Needs Versus Being Too Needy

Occasionally when I post on a power exchange message board or get some private emails from the posts on this blog I get messages from dominants who will rip on me for being too needy. Now of course I expect this from the cyber theorists and dominants who cannot handle a submissive that can speak their mind with confidence and not bow down that dares to demand anything from a Master but his pleasure. But the truth is being too needy is in fact a curse slaves can in fact bring on their owner.

Before I go long winded and dive into the topic I want to answer this question for all the cyber theorist dominants and with low self esteem that cannot handle submissives communicating they have other needs besides serving their glorious Master. The difference is… MENTAL HEALTH and REALITY!

Ok since I have been bashing dominants lately time to level the playing field and bash slaves.

What’s the difference between a need and too needy?

I would define a need, without looking up the dictionary term, as something you require in your life that you just have to have or a strong desire that can be realistically and historically can be met by one’s circumstances, abilities and decent effort. For example we obviously need food, water and air. A strong desire might be something like have sex a certain amount of times a week, live a certain lifestyle like living in a house and having a car and many things like that. Technically we do not need sex, a car and can live in a tent but realistically if a person really wants those three things they can get them and a dominant just cannot blow off the needs and strong desires of their slave.

Too needy to me is when a slave burdens their Master by mentally drain energy and passion for the dynamic, brings unnecessary or unrealistic expectations and tries to transfer personal responsibilities that cannot be transferred to their owner let alone anyone else. Here are some examples of each:

Draining the owner of mental energy – An example I would use is if a slave does things like non stop asking what they can do, needs feedback after doing nearly everything and questioning to just asking for reasons to an order too much instead of just obeying.

Unnecessary or Unrealistic Expectations – As a slave suppose you have a strong desire to have sex a normal amount of times, say 2-3 times a day, just kidding… unfortunately. That is just not realistic and therefore too needy. As a slave think the life will be a 24/7 kink fest or how you feel in the infatuation stage of the relationship when after you have received a discipline session is how you want to feel 24/7 is an unrealistic expectation.

Personal Responsibility – Anything a normal person let alone a slave knows better specifically that goes into deeply personal things and situations and expect your owner to now have total burden of responsibility is too needy. To me this is something like a slave needing their owner to deal with life situations like work issues, family and friends.

Can “too needy” be tangible to point out?

The answer to that is a big no!

Too needy when between any two people and certainly between a Master and their slave is simply a huge compatibility issue based on the personalities of the people involved. Certainly if we all judged the same sample of people we would probably judge many the same if looking for too needy but the fact is outside of the blatantly obvious people it is a to each their own.

Another problem is what area is based so highly on compatibility. For example I have basically no need to hear the words “I love you” or “thank you” come out of my Master’s mouth for emotional lift and support. When he is traveling I am more concerned I am taking too much of his time when he calls me then bugging him to call me more. I also will almost never question orders or punishments put on me. I am pretty low maintenance in my needs for emotional support. At the same time though I have a strong sex drive and really need sex more then once or twice a week. Is that too needy, I do not think so. So a Master with little or no sex drive but gives off a ton of emotional support is just not compatible in this case but a Master with a high sex drive but offers little emotional support might be.

So a slave who needs the dominant to actively control most things in her daily life would be too needy for most dominants but for a control freak might be a perfect fit.

How can a slave within reason avoid being too needy?

1) Obey – For all that entered into your 24/7 total power exchange relationship except maybe the ones who rushed in and/or leaped before you looked you must of cared for and agreed to the relationship dynamic. Obey a four letter word that is quite simple in meaning. If you find yourself questioning orders or reading deeper meanings into things without any known facts these meanings are there is often how too needy takes root. Focus on the actual obeying and less of the things flying around in your head. Typically most dominants are driven crazy by having a slave who rarely just accepts and follows orders without making any drama out of it. Often we are going into the too needy for the other when we do not let go of things.

2) Listen – It is the owner’s responsibility to communicate to you about their issues and feelings. It is a slave’s fault and quite hubris to assume there is a problem when none was communicated or they wanted something but you are not sure but they never said anything. Often we are going into the too needy for the other when we too often make mountains out of molehills.

3) Communicate – Look an owner who relies on a slave to speak up for anything they need or want is lazy and going to fail. But as a slave we must be able to communicate issues and specific things that we are having trouble or need/need more of or less of in our lives. Often too needy comes out not by amount or the type of request but from the false emotional attachment we have worked ourselves up in a fervor because of failing to be direct about it and using our emotions and other tricks to try to get the need taken care of. It is this try anything but direct approach work ourselves up to an unfair emotional state that puts us in the too needy stage.

4) Think – Issues with needs one must actually think if it is in fact a need and strong desire or is it merely something less let alone a byproduct of needless social conditioning. This is again up to the individual but every thing whether in the moment or long term that we think is a need might not be a need at all.

In the end basic compatibility for basic needs and strong desires are just up to the two people and whether they are a good fit or not and there is simply no right or wrong. One’s too needy can be another’s dream. But we as slaves can minimalize many things that appear as our needs but in reality are not needs at all. Doing so will make a happier less stressful relationship and bring better focus and seriousness of more vital needs that we cannot fix internally.

Myth of Slaves and Servitude

I was talking to one of my first owners yesterday and she mentioned that a Mistress that we both know from being in the same local community had gotten a book about the power exchange life published. Now this woman has been in it over twenty-five years and no one including myself who know her or have listened to her in a class/seminar would say she has no clue. My former Mistress was upset after reading her book as just promoted the usual stereotypes of submissives being weak and incomplete human beings.

I took a look at her website which had a brief synopsis and right there in that synopsis was the theme that upsets me and runs rampant with dominants. The theme that slaves are all about selfless serving and just care about their owner’s needs being taken care of. It sounds great and it fits both the ego of a dominant (I must be great if this person does these things just for who I am) and a submissive (I am a heck of a slave to be so selfless). The problems being that it is a lie both directly or indirectly and this blatant and rampant promotion that a slave just basically equates servitude causes more problems when one goes looking for a total power exchange relationship from all roles and both genders.

Servitude is not a personality trait or an independent need!

I would never want to mislead one into thinking that serving your owner is not a big part of being a slave because it is and it is a huge one. But the direct and maybe more the indirect promotion that being a slave is about serving and very little or nothing else and this is hard wired in our DNA is not.

Slaves are human beings with other needs, desires, egos, expectations and on and on. But servitude is not one of those needs. Servitude is a byproduct of a submissive personality and other things in us that want and need to please or other and put their needs and desires as are number one need but not only need or even not the only main need. As I write throughout my blog and have especially recently a submissive personality by itself HAS NO NEED to be in a power exchange relationship. To be owned/serve an owner at the level these clueless wonders talk about requires the domination element and that is what an owner must bring to the table and this is way more then “good” character, desire to be spoiled and knowing about toys and using them as rewards for service.

