Emphasized Qualities of a Master

This is not going to be some all consuming stereotype list where qualities like trust, honesty, communication and on and on get listed or written in such an overblown way. Sorry, but when ever you start to list qualities for anyone or any group to have they will in fact be almost all the same. The simple reason being the qualities that are always listed are simply qualities that both genders regardless of any roles strive for to be a good person.

Sorry dominants, but Calling yourself and even other’s calling you Master or Mistress does not mean your qualities such as your word, trust, experience and on and on make you better people or dominants. Master or Mistress does not mean you have or do not have those qualities and ESPECIALLY you have them over other people like it is some competition.

Sorry submissives, your dominant and especially if you are looking for one is no different then any other human being on the planet. Waxing romantically about a perfect human being as a starting point for your ideal Master ranges from setting oneself up for failure to just delusional as a dominant is a person like everyone else and there is simply no official licensing test to claim they have perfect character.

The fact is we all want to be and search for good people. Good people have these qualities that are so routinely tossed out. We cannot give ourselves qualities and think that is that nor can we pat ourselves on the back if some friends give us those qualities as well; even the biggest losers have friends that will testify that they have great character.

So until we start hearing and reading people searching out “good” dominants and submissives but do not care if they have “good” character these qualities that are often mentioned are to be proven on an individual basis and are not qualities that separate a Master just because he utters them as a way to look better then others.

What I am though going to list are qualities that I think a dominant should have but should have it in a large scale. These qualities can or do not have to be qualities that make up a good person but are just ones through my personal history and communicating with others are qualities that go a long way when factoring in the power dynamic and the two people running smoothly. Again this is from the eyes of a total power exchange slave and I am not forming an opinion on lesser power exchange dynamics.

So after finding a “good person” a slave might want to see if the following qualities are also in their dominants.

Decisiveness – This may be hands down the honey that can draw a slave to a perspective Master. It is probably the one quality that before any power is exchanged can and should be shown within the potential Master.

Generally slaves hate uncertainty and being constantly looked at for an opinion or ideas. A Master who cannot make up his mind let alone make a decision and lead is not long for a 24/7 TPE relationship. Decisive is not only a needed quality but simply for many people like myself it is a quality that flat out is attractive to us on many levels.

Example when starting to see someone:

Not hot: “Where do you want to eat? What time is best for you?”
Hot: “I will pick you up at seven and we will be going here for dinner.”

Example in a scene:

Not hot: “Would you like me to use this toy on you?”
Hot: “I want to see what I can do to your tits with this toy”

Show me a naturally decisive Master that knows it is different from being demanding or rude and I will show you a Master that can have slaves drooling over them.

Considerate – The word screams duh and is not that one quality any good person should have but there are levels to being considerate and that is what I want to point out here.

How people normally go about communicating with people and particularly with their significant other is on a personal basis and a compatibility factor. Consideration for other people can range from always thinking about them to only considering them when they are yelling at us.

As slaves we are generally not very good at or wanting to have to speak up for ourselves sometimes let alone always when needed. I do not mean we should never or that there is not a strong difference between cannot or tough/do not like to as never speaking up for ourselves is not something a Master can fix as they cannot be mind readers. So because we tend to want to keep expressing our desires to the minimal it is important to find a Master who has enough consideration in them to think about and read their slaves and just not thinking about them at all unless they speak up.

For example, there is a huge difference between a Master always picking the restaurant that may or may not take their slave’s preferences into consideration from time to time and one who always picks but never thinks about what their slave likes.

Passion for the dynamic – I talked specifically about this in one of my foundation posts. I though wanted to write a short thing here.

There is a big difference between a person calling themselves a Master or a Mistress that want a total power exchange dynamic and a person calling themselves that and are just basically wanting to be spoiled and catered to. The many aspects we talk about like control, discipline, kinky things, domination and so on are active day to day things that a Master must have a passion for doing. Being spoiled and catered to is not power exchange.

