It’s the Journey

“If you live the sacred and despise the ordinary,
you are still bobbing in the ocean of delusion. “ - Zen Master Lin-Chi

This is one of my favorite quotes. It popped into my head a couple of days ago as I was cleaning the bulk of our home. Here I was back to the routine of my life after many weeks of big highs and a big low but especially thinking of the big highs. I then realized there is nothing now in the moment that my Master and I have a specific time frame or deadline to make that is important, which for me it has been a very long time since that has happen.

So here I was dusting and vacuuming, feeling no pain, no marks on my body healing, tired from the midst of four straight shifts at work and missing my Master as he was away on business. I realized this was my life as much as anything. As much as directly serving my Master for what ever he wishes. As much as just ordinary couple time and all other things we often love about life. So this quote popped into my head because this is what it has always meant to me. That we must be content and love the ordinary part of our life just as much as we like or pursue special moments.

To me this has merit in two things when thinking about the power exchange life.

Live for the routine and treasure the special moments

There is a link I have in my favorites here that talks about a slave getting her collar. Relax, I do not assign homework! What she wrote was that by the time they got the collar and actually put it on her it was quite anti-climatic. The reason being was her life with him was already what it was going to be and that was great. She was embracing her actual life and not just dealing with it until the next big exciting moment.

Whenever I am asked or read a question like “When do you know” in things like to move in with your Master, go 24/7, go TPE and things like that my response is always very consistent. I like to communicate that you know when you are ready when it feels like it is just another step in your life and doing it feels like it is something obvious to do.

To chase highs in our life is to guarantee failure as highs can never last and as the quote suggest cause delusions. It is not because your weekends of kink and sex with your new partner are always awesome that makes one ready for the next step. It is spending time with them during a week where you work, do chores and just more regular life forced into couple world. If that feels good and natural just like any power exchange stuff then you know you are in something for what it is and not chasing highs.

Enjoy our life for what it is and not what we want it to be.

We live as ordinary people in an average way for where we live and who we see.

I just lost a dear relative, got married, had to kiss up at work from all the time I have missed, and many other things that every human being does. We love to project this life as being special or better then others but in the end this life is ordinary but just fits us best.


So to a slave who thinks a collaring ceremony is exponentially better then even a wedding but it is really no different then any other ritual where a couple professes their love and intended commitment in front of family and friends. It is just that slave’s personal way to express it. We do not love more, communicate better and are more blissful than any other couple because we live a power exchange life. We just love more, communicate better and feel more blissful for us because it is our best way to feel these things. A Master is not of higher character or more responsible then an ordinary man just because nor is a slave more unselfish then any other person just because they are a slave.

So as I sit here typing this believe I am in the best place in my life that I have ever been. I think I am lucky but not special. I think I have worked hard to get here but I have not leaped by others who are not in as good of a place in their life. I do know and will try that even as I type this it is really not a destination but merely a moment in time. That my life is constant moments and how I do handle the ordinary and feel about them is just as important as dealing and feeling about the not so ordinary happens to me that all of us love to experience.

Taking is not domination

Wanted to write a quick follow up to yesterday’s entry as someone wrote me arguing my point. They stated that they offer domination in, for them, situation of having a domestic slave.

Domination is certainly something awesome and most would say vital you can offer up to a submissive. But receiving services from someone submissive does not make one dominant and does not make that domination. Having a servant clean and cook to your orders but usually just your tastes and guidelines is not domination. Think of it this way as you do your duties at work do you feel submissive and consider your boss a Master? I think not.

Domination is active participation along with direct interaction with another with this dynamic in mind. It is not do this for us please and when you are finished you can go to your room.

For those who are willing to do kinky things, as long as no sex comes from it, for a good domestic slave that is not domination as well. That is just attempting to pay for services rendered by using something different then cash. A slave can pick up that vibe a mile away and just makes the whole situation worse. Now this does work for some but there is usually a sexual component as well.

I wrote about active domination in this entry.