Why the promotion of a slave basically just serves is so bad

1) It is insulting. I am sorry but I am just more of a complete human being and also simply more complicated. To be portrayed like that is the only thing I am about is an actual very dim opinion of a human being that gets broadcasted. Most slaves’ lives are simply more complicated and the desire and ability to serve so unconditionally for another should be acknowledged as a mixture of things and not just some trait along with the great dominant that makes us who we are. In all honesty if all or mainly I am to a perspective owner is expressed by my servitude and you want me 24/7 in a TPE, Fuck you!

2) It is phenomenally misleading. This life is not simply in someone and all they need is some instruction manual and they are good to go. It is especially damaging when people promote the slave serves and lives to please their owner. Again, the reason why is if someone who is capable and fits best as a slave only reads this type of garbage they are going to be confused and maybe make bad decisions or not try severe power exchange when maybe it could give them the best chance of happiness. Because no mentally healthy submissive person out there is dreaming of serving for serving sake as they are really dreaming of finding another person who the will care for greatly/love and with being dominated will need to put this person above themselves as the byproduct.

3) It hurts many experienced and potential owners who could be exceptional owners but shoot themselves in the foot with promoting this both looking for and keeping a slave. For those looking someone like me read this as your philosophy and from past experience will automatically assume you are guilty before innocent of thinking you are a very selfish person wanting more to be spoiled then be in an adult relationship. For those who get a slave and have trouble keeping them, it is not because they are all fakes or turn out to be just “do me” subs only in it for kinky things. It is because you might have mistakenly fooled yourself into thinking serving you makes your slave happy when it is the happy slave who needs to serve.

Why is this myth such a monster?

Two things come into play.

1) EGO!!!!!!!!!

I think by far this is often the thing that gets in the way. Way too many dominants are unprepared to admit to personal failings and sometimes relationships were just not meant to be. These are for the weak not the strong. Often you will read the more lame ones, slave left to care for a sick family member or the slave got a once in a lifetime job out of state because of all the things the owner taught them for example. These we can have a good chuckle over.

But the more common excuses that people often eat up are the turns out the person was a big fake or the always good one “turned out to be just a do me sub”.

Well guess what that do me sub might have been an exceptional slave but left the dominant because they were simply not getting what they needed from the dominant. That the slaves begging for more kink was them trying to simply communicate they needed more active domination in their life and the owner was bringing nothing to the relationship.

There is no shortage of people who are selfish and basically just want to be spoiled calling themselves dominants. These are usually the ones promoting this myth.

I will not let us slaves off so easy as well. We also have a tendency to promote this myth because lets face it; it is quite cool to project this image as it does make us look good. That selfless image of anything anytime for my other no strings attached. Certainly short term there are no strings but the fact is they do something to us that has our submission level high and why we truly want and are willing to serve in such a way.

2) We mirror what we want.

In all relationships we tend to do this. In the short term/beginning of a relationship we tend to do and act out in a way that we want ourselves or our relationships to be. These feelings are real but they are just not the true feelings we are hoping they will become. There is nothing sinister about as it is human nature 101.

For example for many of us we have had flings/no strings sex relationships. Maybe a hot weekend in Las Vegas or at spring break with a person you met there and it was over when you came back home. If you were to see just the sex and compared it to a honeymoon or some great weekend away when in total love sex you would probably not see too big of a difference visually but of course emotionally the sex feels much different and probably better.


We humans do this all the time. It can look the same but in reality it is quite different. For example when I started seeing my Master whenever I visited him I always wanted to clean his house and cook for him. It was not because I had the need as a slave to serve but because I liked him and wanted him to like me and for me to show what I was all about and can offer. Now that he owns my mind, heart and body I need to do all the domestic things at least up to his level and hopefully more like I am a drug addict.

The problem is when we mirror it will only have a short time frame where it needs to turn into the real thing or it simply will not continue. This is where many people get confused. Because often the people calling themselves dominants but are just really wanting to be spoiled, ego stroked and are selfish in nature. They want the byproduct of a slave who is getting what they need and has true emotional feelings for that person so they obsess over the sample goods not realizing it is just a sample and the slave has a big say if to buy and is looking and hoping the dominant is going to step up.

So the dominant has the slave jump through these hoops not realizing they are only getting the sample. They get their house cleaned, meals cooked and what not but for the ones who are not willing to bring active domination to the table in the relationship they will fail. This is how no one can never really tell from the outside if the slave failed to an owner because they were just a do me type or the owner was bringing nothing to the table.

Dominants must bring something to the table other then their wonderful character and “natural” “dominant” personality

Slaves do not live to serve or even mainly serve. It is simply a powerful byproduct of our submissive personality, falling for our owner and that owner’s active domination over us mixed all together that makes us need to serve our owner and make their needs and desires be our number one need.

Slaves are not like dogs and can get trained to serve and obey by being rewarded by kinky things. A person calling themselves dominants who basically use kinks as payments for being spoiled are not having many successful long term relationships.

Remember the Mistress I mentioned at the top of this post who published a book and in it preaches slaves are mainly about servitude. Well did you know she has never had a relationship last more then nine months in her life?

Just a reminder to filter anything you read or hear, including my junk, through your own brain for reality and common sense. There is a huge difference of wishing something or someone is and what they are. The successful people do not wish but work in reality to make it happen.

Mentors

Reposted from my FAQ blog because I read something that miffed me and this was better then a more long winded thing I would have written.

Is there value to mentors?

Mentors are a controversial topic in power exchange life as there are many possibilities.

In my opinion there are two ways mentors add any value:

1) The common view of a mentor is a person who you can learn, respect and bounce questions and opinions and get an OBJECTIVE opinion back. A mentor like this is NOT going to play with you or want any power given over to them. They are just their as a friend.

2) Many use the word “mentor” as a euphemism for a short term or casual relationship that may or may not have sex involved but will have power of some type and level given over and probably some kink things.

So if one is in the exploring stage and wants to find out what they are attracted to and want in a power exchange relationship before looking for the one often people love the term mentor as it seems more noble and less tainted then fling, short term or words of that nature.

Now the bad things that mentor can really be a bad term.

1) Giving power over, especially decisions or controlled communication, to basically a stranger is seriously fucked up.

First and foremost even calling yourself a slave and in the most total power exchange relationship has any person in a free society abdicated their personal responsibility or their right to pursue being happy. If you want or even think it is a good idea to give someone else power over major decisions in your life that is not your love one but some person who wants to be thought as a mentor you need to step back and get some help.

People do not do things just for the good of their heart. Friends and family who have known you for years care about you. A relatively new person to your life is not caring about you but wants something from you.