For example many of the do not get it types wish to have that 1950’s wife. I call these people the time warped ones. The reason why is because their view of a 1950’s actual wife is just plain delusional. Traditional gender role relationships (1950’s) had females responsible for the domestic work and the man was the final say in many things but there was very little power exchange going on. In other words the 1950’s did not have the wife dressed or undressed to their husbands liking greeting him with his favorite beverage on her knees blowing him before dinner then go finish preparing and serving dinner that she made with great effort and consideration to his liking and approval.

So a Master needs passion for the actual power exchange dynamic and not just wanting an end product of being spoiled, catered and deferred to.

At least a touch of domineering personality – First and foremost domineering does not mean asshole or abusive. It pretty much means overbearing. A good Master will have an aura about him that to his slave makes her fall deeper into feeling more submissive when interacting with her Master.

I like please and thank you from my Master as much as the next slave even though both of us know it is an order but I would not want them with every thing that is asked of me in our communication. Same with tone as all unemotional like without passion would just flat out suck. The fact is at least some domineering personality goes a long way in helping create a healthy power exchange environment and flat out bring good things and feelings to a slave like me. Now personally I do not like a little domineering personality but I like a ton but I also know this is not normal. But at the same time those Masters who get a thrill out of saying how they never do anything with passion(a voice raised or not polite) which includes actively controlling their slave and come across as dispassionate professors as their personality I can guarantee you have trouble holding onto a slave in a 24/7 TPE relationship.

For example, I am the answer to the question of who would go out with an asshole like that when you would see my man have my coat and tell me we are leaving in an absolute tone and prefer that over him asking, even if we know it is an order if I am ready to leave. The latter I follow but the former literally gets me sexually excited.

At least a touch of sadism – There has to be a better term and would take suggestions but I am not necessarily referring to liking to give pain to another when I use sadism. What I am trying to get across is a quality in a Master that can enjoy making their slave suffer in some way.

What I repeat often in this blog is simple. People with submissive personalities do not need a Master or any agreed upon power exchange dynamic to be happy. They will spoil and defer to whoever is their significant other. People who identify as slaves have submissive personalities who enjoy, desire and crave being dominated. Domination is what the Master brings to the table in forcing their will and control on their slave. By definition this has to be some things that a slave would not want to do otherwise there would be no need to be in a power exchange relationship.

So a Master who can only order and control knowing that their slave gets direct pleasure in the act is not really dominating but facilitating and will lose respect from the slave as they are not getting the fuel they need which is being truly dominated.

So in some way a Master or Mistress must enjoy making their slave suffer which is dominating and controlling them in a way which they do not want or enjoy for the actual thing itself. It can be actual sadism of enjoying inflicting pain and seeing tears and hearing cries and other direct action things to making your slave do things and taking great pleasure that they suffer purely out of love and devotion to their Master but there has to be a strong element of pleasure received by the dominant doing something(s) that are in fact active domination.

Conclusion

When talking about qualities toss off the qualities that every one should have. A dominant a slave will serve should be a good person and therefore have those qualities. Basic qualities that all human beings should strive for does not make one better or special because of a title or thinking one has a “code” that includes these basic human qualities.

The qualities I mentioned and certainly others that slipped my mind can be qualities everyone should have but at least for a total power exchange relationship one is wise to find a Master or Mistress that has these particular qualities oozing out of them AS WELL AS being a good person.

Leap Part Two: From part time to 24/7

Infatuation and having an on/off switch

So you are currently in a great relationship whether you are dating someone or you are a couple that has introduced aspects of power exchange into your life together. The goal though is for you to take it 24/7 which can often be way more troubling then it seems. Once again there is a leap to be taken!

The gap between part time and 24/7 is large because it operates on a whole different mental level. Think about it. When you are dating someone you know when the next date is. You can spend time up to that date thinking about what will or might happen. Our minds get mentally prepared for a short term. Even if the “date” last days and you are a slave the whole time your brain is functioning on some level that come the end you have some or all of your power back. In addition to this why are we even thinking of going 24/7 at this moment? One of the reasons is because we are in that infatuation/love stage were their mere presence makes our pussy’s wet and our heart’s go pitter batter and just even thinking of them releases the warm fuzzies.

