Need Use!

I was going to save this topic for when I had the time and write one of my more long winded and will probably still do that. But in this post after reading a comment from an anonymous slave on one of my other posts who so perfectly wrote “I'm not a trophy, to sit on a shelf gathering dust. A slave is meant to be used, in the ways most pleasing to her Master.” I could not get this out of my mind so what I intended to write got merged with this thought.

In my mind near or top of the list in common mistakes both in the thought I was doing something good and unconscious did not take notice of that dominants can often be guilty of is backing off from using their slave. The two most common examples being out of caring and love they do not use their slave as much or severely for a multitude of reasons or everyday outside world and regular couple stuff overwhelms us and before one knows it one or both in the relationship are thinking what the heck happen and are struggling.

This happen to me recently as I had a tough stretch both in time used up and emotional body punches as my grandmother became gravely sick without notice (She is doing ok right now) and between time spent visiting her, making up shifts at work and dealing with the emotions left me in not normal places. This unfortunately caused my Master to back off his use of me out of love for me which is great but just piled on to my difficulties.

Did I realize what was happening? Not necessarily at the beginning but at some point while taking stock I realized this was happening and was a big catalyst toward not being the best I could be for these circumstances that I was dealing with and for that matter all of us go through from time to time.

Know the differences between regular tired and not being able to function fully tired that puts one at risk.

Being used can be physically tiring and even sometimes mentally tiring but it is such a good tiring feeling. We are not wired the same as regular people. If I am just tired because of a few hours less sleep or a more demanding day that is just life and does not mean I cannot and especially do not want to cook a labor intensive meal or be tormented for my Master’s pleasure. These things are pleasures in my life why take those away from me when I am just tired. We do not fail to go into work, do our “normal” stuff when tired well as a slave these things are our NORMAL things.

Then there is tired to a level or doing something will put us into a level of where there is risk to our health. Then of course it is our Master’s responsibility to manage that situation. That comes from knowing us, what we have incurred and what the near future holds. For example, if your slave has had a very tiring week for whatever reason and you know they have another similar week ahead the dominant would be stupid to plan a weekend of energy draining activities and/or cause less sleep for their slave.

Being used gives us emotional energy

Again it is such a natural thought that when we suffer and serve our Master it is difficult some way because of our reactions or the dominant thinking if it was them what would they want but slaves are not dominants or regular people.

Being used as a slave gives us emotional energy. In fact it is very much the fuel that feeds us. One does not take away food and water from a sick person in order to make them better! Being used is what we are about. As the anonymous poster wrote we are not hear to gather dust.

Slaves need and are built for use

Being used in our slave capacity makes us the most happy otherwise we would not be one. Take away our use we will feel out of place, less submissive, and feel uncertainty creep into our relationship. We are not just bottom players and use whether regular, kinky or sexual is not solely about reward or orgasms. It is simply a much deeper and positively affects us in everything we do.

I am a slave when I communicate I am tired and my Master knows it just is regular tired it is purely for communication of information. I am not a regular woman trying to get a meal out or using it as an excuse not to have sex. I am a slave and fixing dinner and being your personal porn star whore is still a pleasure and far healthier for me then me thinking is he doing something just because he thinks that is what I want. I am a slave. I do not control my other by using coded/loaded words to get something. That is simply topping from the bottom and that is as yucky for a slave as it is a Master.

As I found out no matter how perfect we think our other is or how much experience one might have it can be easy to confuse when it is needed to back off on a slave’s use and when one could in fact benefit greatly from the normalcy of that use because that is why we call ourselves slaves.

Common Mistakes and Myths by Dominants

Here is a list in no particular order or relevance, which is to say some of these things can torpedo a relationship, some might not and some depends on the individuals in the relationship.

This is not meant to rip dominants as I will surely write “Common Mistakes Made by Slaves”. These are things I have endured, been told directly to me and many things communicated by dominants in local communities, message boards, blogs and on and on.

1) A slave who has to communicate what is wrong or what they need too much let alone always is a problem as their owner is using the “communication” value too literally and it has become a crutch for being lazy and/or selfish.

First, of course good communication is essential and a slave who cannot ever or not enough communicate problems or needs to their owner is shame on them. Second, nobody is a mind reader including owners.

On the other hand often owners complain and preach to anyone who will listen the problem and solution of when they hear a submissive complain about their dominant not doing this or no doing that, is to shred a submissive for just not telling them or their dominant.

The reality is there has to be a middle ground. By definition and basic compatibility 101 a dominant is a leader (proactive) and a submissive is a follower (reactive). The reality is if a submissive has to come to their dominant so much with things the dominant has become the reactor to the submissive becoming the leader.