People who “enjoy” mentoring another by taken the “broken” submissive and fixing them into someone who flourishes is just as devoid of self esteem as the submissive who agrees to follow them. They are relative strangers and their drug is feeling superior to others and a submissive looking for a mentor to show and protect them from this new strange world is their drug of choice. They will not help that submissive by being independent and getting them the help and support they need in order to work on their self esteem issues but instead feed on it by re-enforcing the thoughts that the submissive cannot make good decisions for themselves.

How is someone going to “fix” someone when they have an absolute need to feel superior to anyone close to them to begin with? Mentors like this are all hot air. Remember someone looking out for another’s best interest is going to only be concerned about trying to get the other person the tools so they can make good decisions for themselves and not shield them from the big bad world.

2) One true way

If interested in having a mentor avoid anyone that has one true way type thoughts whether just being friends with the person or playing with them in some way. If your goal is to explore and find yourself then being told to you have to do this or do that is just a giant waste of time and can give you a bad impression if that one true way is not your way.

3) Fear mongering

There are just too many, even good experienced people, who need to chest thump to make them feel better about themselves and this is often expressed by promoting the classic “every dominant but me is a loser and an abuser”.

It is very simple if you could not make good choices in others in the regular relationship world you will struggle in the power exchange world. Of course there are losers and abusers in this life but they are the same types in the regular world and if you are all there easy to spot.

This life for someone new can be scary and seem more extreme and therefore might feel it is completely different the regular relationships and therefore the people must be completely different. They are not. A friend/mentor would be someone who helps calm your fears and educate you and not someone who hides you from exposure and stokes your fears and hesitations about this life.

Emphasized Qualities of a Slave

I will make this introduction short so not just to be too repetitive in my words from my last post on emphasized qualities of a Dominant. Just a short refresher, I will be listing qualities that may or may not be qualities that any good person should strive for but in a total power exchange (TPE) relationship are qualities a slave should have a lot of.

So anyone from any role who thinks like trust, patience and honesty are something different or more important or special because one calls themselves Master or slave or one is in a TPE relationship sorry it is not. I would hope in ANY good relationship things like trust, patience and honesty are there in us and our other otherwise they really would not be good relationships.

Here are some qualities that should be emphasized in a slave:

Obedient- Let us start off with the most obvious and therefore most boring one. This word gets tossed around in this life maybe more then any word but few really think about it outside of it being a literal action. So what is exactly obedience in terms of a quality to have?

In my know it all opinion it is a level significant enough that the often never ending human brain judging of every action and words being right or wrong and/or this is better then that does not interfere with following orders, rules, rituals and just in general the dynamic agreed upon. For me this something you will probably have or not but does not mean on the level that one can get to with concentration and effort.

A slave must be able to drop the often needless and now useless thoughts that a brain naturally thinks of and for them not to interfere with being a good slave. This does not mean that one cannot or will not have thoughts like this because surely we will and do, but this quality needs to be in us enough. The level is pretty easy to determine, if one can have thoughts of right or wrong and/or better or worse and still carry out our duties and orders then that is good enough. If one has to process and convince themselves that many let alone everything they do should or needs to be right or the “better” way then obedience will always be tricky.

Nonconformity – This is often a sister trait to obedience in that rarely will one have the obedience quality but not have this one. This is also different then what many people picture nonconformity with more out there expressions often based on a need for attention or to feed unhealthy self esteem.

While obedience is about the ability of one to lose or ignore self internalized/experienced thoughts of how something should be nonconformity is being able to ignore what our cultural, societal, friends and family expect or judge things and being able to not be a slave to those things. It can range from breaking away from only a few things to nearly everything but on your terms as a couple.

For example, one must not mind calling one’s Master to ask permission to go out with some friends from work and not having a problem if he says no and have no trouble when your friends tease you or worse think you need help.

For example, one must overcome “good” girls do this and “bad “girls do that and realize as a slave there is just being a slave no good or bad.

Unselfish – Again a noble trait for anyone to have and an obvious one for a slave but the reason I point this one out is again think past the obvious and more to how a person is wired which makes it less about individual acts and more about the person as a whole.

Acts done can be and often are for selfish reasons even from the most selfless slave or any person for that matter. Just the fact that I intentionally sought my other for a total power exchange relationship and look for certain qualities was all about me being selfish and thinking what is best for me to put myself in the best situation to experience happiness in my life shows I am not selfless.

So sorry for all the dominants who think a slave should be selfless and even slaves you enjoy thinking they are selfless because nearly all of you are not. Like the female dominant looking for a man to do all domestic work, build her a new kitchen and give her most of his money while not doing anything intimate/sexual with them. Like the couple wanting a woman to do all the domestic work, personal hand maiden to the wife, baby sit the kids or older parents, maintain a outside job to help support “the family” all without any intimacy/sex and inconveniencing them. All three are looking for a selfless human being and that is a needle in the haystack situation.

So at the end of that mini rant you get the picture that selfless and unselfish are two very different things. Unselfish as a quality in a slave is about a slave who can truly take enjoyment and maybe more importantly deal with things not going the way you would prefer without judgment and for the pleasures they are for themselves and not about what did I get out of it.

Going out of the way to do certain things for one’s Master and enjoying and taking pride in doing those things is unselfish. Going out of the way to chase compliments or desired specific actions and reactions of your Master is selfish. My Mom has a great example in regular world stuff. Trying to get a five year old to read the card to a gift you gave them, appreciate how you wrapped it and expecting them to be interested in how you went about buying it is selfish. Enjoying them tear open the wrapping without a thought to you in the world is unselfish.

Passion for the dynamic – I wrote this quality in the Master section and it is equally important with a slave.

Forget other qualities if a person wants this life because of what they think it will give them in terms of some sort of end products and not for the actual power exchange life and all that it goes with then that person will probably fail.

For prospective slaves this often is about thinking they will get certain things by calling themselves a slave. Often these are the people looking for things like an out going take charge man who wants to be personally responsible for their other and their family. They want a man who will fuck them when they are horny by taking/claiming them sexually and not some permission seeking was it good for you wimp for example. But sadly, their goal of getting just this and thinking some kink and agreeing to some domestic work or all based on their work goals is power exchange and of course it is not.

A slave must have passion for the actual life. This includes obedience, truly putting our Master above ourselves and doing things on another’s terms and way. It is dedicating oneself to 24/7 this way and not about what we are feeling in the moment.

Relinquishes active control easily – There is a woman on the message board I mention often who often writes that submissives are control freaks. I often would write a rebuttal to her words not that I disagreed with her because I agreed with her 100% but the fact the word control freak was very misleading in this case.

