Fear of Subjugation

In the end the title of this entry is the base of every happy and loving Master/slave relationship. But for many of us who this wonderful relationship dynamic is the best fit for us and one we dream about to outright crave. But the fear of actually having the actions of such control, domination and enslavement or be enslaved for both roles is often our own personal thrown up road block that prevents us from having what we seem to desire so much.

Being paralyzed by either the fear of living a relationship dynamic so different then the ones we more commonly see or the fear of ignoring or being judged by traditional society values weighs so many down not only in being able to take the leap but being able to find the person to take the leap with. Now closing in on fifteen years in being involved in the life and most of that time living as a slave I have found this to be a cruel ironic fate that plagues the dynamic I am so fond and zealot about.

The fog of the fine line

My path in this life was one that slave does fit the best for me and always has. I am all about being in a severe power exchange relationship that is strongly sexual with kinky things. I doubt that would ever change. But what interests me when I seek out to reflect about my interests and learn more about myself and this type of dynamic has. I have ventured more and more away from the places where M/s is discussed and kinky things mentioned and I find myself more and more getting those needs met by going to places where taken in hand is openly discussed. Now again I am not meant for taken in hand nor do I like some of the rationale that some of the people into this dynamic use. But what draws me to spend more time reading about those relationships as opposed to Master/slave relationships how most embrace the subjugation of the woman that is getting more and more difficult to find in the BDSM/power exchange community.

I have always thought that it was some cruel joke how the people who embrace taken in hand and those who embrace Master/salve go about their mindset and hurdling their barrier to live the actual dynamic. In my opinion here are how the two groups go about communicating and stressing in their dynamic:

Taken in Hand – Most taken in hand people who openly discuss the life have little trouble with the concept of the man controlling his woman in an actual real and severe way. The word domination is rarely mentioned but the man controls the world in which the woman lives and he is the center of that world. It is rare to find a woman discussing her relationship or desire to be in one running away from being controlled and dominated but more often then not openly expressing their love for their man that does this to them or wanting to find such a man.

But at the same time they ignore, in denial or run away that in this world the female’s sexuality and openness to be their man’s personal sex dream of femininity and devotion to give him his perfect sex life is a big part of the relationship. They run away from how the punishment dynamic aspects and maintenance spankings are way more similar to kinky things and the turn on of the physical manifestation of the power (leadership) the man has over his woman.

Master/slave – Most in this life at the drop of the hat will talk about all the kinky things and sex stuff. In fact sometimes with passionate and veteran local community people you can get the impression that this life is just scenes. But most sprint from anything that power exchange of any significance outside of broad generic descriptions.

We as a group tend to hide from the control and domination that is there in actual Master/slave relationships. Sure we here the generic a slave “obeys” and “puts their masters desires above her own” but anything deeper is rarely talked about in any realistic or in depth fashion. Instead we get fantasy fiction of a slave of twenty years being giddy about doing laundry and every order and action is practically orgasmic. Men run from talking about the enjoyment and desires to control and dominate a woman they care for and replace it by trying to steal good qualities most strive for and all think they have and act like they are special and that is what a dominant is. Dominants instead of showing themselves as actual leaders with visions and passion for such a controlling dynamic instead act like they are life coaches and used car salesman promoting that heaven has been the destiny of all women that they have touched.

Rock and a hard place

To me this is where way too much of the public communication of M/s has ended up. We have two wrongs discussed in black and white and neither represents the reality of a Master/slave total power exchange relationship and the happiness and pleasure for those drawn to one feel. We have the devil promotion of look out for all the dangerous abusers and the mentally insane or not dealing with their issues that quote the definition of a slave out of a book or think a woman in the modern world can be really treated like chattel as the rock. Then as the hard space we have the men that describe a life of sheer perfection where the master knows all and everything he does is a benefit of his slave and slaves acting like they have never not done anything order by or done by their owner that was not a sheer joy to do.

But all of this is not reality in terms of day to day life. More importantly to this entry it is does not communicate anything that inspires and draws people into the life and for which I mean people already drawn to the life but for some reason not able to hurdle their own fears and try to go for a real Master/slave relationship. The communication of this life from the Internet, the learning of how to attract a top/bottom to do a scene in the local communities that is promoted as how “real” people in the life should do and be like and the fear mongers trying to scare everyone out there, we have made this life so uninspiring that it might have made it far more difficult to inspire someone to make the leap.