I wrote about trying to pay for obedience with kink in this entry.

What do you have to offer?

Hi my name is Lin and I am a message board addict. I went to check some messages on a site that I read and now rarely participate in. In the corner of the page I was on they run recent posts from the message board. Because of my addiction I was powerless to not click on one that caught my eye. Sadly it went downhill from there.

The topic was a Mistress wanting to vent how tough it has been to find a male slave for a complete relationship. That she had given up a marriage and according to her could have any man she wanted. That seemed interesting to me as I would assume that with the numbers being what they are it was not about finding someone but picking the right one if the Mistress was truly serious. Well this board has a gender bias where females get the benefit of the doubt and female dominants are basically always considered total perfection. So naturally all the messages were of sympathy.

Then one message came from a man who actually took the time to read this woman’s profile. Apparently, a complete relationship to this woman was 24/7 control, with the male doing all domestic. Support her totally financially and did I mention no sex, separate bedroom and might do something to him sometimes if he was especially good? Then some male from a couple wanted to commiserate with the woman because all female submissives are frauds because they have been looking for over a decade to find a domestic only slave and cannot find one.

Now I have written on this topic before but focused on the sexual constraint. While I am sure all of you have every word I have written committed to memory, good people, I will give this crap another go but from a different perspective.

Power exchange does not eliminate the human being in the role

I know all you fantastic male dominants out there that your decades of experience and natural strong character have given you superior qualities that make all other human beings inferior. The truth is your character has nothing to do with power exchange and plenty of good character people in regular old relationships.

I also know us slaves are just the most unselfish human beings alive. But being unselfish on our terms and time table is not unique, plenty of people in regular relationships that can offer up that quality.

Human beings have these pesky things called desires and some of these desires are mighty strong.


It would be wonderful if slaves came with only the desire to serve. That would make this entry totally meaningless. But sadly I lack in nothing to write a ton on this topic. This of course means that slaves are human with having strong human desires; desires such as happiness, intimacy, sex and security just to name big ones off the top of my head.

So with these obvious facts to sane human beings let us look back on the examples I used.

Instead of focusing on what the Mistress and couple wanted let us focus on what they offered to a potential slave.

Mistress: She offered a life of no intimacy, sex, hard work of I am sure to have and keep a good paying job plus doing all the domestic stuff and hardly any if at all actual domination. Wow! How could any male submissive turn something like that down?

I will just throw this out. Cannot a man who is submissive find a regular woman who would love to have him do all the domestic work and support her? For all that I am sure she is also willing to not dominate him although she may want intimacy and sex. That bitch!

The point is of course the Mistress offers nothing.

Couple looking for a domestic slave: They offer a fabulous life of with full time job with complete domestic work for at least three people if not more or no or crappy job where if things end will leave her in a truly crappy spot. Now let us throw in no real intimacy, sex and all the fabulous things that come from not having a partner. Things like attending social events alone, no legal protection if things break down and if not allowed a good full time job, which of course never interferes with her duties, no health insurance! Throw in probably minimal domination and what woman possibly could resist?


I will just throw this out. A woman can have friends and does not need a couple’s wife to be her best friend. She can do all domestic work for whoever she cares for. She can find men and other couples to serve and sacrifice for. But darn it one man might have the nerve to give her sex and intimacy as well and can give her domination and all the benefits of not being single but being a part of a couple in public.

The point is of course the couple really offers nothing.

Subs do not escape this scrutiny as well.

As a potential slave we all need to think what are we really offering. I have read and talked to many would be slaves that think in grand philosophical terms but when it comes to the practical details they melt in horror of actual sacrifice in actual power. You cannot say you want your master to take you when he wants then communicate he should know you well enough to take you when or get you in the mood. That is not offering up anything. You cannot expect your Master to take on extra responsibility and effort in his area and think that since you are not a doormat that equal effort in domestic things is only fair.