When we think of control freaks we think of active control freaks wanting to know what is being done is going how they exactly want it that they are often dismissive of other human beings. A slave is a control freak but in a passive way. We want to eliminate as much uncertainty with other human beings, especially our significant other as possible. So our way of controlling this always wants to know what a person says, asks or does is as pure and honest as possible. This is at the heart of our motivation when any dominant wonders why we answer “what ever you want” to the question “What do you want”.

For example I have never or will never have an issue with my Master going golfing on Saturday morning no matter if he spent a week away from me on business. I know he loves to golf and it is his standard time with his friends. For me to do anything to get him to stay with me instead (active control) just is not going to happen. But occasionally he does stay home and that is a wonderful thing as it was 100% his choice (passive control).

To be a slave in a TPE relationship one has not much desire for active control. With active control come expectations, disappointments and expectations that a slave not only puts on her Master but also takes away from the passive control she might crave. For example, I knew a woman who could express great desire for a M/s relationship and that Domestic Discipline was heavily involved. But she would also talk about having no desire to be punished by her Master on his terms but thought it would be best if she thought she deserved a punishment or a maintenance spanking that she would do something overt( act out playfully) so he would then have a clear signal that it was ok to punish her. With the lack of ability to relinquish active control she had no chance to get into a healthy M/s relationship and have the passive control she craved.

Conclusion

Slaves are not selfless human beings but at the same time must have certain qualities in them that they can serve someone on their terms and not the slave’s and that there is a huge difference between big picture getting what we want and in the moment. It is easy to think and communicate that we are obedient and put our other above ourselves but quite different when it comes not on our terms, time frames and learned right/wrong and/or better/worse mindset. A slave must have the qualities as a base to overcome the difference. We may not be at a level needed or desired from the start but if they are there we can get to that level. Those qualities do have to be there and can not be learned.

Is sex separate?

Reposted from my FAQ blog as I thought it was a good companion piece to the post above. In some way you could substitute sex with any other thing we rely on our significant other to give us that would fall to us as a need or strong desire but sex is the one that certain cyber theorist love to think is irrelevant drive for a submissive.

Is sex separate from BDSM and other kinks, D/s and M/s?

I am absolute in my belief in this issue and will write soon about sex and power exchange in a large post but want to get this down now.

Sex is a drive that goes up to the line between strong desire and need. Most human beings have zero desire not to try to have a satisfying sex life. Sex is also something that in many of us driven to heighten desire with intimacy with a person we love. Wedding nights and anniversaries couples are not making the effort to be alone together so they can break out a nice private card game.

When doing BDSM things with our other they can and often tend to be intimate experiences on some level. So even when not done for sexual pleasure the mind is often still going in areas where sexual desires will come spilling out. It is like giving your other a massage in your bed while naked. It does not have to be sexual, it can be totally sexual and it may or may not directly lead to sex.

So do any acts or pure power dynamic it is always about sex. Certainly not none of it has to be. The overwhelming odds though are if you are doing these acts and only with the one person you love that these acts and sex will intertwine in potentially a variety of ways.

Why do some then promote this life has nothing to do with sex?

Because they are extremely selfish human beings or in self denial to themselves and others involved with them period!

Again sex is a drive for a human being and one where most of us will insist on trying to be satisfied in this area. The ones who preach this garbage do it for various selfish reasons.

1) People with abnormally low or none (asexual) sex drives. They use power exchange as a way to try to find love and commitment but with little sex or none as possible.

2) Married people who wander outside their marriage to get their BDSM/kinks desires satisfied. They do not have sex with the people they play with (they already have a sexual outlet) and like to promote no sex so potential partners who this has a sexual factor will not try anything sexual.

3) Couples or even single people who only want parts of another human being but not the whole of a person and use power exchange to try to get that. They want the submissive to be totally dedicated to them but they do not want the responsibility of the other side of the equation. These are the people looking for free maids, cooks, babysitters, personal assistants and general free laborers. As you can probably tell by my words I find this particular group to be quite disgusting because of just how ignorant and selfish they truly are.

Now of course there are submissive people who are more then happy to be treated this way and not have sex or it is very limited. They may also have low or no sex drives and other perfectly good reasons. But these people are like finding a needle in a haystack.

Why I particularly hate this group of people is because they refuse to acknowledge what they are looking for is very rare but instead try to convert everyone to the belief power exchange does not have to include sex. That submissive’s really only need to please their others to be happy and any other needs/desires means they are fakes and losers. That somehow submissives are less human because that can be the only logical conclusion why they think we are such incomplete human beings.

Need Use!

I was going to save this topic for when I had the time and write one of my more long winded and will probably still do that. But in this post after reading a comment from an anonymous slave on one of my other posts who so perfectly wrote “I'm not a trophy, to sit on a shelf gathering dust. A slave is meant to be used, in the ways most pleasing to her Master.” I could not get this out of my mind so what I intended to write got merged with this thought.

In my mind near or top of the list in common mistakes both in the thought I was doing something good and unconscious did not take notice of that dominants can often be guilty of is backing off from using their slave. The two most common examples being out of caring and love they do not use their slave as much or severely for a multitude of reasons or everyday outside world and regular couple stuff overwhelms us and before one knows it one or both in the relationship are thinking what the heck happen and are struggling.

This happen to me recently as I had a tough stretch both in time used up and emotional body punches as my grandmother became gravely sick without notice (She is doing ok right now) and between time spent visiting her, making up shifts at work and dealing with the emotions left me in not normal places. This unfortunately caused my Master to back off his use of me out of love for me which is great but just piled on to my difficulties.

Did I realize what was happening? Not necessarily at the beginning but at some point while taking stock I realized this was happening and was a big catalyst toward not being the best I could be for these circumstances that I was dealing with and for that matter all of us go through from time to time.

Know the differences between regular tired and not being able to function fully tired that puts one at risk.

Being used can be physically tiring and even sometimes mentally tiring but it is such a good tiring feeling. We are not wired the same as regular people. If I am just tired because of a few hours less sleep or a more demanding day that is just life and does not mean I cannot and especially do not want to cook a labor intensive meal or be tormented for my Master’s pleasure. These things are pleasures in my life why take those away from me when I am just tired. We do not fail to go into work, do our “normal” stuff when tired well as a slave these things are our NORMAL things.

Then there is tired to a level or doing something will put us into a level of where there is risk to our health. Then of course it is our Master’s responsibility to manage that situation. That comes from knowing us, what we have incurred and what the near future holds. For example, if your slave has had a very tiring week for whatever reason and you know they have another similar week ahead the dominant would be stupid to plan a weekend of energy draining activities and/or cause less sleep for their slave.

Being used gives us emotional energy

Again it is such a natural thought that when we suffer and serve our Master it is difficult some way because of our reactions or the dominant thinking if it was them what would they want but slaves are not dominants or regular people.