It is in a lot of my blog entries and is quite common in all forms of communication even the romantic fictional stuff but:

Dominant is a leader and leaders lead. Submissive is a follower who follows one they cherish and are inspired to.

But the communication of this life you can be hard pressed to feel many dominants as true leaders. Most come off as boring clichéd addicted and uninspiring beggars wanting a slave. Women who do have deep desires and a slave life would be so great seem so scared of actually admitting they are a follower and desire enslavement that it is tough to tell if they are trying to fool themselves or others.

This is at what the heart of my message in this blog. People drawn to Master/slave severe power relationships are actually drawn to actual subjugation which is actual things like control/being controlled, dominated/dominating and being enslaved by or lover/enslaving their lover. But between regular society pounding it into our heads that this is wrong and the local community addicts telling everyone this life should be just like negotiating with an acquaintance at a local dungeon to do a scene too many run away from communicating what attracts/draws us to wanting an M/s relationship in the first place. It is the far too common societal passive aggressive self inflicted mortal wound that prevents too many from the leap to find their other and live in an M/s dynamic relationship. The failure to leap is a problem with both roles and genders and not just one.

Taken in Hand shows not all are afraid of this type of communication

I do not agree with a lot of their justifications and they have plenty that communicate self esteem issues just like people in this life. But many are not afraid to embrace and talk on topics that may be sometimes light on powerful words like control and dominate but the communication is often way more direct and powerful in actual support of those words. But far too often people in the M/s life run away from those words. Control gets shot down by people sprinting toward not wanting “micromanagement”. Domination gets shot down by not wanting or being a doormat. Reality mixed with what inspires us to want an M/s dynamic relationship gets shout down by romantic dribble that this life can be a true fairytale experience.

Making the leap often will mean for many if the possibility of getting what they ache for out feels their fear of the unknown and societal judgment

The man who can come off as sane but dominant and has a vision for what they want in their life that is inspirational to a woman whose best destiny is living life as a slave can make a woman to take that leap. But unfortunately too many men choose to display their peacock feathers in ways that are simply uninspiring and often quite submissive in their communication. While adapting local community public protocol as “the way” or running away from words like control, domination and other strong vision inducing words they become quite submissive in their words and actions. The unfortunate byproduct of these dances is not to draw a woman to leap like they want but just the opposite and to repel them from leaping as the possibility of getting what they ache for seems like a long shot.

The woman that can come off as sane but deeply submissive and is not afraid of communication that can show this to prospective dominant can get exposed to far more dominants that will inspire them. Dominants are not super human or perfect human beings. They do not like being rejected or labeled a bad thing like anyone else. If they feel fear in expressing their true desires or think that is not the way to lure a woman then they will not do so and a woman will not get the rewards.

We can choose to dance in an honest and direct way or we can choose to dance in fear and misdirection. Those who choose the path of honest and direct from both genders are far more likely to find their special someone and live the dynamic they have probably dreamed about for a long time.

People that were meant for being a master or a slave in a severe power exchange relationship do not run away from words such as control, power, domination and enslavement but are drawn to and inspired to have them in their life.

Attracted to what you hate

How can a person who has no masochistic bone in their body be drawn to a sadist? How can a person claim to not enjoy watersports but crave them done to her like an addict?

If you ever want to separate out the dominants full of hot air from the very few who get, accept and enjoy how a majority of submissives who identify as slaves ask them a questions like this.

The answer is domination is the draw to this life for a slave not just a submissive personality that likes kinky things. Power is the fetish. The physical manifestations of my owner truly using me for their pleasure and amusement knowing but not caring about my immediate pleasure or even enjoying just because of my non enjoyment are the spice of the life.

The often screwed up ideology

For many in this life including many M/s relationships kinks can partly or always be about mutual enjoyment. Certainly for me when I am sexually objectified that my enjoyment in that area is partly from the direct aspect of what is happening and not just from power being exercised over me for example. But this belief as a driving force in a total power exchange dynamic is where many dominants really get themselves in trouble.

Basically this is the carrot and the stick approach. Why it is so flawed when it comes to Master/slave TPE relationships is in essence the dominant is basically basing obedience on some level as reward based and that a submissive is some sort of drug addict needing a kinky fix. Take a step back and what do you have… Topping from the bottom which is just as yucky from a slave’s point of view as a dominant’s as why would a slave enjoy a dominant going I will do a kink if you are good?