Established couples much of this is the same thing. You have started something new and exciting in your life that obviously from your consideration of going to 24/7 has gone quite well. But so far situations have been just those situations. Maybe most of the power exchange situations have been bedroom only, negotiated times and things or a trial period run lets say on some or many weekends. Just like a couple getting to know each other your reactions are also going through the excitement of the newness and your brain has usually had time to prepare for what you are expecting to come. You still always have the safety of that thought that you go back to basic normal when the clock strikes a time.

24/7 means never having a start or stop time

Thoughts of 24/7 often come in two forms.

Often the over romanticize thoughts are the ones we like to focus on. These are the thoughts and feelings that I normally describe as taking feelings and behaviors from the just before, during and after of the more direct acts of domination done on us. These can be in the range from the mundane to a quite intense scene or act. The thought though that can get planted is that these deep level of submissive feelings and how this often deepens our other feelings like our love and pleasure with our dominant can be felt 24/7!

The other form is thoughts of 24/7 start to seep into our brains on a deeper level. Now instead of thinking about it when we are experiencing the warm fuzzies we start to think about it during normal activities and thoughts. This starts to scare us. We think what if my owner will no longer let me do this or do that. What if I cannot handle doing something particular every single day? All of a sudden the worse case scenarios start to appear in our head.

Irrationality of these thoughts

Well the thought of the permanent high of submissive feeling is of course a drug that does not exist. Since this is a post on making the difficult leap and people who fall to hard for this thought often leap way too easily and ignorantly that writing about this is for another time.

Now the worrisome thoughts about going to 24/7 can be healthy or cause paralysis in one’s desires and goals. Here is the reality of life. Look at any type of relationship throughout time and no matter where on earth you will see couples doing the same things only who and how they are done. Now think when you are with your other when you are on have they changed into different human beings when in the more regular aspects of life. I would hope no. I am guessing if hanging out on weekends you are having plenty of normal conversations, having some regular social activities and a whole bunch of other regular moments.

This is because even in a total power exchange relationship regular life happens. Now not to say there cannot be twists or changes in the details of these regular day to day things but in the end the person you have gotten to know, hopefully, is the person who will now own you 24/7. How they are, their interests, how they treat you, their goals and the other vital compatibilities do not get changed.

So to go to 24/7 should just have the same thought process of going 24/7 in any other type of relationship. A person to move to 24/7 should be sold on all aspects of the person they are with and not just the submissive feeling one is left with when in their other’s presence.

The thought processes that do have to be overcome

By far the number one thought process when dealing with making the leap is what I am going to lose by doing it. Obviously the positive things for the most part are not stopping us from leaping so that does leave the negative ones.

Instead of some generic words I thought I would just type out some thoughts that have popped into my head or have heard as fairly common ones and simple thoughts on those thoughts.

“What if they want me to no longer or limit my time with friends and family?” – Well have you discussed this? For most of us if they went “oh by the way, now you cannot see this person [insert close family member or friend]” before at anytime we would have gone in our mind big red flag. Now for some people that have people in our lives that are truly bad influences and someone who cares for us might be able to lead us away from them. But this should have nothing to do with power exchange. Time with others should be something you have talked about and have a compatibility with.

“Will I ever get personal time and have time for my interests?” – This is one I have heard a lot. Again we are talking compatibility. Some couples desire all personal time to be together. Some couples only see each other at bed time. Most of us like something in between those two polar opposites. You should before ever going 24/7 have some idea that both of you have compatibility in this area. You as a slave can be independent and have a bunch of interests but best find an owner who enjoys doing his own thing as well. Just like if you think we means we in most things, better find one who feels the same way.