Being used as a slave gives us emotional energy. In fact it is very much the fuel that feeds us. One does not take away food and water from a sick person in order to make them better! Being used is what we are about. As the anonymous poster wrote we are not hear to gather dust.

Slaves need and are built for use

Being used in our slave capacity makes us the most happy otherwise we would not be one. Take away our use we will feel out of place, less submissive, and feel uncertainty creep into our relationship. We are not just bottom players and use whether regular, kinky or sexual is not solely about reward or orgasms. It is simply a much deeper and positively affects us in everything we do.

I am a slave when I communicate I am tired and my Master knows it just is regular tired it is purely for communication of information. I am not a regular woman trying to get a meal out or using it as an excuse not to have sex. I am a slave and fixing dinner and being your personal porn star whore is still a pleasure and far healthier for me then me thinking is he doing something just because he thinks that is what I want. I am a slave. I do not control my other by using coded/loaded words to get something. That is simply topping from the bottom and that is as yucky for a slave as it is a Master.

As I found out no matter how perfect we think our other is or how much experience one might have it can be easy to confuse when it is needed to back off on a slave’s use and when one could in fact benefit greatly from the normalcy of that use because that is why we call ourselves slaves.

What’s Assertive Got To Do With It

First I want to apologize for not posting in awhile. I had a family emergency that had me back in Taipei and was not in the position or mood to write anything.

One of the big hypocrisies that happens when some people discuss this life is far too often is when a submissives is painted to look like they are weak and passive human beings but at the same time are painted to be super obedient and are wanted to anticipate needs and things done to the best with acknowledgment of human limitations. Of course these two things simply do not fit together.

Being assertive and being submissive are not mutually exclusive

Generally, when these things are being discussed there are always one or more people who tend to bring up the question “can one who is assertive also be submissive?”


The answer is actually a simple, duh, of course! In fact is not being assertive pretty much an admired and coveted characteristic for all human beings? The fact is being assertive means being proactive in what one is doing and all dominants kind of dig a slave who is taking their submission and what it requires seriously with conscious effort.

For example, which is preferred a slave who receives directions to plan and prepare for having another couple over for dinner and goes about doing it with only asking a few important questions or one who asks a million questions out of not being able or being afraid to do anything on there own? One is serving in a proactive way and the other has turned their brain off and causing a lot of work and energy onto their Master.

Assertive does not mean selfish or aggressive

Being able to speak up is a good quality. Speaking in a bad tone or something that goes against the agreed upon dynamic is a totally different thing. For example, in questioning a punishment it is one thing to say “could you please expand on your thoughts on why I am being punished Master” then saying “I think I do not deserve to be punished and that if you do punish me then you are doing something wrong”.


Communication and being proactive is good. If horny and wanting to be played with or have sex to ask or doing things that express such sentiment is good. Copping an attitude or questioning the relationship just because you end up not getting played with or having sex when you wanted is selfish.

Let us be real here

Most of the male population enjoys from a small to great level of having a female be dependent on them. To be that person we can rely on for solving our problems or doing things we are ignorant of or do not have the capabilities to do. In many ways when doing such things for us that they are very much acts of love they are showing. For example, I can but dread taking my car in for service but my Master will not allow me to do it but will always do it. To me that is an act of love.

In addition to these things men enjoy very much, so do women, seeing things done by their other that are done expressing I am doing this just for you out of love and caring for you. One does not get that warm fuzzy feeling from the person being so passive and needing so much specific directions or have to get important information out of the other is like pulling teeth. Doing things in an assertive manner in the power exchange area is in fact the lubrication that is needed to show these are in fact acts expressing our love and devotion.

We get what we deserve

Whenever I hear that slaves are not or cannot be assertive I feel sorry because the people who think that are truly headed for a fall. We simply will only find in the end what we believe is there.

So a slave who thinks they cannot be assertive will only find dominants interested in a slave who they see or need to be unassertive. Dominants who think slaves are unassertive and weak will only find this in slaves that are willing to put up with them. The problem is these are damaged souls who cannot deal with mentally healthy other’s and search out defective people like themselves as a way to self medicate.

Being assertive is a good thing that most of us have in some degree and is not some special trait a dominant has and a submissive lacks.

Love and Respect

Two words that seem so simple and harmless yet often can be wielded like weapons in life. Some use it to take what they want from another “If you love me” or “Show me some respect”. Some use it as an imaginary shield to protect themselves from being hurt “I will only do that for the person who loves and respects me”.

My Mom is a sociologist and in my lifetime I think I have heard her express herself in the same way a thousand times when seeing or discussing anything about different cultures or just people in general. She will basically say “You cannot observe and understand anyone else if all you do is view things through your own perspective and values but have to understand them through their own perspective and values.”

Often when I hear the same questions/statements of “How can a person do that to a person they love and respect” or “How can you live life not being loved or respected” so many times from my time in this life that my Mom’s answer always rings in my head like she is screaming it in my ear. I thought I would try something a little different then my normal post and write something to explain how someone like me is loved and respected by my Master. For many of you this will be head nodding time and maybe for a few other who are confused or trying to understand their path or someone else that a peek into my head might help.

Love and respect on our terms

I am a slave. This does not make me weaker and lesser of a human being to anyone else. It also does not make me stronger or better then anyone else as well. It is just the best fit for me in life.

I am a slave. It means I live a different life then from most others. It is not a life of hardship and selfless sacrifice. It is a life that just gives me the best possibility to pursue and sometimes embrace the feeling of happiness. I am as selfish and greedy as the next person. Acts you may see me perform or endure are not selfless at all but serve the bigger purpose of my selfishness in the way I want to live and feel.


I do not respect and obey my Master out of fear. I obey him out of my love and respect I have for him as a person, our chemistry we have together, his values, personality and how he treats me. My Master does not order me around and cause me great suffering at his whim because he does not love or respect me for I would not be with him. My Master orders me around and causes my suffering out of love and respect for me as he knows, accepts and embraces that I need and enjoy very much him to do such things for himself.

Love and respect are not expressed in universal agreed upon actions. For many women coming home to an unexpected freshly clean house, nice dinner in the oven and your man greeting you at the door with flowers would be a great show of love and respect. For a slave like me, while that would not suck on many levels would also have levels of disappointment and anxiety; I would greatly prefer to meet him at the door with the house spotless, his favorite meal in the oven and his beverage of choice.

I am a slave so when a non slave might see disrespect, no love and possible abuse when seeing my Master inflict pain on me even though I am not masochistic, make me drink his piss even though I dislike the taste and eat a meal from a bowl on the floor I actually feel loved and respected because my Master is embracing and showing devotion to our mutually agreed upon dynamic.

I am a slave. I am not wired to want my other to always want my opinion let alone consider or cater to my desires in the in the now moments such as where to eat or what movie to see. My Master doing that is in fact not loving me or showing respect. Loving me is for my Master to pick the place or the movie of his preference or care for my opinion and maybe use it or not when he wants to.