First a quick rehash of one of my major themes in this blog

Before I explain the mindset of a slave like me first a reminder I write often in this blog. A person with a submissive personality does not need the power exchange life to be happy. People with submissive personalities can live happily in the real world and spoil a regular person(s). A person who has a submissive personality and wants to live in an M/s TPE life wants to be dominated.

What is domination? Well that is the active part of the relationship where control and what is done or being order to be done is in the hands of the dominant and NOT what the submissive would do if it was up to them on their own accord. A submissive personality will cook a meal the other likes regardless of the dynamic while a dominant telling them exactly what to cook for dinner is domination for example.

A slave can make decisions for themselves, they just really enjoy getting decisions taken away from them. A slave has the ability to be happy and in control of their own life but enjoys it way more to give up control to a person who relishes in taking it. Now back to the topic of the post…

The sweet addictive dichotomy

So what is then the dynamic that can make someone like me who hates pain but simply adores then a sadist? Because it offers up some of the most intense and intimate acts of domination that I can experience.

When I am being dominated in the kink/sex area this is what is happening. I have my Master who I love and trust completely doing something to me or making me do something that I do not want to do at that moment or at all and I get no direct pleasure. It is the dichotomies of my suffering combined with seeing the person I love and serve take pleasure in the whole thing. It is the physical manifestation of my owner clearly demonstrating that they truly have not only no problem in making me suffer but can take great enjoyment in it.

So when you throw in this intimate/sexual and intense type domination acts and throw in as a submissive personality I am a feeder and to see my Master enjoying himself let alone getting off on doing this to me then you are talking about an incredible experience that just never gets old. I can go from crying intensely with not one ounce of me turned on to an intensely pure sexual animal on fire in a micro second and this feeling can last a very long time.

A dominant that understand this and is the compatible opposite is a much sought out commodity for a slave like me.

Not all dominants who want a 24/7 TPE relationship are suited for it

What I just wrote above was something I put great emphasis in my profile when I went looking for my new owner and something I write a lot on the message board I sometimes contribute to. I cannot begin to tell you how many dominants that are looking for slaves for a TPE whiff on this concept. I can also tell you I have had at more women than I could count write me after reading my profile and all writing nearly the exact same thing. They comment on this specific part of my profile and go that is just like me and are there any dominants out there that get that and can do that.

That is the problem. There are dominants out there that get it but just as there is a big difference in submissive levels of bedroom bottoms all the way to 24/7 TPE slaves there is differences in dominants. But unfortunately this is not something admitted, promoted and talked about in this life all particularly often. It is unfortunate but dominants often deem themselves one size fits all and often those wishing for a 24/7 TPE few limits slave are either not capable/do not enjoy the domination aspect of owning one or worse have no understanding of what domination is truly about.

So instead of actual domination you get the ramblings and theories that leave slaves like me with a cold feeling. You get the “I will only inflict pain if you deserve it or as a reward”. You get the “I do not like anything more then others and can supply whatever you need in the kinky areas”.

A Master to a slave is a leader and taker not an administrator and/or order taker.

For me bring on the sadist!

The owner I submit to has my love, trust and devotion to him and our dynamic and I believe he loves, cares for me and is devoted to me and our dynamic. I will be dominated in order to be happy and in a deep enough submissive level to flourish in a 24/7 total power exchange relationship.

With that base I not only need to experience the physical manifestations of being dominated I crave that dichotomy of the Master I love causing me such suffering and loving and getting off on the fact that he can do it to me. So that is why a woman like me without a masochistic bone in her body seeks out a Master who is a sadist. Because that intense domination is the drug that drives us crazy!

Domination and Submission: Two distinct things!

This is perhaps my biggest pet peeve when people discuss this life. There is an absolute obsession in terms of the focus is way too centered on a slave’s obedience as the main factor in M/s. That submissive means obey and a Master basically is about knowing how to use his toys and training his slave to his preference.

Where I have a profile and post on a message board I have had up to fifty women write me privately in response to how I view the need to be dominated and what it encompasses. I will probably write a detail of this sometime later but in summary a Master must dominate me. A Master forces his will and desires on me. A Master indulges in his pleasures without remorse. A Master cares about the big picture about my needs and happiness but does not worry about them in a moment.

