Getting health advice off the Internet

Look there is a ton of great information to be gained in this area of health. WebMD and sites like that are incredibly solid sources. Message boards for specific problems are spectacular for people dealing with those problems.

On the other hand looking for help on the Internet before doing something whether before doing something or dealing with a problem is very risky. In particular I know of several message boards on BDSM that have health and safety sections. I also know that very few people who post in those sections are in the direct medical fields and many like me avoid those sections like the plague.

The reasons are very simple. Medical problems are not simple. There are extremely few things that have simple this is what it is and can be treated simply by doing this. Everyone is different and it is somewhat crazy to take advice from a complete stranger who you do not know. When I click on these types of posts often it is people looking for the answer they want to hear and not open to any other. This is bad.

The reason people like me do not touch these topics is because we know better. When someone goes this happen to me or can I do this I cannot even venture a guess because I have no idea. No one really knows the overall health of the person, their medical history, medications they are already on, what type of information they might be withholding or are not aware enough to disclose and other reasons. Health and safety is relative and not a fixed position.

So please avoid using the Internet to try to avoid seeing a doctor or to save some money. It is a great tool to gather information before going to the doctor to help ask and answer questions and great for after if you want to research what the doctor told you. It is though a dangerous game if you try to replace a doctor with words read.

Doctors and BDSM

I see and get asked a lot about this. Are there doctors BDSM friendly. Yes, the answer is all doctors are BDSM friendly. Now of course I am not really answering that question as people are asking that are wanting to see a doctor and not be scared or freak out the doctor with presenting information or innocent bruises or something directly needs to be treated.

Understand something, doctors and nurses are just like you and treat our jobs the same way. Just like you on your job have probably seen it all in the specific things that are a part of your job we are the same. I work in an ER and judging goes out the window roughly the first day I started working. BDSM injuries or questions are just not all that interesting and at worse are going to be turned into some faceless anecdote. The bigger problem is caused when people lie about things as it hurts the possible treatment if we do not know what to ask or look for. Trust me even a smile and some small talk amongst ourselves is your biggest worry and that is for a few seconds that is out of our heads as soon as it hits our ears.

In terms of being afraid of them calling the police in terms of abuse most doctors and nurses have seen it all and can spot BDSM marks from abuse. Even when that does not happen we are trained and also all social workers and police are trained to look for mental symptoms and clues if it is abuse or accident. Being nervous and lying is not good. Being calm and matter of fact is. The big picture is you are just another patient in an endless stream.

Now for your regular doctor if you live in a small populated area and/or socialize in the same circle as your doctor then find another doctor if this makes you nervous. Just do not worry about going to see the doctor of your choice. If they are rude or judgmental of your choices just find another. They probably are rude and judgmental to many other patients anyway.

The hypocrisy of how safety is discussed

Safety in the activities we in this life do:

For pretty much my whole time in this life of ours I have been driven crazy or just flat out get mad about how safety is discussed. Now let me be very clear, safety of all types is very important and I do not mean this to be some catch all disclaimer. Unfortunately in my opinion when safety is actually discussed in terms of BDSM play it really has very little to do with actual safety and understanding the risks and more importantly the level of risk. What usually is being discussed is a person not liking what is being discussed and is using safety in a hypocritical and judgmental reason why they do not do that type of play.

I am an RN. Pretty much guaranteed that 90+ percent of the people reading this I know significantly more about health and the human body then you. I also live a conscious attempt to not assume everyone is dumb and ignorant so the only way to communicate is by writing in worse case scenario tones. I just refuse to do it. I write this as an instant rebuttal to all that will mistake this entry as an entry to ignore safety or some personal attack on you a stranger I have never met.

We need to be honest and clear with ourselves; risk is part of almost everyone’s life and nearly on a daily basis. What smart people do is understand and acknowledge the risks they take and then try to minimalize the dangers as far as they are wanting to. That is what really safety is all about in the end.

It is unfortunate but people into BDSM and power exchange have little trouble pointing out what is unhealthy and has risk in things they do not partake in all the while acting like what they partake in can be just as unhealthy and risky and depending on the subject even more is certainly possible. So what do these people do, they play the worse case scenario game. The topic of a gang bang comes up and the anti people paint a picture of strange men picked off the street lined way outside the bedroom all going to have unprotective sex with the female. Heck, I know of women who refuse to swallow cum from their monogamous spouse and try to claim serious health concerns.

Now I have a problem with the people who play the worse case scenario game but the other aspect of pointing out legit health concerns I understand and do see the need and service it provides. The problem is in the motivation and perspective the person is usually sharing the information. I see two main reasons behind the look out safety people. 1)The I do not do it but think others might think of me as less cool or less of a submissive so therefore will harp on the safety issue. 2) For people who actually are not willing to do it specifically out of a risk they are unwilling to do no matter the actual risk level.

But the problem with “you should not do this” or “I do not do this because” (which infers you are stupid if you do) is it is often complete hypocrisy in action. The classic example I like to use is the pack a day smoker telling the person eating fast food how bad it is for them. There are risks in pretty much anything we do. Anytime you hop on a motorcycle, drive a car over a certain speed, not use a seatbelt, not exercise, smoke, drink, eat poorly, too overweight, too underweight, sky dive, scuba dive and heck even when we exercise there is risk and a ton of other things. It is unfortunate that life in general but even more prevalent in BDSM activities is to point out things we do not do as dangerous without thought to things we do can be and often just simply are just as if not more dangerous.

This has often bugged me because with all the activities that come under the wide tent of BDSM it seems that almost all the S&M activities get a free pass but many of the humiliation and degradation activities get picked apart. Well I hate to break it to some of you but bondage of any type has risks. So does any impact play. Also despite how people promote themselves in this life you were not a virgin when you met your Master or slave. Most have had multiple sex partners and many this is more then just measured on one hand and was not just with people you ended up married to.

This goes for mental health as well. A person is either mentally healthy or not. They can either handle it mentally or not. The dominant is either an abuser or not. The non abusive dominant cannot be responsible for another person’s mental health. I bring this up because of the blatant hypocrisy about humiliation and degradation play as opposed to bondage and S&M play. In every thread on a message board about humiliation or degradation or in talk within a local community people pounce on the mental issues and how dangerous it is. This is junk. Of course for people with mental issues and/or were verbally and emotionally abused this is very dangerous. It is junk because the same people that preach this never ever qualify any S&M discussion with people who were physically abused this is extremely dangerous. It is people using a very serious topic, health, and using it to promote their values and beliefs as the right ones and not just personal preferences.

So the next time you talk or write about safety try to avoid phrasing it as you should not do this or out of an excuse because you think others might not think you are cool. Because I am willing to bet my life savings that the person who eats healthy, does not smoke, exercises regularly and when chooses to do other things that are risky try to minimalize that risk is going to live longer and in better health then one who partakes in one or more of those poor habits and does not partake in any “unhealthy” BDSM activity.