I am a slave I am do not want to be made love to like my orgasm is the number one priority of the interaction. I want my Master to get off the most enjoyable way for him at the time. Whether it is lighted candles, long foreplay, gentle thrusts and build up and long cuddles afterwards or wham bam as quick and hard as he can roll over and fall asleep makes no difference to me as long as it is what he wants.

Please take all normal men who show love and respect through commonly accepted ways for yourselves. They leave me cold and full of anxiety. Give me the domineering, sadistic and devilish Master I have now and hopefully will have forever. He knows, accepts and embraces that treating me the way he treats me like I have mentioned above is showing love and respect for me and the regular common ways would show he does not love or respect me at all.

I am a slave not a regular person wanting some role play.

The Words We Hate

Master: “What do you want?”
Slave: “Whatever you want.”

These two phrases or anything similar for most if not all dominants and submissives to be the least favorite phrases to be uttered in all of human language and in the perfect world would never be uttered ever. But the fact is both the question and answer are founded in truth for many as a loving couple let alone combined with a power exchange dynamic these thoughts will be in our head.

Why does a dominant bother to ask this question in the first place?

Because all dominants are clearly morons! Wait a second… that cannot be right. The reason why they ask this is because they actually want to know!

Great dominants are great people and they are concerned about making sure their other is happy. Is that not a key part of love? They are also not mind readers and combined with hopefully the elimination of passive aggressive words, actions and body language from the slave with the dynamic they can be left with minimal indicators on what we are thinking or our preference/desire for the thing they actually will spring this question on us.

A dominant asking this question probably generally wants to see their slave have something they want specifically or at least wanting to seriously consider it.

Why do most slaves answer the question the exact same way each time?

BECAUSE THAT IS THE FUCKING TRUTHFUL ANSWER!

We have submissive personalities. This simply means ANYTHING that involves our owner in some way means the top thing with nothing a close second is doing what will be pleasant to them and not cause them any undue burden. For example, I may be craving a good pounding of my pussy but if I know or my Master tells me he really wants a blow job then that desire of intercourse ceases to matter in the moment. In fact, if I even think he is only doing something because he thinks I want him to, regardless if it is true or not, will make that act unpleasant for me.

We get that when the question is posed to us by our owner they do not want the “whatever you want” answer back. But we are also not suppose to lie and dominants need to understand that when wanting a person who puts their other’s needs and pleasures ahead of their own comes with this mindset.

Where to avoid using these phrases:

For dominants:

1) Never regarding sex, discipline/punishment or any of the kinks. Anything done to me in the moment will become an icky feeling if I think it is being done only because. For example, I love oral done on me as much as the next person but it is never enjoyable if I think the person doing it to me is down there for any other reason then enjoying it or wanting to hear and see me react sexually.

2) When you have already expressed an opinion on what you want. This is pretty self explanatory because if a slave says something different and that is your choice our doubt will make it not what we wanted anyway.

3) As a training tool. There are some idiots new to a power exchange dynamic that will just love hearing the “whatever you want” when starting out as it is so different to hear that without strings then often in regular relationships. But that will wear off and you will inevitably actually want to know a different answer so do not encourage that answer as some automatic reply.

4) Being lazy. Very simple, an owner needs to be as proactive as they can. To use a question as a lazy crutch instead of making an effort to be in tune with your slave’s feelings, emotions and needs is a recipe for disaster because it turns into topping from the bottom.

For submissives:

1) When they clearly have communicated they want a different answer then the standard one. Self explanatory and sometimes we just have to go to our second want and leave it up to them how they treat that information.

2) As a cop out. Your owner should make it clear they want a different type of answer. It is one thing to use “whatever you want” as truthful it is another to keep using it to avoid the truth if you do in fact have a strong preference or opinion. Give the information to your owner and let them handle it. If they handle it in a manner that is not comfortable to you then that is something to talk about.

3) When discussing significant things. Fairly self explanatory as certainly anything big like major purchases, finances and general dynamics of the relationship is not the time to not have a personal opinion or desire that is strong enough to at least be close to the normal answer. There are also still other things that require a different answer even though a slave may not feel like communicating it. Discussing vacation plans that might cost serious money for example, as “Do you want to go here?” by the owner. The owner is just like other people and is going to know if your heart is in the right place or not eventually. If they pick someplace that will just suck for you no such feeling of I will just then be there for my owner will make it all ok. The owner will get the vibe and probably get mad or ruin the experience for them.

Ways to go about avoiding the hated question or answer

The fact is it is vital in a good relationship that a owner is going to want honest reactions, opinions and preferences in various things. While in some or many of these things the truthful answer is “whatever my owner wants”, that what the owner wants is constructive feedback.

Here are just a few things to think about when communicating with a slave in order to get the feedback an owner wants when the common answer is unacceptable even if it is the truth.

1) Watch the tone! Slaves will pick up on the littlest tone and use that as our guide. If an owner’s tone conveys “I am just asking because I think you would not like what I am thinking” might get a completely different answer then a tone of “I really have no opinion and really want some input from you”.

2) Limit the potential answer in the question. Instead of going “where do you feel like going out to eat” an owner can go “Where do you feel like going to eat between a or b and your answer can only be a or b”.

3) Potential punishment. To go along with #2 if the slave still tries for not an a or b answer then that is being disobedient and subject to a punishment.

4) Avoid as much as possible question to immediate decision. Keeping the where to eat example a better time to ask them a question would be hours before you inform them where you have decided to go.

5) Along with #4 change how you go about asking the question. Maybe hours before start a quick casual conversation about what each is craving and take that response as what they probably would choose for dinner.

6) When possible do something to get a read from their reactions. This is not good for all things, say picking a place to eat but can be good in certain things and done in a certain way. For example, which hole the Master is going to use to get his sexual relief. If the Master wants to know if the slave has a preference do not ask straight out but maybe tease her with the options and see which gets the biggest reaction from her.

This dreaded question and answer is always going to come up. But there are ways and a conscious effort to try to avoid using them from both sides. Understanding and accepting the motives of each and not to rely using them as a crutch or a cop out is important in order to not breed problems.

Attracted to what you hate

How can a person who has no masochistic bone in their body be drawn to a sadist? How can a person claim to not enjoy watersports but crave them done to her like an addict?

If you ever want to separate out the dominants full of hot air from the very few who get, accept and enjoy how a majority of submissives who identify as slaves ask them a questions like this.

The answer is domination is the draw to this life for a slave not just a submissive personality that likes kinky things. Power is the fetish. The physical manifestations of my owner truly using me for their pleasure and amusement knowing but not caring about my immediate pleasure or even enjoying just because of my non enjoyment are the spice of the life.