You cannot expect a dominant who wants a power exchange relationship to only do things to you and order things from you on the basis of you are wanting to do or willing to do in that moment. You are not offering up anything. Obedience can only be offered if in that obedience your Master is allowed and feels free to do things he wants on his schedule and that it is not mood based.

Why people do people go looking for the impossible?

Look at it this way, in real life we talk about these things with friends and family. Friends and family see us do things and offer up critique and advice. We generally do not do things that have impossible odds or will be seen as idiotic or embarrassing. We do not use these people when we go looking for power exchange relationships. Now hold on I have friends in the life, I am active in my local community and I read things from people who sound like me all the time. They do not tell me what I am after is delusional. Of course they do not but you do not really know the actual details or take the time to see it in the broad picture.

If I had a dime for every person and couple who communicate an over romanticize version of their relationships in this life I would be super rich. That woman writing in her blog how much she enjoys cleaning the bathroom for her Master after being together for over ten years is not lying. It may be an overall feeling that doing our duties gives us great satisfaction but she is not jumping for joy as she goes to clean the bathroom for the multi hundreds of time. But it might sound like that after reading it in her blog. The truth is she sat down to write that thing after cleaning the bathroom but AFTER some amazing night she had with her Master.

The woman saying her man has the right to have sex with her anytime he wants but he always does miraculously want sex when she is in the mood. Do you know for sure this is miraculous or is that person forgetting the many times she was not really in the mood or has the Master really conceded this power and does not try without positive signals from her? Here is a hint into reality. In real life or cyber people who use words like always or never they are over romanticizing their relationship or the actual dynamic that is being played out.

So the couple that had a service slave in real life or cyber fails to mention the person really did it for free room and board while going to college and/or worked around the slave’s schedule for classes or career. Maybe the slave was asexual and needed free room and board. Maybe they let this slave have their own private life that may have included letting them have a significant other to pursue. Maybe the couple was very dominant in their acts. You see the couple was offering the slave something. Maybe the couple has had many domestic slaves but the relationships were all measured by months and none lasted years in a 24/7 TPE.

Let us use the usual stereotypes and shoving real life and vanilla into the picture:

Couples looking for a domestic slave and or other very limited in scope duties: The problem most couples face is self validation. They look at each other and see the other’s love and respect and think this makes them perfect. They agree with the desires so this makes these desires legit. But for most couples the desires and what they want from a third is not what they wanted for when they were just two and this is what gets most couples frustrated and bitter. The woman has her husband, her career and maybe children then looks for another female to be a domestic slave and goes “Look how great we are. How could you not want to be with us?” They see a woman who will be a free servant and then whatever. But the whatever is not going to have a husband, not going to have a career or have children if she wanted them. But still in the couple’s eyes they are perfection as each validate each other’s delusions, negotiate how and what the third will do without the third even present. Do you think the wife in this example would have ever done that?

Older Men looking for much younger women: Now I am into older men personally but I still recognize the delusions that go on in this delusional pursuit. If older men really only offer up wisdom and experience, which is debatable to begin with, they will fail in their quest. Look at it from a vanilla standpoint. What would friends and family think of a man in his fifties or older going to a college bar to hit on women? They would be laughed at and mocked. But calling oneself dominant all of a sudden it is a good and wise thing to pursue? What does a man in his fifties truly offer a young woman who does not have a natural thing for way older men? Retirement and living on a fixed income with decreased mobility, not wanting children the same time her biological clock is kicking in, the same time she is at her sexual peak and at the time her friends have money to do nicer things. Throw in the age things most talk about and you get delusion if you think experience cuts through all that. What does a much older man offer to a much younger woman not into older men? Not much.

Want to be slaves dreaming of Mr. Perfection: Look around at all the husbands you know, have known, or your friends describe theirs. There is a fairly common picture. They are visually stimulated, unless because of necessity tend not to want to do domestic chores, prefer in shape women, do not like dancing, often like sports on TV, sure love blow jobs and tend to be hit and miss with the romantic stuff. Do not be delusional and think calling yourself a slave and looking for a Master that these men will be much different. They will not be.

