Fear of Subjugation

In the end the title of this entry is the base of every happy and loving Master/slave relationship. But for many of us who this wonderful relationship dynamic is the best fit for us and one we dream about to outright crave. But the fear of actually having the actions of such control, domination and enslavement or be enslaved for both roles is often our own personal thrown up road block that prevents us from having what we seem to desire so much.

Being paralyzed by either the fear of living a relationship dynamic so different then the ones we more commonly see or the fear of ignoring or being judged by traditional society values weighs so many down not only in being able to take the leap but being able to find the person to take the leap with. Now closing in on fifteen years in being involved in the life and most of that time living as a slave I have found this to be a cruel ironic fate that plagues the dynamic I am so fond and zealot about.

The fog of the fine line

My path in this life was one that slave does fit the best for me and always has. I am all about being in a severe power exchange relationship that is strongly sexual with kinky things. I doubt that would ever change. But what interests me when I seek out to reflect about my interests and learn more about myself and this type of dynamic has. I have ventured more and more away from the places where M/s is discussed and kinky things mentioned and I find myself more and more getting those needs met by going to places where taken in hand is openly discussed. Now again I am not meant for taken in hand nor do I like some of the rationale that some of the people into this dynamic use. But what draws me to spend more time reading about those relationships as opposed to Master/slave relationships how most embrace the subjugation of the woman that is getting more and more difficult to find in the BDSM/power exchange community.

I have always thought that it was some cruel joke how the people who embrace taken in hand and those who embrace Master/salve go about their mindset and hurdling their barrier to live the actual dynamic. In my opinion here are how the two groups go about communicating and stressing in their dynamic:

Taken in Hand – Most taken in hand people who openly discuss the life have little trouble with the concept of the man controlling his woman in an actual real and severe way. The word domination is rarely mentioned but the man controls the world in which the woman lives and he is the center of that world. It is rare to find a woman discussing her relationship or desire to be in one running away from being controlled and dominated but more often then not openly expressing their love for their man that does this to them or wanting to find such a man.

But at the same time they ignore, in denial or run away that in this world the female’s sexuality and openness to be their man’s personal sex dream of femininity and devotion to give him his perfect sex life is a big part of the relationship. They run away from how the punishment dynamic aspects and maintenance spankings are way more similar to kinky things and the turn on of the physical manifestation of the power (leadership) the man has over his woman.

Master/slave – Most in this life at the drop of the hat will talk about all the kinky things and sex stuff. In fact sometimes with passionate and veteran local community people you can get the impression that this life is just scenes. But most sprint from anything that power exchange of any significance outside of broad generic descriptions.

We as a group tend to hide from the control and domination that is there in actual Master/slave relationships. Sure we here the generic a slave “obeys” and “puts their masters desires above her own” but anything deeper is rarely talked about in any realistic or in depth fashion. Instead we get fantasy fiction of a slave of twenty years being giddy about doing laundry and every order and action is practically orgasmic. Men run from talking about the enjoyment and desires to control and dominate a woman they care for and replace it by trying to steal good qualities most strive for and all think they have and act like they are special and that is what a dominant is. Dominants instead of showing themselves as actual leaders with visions and passion for such a controlling dynamic instead act like they are life coaches and used car salesman promoting that heaven has been the destiny of all women that they have touched.

Rock and a hard place

To me this is where way too much of the public communication of M/s has ended up. We have two wrongs discussed in black and white and neither represents the reality of a Master/slave total power exchange relationship and the happiness and pleasure for those drawn to one feel. We have the devil promotion of look out for all the dangerous abusers and the mentally insane or not dealing with their issues that quote the definition of a slave out of a book or think a woman in the modern world can be really treated like chattel as the rock. Then as the hard space we have the men that describe a life of sheer perfection where the master knows all and everything he does is a benefit of his slave and slaves acting like they have never not done anything order by or done by their owner that was not a sheer joy to do.

But all of this is not reality in terms of day to day life. More importantly to this entry it is does not communicate anything that inspires and draws people into the life and for which I mean people already drawn to the life but for some reason not able to hurdle their own fears and try to go for a real Master/slave relationship. The communication of this life from the Internet, the learning of how to attract a top/bottom to do a scene in the local communities that is promoted as how “real” people in the life should do and be like and the fear mongers trying to scare everyone out there, we have made this life so uninspiring that it might have made it far more difficult to inspire someone to make the leap.

It is in a lot of my blog entries and is quite common in all forms of communication even the romantic fictional stuff but:

Dominant is a leader and leaders lead. Submissive is a follower who follows one they cherish and are inspired to.

But the communication of this life you can be hard pressed to feel many dominants as true leaders. Most come off as boring clichéd addicted and uninspiring beggars wanting a slave. Women who do have deep desires and a slave life would be so great seem so scared of actually admitting they are a follower and desire enslavement that it is tough to tell if they are trying to fool themselves or others.

This is at what the heart of my message in this blog. People drawn to Master/slave severe power relationships are actually drawn to actual subjugation which is actual things like control/being controlled, dominated/dominating and being enslaved by or lover/enslaving their lover. But between regular society pounding it into our heads that this is wrong and the local community addicts telling everyone this life should be just like negotiating with an acquaintance at a local dungeon to do a scene too many run away from communicating what attracts/draws us to wanting an M/s relationship in the first place. It is the far too common societal passive aggressive self inflicted mortal wound that prevents too many from the leap to find their other and live in an M/s dynamic relationship. The failure to leap is a problem with both roles and genders and not just one.

Taken in Hand shows not all are afraid of this type of communication

I do not agree with a lot of their justifications and they have plenty that communicate self esteem issues just like people in this life. But many are not afraid to embrace and talk on topics that may be sometimes light on powerful words like control and dominate but the communication is often way more direct and powerful in actual support of those words. But far too often people in the M/s life run away from those words. Control gets shot down by people sprinting toward not wanting “micromanagement”. Domination gets shot down by not wanting or being a doormat. Reality mixed with what inspires us to want an M/s dynamic relationship gets shout down by romantic dribble that this life can be a true fairytale experience.

Making the leap often will mean for many if the possibility of getting what they ache for out feels their fear of the unknown and societal judgment

The man who can come off as sane but dominant and has a vision for what they want in their life that is inspirational to a woman whose best destiny is living life as a slave can make a woman to take that leap. But unfortunately too many men choose to display their peacock feathers in ways that are simply uninspiring and often quite submissive in their communication. While adapting local community public protocol as “the way” or running away from words like control, domination and other strong vision inducing words they become quite submissive in their words and actions. The unfortunate byproduct of these dances is not to draw a woman to leap like they want but just the opposite and to repel them from leaping as the possibility of getting what they ache for seems like a long shot.

The woman that can come off as sane but deeply submissive and is not afraid of communication that can show this to prospective dominant can get exposed to far more dominants that will inspire them. Dominants are not super human or perfect human beings. They do not like being rejected or labeled a bad thing like anyone else. If they feel fear in expressing their true desires or think that is not the way to lure a woman then they will not do so and a woman will not get the rewards.

We can choose to dance in an honest and direct way or we can choose to dance in fear and misdirection. Those who choose the path of honest and direct from both genders are far more likely to find their special someone and live the dynamic they have probably dreamed about for a long time.

People that were meant for being a master or a slave in a severe power exchange relationship do not run away from words such as control, power, domination and enslavement but are drawn to and inspired to have them in their life.