The often screwed up ideology

For many in this life including many M/s relationships kinks can partly or always be about mutual enjoyment. Certainly for me when I am sexually objectified that my enjoyment in that area is partly from the direct aspect of what is happening and not just from power being exercised over me for example. But this belief as a driving force in a total power exchange dynamic is where many dominants really get themselves in trouble.

Basically this is the carrot and the stick approach. Why it is so flawed when it comes to Master/slave TPE relationships is in essence the dominant is basically basing obedience on some level as reward based and that a submissive is some sort of drug addict needing a kinky fix. Take a step back and what do you have… Topping from the bottom which is just as yucky from a slave’s point of view as a dominant’s as why would a slave enjoy a dominant going I will do a kink if you are good?

First a quick rehash of one of my major themes in this blog

Before I explain the mindset of a slave like me first a reminder I write often in this blog. A person with a submissive personality does not need the power exchange life to be happy. People with submissive personalities can live happily in the real world and spoil a regular person(s). A person who has a submissive personality and wants to live in an M/s TPE life wants to be dominated.

What is domination? Well that is the active part of the relationship where control and what is done or being order to be done is in the hands of the dominant and NOT what the submissive would do if it was up to them on their own accord. A submissive personality will cook a meal the other likes regardless of the dynamic while a dominant telling them exactly what to cook for dinner is domination for example.

A slave can make decisions for themselves, they just really enjoy getting decisions taken away from them. A slave has the ability to be happy and in control of their own life but enjoys it way more to give up control to a person who relishes in taking it. Now back to the topic of the post…

The sweet addictive dichotomy

So what is then the dynamic that can make someone like me who hates pain but simply adores then a sadist? Because it offers up some of the most intense and intimate acts of domination that I can experience.

When I am being dominated in the kink/sex area this is what is happening. I have my Master who I love and trust completely doing something to me or making me do something that I do not want to do at that moment or at all and I get no direct pleasure. It is the dichotomies of my suffering combined with seeing the person I love and serve take pleasure in the whole thing. It is the physical manifestation of my owner clearly demonstrating that they truly have not only no problem in making me suffer but can take great enjoyment in it.

So when you throw in this intimate/sexual and intense type domination acts and throw in as a submissive personality I am a feeder and to see my Master enjoying himself let alone getting off on doing this to me then you are talking about an incredible experience that just never gets old. I can go from crying intensely with not one ounce of me turned on to an intensely pure sexual animal on fire in a micro second and this feeling can last a very long time.

A dominant that understand this and is the compatible opposite is a much sought out commodity for a slave like me.

Not all dominants who want a 24/7 TPE relationship are suited for it

What I just wrote above was something I put great emphasis in my profile when I went looking for my new owner and something I write a lot on the message board I sometimes contribute to. I cannot begin to tell you how many dominants that are looking for slaves for a TPE whiff on this concept. I can also tell you I have had at more women than I could count write me after reading my profile and all writing nearly the exact same thing. They comment on this specific part of my profile and go that is just like me and are there any dominants out there that get that and can do that.

That is the problem. There are dominants out there that get it but just as there is a big difference in submissive levels of bedroom bottoms all the way to 24/7 TPE slaves there is differences in dominants. But unfortunately this is not something admitted, promoted and talked about in this life all particularly often. It is unfortunate but dominants often deem themselves one size fits all and often those wishing for a 24/7 TPE few limits slave are either not capable/do not enjoy the domination aspect of owning one or worse have no understanding of what domination is truly about.

So instead of actual domination you get the ramblings and theories that leave slaves like me with a cold feeling. You get the “I will only inflict pain if you deserve it or as a reward”. You get the “I do not like anything more then others and can supply whatever you need in the kinky areas”.

A Master to a slave is a leader and taker not an administrator and/or order taker.

For me bring on the sadist!

The owner I submit to has my love, trust and devotion to him and our dynamic and I believe he loves, cares for me and is devoted to me and our dynamic. I will be dominated in order to be happy and in a deep enough submissive level to flourish in a 24/7 total power exchange relationship.

With that base I not only need to experience the physical manifestations of being dominated I crave that dichotomy of the Master I love causing me such suffering and loving and getting off on the fact that he can do it to me. So that is why a woman like me without a masochistic bone in her body seeks out a Master who is a sadist. Because that intense domination is the drug that drives us crazy!

Degradation Play from a Fan’s View

I want to warn anyone that this post is about degradation play that many have hard limits on or certain acts that even more have hard limits on and therefore might not be for everyone and does mark somewhat of a departure from my previous posts. I will probably use watersports as my example throughout as it is my favorite and what always pops into my head.

Degradation play often has as many if not more words against it or warnings about doing it and cool factor people pointing out the risks of many of the things done in this area without perspective. I thought I would just write a post from an unapologetic fan that not only is not harmed by this play but truly craves it.

My view of what type of play it is

I consider degradation play to be things that is an independent observer saw them being done they would clearly think that the other person truly does not care about their slave, does not remotely think of them as equal human beings and the slave is only their for the pleasure or betterment of their owner. It can be verbal or physical, direct or indirect and often goes into areas of objectification and can combine or cross over from humiliation (embarrassment) play.

Why I love it

I love this play for two reasons:

1) My true fetish is power exercised (domination) over me.

Obviously certain things that my mind has attached sexual notions to or that is just how I react will be much more prone to get a sexual response from me. So I am not saying being grabbed thrown into a room and handed paint and a brush while being told I am useless except for a painter is going to get the same affect from me in a sexual manner then being dragged into the bedroom being told I am only useful for my holes and get wham bam as hard and quick as he can then tosses me aside might.


Power exercised over me in an active sense that it would not be something I would do on my own. This gets into the difference between domination and submission that I wrote about here but we are talking about enduring or ordered directly to do things that are or are tied into sexual area in my mind. I love cooking my Master’s favorite dinner, giving him a massage and all the blow jobs he will ever want. This can make me happy and horny without a problem. But being dominated by doing or enduring things I do not like can drive me insanely aroused while often not while in the acts themselves but afterwards in processing it and sometimes this can last not only hours but days.

Degradation play is enjoyable to me because it offers such a stark contrast both mentally and physically to me. Because of the huge gap of what I am experiencing and who I know I am and how much I care for my Master is so great. There is no mistake we both know I would rather not be doing this or outright cannot stand it but the power he uses over me to be this dominant is so pure and that just destroys me in a very delicious way.

2) It is great suffering to endure for my Master to show my love and devotion to him and I enjoy that and it certainly strokes my ego and sooth my insecurity somewhat.

I wrote about the needs and benefits of suffering for our owners in this post in detail and mention it elsewhere a lot. We do not show our love, devotion and dedication to the total power exchange dynamic for our owner by doing the easy things let alone the things we want to do and enjoy. We show it in doing the things and having things done to us that give us trouble, hardship and no pleasure.