Vanilla example: He picks the movie we are going to see period. He may consider my opinion and he may choose a movie he does not care for but knows I really want to see but the choice is up to him and him only. There is no keeping score or attitude allowed by me if I do not get my preference. There is not just cosmetic play of pretend power where he makes the decision but the decision is always based on what a regular couple would normally do.

Kink example: I do not have a masochistic bone in my body. My Master is very much a sadist. When he decides to inflict pain on me it is simply because he feels like it. There is no goal of sub space or orgasms for me but only his reasons and goals. My body is his to do whatever he likes to it not play time is mutual fun time. To inflict pain may, mark me, and make me cry and scream for his desire and pleasure dominates me to the very core. The need and long term thrill of it is that he does things to me with no thought or care about my pleasure. He takes because he has the absolute right. I suffer to please him, show my devotion and zealot commitment to the way we want our life to be lived. The moments suck, the long term effects are amazing for me.

That is some examples and talk on domination. The women who have written me all go yes that is me and can you actually find a Master who understands and does that. Of course the answer is yes, but it is rare. So here is some vital information to all dominants out there who desire a slave, submissive with slave tendencies and any other way you want to describe a severe power exchange relationship:

DOMINATION AND SUBMISSION ARE TWO VERY DIFFERENT THINGS THAT WORK TOGETHER!

Women like me that have submissive personalities and are submissive in our relationships in the first place. We are not seeking out severe power exchange relationship just because of these submissive feelings. We all can live very regular lives and have are submissive nature taken care of. We all have whether in a power exchange relationship or not in the past dressed in ways our other found attractive. We all have done domestic things without complaint. We all have put out in whatever way and whenever the person we care for wanted us. We all have obeyed or inquired what our other was wanting from us. There are people all over the world with significant submissive personalities living healthy and happy lives in regular type relationships.

The reason most if not all women who enjoy severe power exchange relationships are looking for Masters is because they want/need to fell dominated both physically and mentally in their lives. Domination is effort, leadership and energy that the dominant actively brings to the relationship. It is about forcing your will and desires on your slave without concern for theirs in the immediate nature within the scope of the relationship and not just about getting your slave to obey and punish if they disobey!

Being dominant is not just about training a submissive to the way you want them to behave and do things how and when you want them. It is not just train and punish if a mistake. It is not just about if your submissive is obedient or not. Failures, mistakes and attitude issues are not always or even mostly about the submissive not getting it, screwing up or not submissive enough.

Many dominants who are looking for a slave and become obsesses about a slave being obedient or what you think an obedient slave is and go on to basically think as a dominant that all you need to do is train to your specification and punish if a mistake happens. All of you who are dismissive about all kinks or treat them as sexual fun or just rewards and having more then one rule (obey) is for losers because you are a natural dominant. For all of you like this, there is a reason why you cannot find a person who is sincere into severe power exchange you are bringing very little to the table. A woman like me needs to be dominated and that takes more then setting up guidelines and just thinking a slave only needs to please and see her Master happy.

There will be some that think I just described a slave who requires too much work and to those I go nice try. By no means what I just wrote infers that conscious domination needs to be done constantly or even daily. But it is about over all attitude, direction and actions.

I will close with examples between domination and guiding your submissive. I repeat not that guiding your submissive is not a significant part of these relationships but not all just a part. So is domination!

Giving you slave guidelines to how you want her to dress is guiding a submissive (GAS).
Picking out exactly what you want her to wear is an act of domination (AOD).

Teaching your slave to inquire if you would like something or if she can give you a blow job while you are watching a game on TV is GAS.
To grab her and shove her head to your cock and throat fuck her until you cum and then dismiss her without much acknowledgment is an AOD.

Giving her rules about talking on the phone to friends in general is GAS.
When on the phone telling her to get off immediately is an AOD.

Playing in the dungeon where you are overly concerned or try to make sure your slave gets to sub space or sexually pleased in a way is too people having fun with kink.
Inflicting pain and/or putting your slave in bondage and not giving a damn if this time is pleasurable or not it is all about you is an AOD.

In fact the key for me personally is knowing my Master is indulging in what he wants and not doing things because he thinks I want him to. So the more powerful, overt, painful and disgusting things done to me knowing they do not bring me pleasure by themselves are all very strong acts of domination. To me mainly because if I know he can do these things to me for whatever reason I know all the smaller things are done for that reason and makes all the wonderful things he does do just for me more pure and special!