Owners always need to put effort into being proactive with their slave’s mood, body language and what is going on in their life. Owners need to keep track the last time they played with or disciplined their slave and need to see if their slave is struggling and ask them what is wrong.

2) A dominants order or pleasure is not some magical thing that makes a submissive do something if they are having problems with that order from rational thoughts to just feelings and any combination.

Human beings are simply more complicated then that. If a slave is having difficulty with something never think or communicate that telling them should solve the problem. Obviously if a slave is struggling with the order they got that you want this aspect. A large part of overcoming the struggle and doing the order will be knowing this is what their owner wants and for them to do it for their owner and to show their love, devotion and dedication to the dynamic.

Human beings are not computers and logic and feelings do not have to work together. This is true from following orders to simple things. For example, ordering your slave to speak up about problems will not make that easier for them to do so if they struggle in doing it.

3) Slaves are not thoroughbreds but more along the lines of plow horses. We do not like or handle it very well to be used/actively endure domination from our owner in various ways especially physically in a random and sporadic way.

Slaves need to be used. It feeds us and gives us those deeper submissives feelings which frees us and makes us the most happy. Often dominants lose track of how consistent they have been with their slave in this area when the regular world does in fact dominate our lives.

Another problem is the common human inclination that we think everyone is like us. Some dominants often think out of caring or concern to back off things at times or even worse overall that make their slave suffer is a nice thing. This is actually a very bad thing. A slave is wired to be used as a slave. It makes us happy and gives us energy. Neglect in this area zaps us of submissive energy and causes anxiety and frustration.

Slaves are not like dominants. Our suffering in the moment brings us energy and happiness afterwards that can last exponentially longer then the suffering was for.

4) Like #3, just because we have submissive personalities does not mean deep submission like a slave needs to have is even remotely natural.

A person with a deeply submissive personality will often naturally put their other first. We will dress and do our hair in a way that pleases. We will enjoy on occasion blowing you when you are watching a game. We will put out how and when our other wants. We will try to cook meals that our other likes. But these will be done normally on our own inclination and when we think about it.

A slave though who is being used and has a well designed rule, ritual and routine discipline goes to a whole new level of submission that most dominants are truly after. We need to dress and do our hair in the way our owner likes. We will drop anything and run to you to give you a blow job during a game with joy and spring in our step. We will obsess over cooking meals that our owner will enjoy.

5) Semantics do not overrule logic and feelings

Too often dominants think words can overrule a slave’s brain and this not only is wrong but tends to make dominants look foolish to their slaves.

One of the classic examples I have seen time and time again is when a slave is in bad shape of a discipline session and got up the nerve to ask. Like it or not most slaves will feel they have just topped from the bottom. Often, dominants love to deflect this by saying it is still up to them when the discipline session will happen so they still have all the control. Sorry that does not cut it.

No matter if it is two hours, two days or even two weeks later the next discipline session the slave will worry it is only being done because they asked for it. Might not mean they will not get what they need out of it but the full impact and no worries will not happen no matter what the owner says.

Often dominants can try to tweak things using word play or stall games. This can have a negative impact on things. Slaves like certainty and despise uncertainty. Word games create uncertainty.

6) Dominants who think the one need of a slave is to obey and make their owner life easier and more pleasurable trumps all other needs and makes those needs a very distant second or not needs at all.

This belief is unfortunately in my experience way too common even if it still is a minority opinion. Slaves are human beings just like all other human beings. Are needs and strong desires cannot be taken away or sacrificed because of a bigger need or stronger desire. Just because we will obsess over our owner as our primary need will not make other things in our life become irrelevant.

7) When in a long term relationship the mundane day to day things done for the home or specifically our Master will not always bring us direct happiness.

Shocking I know to all the cyber theorists out there but cleaning the master bathroom into the hundreds will rarely have me so happy I am bouncing off the walls. Cooking a routine meal on a typical Tuesday night will probably not make me wet and my nipples hard.

Now I am not even remotely saying that keeping a good home and taking pride in doing these types of tasks on a daily basis are not done with great pride and bring an overall happiness in terms of this pleases our owner because for me and many other it certainly does. I am just saying doing the laundry my feelings for it will probably be based on other things then directly doing the laundry.

The problem that this can often cause is a dominant can lose touch that their slave might need more enjoyment in her life then mundane day to day chores because the owner think this should make their slave perfectly happy to do them. That happy has a different meaning.

I am sure there are more but that can be for later and a part two. I will focus on slave mistakes and myths sometime soon to show I am not just out to pick on dominants. ;)