Now I will introduce you to a term I use often and that is cyber theorist. These are people who with no real experience in long term power exchange relationships will write poetically that a slave is this and that. Often these theorists will spin a belief that even when the two people are not together or any number of situations that a slave should only be about pleasing their owner. They will mention taking classes to improve your service and having you develop a mind set where thinking about and doing things to make your owner’s life easier and pleasurable is 24/7. Let’s be realistic here. That is simply insane and a zealot over romanticized thought. I mean really could you imagine a life between two people where the other has no thoughts and desires except one! Does that sound sane?

Pleasing your owner is our number one desire otherwise how can we really be consensual slaves? It is though just one desire in a human being that is made up of many. Reality is you can spend a great deal of time when away from your owner in ways to improve yourself in your service if your owner desired or you yourself chose to in your allowed free time. I have taken classes in massage, cooking and even stripping. In fact I was a I hate cooking person until I took my first cooking class and since then it has become a very pleasurable interest for me. Even when I was taking these classes I was going to work full time and still was not sacrificing my time serving my Master nor had no other personal time.

“What is he makes me throw out all my comfortable underwear for none or uncomfortable ones?” – Well what if they do? Is that the end of your world, I think not. Again reality and motivation comes into play. Maybe he wants you to wear only thongs and you have found them uncomfortable in the past. My questions to you would be two. 1) How much effort in the past had you tried getting use to them? 2) How serious are you about M/s life or is really just about your convenience in the short term? The reality of this situation is a good slave should be able to try their best at things directed at us. This is very important; a slave must learn to identify things that have very little affected on us in the bigger picture when taken out immediate feelings. Because you tried wearing thongs for a couple of days years ago or only wear them on special occasions does not mean you have tried at all to get use to them. So why not try to please your Master by making an actual strong effort to get use to them. Now, after a long time they still cause a bad result from you then communicate that with your owner and see what can be changed.

This last example sounds lame on the surface but has everything to do with thoughts and fears of going forward. The question that a slave needs to often ask themselves when confronting troubling feelings is often very simple “What does it really matter if this is done or this happens this way?” I cannot begin to tell you how much clutter in our brains and feelings as a slave turns out to be totally useless and counter productive to our service and happiness by not realizing that an awful lot of things we do on a day to day basis have just not much importance or impact in terms of the how’s and when’s.

Conclusion

If a person is struggling with making the leap of going from part time to 24/7 I offer these points to think about:

1) You do have the right to change your mind. As a couple if the dominant will only do 24/7 then whether you can handle it or not is compatibility not failure. Any thoughts about long term negative impact should be thought about as your own mental issues and if you fear such a thing then that is pause for thought and not just about the relationship.

2) 24/7 should be thought about in all aspects of a relationship in addition to the power exchange. To go 24/7 you should want to go 24/7 in all other aspects just like any other type of relationship.

3) Be realistic about what you are feeling. The submissive high you get from moments does not last in 24/7. You should have some experience or make time to experience serving when not on some emotional high. You will be cooking and cleaning when tired and in a bad mood. You will have to put out or give blow jobs when not in the mood or when you are in the middle of something. Know you want and can be happy serving when he has not read your mind or high on love.

4) Talk things out in detail. Sit down with your other at a mundane time and feeling and not pillow talk after something blissful. Talk about what they see what they will control you in terms of day to day control, demands and changes.

5) Try mundane practice runs. Forget about being a slave 24/7 on a weekend. Try doing it for a week when both of you are working and see how that goes. Go a week without any kink things or even any sex and see how the power exchange aspects work for both of you.

In the end, the leap is different as the feelings, activities, time and anticipation can be drastically different. But the motivations and overall feeling we get as slaves though does remain and flourish. I know for me the best way I processed it was that I was running toward something instead of running from something. That made me make the leap with confidence and zealot effort.

Gaining trust goes both ways

Trust is a two way street. We often just focus on the trust the male tries to earn so the female will commit and submit to them but the fact is a female submissive must earn the trust of her dominant that their words of what they are wanting and their willingness to endure the power exchange life from the mundane to the super intense are genuine.

