basic phrases of the local language. Many of these people then complain about how rude everyone is to them including the women. Think of it this way, a friend comes and stays at your house for a weekend. You treat them like a guest and go out of your way to accommodate them without expecting them to contribute in some way. But what if a friend comes and stays with you for like six months. We expect them to pitch in their fair share of the household chores and living expenses. Many who go over to a foreign country hang out in Western friendly bars and with other Westerners and fail to learn let alone follow any of the local culture. Soon you become to the foreigners who you interact with on a consistent basis the friend who has stayed at the house for six months and still expects to be treated as a welcomed guest. You will simply get a different behavior toward your inconsideration toward them combined from your initial impression when they put their best foot forward and it will in fact be quite a drop in the way they treat you. You would do the same thing if someone did that to you.

7) Foreign women are not naïve. They know men from different countries are still men and most looking for company/sex for just their time in the country. Those who are into that just might not be the best sample of a typical Asian woman that hang out in Western friendly bars or gravitate in general to a Western man. A Western woman who spends her time in bars multiple time a week and other “hip” social events you pretty much know is going to expect a boyfriend of their to keep them entertained in this fashion. We also know that whether a phase or just who they are they are not expected to get married, pop out a child and live a complete domestic type life anytime soon. Do not expect an Eastern woman to be any different if she loves these things as well. Do not judge the people by one small sub set.

Why I took my blog down

I was ordered to and rightfully so by my Master to stop writing on it. I had a lot on my plate and put too much pressure on myself to post things that the reason for writing in the first place was no longer present. I made it blocked from anyone reading because I did not want to be one of those blogs that just stops and nice people keep clicking and wasting time if nothing new was posted.

I am not promising anymore new postings but at most sporadically. I also with encouragement from my Master told me I should vent more but we shall see if that is a direction I go. One of the points I needed to quit was I had about ten really good things I had started to write but when I would read them I did not recognize myself in the writing from the negative tone.

So I put this up because I do think there is some good stuff here for people to read as my blog has always been essay based talking about topics and not a life journal. I hope to contribute more but do not expect often and sometimes maybe just vents to blow off some steam.

Lin, still very much in love with my Master and the life of being a TPE slave.

Reading between the lines

Just felt like a little blow off steam but tried to pull it off with a lame message. Comes out a little too mean spirited on the person I use, but you really have to know this person.

Often when we rush into something or wish for something we ignore all warning signs and things end up biting us on the butt. I know a certain Mistress personally from over a decade ago, my how time flies. I see her pop up on all the message boards. Now I have referred to her in this blog as my favorite fake dominant because she has enough theoretical knowledge, experience of some nature and is active in local and even wider national community to look legit but underneath the outer coating is a major does not get it person.

Anyway I was reading her profile and just had one belly laugh after another. She has actually grown in many ways since I last knew her and her personal life but the growth is still that classic fit wishes and preferences backward into an M/s philosophy. Here are some lines I am paraphrasing but not distorting.

I am a poly Mistress. I am looking for two to three slaves that are service oriented in nature. I consider myself hetro-flexible although I prefer males but will consider an outstanding female. I expect my slaves to understand that a good slave is only concerned about obeying my orders, directions and pleasing me. A slave should only add to a home and not detract from one.

I do expect you to maintain full time employment. I am not insane and know that depending on the number of slaves living with me that with full time employment that sometimes you will not be able to do all the duties required of a good slave. I am willing then to do things although I will do only the ones that least bother me.

I am not into punishments as good slaves should have self discipline and a work ethic. I will reward slaves in the kinky things for outstanding work. I do require you to initiate sex but always respecting no and not to ever harass me about it.

Now I will break this down and with my personal knowledge of her and my former owners who know her all too well and have known her and many and I mean many of the men who fooled themselves thinking she was a Mistress. I will decode these words. I will be honest I will guess most of you can decode these words without knowing her.

I am a poly Mistress. I am looking for two to three slaves that are service oriented in nature. – After twenty years of looking for a slave that would put up with me not lifting a finger I am now deeming myself poly and seeing if multiple slaves will add up to me not lifting a finger or any effort toward my slaves.

I consider myself hetro-flexible although I prefer males but will consider an outstanding female. – I was totally straight until I turned forty. In fact I use to make degrading comments and was quite the homophobe including lesbians. But I really hate lifting a finger at home and if a female can help with that I will consider it. But she will never be recognized other then a friend that lives there at best.