I have found in degradation play to be very intense in this aspect when done for an owner into this type of play. It is always mentally challenging and whether just in my mind or has some credence I have found in my experiences that lowering oneself to being degraded my owners past and present truly understand and love that I will do these things only because I love them.

The last two paragraphs may sound like a contradiction but they are not. My pleasure is the domination not the acts. Degradation play is extremely domination over me specifically because I hate doing these acts every single time. For example, I am a toilet for my Master. I cannot stand it and even after years of doing this I have yet to build any significant tolerance for it. I can handle it and therefore is not a limit as I would never want to limit my Master’s use of me by what I like or dislike. I have never wanted to or have asked my owner to use me in this way.

The act of being a toilet for my Master is awful. The fact my Master makes me be one knowing and not giving a damn is intoxicating to me and that is my craving.

Don’t you worry about emotional abuse or feel you Master thinks less of you?

These are the classic arguments you here when degradation topic or individual play types are discussed. To me this is a vacuum question in terms of it only makes sense from the eyes of the person asking it who is not being very open to different strokes for different folks.

For me only I am a big girl and would not suffer abuse. If I did not love, respect and trust my Master I would not be with him. If I did not think he loved, trusted and respects me in all aspects I would not be with him.

Do we not still love our other when we have a disagreement? Do we not still love our other when they do something selfish? Of course we do so why would we not love our other when two people are doing degradation play when both people are perfectly ok with it?

For me personally but I hope for all, regardless of the relationship dynamic, I would hope we love and respect our other is done with long term thoughts, feeling and experiences and not random snapshots in time.

Conclusion

I did not write this post as cool factor fodder like look how cool I am I do degradation play. Nor did I do it to promote others that they should try it. We all have are things and this is just one of mine. I cannot do breathe play for example so you will never see a post on breath play in my blog.

But I did write this to show that there are slaves in fact into being sexually and other ways degraded by their owners and that we are neither damaged or abuse victims. That doing degradation play is not going to turn a healthy person into an abuser or victim and destroy our self esteem if we have it in the first place.

Degradation play is not for everyone but for me bring it on!

Foundation: Part Three-Consistency

I moan and roll my eyes every time people start listing qualities of a good dominant/submissive or what is the foundation of power exchange relationships. The reason why the list is always qualities that are important in any good person or in any good relationship like trust, honesty and communication.

This is not that. I believe there are four important qualities that are critical to highlight as they are ones that get more emphasized in power exchange relationships. The reason being not that they are more important compared to other relationship dynamics but they are more radically different or require more conscious knowledge and effort then in other dynamic types.

To me there are four: Structure, Atmosphere, Consistency and Passion.

I want to write about them in four separate posts. So this post is dedicated to:

Part Three: Consistency

This should be a very short and simple post as I think everyone reading knows what consistency is and tends to be in favor of it in pretty much all things in life when they are good things. I mean we really would not want a consistent whiner or a person is late or maybe some of you do and I am sorry if that offended.

So in a total power exchange relationship (TPE) what are some of the things that we need to be extra careful to be consistent with.

Here are some things that are important make sure there is consistency.

Use of power as communicated: This is very simple as a slave I am going to often act in a literal sense. That is what happens when obedience is dominant in our life. When in a long term relationship things will of course change and often a dominants interest in some things they are very active in controlling with their slave and tastes and preferences they may not be direct but have established clearly communicated guidelines. It is very critical for a dominant to be consistent in these things and if/when something changes do not just think normal evolution will take care of it but to actively change it with communication with your slave.

For example if an owner decided they will pick out all clothes worn out in public for their slave then you must be prepared to actually do that. Sure on occasion a pick it yourself is fine but if it goes from always picking the outfit to the point your slave has no clue if you are going to pick it out, let her decide and especially get annoyed by her asking then that will cause anxiety and stress for the slave and that is a problem.

Punishment: This should be very self explanatory. An owner has to punish both causes and what the punishment is in a consistent manner. If we all had a dime each time a submissive complained about this area being inconsistent and the troubles it caused there would be no talk of any recession. Strict obedience is not natural. If you have set up a life that requires strict obedience there are some things that are just required and one of those is to be consistent in dealing with infractions. A slave needs to know the punishment will happen if they commit a punishable thing. It is strong motivation and, get this, a strong showing the owner cares about us and the dynamic. To not punish consistently again causes stress and anxiety in a slave that will hurt their obedience and cause issues in general.

Our attitude as a slave: Look we are human beings and going to get tired, be moody and have temporary feelings that are sometimes not how awesome our owner is. At the same time though it is critical not to let these types of things overwhelm our service to our owner(s). Both roles feed off the other and to be inconsistent with our attitude about our role and dedication to the dynamic so for our owner to have to read or feel your acceptance/happiness is not consistent but more randomly based will hurt the dynamic greatly. There are two distinct different vibes of being obedient just because and being obedient because we accept it and want to do it for our other.

Being used in acts of domination/discipline: I wrote here, and have and will in many other places, submissive personality and being strictly obedient from submission on a slave level is two different things and submission and domination are two very different things as well.

Following rules and rituals, doing things that we know please our owner and doing all the normal day to day things assigned to us by our owner is not domination. For submissive personalities like mine that is going to be standard behavior and not keep me in the submission level I need and desire to live as a slave. I can do those types of things in any relationship. I am going to go to the proper level to be strictly obedient and thrive by the feeling of being dominated by my owner. These are direct acts by my Master. I am talking about all the kinks, punishments and direct in the moment orders. These are the things that draw people with submissive personalities to power exchange relationships.

Consistency is important because these acts have various affects and shelf life on a slave like me. This is why for example the maintenance spanking in Domestic Discipline is often critical in those types of relationships. You can read beautiful descriptions in blog after blog about a person struggling and in desperate need of discipline. Without consistency in these things makes a submissive go on a roller coaster of emotions that is just not good. This is why you will often see the common expression from a slave that they need to be used frequently. It is not out of selfish pleasure.

Show you care about the other: This dynamic can be so well setup that often we are getting a lot of intimate moments of some type. But that consistency can also help lose just how special and personal our feelings are to our beloved other and we all adore expressions of love from our other in a way that is appreciated by them and often have at least some separation from the usual day to day things. We need to consistency show our love for the other and our devotion to the dynamic to help reassure and inspire our other. They do not have to be big things and often just words but something that steps us out of our regular world to remind the other just how great we feel about them and the life we are living.

Consistency is not a tough thing to comprehend but applying it and making sure all important aspects in our relationships can be difficult. Life in general tends to want to dominate our time and emotions. Keeping focus on being consistent will help that fight while being inconsistent will help wash away a power exchange dynamic.