There is a big misconception in my mind that is no ones fault but the natural circumstances seem to naturally perpetuate. Most us women want to dive deep into the romantic portions of a relationship. We want to be swept off our feet by the awesomeness of the man that wins our heart. That everything goes smoothly and pitch perfect. That the man is a completed product only needing to input the woman’s specific information into his brain and mould the dream life. Dominants often promote themselves in this fashion. For some reason anything less then all knowing and shouting I have experience from a pedestal is looked down on as a sign of weakness. That no interaction described does not have a simple solution.

But this is simply not the case. A dominant starts from scratch with their submissive on the same level as a submissive. All the experience of the power exchange dynamic means nothing between the two. Of course the “experience” dominant is safe with his toys and can point to play parties. But those play parties have experience pain sluts volunteering for which he knows them. His new submissive which is a romantic one has never felt his infliction or never taken an order of any type from him, for example what is her reaction during and after the first time he orders her to clean the house as he sits on the couch watching a game. He does not know after one strike she shouts out the safety word. He does not know after one “scene” she turns cold to him. He does not know that one day of following orders she is thinking that is enough of this. This is the trust she must earn! That her obedience is there, her dedication to the power exchange dynamic is not conditional and her devotion to him is always present and her willingness to show and prove it is an honor not an insult.

A Master to feel free and comfortable in his power exchange relationship must trust his submissive. He must know that orders and actions no longer have to be based on the credit system and mood of his submissive like a regular relationship quite often is. He must trust the slave’s words and actions are true not conditional or playing an angle. A submissive does this by time and effort. We do not earn that trust when we are in the infatuation stage of the beginning of the relationship where neither can do no wrong and is sheer perfection. We do not earn it when we do or are made to do things we like or want to do anyway. We earn it when we suffer for them that can often show our devotion to them and the power dynamic. We earn it when we serve them when not our physical best. We earn it by not copping an attitude because they fail to read our mind our body language and turn power exchange dynamic conditional on our current mood.

My Master had only one relationship prior to me which was 100% merely a top/bottom totally conditional one. I was a decade experienced slave most of that time 24/7. His words ache for a slave to own in a severe power exchange relationship which was intoxicating to me. From the first message, first phone call and first meeting if I was not a passionate realist I would say it was a magical fate. Even with this playing out and our experience levels the romantic version played out on the web and many revisionist histories of people talking about their own relationships was not there.

Our first play was a light over the knee spanking. The first bondage was my hands tied so lightly and easy to get out of if I wanted. Our first time having sex had new time awkwardness and stress. The first vanilla order was to change the trash can bag. The first disagreement was about him always cleaning his house spotless before I visited. Nothing in much of being the first would be described on the grand epic romantic side.

The reason is because trust and devotion both feeling and knowing the other feels it takes time and comes in degrees. It can not be planned out when one reaches the destination. Then at some point the degree and level is so complete it feels like a destination has been reached. Where nothing is held back or worried about. That my Master has the confidence he can do what he likes to me and exert the level of control he desires and has complete trust and faith that this will be met with love and devotion for him.

This elusive destination happen to us on this past weekend. He had shared dreams and fantasies during our time being together. Some realistic some just to stay fantasies. I remember early on him sharing on such fantasy about a weekend and my reply was I do not see why that could not be reality someday and he seemed stunned why a person like me would be willing to endure that for him. I remember me replying how a slave could not be willing to endure that for her Master. He fulfilled that fantasy this past weekend. With the level of love, trust and my desire to show my devotion to this beautiful man and feeding off the pleasure he enjoyed as his sadistic and kinky mind let him indulge in from the confidence, love and trust he has in me allowed me to endure without faltering. I hope all during the weekend and afterwards he could look into my eyes and see the absolute love and devotion I have for him. His brain, heart and soul and his ability and desire to dominate me on such a level I thought could not be possible.

I am truly blessed to call him my Master.