I expect my slaves to understand that a good slave is only concerned about obeying my orders, directions and pleasing me. A slave should only add to a home and not detract from one. – Seriously I am warning you I do not engage or go out of my way for other people including people I want to live with. Do not expect me to visit your parents with you, go to a wedding with you unless it is for someone I know and just in general no demands of my time just because we are in a relationship.

I do expect you to maintain full time employment. – Please all losers calling yourselves slaves as a way not to work, forget about it.

I am not insane and know that depending on the number of slaves living with me that with full time employment that sometimes you will not be able to do all the duties required of a good slave. – I tried this for a long time and this seemed to be a big issue as it seems a good slave willing to work full time, do all domestic work, do landscaping and major house improvement projects is just a myth. I have now accepted I maybe should get multiple mediocre slaves so all the work gets done.

I am willing then to do things although I will do only the ones that least bother me. – If at anytime all I could get was one slave, I am now willing to do a few things in order to make sure they do not bolt on me. What has happen to this world?


I am not into punishments as good slaves should have self discipline and a work ethic. I will reward slaves in the kinky things for outstanding work. – I really have absolutely zero interest in anything kinky and do not get even the most basic elements of power exchange. I have several things I am an expert at but please understand that my only interest in learning them was so I can demonstrate and preach in local communities to have some needed street cred to try to fool them. I have not learned anything new in over a decade and never ever attend/paid close attention to someone else’s demonstrations and seminars. I am a narcissist and do not have time for those lowly people unless they compliment me or make me feel better then them and I place them well above my slaves although I will never admit it.

I do require you to initiate sex as I will not but always respecting no and not to ever harass me about it. – This is how desperate I have become. In lieu of one real and true slave I now have to offer the hope of sex just to get one to talk to me. I really am completely asexual and I am not even sure I will give you anything more then a hand job once a year. But I have gone through all the males in my local community and have gained the reputation of no sex ever and that seems to be a major stumbling block. I mean I do not get it, in all my local community involvement and message board activity I get on my ordained great big pedestal and constantly preach practically in every breath how sex has nothing to do with the power exchange life and slaves should only have one desire and that is to please their owner. I mean every time people talk about sex I am often there to brow beat them with my latest intellectualized theory that dismisses the importance of and need of sex that I strung together alone in my house after getting dumped again. People should have learned and seen the light by now! But no they have not and now I have to resort to pretending sex will be in the relationship. Can you imagine just how hot that sex will be if it does happen?

Yes, this was mean spirited. I could make up some noble reasons as evidence for my points but I will leave it as is. Yes, you can also make the case for plenty of codes words and phrases for submissives and even break them out by gender. In fact that was what I wanted to do with this post but clearly wanted to rip this woman instead, maybe in a future post I will get to those.

Sometimes the clues are not really hidden that deep

Often people have to wait a long time to find someone that might interest them and the person is interested in them back. Often we can grow frustrated and start becoming too hopeful or willing to try to get anyone after awhile that remotely fits. But that is where trouble can start.

On paper this women at first glance can look ok. Experienced so one might think she is serious and knows what she is doing. Does offer kink and sex and does not come straight out and say no to these things or asks for money and tribute. Does not come out and clearly indicate only wanting free labor. Even blowing by the need the man to initiate sex can quickly be justified as she likes sometimes to feel more like a woman and get seduced. So I can see why so many male submissives have made the mistake in hoping this woman could be their Mistress.


But if you do step back and question the language it is all right there. Hetro-flexible basically means, not that all who use it would agree, that one of the sexes really does not do it for me but I can be sexual with them if it fits the relationship. That should say why does she open to the female as she is not married it is just her and she also writes strongly prefers men. It means she want stuff done for her. It truly is a red flag whenever a dominant communicate a slave should only be concerned for their owner’s desires and nothing else. That can really only mean a selfish inconsiderate person or a clueless does not get it, so do not toss that out when you read it thinking standard life cliché. It should be a giant clue that she will not initiate sex. Think about it, a dominant wanting a 24/7 slave. If she had a sex drive she would at least sometimes initiate sex, even women slaves and regular women initiate sex from time to time. Do not get lost on thinking well she did say she would put out. You’re a slave how much do you want to have sex with a person who will clearly express not wanting to?

So instead of wasting time and becoming burned out and frustrated by chasing anything, whether live or in cyber save the time and energy and choose who will be best for you and not what you just hope might be a fit. Read or listen to the words they will leave al the clues you need if you look at them close enough and objective enough.