If you are uneducated, not in the best shape and addicted to reality television and IM that business owner is not going to be interested in you now just because you call yourself a slave. Mr. Perfection dominant is not looking for a slave so he can always do or order things that you want or are willing in the moment to do. What are you actually offering?

Put yourself in place of the one you seek

It is painfully easy to isolate yourself in cyber or seek out a peer group in a local community that will agree with you. That can come delusions and thoughts of self entitlements. In the end though if you are still not finding anyone to even see in real time the question must be asked what are you offering?

Here is a little exercise. Write down all the things you have to offer the person you are seeking. Now read the list and cross off anything that a regular relationship can give or any feeling/emotion and see what is left. Love, devotion, protection, nurturing, friendship and on and on are nothing different that any healthy relationship brings to the table. If you want a power exchange relationship you have to offer more then what one can get from a regular relationship and not less.

Power exchange relationships start with regular relationships and only add to them. The more you are asking of someone in the relationship the more you are responsible for fulfilling their needs and desires as well.

If you are a couple looking for a domestic slave would you ask your wife’s best friend in real life to limit her life that way? No you would not. Why do you think a woman who is submissive wants to? Calling yourself dominant or submissive does not make you your own creator of your world.

As I write this…

I was making calls to my friends catching them up on what has been happening and dishing the details of the wedding. I was talking to a friend who is a slave like myself and has to unfortunately get back on the horse and find a new Master after fifteen years of being with her husband/Master.

She mentioned that to her a new thing that gets bashed over her head was the concept that gets floated out there of a slave lives only for her Master. That everything she does and focuses on is to please her Master or make herself a better slave for her Master. Well this came to quite a shock and quick frustration to a woman who was a slave for so long because she had this little thing called reality that told her the truth.



As I write this entry I can not remotely justify that this pleases my Master or makes me a better slave. The same thing that before I started to write this I sent off a quick email to my niece about her not liking school so far. I am apparently failing my Master or I am just not a “real” slave for doing these things.

It is easy to bash dominants who communicate such idiotic thoughts on this life like this concept. But us slaves need to accept the blame for letting statements like this become accepted enough that many dominants do not realize just how idiotic the view is. Because if there is one thing a lot of slaves are guilty of is that we love to project just how selfless we wish in our minds to believe we are.

Well we are not. We are selfish just like every other human being and living the way we do is a selfish act by its self because we are living this way because it makes us the most happy. That it includes many selfless acts but it does not then make us selfless people.

So the next time you are at a local community event, message board or chat room and some dominant does the a slave has one need in life thing. Instead of tuning the person out as a theoretical idiot, think what have you done to help promote this belief and what you can do to stop it. We may not owe people anything but at the same time as a slave we should not help keep this belief out there because it makes us feel selfless and cool.

Good people from all roles and genders can get influenced by these words. It would be unfortunate if people gave up because they knew they could not be like this or felt they were a failure because they could not live up to this impossible standard.

Now excuse me, I am going to watch some Daily Show episodes that are piled up on our TIVO. I am a good slave for doing this as I will free up space on the TIVO for potentially my Master’s programs. Sometimes I amaze myself how selfless I truly am. ;)

Back to the Routine

I am back. Back in this hemisphere and back to the routine of day to day life which I missed so much. Nothing different other then I am a married woman. It does not feel really any different except I do take pleasure seeing and feeling the ring on my finger and seeing a ring on my Master’s finger.

Everything went well and I have not been made aware of any things that went down too bad. The biggest worry amongst our family was my Mom fainting realizing I did in fact get married but we believe a little alcohol helped avoid it from happening. I was truly touched by just how some people surprised us by flying so far and the money it takes to take part in our celebration.

The only downside is we had to postpone our honeymoon as we could not get enough time away from our jobs and chose to do that when my grandmother died so we could be there for that. Just another example how awesome my Master is. That is what I choose to believe and not that he did not mind getting back for the first weekend of football.